Papa separated the figure and began to laugh out loud. Johnny cleared his throat and was about to say something when Papa piped in, “Look here, there is a little hollow place inside this figure. That would be a great place to hide a secret.” He passed it over to Johnny and slapped him on the back.
“Johnny my boy, you are alright. Any man who can create such a cute and playful figure of my daughter is alright by me.”
Johnny briefly looked at Desire, with a confused look. Desire shrugged almost undetectably to calm his fears. She had no idea what her father was getting at, but she was not about to question his jovial manner.
As they cleared the plates, Desire snuck a look at Johnny. He winked at her and that was all she needed to see. She brought out her delicious cake for dessert. Her mother had made fresh whip cream to put on top of it. Desire served up four generous portions and everyone all devoured it. Mama boiled water for tea while Johnny and Papa went out to the porch to smoke cigars. Desire tried to hear what they were saying by staying as close to the front door as she could.
Her actions must have been obvious because finally Mama said, “Oh gracious Desire, just stand by the window and I will clean up.”
Desire looked at her Mama and she nodded. “Oh Mama, I think I like Johnny in a different way. He is so nice and friendly.”
“It’s okay, sweetheart. I think your Papa really likes him too! Why don’t you bring them each out a new bottle of beer from the icebox?”
Desire almost ran to the icebox and grabbed two bottles of beer. She went to the front door and stepped out onto the porch. She handed a bottle of beer to each of them and then just stood there, not sure what she should do.
“Desire, sit down here beside Papa.” Papa patted the seat beside him on the bench. She did so, not sure what to expect.
“This young man has asked me if he may court you. He has told me that he was impressed by your passion to make the Fun and Games Committee a success, as well as your tenacity in wanting to be able to lug a very heavy cart of staple supplies home. Personally, I think he is intrigued by your flaming red hair and green eyes.” Papa paused for a moment and took a huge swallow of beer.
“I like this young man, but what do you think my darling?” He looked at Desire and waited for an answer.
Desire knew that she had to be very careful in how she answered. “Well, Papa I think that you know best.”
As she said these words, she looked over at Johnny and their eyes locked. One corner of his mouth curled up slightly and she could see the smile in his eyes.
Papa quietly contemplated this and took a few more swigs of his beer. He looked back and forth between Johnny and Desire. “Desire needs to find a suitable husband because she is a young woman now. Johnny, you may court my daughter until the Celebration of the New Year and if I am sufficiently pleased with what I see, we will discuss the future after that.”
“Thank you, sir. May I have permission to spend additional time with Desire to help her with her Committee? Unfortunately, she is left to manage this event all alone.”
“That would be a fine idea. Her mother and I will be quite busy with other preparations and it will be good to know that Desire is in safe hands.” He looked over at Desire and she smiled back at him, careful not to look too thrilled or excited at the prospects.
Desire said good night formally and then excused herself. As she was just inside the door, she could hear her father speaking to Johnny further.
“She has not yet spent much time around young men, and we have not completely schooled her on the ways of a man and a woman. It is my expectation that you respect these boundaries. She is innocent and pure and I expect her to remain that way until she is married. If I find out otherwise, there will be severe repercussions for both of you.”
“Yes, sir. Of course, sir. I would never do anything to disrespect you and your family.”
She almost laughed out loud because they had already done most of the things that Papa was warning him against. She was no longer pure, but she did still feel innocent because most of what happened, although thrilling, had left her confused.
She went up to her room and drew a hot lavender bath. As the water warmed, she undressed and placed the little figure Johnny had carved of her on her desk. She realized she hadn’t read the little note inside yet. She grabbed the china doll off of her bed and pulled the little rolled up note out of the doll’s pocket.
Sitting down on the edge of her bed, she read, “Desire, my love for you is all you will ever need to keep you safe. No matter what happens, trust that I will be there for you.”
She read it over and over again. Nothing would take the place of his arms wrapped around her body. It was like an addiction. One hit of Johnny and she was hooked. She needed him and longed for him to hold her. She took care to hide this note so it would not be discovered. She put it back in the apron pocket of her doll. Worried it might fall out, she took one of the doll’s shoes off and put the note in the bottom of the little shoes.
She quickly washed up in the tub and got dressed in her night clothes. She walked over to the window to look at the moonlight. She peeked out of the window and the town in front of her was aglow with moonlight. Opening her desk drawer she pulled out the little figure Johnny had made and smiled. She tucked it back into her drawer and went to bed.
Chapter Nine
Johnny thanked Mr. Winthrop for his hospitality and headed home. He walked slowly across the town and headed toward the home of Tobias. He had no family to go home to because his family was only figments of everyone’s imagination. Everyone in the town thought his father was the master carpenter who had built much of this town, but he knew differently. He knew that only in their manipulated minds and thoughts did his family even exist.
When he got to the centre of town, he sat on one of the benches in the park. He needed a moment to compose himself. He thought about Desire’s father. He wasn’t quite sure what role he was playing. At first, he thought that perhaps he was one of the people behind all this and he was collecting observations inside the experiment. As time went on, Johnny wasn’t so sure. He had witnessed the strictness of his rule with Desire, which was consistent with the strict belief system that was engrained into everyone who lived here. He just didn’t know who he could trust so he had decided some time ago not to trust anyone – well, almost no one.
Desire’s father seemed to genuinely have a good time over dinner and was very hospitable. The fact that he agreed to let him court Desire surprised Johnny so much that he nearly choked on his beer. Being able to do this would make things a lot easier for him
He sat there for a long time pondering his next move. He watched the moon in the sky cast a gentle glow over the whole town, creating dark shadows here and there. The shadows made him think of himself; he was simply
shadow of who he once was and knew that, no matter what happened, he would probably never emerge from them. Although the moon’s glow would disappear with the break of dawn, he and everyone else here would never escape the shadows that their lives had become.
He got up from the bench and continued to see Tobias. When he got there, he saw the little flicker of light in his front room. He gently knocked on the door and was greeted by the old man.
“Good evening, Johnny. Come in, my boy.”
Johnny entered and removed his shoes. He went into the front room and sat on a little couch. Tobias joined him there, sitting in a chair across from Johnny.
Johnny told him the events of the afternoon and evening, omitting his encounter with Desire in the forest, of course. Although Johnny felt confident that he could trust Tobias, he had learned the hard way that he could never let his guard down completely. Tobias listened intently to the story and seemed pleased.
“Well, it looks like the wheels of fate have started to turn in your favour, my boy.” Johnny nodded, but remained silent. “Just play along and see how things progress. You mentioned that she responded to you and that is a positive sign
. Be patient, though, because if you rush things with her, the consequences could be devastating for you both in many ways. You must be very careful not to get into Elijah’s bad graces and you must behave accordingly for the all-seeing eyes around here. If They find out what you know, we can trust that you too will disappear from everyone’s minds and memory.”
Johnny sighed, “I know and that is becoming harder and harder. The longer I am here, the more I fear that we will never again be who we were.”
Tobias nodded, but said nothing. There wasn’t much to say given their predicament. Johnny thanked him for listening and said good night.
Tobias’ house backed directly onto the forest so Johnny took that route. Although it was quite dark, the moon’s glowed lit the way. Plus, he knew the forest like the back of his hand. He knew how to enter without being caught and how to appear elsewhere in the community unnoticed. For some reason, the forest did not seem to be monitored.
He trudged through the forest, careful not to trample any wildflowers or walk into a tree. It wasn’t long before he arrived at the back border of his own vegetable fields. He went inside his home, but didn’t turn on any lights. He went upstairs where there were three bedrooms, just like every other house in the town. There was one striking difference from his family and home compared to the rest of the community, though. His family did not exist; well, at least not outside the minds of the other community members.
He went to his bedroom and kicked off his shoes and removed his shirt. He lay down on his bed half clothed. He closed his eyes and, as usual, the whole nightmare came flooding back to him.
Two years ago, when he was 18 years old, he was living the American dream. He was just about to go off to Harvard to study law. Back then his name was Aedan and he came from a close knit Irish-American family. He had played football and basketball in high school, was king of his prom and had two great parents and brother who was two years younger.
He had grown up in Milton, Massachusetts – a small city of about 27, 000 mostly Irish descendants. His family members were close and the community was close-knit. Folks that didn’t have Irish blood in them were very rarely accepted into their community.
His parents were thrilled when he got accepted into Harvard. He wasn’t thrilled about living on campus, but his father insisted that he experience college to the fullest.
He planned to stay on campus during the week and take the train home on the weekends. He spent the majority of his last few days in Milton with his beautiful girlfriend, Darby. When the day finally came, he and his father packed up the family pick-up truck with his belongings to move into his dorm room. She came over for a final good-bye and then surprised him. She would join him and his family to help him get set up at his new dorm at Harvard.
Almost everyone in Milton knew each other. Their families had known each other for generations. Aedan and Darby’s parents were delighted when their children’s lifelong friendship developed into young love. She was a high school freshman at the time they started dating and Aedan was a junior. He had loved her as long as he could remember and when their friendship evolved into romance, it seemed very natural. She was not only the love of his life, she was his best friend.
They left for Cambridge to move Aedan into his new dorm room about mid-morning that fall in 2010. The drive was pretty unremarkable. They stopped for some coffee and donuts before they headed to the on-ramp of I-93. The last thing Aedan really remembers clearly is pointing out the Boston Harbor and making some jokes about having a tea party. His last memory of her was her infectious giggle and smile. It was a memory that haunted him. Would he see his Darby again?
There is a period of time he is sure is buried deep in his memory, but he does not know if he will ever get it back.
Johnny lay there in silence with a couple of tears in his eyes as he remembered what once was and what could have been.
He got out of bed and stripped off the rest of his clothes. He went into the little bathroom just outside his room. He needed a hot shower to ease the tension in his body. He ran the water for a few minutes then stepped in as the steam started to rise above the shower curtains. He stood there for almost ten minutes, letting the hot water run over his tired body. Not only was he physically exhausted, he was mentally fatigued. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep up this façade, but knew he would to fight to the death if necessary to restore what he could of his shattered life.
He lathered his body and stood under the hot water for another five minutes before turning off the taps. He grabbed a towel and dried off. As he hung the towel up on a hook, he caught his reflection in the mirror above the sink. Although he still looked like a young man, his eyes concealed an ocean of secrets that sometimes made him feel like he was a thousand years old.
He occasionally wondered if he shouldn’t just give up and surrender to this twisted community, but the fear of getting caught and never having an opportunity to see his Darby again was what gave him the strength to carry on. He turned around and looked at the scarred roadmap on his back. These scars were a permanent reminder to him that he was living in a world that was all flowers and sunshine on the surface, but had a festering underbelly of torture and disregard for basic human rights.
His initial resistance was punished severely, but that lesson taught him to comply and submit – at least on the outside. On the inside, he fought to remain true to who he was.
Desire was so innocent to all of it and he worried that her curiosity and naturally mischievous nature would continue to put her at risk. He had seen others like her disappear into the clinic and never return. To the rest of the community, they were simply programmed to believe that those people never existed and life went on as usual.
He reached under his bed mattress and pulled out a flask of whiskey. He quickly swallowed three shots and then returned it to its hiding spot. He lay his head back down and let the whiskey dull all the noise in his head. Tobias was kind enough to share his home batch with him. It was basically gut-rot with a kick, but Tobias told him that he needed a couple of belts every night to help him sleep. Johnny didn’t drink it every night, but today definitely called for a little liquid mind-numb.
He woke up with bright lights shining all around him. He had no idea where he was. His head throbbed and he could barely lift his arms up off the mattress. He turned his head to the side and saw a man wearing all white sitting at a little desk writing on a clipboard. Where was he? He tried to remember what happened before he went to sleep but his mind felt fuzzy and he couldn’t put together a sensible thought. The man from the little desk came over and said something to him that he couldn’t understand. The man removed a syringe from his pocket and slowly start to inject something into his intravenous line…
Chapter Ten
Desire woke up feeing refreshed and fully alive. It was Monday morning and today she hoped to spend some time with Johnny and begin the preparations for the games and prize. She jumped out of bed and dressed quickly. When she looked into her closet, she noticed that all her old frump clothing was gone and there hung four brand new skirts, two pale blue, one pale green and one yellow. Her blouses were the same white blouses. She also noticed that her heavy stockings had been replaced with thigh-high flesh coloured stocking. She was giggling with delight as Mama and Papa walked into her room.
“Darling, you are a young woman now and we have decided that you no longer need to dress as a child.” Papa turned and left the room and her mother winked at her and then followed him.
Desire grabbed the yellow skirt. This colour was the farthest away from black that she could imagine! She brushed her hair and tied a couple ribbons in it. She spun around in her new clothes and felt glorious. They felt so light and looked very beautiful. She started to go downstairs, but stopped halfway down and ran back up. She grabbed the wooden figure Johnny had made for her, stuffed it in her pocket, and then continued back downstairs.
Papa was already gone to Work so it was just her and Mama fo
r breakfast. Desire ate her meal quietly, continuing to pre-occupy herself with all the events of prior day. She couldn’t stop thinking about Johnny.
Soon, her Mama spoke. “Desire, how do you feel about Johnny?”
Desire was dying to pour out her heart to her mother, but something inside of her told her to stay calm and reserved. She knew that if she revealed too much, her Mama might tell Papa and that would have disastrous effects, she knew.
“Well Mama, he seems like a nice young man. He is very helpful and friendly.”
Her mother looked at her for a long time and Desire thought she might burst trying to keep a straight face. Something deep inside of her told her to keep quiet. She just stared at her mother with wide green eyes, waiting for an answer.
“Desire, young men Johnny’s age are often ready for a wife, and although you are of age to marry, you must be careful. The courting process may seem a little overwhelming at first, but it is meant to assure we find a good match for you. Part of finding a suitable husband is finding someone who you like to be with. Love comes later, after marriage and children. It is important in any solid marriage that you are capable of bearing children. I have learned the hard way what a strain that can be. As much as your Papa and I love you, there should have been many more after you. Bearing a son is the most important gift that a woman can give her husband. I have failed your Papa. But I am still capable of bearing children, so I pray every night that God will bless me with a son.”
As mama said these things, Desire couldn’t help but think that her tone was very flat, like when someone recites from a book. Desire knew that the extra bedroom upstairs had been made up special for a son. It had been empty for a long time. She felt sorry for her Mama, always feeling like a failure for not producing a son.
Who We Are Page 9