by Kelli Walker
“Because I have something called work,” she said.
“Sorry we can’t all be employed.”
“How are things going with that, by the way? Has that lawyer of yours been able to get you the money Langley owes you for putting up with him?”
“Nope. We can’t find him.”
“The fact that you say that so nonchalantly makes me sick. I can’t believe how long this has gone on and how I could’ve missed it,” she said.
“It’s not your fault. It’s mine for not leaving sooner.”
“Abuse is never the victim’s fault, Alicia. Quit with that shit.”
“But it was my responsibility to leave. Not roll over and play dead until I thought he would let up,” I said.
“It doesn’t matter. He’s an adult, Alicia. He made his choices, and he chose to do this to you. He chose to try and control you.”
“And I chose to let him.”
“At what expense, Alicia? You chose to survive. You survived the only way you knew how until another option was presented to you. He thought he had you, he left for a business trip, and you packed your shit and found an apartment. Don’t you see that?”
“All I see is a weak-willed woman who had an entire life ahead of her before she fell in love with a psychopath,” I said.
“And we’re taking measures to remedy that,” she said. “Either way, I’m glad you got away from him.”
“You know he found me, right?” I asked.
“Wait. What?”
“Yeah. About a week ago, I saw him on the street staring up at my apartment. I wasn’t in apartment at the time. I had the cab driver drive past when I saw him. But he was there. Just staring.”
“Alicia, did you call the police? Fuck, why didn’t you call me!? I’m packing my shit up and coming to stay with you.”
“Do you really have that little faith in me?” I asked. “I called my lawyer and told him about it, and he got the police to pull traffic cameras. He was standing there. We have it on video. After disappearing for two months.”
“So where does that put you now?”
“I’m not sure. My lawyer said he would make a couple of phone calls. Something about protection or detail, I’m not sure. I was too shaken up to really think. Becca, how could I have been so stupid?”
“Shut that shit up right now,” she said. “It’s time to reclaim your life. The life I know you’re capable of. Whether or not it feels like it, this will be put behind you soon.”
“He knows where I live, Becca. Sometimes I can get my mind off it, but sometimes I can’t. What if he tries to break in? I don’t know how to defend myself against something like that.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me coming to stay with you? You know I have a gun and I’m very skilled with it.”
My phone beeped and I looked down at the number.
“Becca, my lawyer’s calling me. Can you hang on a second?”
“Just call me back. I gotta go to the bathroom anyway.”
“Okay. Will do. I love you.”
“Love you, too. And keep your head up. Whatever you need, please tell me. Okay?”
“Okay. Thanks.”
I picked up my lawyer’s phone call and drew in a deep breath. I knew I would be hearing from him soon, but I didn’t think it would be this soon. I talked with him yesterday when I told him I felt like I was being followed around. Like someone was watching me whenever I went grocery shopping or out to the drug store. I knew he was looking into some kind of protection for me, but I wasn’t sure why.
Or if I could even afford it.
“Hello?” I asked.
“Alicia. It’s Brendan.”
“Mr. Hofstetter. How are you?” I asked.
“I’m well, thank you for asking. So, I wanted to give you an update.”
“On what?” I asked.
“I found some protection for you.”
“If I’m being really honest, Mr. Hofstetter, I can’t really remember that conversation. I was rattled and crying, and you were the person on redial when I kept hitting my ‘call’ button.”
“Well, I’m glad it was me. The conversation was brief. You told me about Langley being across the street looking at your apartment after coming back from lunch with your friend. Becca?”
“Yeah,” I said breathlessly. “Why can’t I remember that?”
“Trauma does different things to different people. Some become hyper-aware, and others shut down.”
“Sounds like you’re speaking from experiencing.”
“Everyone has experienced trauma in some form, Miss Whitley. But I was calling to tell you I found some protection for you.”
“The police going to sit outside or something?” I asked. “Because when I first called them about this, they didn’t take me seriously.”
“Have you ever heard of Civilian Protections?” he asked.
“No?”
“They’re a private security firm that’s been established in the area for about six years now. I know the owner.”
“Oh,” I said. “Friends in high places.”
“We go back. Anyway, I gave him a call and cashed in a favor, and he’s made the decision to take your case.”
“I don’t know if I can afford private security, Mr. Hofstetter.”
“It’s free. It’s a favor to me.”
“How is me being protected a favor to you?” I asked.
“Because without a way to nail your ex-husband and serve him-”
“Can we not call him that?” I asked. “Leaves a bad sound in my ear.”
“Without a way to track down Mr. Atkinson, we can’t hold him in contempt. The man I’ve called is protecting you, and in the process he’s tracking your ex down for me.”
“So you’ve hired me a beefy detective,” I said.
“If you want to call it that. Civilian Protections specializes in both private asset protection-- which is the protecting you part, and asset research-- with is the finding him part.”
“Asset protection and asset research. Got it.”
“I wanted to call and let you know because Mr. Smith works pretty quickly. He said he would be making a personal stop at your place once he was done going through your file. Just make sure it’s him before you open the door.”
“What does ‘him’ look like?” I asked.
“Not Langley.”
“Ah. Got it. I’ll be careful. Promise. And thank you. This was way too much.”
“I got into the business I’m in because I hate seeing people taken advantage of. Whether it’s two wealthy individuals trying to swindle one another out of money or a woman like yourself wanting out but having no way out. This is how I can help. There isn’t any thanks needed. Just take Mr. Smith’s help and stay safe until we can find your-”
“Watch it,” I said.
“Until we can find Mr. Atkinson,” he said.
“Much better. Thanks.”
“I’ll coordinate with Mr. Smith on the information he can find on this man. Once I have him cornered, you’ll be the first to know.”
“Coordinate? You make it sound like a military operation.”
Silence fell on the other end of the line and I furrowed my brow.
“Mr. Hofstetter?”
“The company will be sending someone soon,” he said. “Have a good afternoon”
Then he hung up the phone and I was by myself again.
I wasn’t sure what I’d said wrong, but I didn’t care. My lawyer had been more than helpful to me during this time, and if he didn’t want to talk any longer then I was going to respect that boundary. I set my cell phone down and peered out my window, my eyes scanning the sidewalk on the other side of the road.
No sign of Langley, but I still felt like I was being watched.
A knock came at my door and I jumped. I slapped my hand over my mouth to keep from yelping. The knock came at my door again and I felt my hands beginning to tremble, even though I knew it was probably the guy from
the security company. That was the life I had been living. I was in constant fear all the time. I had become comfortable in it. I’d made my bed in it. Fear and anxiety were an everyday occurrence during my marriage with Langley, but facing his wrath if he could get his hands on me?
That was truly something to be frightened over.
Langley wasn’t always this way, but even thinking something like that made me sound like more of a victim. And maybe I was, but I wasn't without fault. At least, I didn’t feel like I was. Langley had come at a vulnerable time in my life. I was new to the college scene and still reeling from my heartbreak in high school. I’d fallen in love with the boy every mother told their daughters to stay away from and was romanced by his brooding eyes. When he graduated his senior year and disappeared without a trace, I was distraught. Inconsolable. I rebelled throughout the last two years of my high school career and had it not been for Becca, I never would’ve made it to college. I enrolled and somehow miraculously got into Cornell University, and I signed up for their Psychology degree.
I wanted to learn as much as I could about the human mind. If only to find answers as to why that boy had broken my heart.
Langley was in my introductory course. Required for all incoming freshman. He was tall and slim. Strong, but in an unassuming way. He had blonde hair and bright blue eyes. The exact opposite of the boy that had broken my heart.
And he was taken by my.
Looking back on it, his actions weren’t healthy. I would find him standing outside of my dorm building waiting for me, even though I hadn’t told him where I resided. He would bring me coffee to class, even though I had never told him what kind of coffee I liked. He would sit by me and wrap his arm around me, pulling me close and kissing my ear in the middle of class.
It was always that way.
A constant choice between him having my attention and my professors having it.
He asked me out, and I was more than willing to jump at the opportunity. He took me to all of the hole-in-the-wall places that had the best food in the area. We would hold hands and walk around campus and lay on the rooftop of his car on top of the parking deck and watch the stars. It was endearing, until I told him I couldn’t get together because I had plans with Becca. Or a group of classmates. Or anyone else but him.
Then, he would suddenly show up. Like he didn’t know I was going to already be there with people.
I took it as a sign that he wanted to be with me. Spend every waking second with me. Looking back on it as an adult, he was a stalker from the beginning. Someone who controlled and manipulated perceptions and surroundings to fit the agenda he wanted. We were married soon after we both graduated, and his first controlling move was telling me we needed to pay off my student loans before I could pursue my Master’s degree.
But once we paid off my loans, there was always some other excuse as to why I couldn’t go back. Why I couldn’t pursue my dream. Why I couldn't hang out with Becca or why we had to go out of town together or why I couldn't visit my family on Easter weekend.
Another knock at the door pulled me from my trance. I walked over to my door and put my eye up to the peephole, taking deep breaths to quell the shaking of my body. I couldn’t see much, but what I could see was massive. I didn’t know who was standing at my door, but I knew it wasn’t Langley. He was wispy. A runner. An endurance athlete with thin features. But whoever was standing at my door had the shoulders of a man that could carry a dead moose on his back.
My trembling hand fell to the doorknob and opened it as my eyes rose to the man in front of me.
I scanned up his body, taking in the strength of his form. His legs were long and chiseled underneath his jeans and he had a gun holstered onto his hip. The blue shirt he was wearing clung to his massive chest and shoulders. Bulging with his muscles as a leather jacket sat over his arms. The veins in his neck were throbbing and his reddening skin forced my eyes up to his.
And when I looked into those familiar brown eyes, I felt my breath leave my lungs.
Ryder Smith was standing at my door.
The boy who had broken my heart in high school.
Ryder
“No,” Alicia said.
“Alicia, hear me out,” I said.
“No. This isn’t happening. Are you serious right now?”
“I’m here to protect you. Nothing else.”
“You work for the company my lawyer called,” she said.
“If you want to put it that way, yes.”
“How else would I put it?”
“I own the company your lawyer called,” I said.
I watched her eyes widen as she backed away from the door.
“No,” she said.
“You need help, Alicia. And I’m here to help.”
“I’ve already got one ex on my tail. I don’t need another.”
She tried to shut the door in my face, but I stuck my foot out to stop the door from closing.
“This is simply professional, Alicia. I promise. I only want to make sure you’re safe.”
“Too bad you didn’t do the same with my heart,” she said.
“I’m a very different man from what you remember. And I’m here in a professional capacity to keep you safe until my team can track down your ex-husband.”
I heard her sigh as she leaned against the edge of the door.
“Let me in,” I said. “Just talk to me about what’s going on.”
And reluctantly, she opened the door.
“I thought my lawyer gave you this information already,” Alicia said.
“I would rather hear it from you.”
“Where do you want me to start?”
“From the beginning. Track your relationship for me.”
“You sure this is professional?” she asked.
“It is when you’re hiding from a man who’s leaving you possessive and threatening voicemails.”
“Wow. He really sent you everything.”
“He really did,” I said.
Fuck. She was beautiful. As beautiful now as she was back in high school. Her dark red hair spilled down her back and her ocean blue eyes were hidden behind a pair of thick-rimmed glasses. They weren’t the glasses I’d seen in her picture, but they were reminiscent of the ones she wore in high school. Even in her fear, with her arms wrapped around her body and her skin a little paler than normal, she was the essence of sunshine. Standing in her presence still made me warm and her luxurious curves were more prominent than ever.
Womanhood suited her.
And the idea of a man neglecting that made me bite down on the inside of my cheek to keep silent.
“I met Langley in college,” Alicia said. “You’re going to want to take a seat. This could take a while.”
I sat down on a chair across from her as she sank back into the cushions.
“It was little things at first. Things I thought were endearing that are now red flags looking back.”
“Such as…?”
“Bringing me my coffee order without him telling me about it,” she said. “Waiting for me outside of my dorm room without me ever recalling telling him where I was staying.”
“That didn’t send red flags?” I asked.
She shot me a look and I bit down onto my tongue.
“High school was hard after you dropped off the face of the planet. I rebelled. I was angry. And this was after all the crying I did over you. Langley was a refreshing breath of air. The complete opposite of you in every way. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Tall and lanky, but with an unassuming strength. He swept me off my feet and we dated all through college, and married shortly after the two of us graduated.”
“What happened then?” I asked.
I was ignoring the blatant verbal smack she delivered across my cheek.
“His first dictation was the fact that I couldn’t get my Master’s degree until we’d paid off my student loans. It made me upset, but it made sense. I had some student debt I needed to get rid of, so I got a job. No
t in my profession. I need a higher education for that. But it worked.”
“Are you still paying on it?”
“No. Paid it off before I turned thirty. Then, it was a matter of moving to the right place so I could go to the best school, but no place was ever good enough. It didn’t coincide with his future business plans or put us too far from family. Things like that. It made sense at the time, so I didn’t worry about it.”
She drew in a deep breath before her face grew somber.
“Then, he told me I couldn't spend time with my family over Thanksgiving. Said he wanted to create our own traditions. And I fought him on it. I wanted to celebrate with my family, but he said that he was my family, and that I needed to feel grateful that I had a man like him in my life.”
“You fighting back was his trigger,” I said.
“It got worse from there. I never did get to go back for my Master’s.”
“In what?”
“Huh?”
“Your Master’s in what?” I asked.
“Oh. Psychology. I know. Ironic. You don’t have to tell me that.”
“Not what was going through my head,” I said.
“Fights were always my fault and bad days at his work were my fault. The house wasn’t cleaned the way he wanted and for some reason I needed a chore chart to help me keep the cleaning on schedule.”
It was like I was staring at a completely different person. Like I was listening to Alicia recite someone else’s life instead of hers.
“Did he ever get physical with you?” I asked.
“No.”
“Did he ever take advantage of you?”
* * *
“No,” she said. “At least, I don’t think so.”
“What does that mean?”
“He’d wake me up sometimes. You know, with…”
I narrowed my eyes as her body began to shake.
“If it causes that kind of reaction, then he did,” I said.
“Don’t say stuff like that,” she said breathlessly.
I wanted to reach out for her. To comfort her during this time. But I was coursing with too much anger. I would hold her too tightly and hurt her when what I really wanted to do was strangle this asshole until his eyes bled.