by Louise Bay
I hadn’t understood that negotiations with Kristin had gotten this far. It made sense that Matt wouldn’t tell me all the details—it was awkward and uncomfortable for us both. But if I’d known we were due to be meeting Kristin tonight, then I would have told him. Perhaps I still should. But there was still that voice at the back of my head, telling me that this was what I’d wanted.
But was it?
What I wanted was Matt.
Hell, if it hadn’t been for him, I wouldn’t be in New York at all. I wouldn’t have had the courage to start making jewelry again, and I wouldn’t have had the confidence to follow up on an introduction Mr. Butcher made for me to one of his contacts in the fashion industry.
I dressed quickly—we weren’t going somewhere fancy—and checked my lip gloss and fluffed my hair before going to find Matt and Kristin.
I walked in to the living area from the bedroom just as Matt passed Kristin a drink. She was even more gorgeous in real life. She wore skinny jeans and a cami. Her makeup was flawless and her glossy blonde hair looked like she’d just stepped out of a Pantene commercial. My gaze flitted between them as I took them both in. They looked perfect together—two beautiful, talented actors. The public would lap them up.
I patted my stomach, trying to stave off the nausea that stirred in my belly, and went across to join them.
“Kristin,” Matt said, rising when he spotted me, “this is my girlfriend, Lana.” He held his arm out to me as I neared them and slid his hand around my waist. “And Lana, you know Sinclair.”
I nodded at Sinclair, images of me naked in a sheet still flashed through my head. “Hi,” I said, reaching out to shake Kristin’s hand.
She ignored my hand and pulled me into a hug. “It’s so good to meet you. You’re so pretty,” she said. “Matt’s a very lucky guy.”
I smiled. “Thank you. You’re even more beautiful in real life.”
She chuckled and patted my arm. “I have a team of people that work on me. I do not wake up like this.”
I laughed. She was nice. Maybe she and Matt should sign contracts today, and then I’d have more time to get used to the idea of a public relationship.
“Shall we sit and go through the paperwork?” Sinclair said, clearly keen to close this deal.
“Sure, do you have an itinerary?” Kristin asked as we all took our seats around the dining room table. Kristin sat next to Sinclair and Matt and I opposite them.
“Yeah, there’s a lot going on over the next six months because of Thanksgiving, Christmas and then Sundance followed by the awards season,” Sinclair said.
“My publicist should have sent you over a copy of all my fixed dates,” Kristin said. “I swear, if this job was just acting, it would be a hell of a lot easier.”
Matt chuckled.
Kristin was more down-to-earth than I’d expected. Less starry. She didn’t treat me like I was a second-class citizen just because I wasn’t famous. She seemed humble and normal.
Sinclair could have picked someone worse. Up until last night, I would have been happy for Matt to sign a contract with Kristin. But now?
“Yes, I got your list, Kristin, thank you,” Sinclair said. “It works that you’re both in LA and neither of you have travelling commitments. But I think a trip over the holidays would be a good idea. Maybe Cabo. Or even Europe.”
Kristin and Matt were nodding but I couldn’t help but wonder why the hell a vacation was necessary. And would I be going to Cabo with Matt and Kristin or would they be going alone?
“Any functions or trips other than home to see your family, please ensure you keep your team informed,” Sinclair said. “We just need to know what to say to the press if you’re not together and we get asked.”
Sinclair slid a piece of paper across the polished wood table to Matt and gave another to Kristin. “Everything should be set out there.”
“I have the charity gala lunch at the Beverly Hills Hotel that should be on the list for next month,” Kristin said.
“Yeah, I had that down anyway. I did it last year,” Matt said.
“Will that be our first public appearance?” Kristin asked, looking up at Sinclair.
“Yes. We have a lunch planned for next week at the Ivy. We expect press interest to start then and then the gala will be your first official public appearance.”
Matt had spoken to me about the gala. It was being held to raise money for the children’s hospital. It should be me going with him to that event. Not Kristin, however sweet she was.
As they talked, I found I was watching rather than listening, trying to figure out if this really was what I wanted. Could I encourage my boyfriend to put his arms around another woman, even if we all knew it was pretend?
I’d been hiding since New York, denying myself my hopes and dreams, but I’d sacrificed enough.
That I might lose Matt because I wanted to hide might actually be worse than seeing my naked picture all over campus. At least back then I’d been able to go back to Worthington and lick my wounds. But if Matt and I split? Maine was where I’d met him. How would I be able to heal if we broke up if he was everywhere I looked, everywhere I slept? He was in my heart.
The conversation with Ruby and now watching him in the same room as Kristin, seeing a glimpse of him with someone else, solidified my decision. If anyone was ever going to be worth fighting for, worth risking everything for, it was Matt Easton.
He was worth a picture in a magazine.
Worth enduring the internet’s scorn.
Worth risking getting hurt for.
Worth loving.
“I’m going to start working with your team on the following six months’ itinerary,” Sinclair said. “We just wanted to get the big things noted down before we signed.” He pulled out a small bundle of papers from his bag. “And so if everything’s in order with the schedule, then we can sign and we’re done.”
Kristin reached out for the papers, but before she could pull them toward her, I slammed my palm down on top of the bundle, stopping her. “I’m sorry, but no,” I said.
This couldn’t be our lives for the next twelve months. Despite thinking it might be for the best, I couldn’t let this happen.
Matt squeezed my hand. “It’s okay. I’ve seen the contract and so has my lawyer.”
My gaze flickered from Kristin to Sinclair and landed on Matt. “I should have told you before now, but I don’t want you to do this.”
Matt sighed. “I thought this was what you wanted.”
I shook my head. “No. I want you. I want you no matter the circumstances or consequences. I’m sorry, Kristin.” I glanced at her and she was staring back, wide-eyed and smiling. “I didn’t realize this was so far advanced.” I turned back to Matt. “I want to be with you. And the tabloids can go to hell.”
“What are you saying?” Matt asked.
“I’m saying, it’s time.”
“Time?”
“For lunch at the Ivy.”
I stared at him and he didn’t say anything for the longest time. “You want to go public?” There wasn’t much enthusiasm in his voice.
I lifted my shoulders. “I just thought that maybe we could try. You don’t seem so sure.” Had he changed his mind? Kristin was definitely the easier option in many ways.
“I would love that. You know that.” He shifted in his chair, his whole body turned toward me. “But, it’s going to be difficult to try this. I mean, once we’re spotted together, there’s no putting the genie back into the lamp. You get that, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I get it. But I want to do this. And if you’re by my side, I think it can work. I want to be with you.”
Matt’s smile lit up his face, but before he could speak, Sinclair cleared his throat. “This isn’t something to make a snap decision about. Maybe take some time—”
“This is all I’ve thought about for weeks,” I said. “And after last night, I realized this is what I want.” I nodded.
“Last night?” Matt
asked, turning to me and holding my face in his hands. “What happened last night and why have you waited until now to say anything?”
“I wanted to tell you in person. And you kinda sprung this meeting on me. I didn’t realize—”
“I’m really sorry about this, Kristin,” Matt said, pulling me toward him. “And whatever I can do to make it up to you, let me know. But if Lana’s happy going public—”
She put her palms up facing us. “Of course. I wouldn’t dream of standing in the way of such a cute couple. No hard feelings.” She stood and picked up her purse. “I was on my way to a dinner engagement anyway.”
“I think we should discuss this,” Sinclair said. “I’m not sure you’ve thought of all the consequences.”
“Come on,” Kristin said, pulling at Sinclair’s arm. “This is done. You saw that look in his eye when she told him she was ready to go public. There’s no faking that. This is what he wants.”
Kristin pulled Sinclair out the door, leaving us alone.
“You’re sure?” Matt asked, cupping my face again.
I nodded. “I want to be with you.”
“I want to be with you too.”
“I figure we can get through it together. I’m strong enough to do this with you if you’re by my side.”
“There’s no place I’d rather be.”
He slid his tongue along the seam of my lips and then pushed into my mouth. My body sank in response. Then without warning, he pulled back. “What changed your mind? You’re not just jealous of Kristin, are you? Because, I’d never—”
I pressed my fingers against his lips. “No.” I paused. “Well, yes, I’m jealous of Kristin, but not because I think you’ll cheat.” I paused again. “But I don’t want the world to think you’re hers when really, you’re mine.”
I glanced down and fiddled with the button on his shirt. “And I talked to Ruby last night and she made me see that if you and I are going to have a shot at being serious, then I can’t hide. That you’re worth not hiding for.”
“So you made up your mind about this when you spoke to Ruby last night? I wish you would have called.”
I trailed my fingers over his lips. “Yeah. I wanted to tell you in person. And I realized the world doesn’t care about me. It’s you they’re interested in.” I smoothed over his eyebrows.
“And the only person I’m interested in is you,” he said.
I wasn’t sure how I got so lucky.
Twenty-Three
Lana
I dabbed the excess lip gloss from my mouth, then tried to get another look at my ass in Matt’s miniscule bedroom mirror. For someone so good-looking, I would have expected him to have more mirrors in his house.
“Your ass looks fantastic,” Matt said, coming up behind me. “In fact, I’m happy to stay in tonight and focus exclusively on that, if you’d prefer.”
I laughed. “You’re losing your charm, Mr. Easton.” I swatted away the hands grabbing at my bottom. I wouldn’t have been so nervous about going public had Matt and I walked through the lobby of the Mandarin Oriental hotel in New York together, then strode hand in hand through Central Park as soon as I’d told him I was ready. I’d been so certain then. But life wasn’t that simple. Apparently, we had to wait until Audrey had been spotted out with her fiancé, and she confirmed she’d moved on. So we waited a couple of weeks between our meeting and the first shots of us together.
The problem was, the more time I had to think about it, the more I worried.
“Are you ready?” he asked as he tucked his wallet into his jeans.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I hooked the strap of my handbag over my head and let it rest against my hip. We were heading out to dinner at Chateau Marmont because Matt loved it and Sinclair had agreed it was a good place to be seen together for the first time. Apparently, he’d tipped off a friendly photographer.
“Oh, shit, hang on, I have something to give you,” Matt said, then disappeared out of the bedroom door, coming back just a few seconds later and offering me what looked like a bank card.
“What’s that?”
“It’s a credit card.”
“Thanks. I went to school. Why are you giving it to me? Your wallet is in your pocket. Why don’t you put it in there?”
“Because this one is yours. It’s linked to my account, but I want you to have it in case you need anything.”
I took the card. Sure enough, it had my name on it. “Buy what? Groceries?”
“I don’t know. Clothes. Shoes. Makeup. Whatever. I know you have your own money, but I don’t want you to worry about having what you need to avoid tabloid criticism.”
“I can afford to buy things. I don’t expect you to pay for everything just because I’m your girlfriend.”
“I know, and when my assistant asked whether she should arrange a monthly bank transfer as well, I said no.”
I spluttered. He couldn’t be serious. “She asked if you wanted to set up a regular payment? She gets that I’m not a hooker, right?”
He chuckled. “Calm down, crazy head. It’s just how things are done in LA. You know how weird it is here.”
“It’s normal to give your girlfriend a credit card and a monthly salary?”
“No idea about the salary. But I do know how hard this is for you. I want to do what I can to make it easier. It’s really the least I can do—being my girlfriend shouldn’t mean you’re having to spend more money than you normally do. If dressing in Stella McCartney every day will help, then that’s what I want you to do.”
“Well, guess what, Mr. Movie Star, you don’t have to pay me to be your girlfriend.” I handed him his credit card. “You can go down on me regularly—that’s payment enough.”
He laughed. “What, so I’m paying you in sex?”
I waved my hand in the air. “Whatever you want to call it.”
“Look, keep the card. You never know—there might be an emergency. You don’t have to use it.” He handed it back to me. “It would make me feel better if I thought I was doing something to help.”
I couldn’t very well say no to that. I took the card and turned it over and over in my hand. He was being sweet and protective. “Okay. But I’m not going to use it.”
“You’re my favorite person in the world right now,” he said, then leaned over and kissed me on the head. “You’re not anything like these LA girls.”
“I’ll let you know in a couple of hours how I feel about you.” I grinned up at him.
“Ready?” He held out his hand and, instinctively, I took it. “You nervous?” he asked as he led me out to the car.
“A little,” I replied.
In just a few minutes we were passing the Beverly Hills Hotel. It seemed ages ago that we’d last taken this route. So much had changed between us on that trip, and all for the better. We were a couple now. I trusted him and I knew he wanted to make me happy. I hoped I was going to weather the storm that the tabloids would inevitably create. But like Mrs. Wells had said, a storm brought good things as well. Matt was worth it.
“Sinclair took you through everything, right?”
I chuckled. “He did. He was very thorough.” I’d spent the last three days with Sinclair and his assistant, who’d trained me in how to deal with paparazzi and warned me of the worst-case scenario when it came to social media trolling and tabloid lies. I was pretty sure Sinclair had half hoped I’d run screaming back to Maine. On more than one occasion, I’d been tempted. His best advice? Smile.
“I have my game face on. Look.” I pulled my practiced grin to my mouth. Not so wide as to show teeth but wide enough to not look miserable.
He chuckled. “Thank God it’s impossible for you to look anything but beautiful.”
“Sinclair told me I had resting bitch face.”
“That man is full of shit.”
I released a wide, genuine smile. Matt always brought out the best in me. “You don’t believe that, and anyway, I think he’s right. I just have to grin a
nd bear it.”
“I’m not sure my beating heart will be able to withstand the constant smiling.” He clutched at his chest and I play slapped him.
“He also told me I should toss out half my wardrobe. That it was the best the mall had to offer—and I’m pretty sure he meant that as an insult—but it wasn’t good enough for the girlfriend of the Matt Easton.”
Matt shook his head. “Seriously, ignore him. He’s a snob.”
“Banana Republic is my drug of choice,” I said. “I’m not ashamed.”
“Have you considered that perhaps what Sinclair was trying to say was that you just wear fewer clothes? Maybe you should spend most of your time naked.” He nuzzled into my neck and set off sparks across my body.
“You’re ridiculous,” I replied, pushing him away.
He pulled me toward him and went to kiss me, but I put up my hand to stop him. “You can’t ruin my lip gloss just as we’re about to get photographed for the first time.”
He groaned. “Can we go back to sneaking around? At least then I could kiss you whenever I wanted.”
“I wouldn’t want you to feel deprived,” I said. “I’ll make it up to you.” I wanted to kiss him, but I didn’t want to look like a clown the first time I appeared in a tabloid. Sinclair’s assistant had arranged for someone to come to the house to do my hair and makeup, and I’d even given in when someone else had arrived with three different outfits for me to try on. I’d gone with a white, Stella McCartney pantsuit after the look Matt had on his face when I’d tried it on. He’d insisted I keep it, even if I didn’t wear it tonight.
Although I felt a little less me than usual, I didn’t feel as if I was going to embarrass myself in yoga pants and a ponytail, which was my normal outfit of choice.
“Lucky for you, we just arrived,” Matt said as we turned off the road. “Otherwise, I’d have insisted you make good on your promise, right here, right now.”
“Oh, honey, there’s not room enough in the car for what I plan to do to you.”
He pulled me closer and dropped his mouth to my ear. “Promises, promises, Miss Kelly,” he growled.