by Kelli Walker
“I can’t believe I start in the fall. The fall, Ryder. I’m going to be in a Psychology Master’s program in two months!”
“And you're going to fucking rock it,” I said with a smile.
Alicia couldn’t stop going on and on about it. The essays she had to submit. The test scores she had to track down. The pacing back and forth as she kept her eyes on the mail every damn day. It was the only program she applied to because it was the only one she wanted to attend. She’d had her eye on it for years and I finally convinced her to apply. Just to test the waters and see what would come of it. If she didn’t get in, then she could take strides to improve her test scores and try again. It never occurred to her she would get it, but it did me.
Alicia was intelligent and passionate beyond her years. I knew the second she ripped open that letter in the mail that it held good news.
“Are you going to come out and let me see you in this dress? Or are you going to stay in there all night and make me go to dinner alone?” I asked.
“Hey, you're the one who wanted to take me out to celebrate.”
“Because this is something to celebrate!”
“Then let me get ready in peace, man!”
Her giggles flooded through the door and they warmed my heart. Day after day, her smiles became more frequent. She laughed with her stomach instead of her throat and she cracked more jokes than I’d ever heard from her before. She was healing and progressing forward, which was the only thing I’d ever wanted for her. And I got to be there to witness it. To celebrate with her in these triumphant moments and hold her close whenever she was reliving the horrors at three in the morning.
And she was there to do it for me.
To be the wall I needed to lean on during nights when the ghosts of my fallen comrades came back to haunt me.
“We’re going to be late, Alicia.”
“Slipping in my heels now.”
“Heels? I didn’t think you wore-”
She opened our bedroom door and I forgot how to speak. How to breathe. How to string words together and make them go. Alicia stepped from the confines of our bedroom in a stunning cocktail dress and I was painfully aware of how underdressed I was. In nothing but a pair of nice jeans and a button-down shirt, I paled in comparison to her. The dark green dress fell off her shoulders and lined her bosom with a dipped neckline that teased my tongue. It pinched in at her waist and flared around her hips, falling to her knees in a slow trickle of color. From dark green to silver, it morphed before my eyes, changing against her decadent form and breaking just before a pair of matching green heels came into view.
Her lips were a crimson red and her beautiful curly locks fell down her chest, and the simple pearl necklace that sat upon her skin made her entire demeanor sparkle. She was heaven and grace. Laced with a scented perfume that reminded me of sun-dried cotton and vanilla. I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
For a moment, I even forgot about the present burning a hole in my pocket.
“How do I look?” Alicia asked.
“Like the perfect reason to cancel dinner plans,” I said.
“Oh, no. You’re not wiggling out of this like you did last time.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” I said coyly.
“Have you already forgotten?” she asked as she walked towards me. “Or do you not remember our last attempted date?”
I remembered it clearly. She had come down the stairs in a simple black dress with a comfortable pair of flats and we missed our reservation by over an hour. I couldn't help the fact that her wild curves called to me and her hair was begging to be fisted within my fingers. I blamed those lips. That beautiful pout coated in that tantalizing color that look splendid streaked along my cock. There was nothing more beautiful than seeing Alicia on her knees with that look of wanton lust in her eye.
Except for now.
Seeing her with her shoulders rolled back and her eyes sparkling with confidence was a little more beautiful than that.
“Shall we?” I asked as I held out my arm for her.
She giggled and threaded her arm within mine, then I led her down to my car. I made sure to really smooth it on thick. Just to make sure she could remember how she deserved to be treated. I opened her doors and pulled out her chairs. I complimented her on the way her dress fell against her body and possibly made passing comments on how it would look great on the bedroom floor later that night. I never missed a moment to hold her hand and I sure as hell never missed a moment to caress the bare skin along her knees.
But I was nervous.
Just because she was enjoying herself didn’t mean the evening would go as planned.
“So, talk to me about the plan,” I said.
“What plan?” Alicia asked.
“You know. The plan. What you want to do after you get your Master’s.”
“I already have to think about that? We haven’t even toasted to my acceptance!”
“I promise we’ll get to that. But I’m curious.”
“As to what I want to do with my degree?”
“To what your dream is with your degree.”
“Isn’t that what I just said?” she asked.
“Sometimes what you want to do and what your dream is are two different things. I don’t want to help you with what you want to see happen. I want to help you with what you think can’t happen but you wished it would.”
“Why do you always mince my words, Ryder Smith?”
“Because what we say carries weight. It means something, even if it’s only a matter of choosing the right words.”
“And to think I thought you were nothing but a big burly man who liked to hit things.”
“Trust me, I do like to hit things. But that isn’t the only thing I enjoy doing,” I said.
“Trust me, I know,” she said with a wink.
“Was that a sex joke?”
“Well it’s not funny when you point it out.”
“Alicia Whitley, I’m stunned,” I said mockingly.
“Oh get off your high horse. You were fondling my knee the entire ride here.”
“And you loved it,” I said.
I watched her blush as I held my wine glass up into the air. She wrapped her delicate fingers around hers and rose her glass, and for a moment I let my eyes linger on her bare ring finger. I was painfully aware of the box pressing against my thigh, and I was concerned I wasn’t going to be able to wait
But I bit down onto my tongue and forced myself to wait.
“To Columbia University,” I said. “May God help them, because you’re going to throw them for a loop.”
“To Columbia University,” Alicia said. “May they keep me busy because you're a jerk and I don’t like you.”
“But you love me,” I said as I clinked my glass against hers.
“I guess if I have to,” she said, grinning.
The two of us took a sip of wine before the waiter came around to take our order. I couldn’t take my eyes off Alicia. She looked like a totally different person. I knew her doing something like this for herself would give her something back. I knew it would make her feel like she was in control again. It was why I wanted to talk about her future. Her dreams. Her plans. I wanted her to know that she was in control of them now and that I was there to support her however I could. I wanted to rejoice in them with her. To help her achieve them and all the other things she didn’t think would be possible for her.
“I want to open my own practice,” Alicia said.
Her voice ripped me from my thoughts as my hand found its way into my pocket.
“Do you know what you want to specialize in or who you want to target?” I asked.
“I want to help women like me. Women and men who have gone through or are going to go through some of the things I went through with Langley.”
My eyes hooked onto hers as she took a sip of her wine.
“That’s the first time I’ve heard you say his name,” I said.
�
��I think it’s time I do. If I’m going to help all of those people out there get away from abusive spouses and recuperate from them, then I can’t be hung up on my own hang ups, so to speak.”
“Do you want to rent an office space or build your own?”
“I’d have to rent it first. I wouldn’t have the money to build. I figured the money I got from Langley could be used wisely and in a way that benefits the kind of person he hurt. I think that’s the best way to get back at him, you know? Use his money to help others that people like him hurt.”
My hand wrapped around the box as a grin crept across my cheeks.
“Could I ask you something that’s been rolling around in my head?”
“Of course,” I said as I slid the box out. “What’s on your mind?”
“One of the things that got me through all of the stuff with Langley was you.”
“Your strength got you through that, Alicia. Not me. I only kept you safe.”
“Not what I meant,” she said with a smile. “What I meant was, your expertise. The guys. Abram and Yoake and Wilde. It wasn’t just your protection. It was you tracking them down. It was Brendan helping me through the divorce and serving him with papers. It was all of those pieces in play that helped me to take the steps I needed to take after I made the bold move of leaving.”
“So what’s your question?” I asked as I quietly popped the box open in my lap.
“I was wondering how you might feel back teaming up with me,” Alicia said.
I tried to keep my moments sly and small, but her suggestion stopped me in my tracks. I looked into the eyes of the woman sitting in front of me and saw a massive business plan coming to fruition in my head. Brendan’s independent practice and my company, merging with Alicia’s counseling center to create a hive for abused spouses seeking help to get all they needed in one place. A lawyer to help them in court. Protective services for them and their children. A team to track the abuser down to give them a piece of mind.
“That’s… a great idea, Alicia.”
“You think so?” she asked. “It would be done in stages. But I figured we could offer basic packages for people who come to me that they could take advantage of. I could refer them to Brendan if they needed a lawyer. Maybe we could get him to go in on some sort of all-around package or something. I don’t know. I don’t have all the details worked out. But a lawyer and protection and a counselor? Those are the three things most abused spouses need and it takes so much time to find. Making a place where we could merge those services would make it easier for them and possibly help them make the decision to leave in the first place.”
“I think you lied to me a bit,” I said with a grin.
“What?”
“You have been thinking about this.”
“You didn’t ask me if I was thinking about it. I merely asked you to celebrate one moment at a time instead of rushing me straight into the future,” Alicia said.
“Now look who’s mincing words.”
“Jerk.”
“Beautiful.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too,” I said.
“You really think it’s a good plan?”
“I think it’s a plan I’ll bring up to the guys to see what we can do to help you make it a reality,” I said.
“Now? Ryder, I haven't even started the program.”
“It takes time to piece something like this together. I’ll have to talk with Brendan, I’ll have to price things out with the business. Brendan will have to run his own numbers, then there’s finding a location for your clinic that’s central to both my headquarters and Brendan’s office-”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down there, cowboy. I had a general plan. What you’re talking about is-”
“The future?”
“Yes?”
“Is that a problem?” I asked.
“Not really?”
“Are we going to make talking in questions a thing for the night?”
“It’s kind of fun?” she asked.
“Then can I ask you a question?”
“Sure?”
I grinned as I stood from the chair and walked over to her side. With the opened ring box between my fingers, I smiled upon her as I lowered myself to one knee. The restaurant fell to a hushed whisper as people began to turn around in their seats, and Alicia’s eyes were wide with shock. I plucked the ring from the box and set it on the table, then held it up to her as I reached for her left hand.
Then, I drew in a deep breath.
“Alicia Whitley? You are, without a doubt, the strongest woman I’ve ever come across. What you’ve gone through and what you’re going to accomplish… you should be happy. You deserve to be happy. But more than that, you should be proud. You deserve to have something in your life you can be proud of.”
A smile slid across her face as I held the ring just beyond her ring finger. Her hand was trembling and my mind was swirling, and the speech I had rehearsed in my head all fucking morning in front of Abram and the guys fell to the wayside. I’d been in theaters of war. Shot guns at people wanting to take me out with nerve gas and crept into cities to save civilians just before the breaking of dawn.
But I’d never been more scared than in that moment, when I couldn’t remember my damn speech.
I felt Alicia’s hand slide from mine and it ripped me from my trance. But before I could panic, I saw her kneeling in front of me. Matching my stance. Her face looked up into mine and I rose my hand to cup her cheek, my thumb sliding across her beautiful, vibrant skin.
“Ask,” she said with a whisper.
“Alicia Whitley, you leave me speechless. Breathless. Motionless. Every second at your side in high school was beautiful and every second with you now is beloved. I didn’t know there was anything missing until you came back into my life. I didn’t know there was anything to miss out on until that first night you came to my house. It wasn’t that I missed a woman, or the comfort of her body, or the soft sound of giggles or a warmth to wake up to in the morning. It was that I’d missed you. I missed your body. I missed your warmth. I missed your comfort.”
I reached down and took her left hand again before poising the ring in front of her finger. Tears were cresting her eyes and the entire restaurant was looking at us. My hand shook with the slightest tremor and my voice caught in my throat. This woman, with her entrancing eyes and her strong soul, left me with only one last thing to ask her.
“Alicia?”
“Yes, Ryder?”
“Will you marry me?”
In a second, her arms were around me and her lips were crashing into mine. I wrapped my arms around her and caught her catapulting body and the restaurant erupted into cheers. I could feel her smiling against me. I could feel her shaking in my grasp. Her tongue swiped against mine and her hands ran down my chest, then I felt her finger slowly slip into the ring still held between my fingers.
“Yes,” she said into my lips.
I picked her up from the ground and stood with her against my form. I swung her around as she buried her face into the crook of my neck, giggling as my smile grew. I set her down onto her feet as our food arrived, and I picked her left hand up and brought it to my lips. I kissed the top of it and each respective knuckle, then nuzzled my nose against the diamond settled on top of her finger.
“To Columbia,” I said coyly.
“And to the rest of our lives,” Alicia said.
Epilogue
Epilogue - Alicia - Two Years Later
The morning sun broke through the clouds as I laid in bed. I’d done it. I graduated with my Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University with a specialization in Trauma Counseling. Ryder had taken me out to celebrate after my graduation ceremony the other day and my body was still pleasantly sore from the afterparty special for two.
A smile slid across my face as the memories of it came rushing back to me.
I looked over towards the wall and giggled. There it wa
s. All of the blood, sweat, tears, and late nights that I’d poured into my academic career. And it was hanging on the wall. My degree, held in the most beautiful frame Ryder had made especially for it.
But when I went to go over and snuggle up next to my husband, he wasn’t there.
Groaning, I sat myself up in bed. The clock next to my bed was blaring with a cool seven in the morning, yet the bed beside me was cool.
“Ryder?” I called out.
Sliding myself from the bed, I padded my naked body along the soft carpeted floors. I pressed the door open to our bathroom and poked my head in before I turned on the light. I squinted my eyes, allowing them time to adjust, as I racked my brain trying to figure out where Ryder had gotten off to.
Then, a sticky note pressed against the mirror came into view.
Alicia,
Got called into work very early this morning. Will be off by lunch time. Expect sandwiches and ice cream for lunch.
Love,
Ryder
I felt my stomach turn at the prospect of sandwiches and I furrowed my brow. I wasn’t sure why that didn’t sound appetizing, but it didn’t. I laid the note against the bathroom counter and decided on a shower, and I stayed in there until the room filled with steam. I leaned against the cool tile wall and closed my eyes, trying to ward off the headache settling between my eyes.
I knew the stress of graduation would settle in sooner or later.
Grabbing a towel, I wrapped it around my body and stepped out of the shower. I rummaged through the drawers until I found some medicine for my headache, then I took a couple of the pills with some sink water. Not the best-tasting stuff around, but I needed to get rid of this thing. I knew Ryder wouldn’t be done celebrating my graduation and we were expecting all the guys to come by for a cookout later this evening.
And I certainly didn’t need a headache with all that commotion going on.
I threw some clothes on and went downstairs to make myself some coffee. I was dragging from the late night and the exhaustion from this last semester was crashing over me. I fixed it up the way Ryder had taught me, with a little cinnamon and a cardamom pod. Then I pressed the button and let the coffee pot do its job.