by Louise Bay
“Lana, I want to make this better.”
There was no way he could. If only he could have been the man I thought he was, the man I’d agreed to give up my anonymity for. But he’d turned out to be someone entirely different and no one I could trust.
“I need to leave. Don’t come to Maine.” Matt’s presence would bring more attention, not less. And I wanted to disappear.
I wasn’t running. I just wanted to go home.
To wave at Polly Larch as she walked her cat.
To hear the sound of the ocean as I sat on my porch.
Twenty-Five
Matt
The LA heat was stifling, but the way the air conditioning cut to the bone was worse. I sat out by the pool on the swing that I’d bought for Lana. I’d wanted to have a piece of Maine in Los Angeles for her when she arrived, but now I wondered if I’d ever get to show it to her. Maybe I’d ship it to Worthington. All I’d been able to think about in the week since she’d left was everything I’d lost. What my job had cost me. She was gone and she wasn’t responding to my calls or messages.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, so I pulled it out and tossed it next to the script for The Final Battle, which had arrived a few days ago. Brian’s name flashed across the screen. No doubt he was checking up on me, making sure I loved what I was reading.
Far from it. It was pretty much the worst script I’d ever read. I was about half of the way through and although the part I’d been talking to him about was the lead, there were only a few pages of dialog, most of which was cheesy. Nothing about this film screamed box-office smash.
“Hey, Brian,” I answered.
“How’s my favorite client today?”
He wasn’t usually so chipper. “I’m your favorite? Why’s that?”
“I just got off the phone with Anthony Scott’s people. I have an offer for you.”
My heart sank. “Oh, great.” Even to my ears, my voice sounded flat.
“Great? It’s a fuck-load more than great. You have arrived. Have you read the script?”
Lana’s words continued to echo around my brain. Had I been allowing Brian and Sinclair to run my life? Make decisions for me? I’d been clear since I’d come to LA that what I wanted was to reach the top, and the pinnacle of Hollywood success was landing a franchise. Brian and Sinclair had been on board, so that was what we’d all been pushing for. It was why I’d agreed to date Audrey. It was the reason I’d said yes to the last three films and hellacious schedule. Every decision I’d made had been leading to this moment. It had been what I’d wanted. Brian and Sinclair were just doing their jobs.
Except that I’d never asked myself if it was worth it. I’d never stopped to wonder if this was what I still wanted. And now, with success within my grasp, all I could think about was Lana.
“Not finished with it yet,” I said, sliding my hand over the pages. “But I was thinking—I’m still interested in making The Brothers into a movie.”
He groaned. “You’re not still talking about that book about the kids?”
I took a deep breath. “Yeah.” Reading this Anthony Scott script wasn’t getting me excited, but the thought of bringing that book to the big screen gave me goose bumps.
“Are you fucking crazy? You need to kiss Anthony Scott’s fucking ring and be grateful he’s even heard of you. We can start talking production deals when your abs go doughy.”
I sighed but didn’t reply.
“This is an Anthony Scott movie and they’re willing to pay you eight figures. And it’s likely going to turn into a franchise. Frankly, you should do the movie for fucking free, it’s such good exposure.”
Eight figures was a lot of money. But it was more than that. An Anthony Scott feature and a possible franchise was a lifetime pass to Alister status. Signing on to this would transition me from rising star to Hollywood royalty. It was exactly what I’d been aiming for all these years.
Fact was, if I never worked again, I would be more than okay financially. I’d paid off my parents’ mortgage and set up college funds for my nieces and nephews. My family had never asked me for anything, and Lana had showed me that doing what I thought was best for people wasn’t always what they wanted. Every time I spoke to my dad, he told me the only thing he wanted was for me to come home and visit more often. I’d been doing things for people I loved without understanding what they really wanted from me and that wasn’t my money. It was my time and attention.
Lana hadn’t wanted me to solve her problem. She just wanted me on her team.
I’d been so controlling of my career and my image in the last eighteen months, that I’d simply tried to do the same for Lana. Except what she’d needed from me wasn’t control—it was honesty and support. I’d taken over and kept her in the dark about something that was hers to deal with. I’d been trying to do the right thing but it was stupid and selfish. I got that now. But it was too late. I’d been too focused on the end result and hadn’t cared about how I ended up there. It was the same with my career.
I hated this script, so why was I even thinking about doing it? It was all a means to an end. And I wasn’t sure that was enough anymore. In fact, I wasn’t even sure that getting a franchise fit my definition of success anymore. Things had changed. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to make The Brothers into a film. I wanted Lana.
The thought of working with Anthony Scott should have me popping champagne corks left and right. But being on the set of a movie I knew was a pile of crap wasn’t what I wanted to do with my career. Not anymore.
“Yeah, well I’m not going to do it for free. In fact, I’m not going to do it at all. It’s not the direction I want to go.” Instead of the panic I’d expected to swallow me whole, my shoulders felt a hell of a lot lighter.
Brian swore. “If you think this is the way you’re going to make it to the top, you’re sadly mistaken—”
“I’ve made my decision. I hope you can respect that, but I understand if you feel you can’t represent me any longer.” It felt good to have said no. I wanted something more than fame, money or success. I wanted to enjoy what I did and be proud of who I was. I needed to be less fixated on getting to the top and more focused on who I was and what that meant. “I hope that’s not what you decide to do, but if we continue to work together, we need to sit down and figure out where to go from here.”
The silence from the other end of the phone was deafening.
“You’re a fantastic agent, Brian. But it’s my career, and my life.”
Brian sighed. “That script for The Final Battle is a pile of fucking shit, anyway.”
It was the last thing I’d expected him to say. I chuckled. “Well, we can agree on the quality of the script, at least.”
“I’ll tell him you have a scheduling conflict. Honestly, it will do okay at the box office but it won’t be one of his best. If it tanks, it’s not going to turn into a franchise like they think it will.”
“If it does, I don’t care. I really want to produce The Brothers.”
I could almost hear Brian’s brain whir over the phone. “I’ll see what I can do. It might work better on TV, though. I could talk to Netflix, see if they’d be interested.”
It was exactly what I’d been hoping he’d say when I first talked to him about it. “Sounds great.”
“I’ll make it happen. I’ll come by later this week and we can work out a new plan for you. Christ, I’ve seen drinking, drugs and women change the direction of an actor’s career, but rarely does one of my clients fall in love and see the light.”
“Thanks. I appreciate you supporting me.” He thought I’d seen the light? Why had he never said anything before? Had he been too busy fighting to get me what I wanted? What I thought I’d wanted? Brian had only ever done what I’d asked him to—make me successful, secure me a franchise—but my priorities had shifted. He’d just been trying to deliver everything I wanted only for me to discover I needed something else entirely.
All I wanted to do was pick up
the phone and tell Lana about my conversation with Brian. I grinned. She’d be happy for me. Even proud of me. If only I could show her how much she’d taught me. If it hadn’t been for her, I don’t think I would have ever dreamed I could produce something. She’d made me believe in a different future for myself—want something different, something more. She’d changed the direction of my life forever, whether or not she would share it with me.
“How is Lana? I heard from Sinclair that you two had a huge fight.”
I sighed. “She’s in Maine. And she’s not really talking to me. I’m trying to give her space.”
Life without Lana was empty. But the thought of her pain was worse and I hated myself because I’d caused it. I had just been trying to protect her from inevitable trauma, but when I saw what that had done to her, I knew I should have spoken to her. I shouldn’t have kept it from her. I’d made a dreadful situation even more appalling and she’d run. Maybe she always would have. Perhaps she was just looking for an excuse. But I shouldn’t have been the one to give it to her.
I was doing my best to give her what she’d asked for when all I wanted to do was jump on a plane to Maine and hold her, comfort her, tell her how sorry I was. I wanted to fight for her. For what we had. But that’s not what she’d asked for. I’d learned my lesson and I was listening to her. Waiting for her. But I wasn’t giving up. Not ever.
Still, I had to do something.
At least I could clean up the mess I’d made.
As much as was in my power, I needed to make things right.
Twenty-Six
Lana
I shouldn’t have done it, but three tabloids in the grocery store had Matt on their front cover, and I just couldn’t resist buying them. I missed him. Horribly. More than I thought was possible. I’d thought Bobby’s betrayal had hurt me in college, but this was far worse. Matt had deliberately deceived me, and I couldn’t recover from that. No one should make decisions about my life but me.
Maybe it was never destined to work out. He couldn’t make himself less famous. He was always going to be Matt Easton, and I was always going to be the girl from Maine who didn’t want to live with the attention.
I stuffed the magazines into my Kelly Jewelry tote. I’d have to wait until I’d dropped Mrs. Wells’ groceries off before I could scurry back home to read them. I didn’t understand why he was doing so much press when his film with Audrey had been open a month already. Wasn’t publicity supposed to have finished? I needed to stop caring.
Just as I got to Mrs. Wells’ gate, Polly Larch waved from across the street and headed toward me. I hadn’t been out in town very much since my pictures had been made public. I’d just wanted to hide away while people’s memories grew fuzzy. Despite her crazy lady appearance, Polly’s memory was as sharp as a tack, and I pulled my shoulders back, ready for her inquisition.
“I’ve not seen you in the longest time, Lana. I just wanted to tell you that tomorrow night I’m going to be throwing Molly a party to celebrate one year together. It’s a last-minute thing, but I hope you’ll come.”
“Wow, you’ve had her a year already?” The fact the cat was still alive surprised me more than the fact she was having a party for her cat. This was Worthington, after all. I stifled a giggle and wished I could message Matt to tell him. He’d get a kick out of the story.
“A whole year. Can you believe it? Say what you like, but that leash works. Will you come?”
“Sure, but Ruby’s back tonight. Can I bring her?”
“Of course.” She waved as she turned on her heel, her long, full skirt lifting slightly in the wind. “The more the merrier.”
I smiled and shook my head as I watched Polly bounce down the street. She couldn’t have been happier if she’d just been told she’d won the lottery. She hadn’t even mentioned the pictures. Maybe she hadn’t seen them, or maybe she just didn’t care. Either way I was relieved.
By some miracle, the photos of me had not made it into print, and I hoped it stayed like that.
It could have been a lot worse. To my surprise, Bobby selling my photograph to the tabloids took up less of my concern. Perhaps on some level, I’d expected it from him. What cut deep was Matt’s betrayal. And the loss I felt because of that.
I unlatched Mrs. Wells’ gate and pushed my sunglasses up to the top of my head as I took the stairs. As usual, I let myself in. “Mrs. Wells, it’s me, Lana.”
The TV echoed from the living area and her gray curls stuck up over the back of her easy chair. Without turning away from the screen, she waved. “Hello, dear.”
Ruby would be here in a couple of hours, so I didn’t have long to chat. I’d started work on another piece for Barneys, and I wanted to see if I could finish it before she arrived. I put all the groceries away in their familiar homes and headed over to spend a few minutes with Mrs. Wells.
As I approached, she moved her quilt from the chair next to her, and I took a seat. Twice I’d delivered groceries to Mrs. Wells since I’d come back from LA, and she hadn’t once mentioned Matt, the photographs or anything else about her prediction of storms and a man coming into my life. It was almost as if Worthington, Maine, was in a bubble, cut off from any of the less-pleasant aspects of life. It was why I’d come home after New York, and it had been just as healing this time.
“I hear Ruby’s home this weekend,” Mrs. Wells said, pointing her remote control at the TV and pausing the action in General Hospital. “She’s a good girl.”
“She is. We’ve been friends a long time.” I sat back in the chair. I couldn’t remember a time when I hadn’t known Mrs. Wells. She’d always been a part of life here in Worthington. I wasn’t sure she’d aged a day in the last twenty years.
“Old friends are important,” she said. “But new ones are, too. What happened to that handsome boy who rented the cottage from you this summer? The movie star?”
I stiffened. “I don’t know. I guess he’s back in LA.”
She turned to face me. “You know he’s the one for you.”
I stared past her at the TV. “Mrs. Wells. Please.” I wasn’t sure I could cope if she told me Matt was my destiny.
“I don’t want to interfere, but with your father gone, I think you might need someone with a little gray hair to give you a bit of advice.”
I hadn’t expected her to mention my dad. It had been four years, and I still missed him every day. But these last few weeks had been worse than usual. I’d just wanted him to tell me everything was going to be okay. He’d always been right when he’d said it before, and I needed that certainty right now.
I sighed but that didn’t stop Mrs. Wells. And anyway, a part of me wanted to hear what she had to say.
“Your father loved you so much. You know he and your mom didn’t think they could have kids.”
I nodded. My dad had told me I’d been an unexpected surprise. We hadn’t talked much about my mother. I’d been five when she died, but it was times like this that I wished I knew everything about her.
“Whenever I saw him in town, all he ever spoke about was you. Even when he got as sick as he did, he found his voice well enough to tell me what you’d been up to at college and how talented you were.”
I took a deep breath, trying to keep my tears at bay. He’d gotten so frail by the time I got back from college, but I’d always been grateful for the twelve months I’d had with him back here. As much as I hated what had happened to me in New York, it had given me that much, at least.
“He was always quick to tell us how much like your mother you were.”
“Really?” I couldn’t remember my dad ever telling me that I reminded him of my mom.
“She was a talented painter when she was younger.”
How had I not known that?
“I know he didn’t talk to you about her much—I think he was worried you’d idolize her, want to live up to a woman whose faults you’d never know. He knew that no one’s perfect.”
I barely remembered my mother, just th
e curve of her smile and the way her hair smelled like roses. She was like some kind of fantasy goddess I knew had existed at some point, but simply accepted wasn’t part of my life. My dad had been my world and I was happy enough with that.
“He always said that you were the gift she gave to him, and that he could never be angry or sad because the happiness you brought him outshone anything dark in his world.”
I took a shuddering breath, trying to keep the dam inside me from breaking.
“Have you noticed that about life?” Mrs. Wells asked as she patted my hand. “The good always manages to outshine the bad. There’s so much suffering in our world, but the sunrise, the birth of a baby, even the smallest human kindness always makes sure that the darkness is kept in check. But it will always be there. We can’t get rid of it entirely.”
I let her words sink in. My father must have been so devastated to lose his wife, but I’d never seen him with anything but a smile on his face. How had he done that?
“You think my dad would be proud of me?”
“How could he be anything but? You’re a beautiful girl with an incredible, kind, generous heart.” She squeezed my hand and I tried to hold back my tears. “But you can’t avoid the darkness. There’s always a dose in life. You deserve to be happy, but that doesn’t mean you can run from the storm. Sometimes it’s good to get a little rained on.”
I couldn’t ignore what she was trying to tell me. Was I expecting a relationship to be perfect? Had I run away to try to avoid the pain? There was no doubt Matt should have told me that Bobby had tried to sell him the photograph. Was it just a mistake or a reflection of how he saw me? The press intrusion, the way everything revolved around Matt and his career, even the interest in me and my life … was it worth putting up with all of it to be with Matt?
I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
*
I toweled off my hair as I sat in my robe, Ruby lounging next to me, flipping through the channels and slurping on the wine she’d brought. She’d arrived early and been on my porch when I’d gotten home. One of the first things she said to me was how my hair needed a wash.