Desire smiled as she thought of this and began to cry. Peculiar as it was, Sarah Jane Martin’s dream came true at the time of her death. She died with someone who really did love and need her. Her death was not at the hands of someone else who was controlling her. There may have been pain at the end, but there was no torture or violence. She died peacefully in the embrace of someone she loved and had finally filled her heart with joy.
Before she left the church she approached the altar where Sarah Jane lay. Silently she said the Lord’s Prayer in her head and asked God to give her a special place in Heaven. She went over to the casket and kissed Mama on the forward and whispered in her ear. “I love you.”
She turned around to see Papa waiting for her. He put out his hand and they exited the church first with all the community members watching them exit.
The reception at the hall following the ceremony was pretty unremarkable. Most of the ladies were tearful because Mama had been their leader of sorts. The men shook Papa’s hand and gave him their condolences. Desire watched all of this and played the part of the dutiful daughter staying by her father’s side, shaking the hands of the men and accepting hugs from the women. Most would just look at her and say things like, “What a shame to lose your mother at such a young age” or “Take good care of your father”.
After everyone had paid their condolences, Desire saw Johnny approaching her and Papa. She smiled under tears as he approached and he looked sincerely solemn. He shook Papa’s hand and expressed how sorry he was for the loss of such a wonderful woman. He turned to Desire and took her hand and expressed his sorrow for my loss.
“Mr. Winthrop, with all due respect, I would like to request your permission to escort Desire on a walk. I realize this is a personal and trying time for your family time, but I thought perhaps some fresh air and sunshine might do her some good at this time.”
Papa looked at him for a moment with no discernable emotion on his face, then he softened a little. “I know my wife thought very highly of you and how respectfully you treated Desire. You are just like family to us now. I suppose some fresh air will do my daughter good. Have her back by dinner time. I am sure our kitchen will be filled with casseroles and baked goods from the community women so she will be off the hook from cooking dinner for a while. I will stay here for a while longer and then may go home to rest a bit.” With that, he sent them along.
As they walked out of the hall side by side, they passed by Nathaniel. Despite the threats Desire had uttered to him in the Staple Store the day before, he did not look the least bit worried. In fact, there appeared to be venom in his eyes as he watched them leave together. Desire turned back to look at him and with his hand he pointed to her and then pointed to himself and his face twisted up in a sneer. She turned quickly around and grabbed Johnny’s hand so tight he winced a little and look at her. He looked back at Nathaniel who was still sneering at Desire. Desire watched Johnny turn red from anger in a split second. Johnny turned around and started walking toward him.
Desire quickly followed Johnny and as he got within arm’s length of Nathaniel she stepped in front of him and grabbed Nathaniel’s hand in a “friendly” handshake. Although the bile was rising in her throat from the sheer disgust of touching him, she spoke to him loudly enough for others around to hear and turn their heads. “Thank you, Nathaniel, for your condolence in the loss of my dear mother. My Papa and I are thankful to everyone for their support.” She choked on some tears and continued. “My father and I will be seeking solace in our time of grief. Thank you for respecting that.”
With that, she faked a small smile and took Johnny’s hand and headed in the opposite direction. Her actions not only surprised Johnny, but it gave him just enough time to realize that his need to pound Nathaniel into a pulp was not worth the risk that this action might foil their escape plans. He looked back at Nathaniel with hate in his eyes. He didn’t know how, but he knew that before they left this awful place, he would make Nathaniel pay for what he did to his sweet Darby. The visions of that day in the forest still haunted him at night.
Johnny and Desire walked in silence for a while then found themselves in the park in the middle of town. They sat down on the bench together. They sat close enough to talk quietly to each other, but not too close so as to raise suspicions if any members of the community passed by or if they were being watched.
“Johnny, I am scared.”
“Don’t be,” he whispered. “Although this is a sad event, it doesn’t change what we must do. And, in a way, this accident was probably a blessing, knowing now how things would end for her.”
She nodded in agreement. They watched people milling about, heading back to their homes as instructed by the Minister. A few people looked her way with sympathetic looks in their eyes. They were hesitant to say too much in public so they sat there in silence for about half an hour.
Desire finally turned to Johnny. “I guess I should go home. There is not much else for us to say or do right now. When will we see each other again?”
“Don’t you worry. I will work it out. It is important for you to carry on with as much normalcy as possible. I have my work cut out for me. If what Mama said is true, there is a very real danger that once we enter the hall, we may not be able to get out. I will escort you home now and then head back to the hall under the guise of offering to tidy up. There are not really many reasons for me to go to the hall so I have to take advantage of today when I can put away tables and chairs and look about the storage and back rooms without raising suspicion.” She nodded and they walked together quickly.
When they approached her home, Mrs. Proctor saw them and she quickly bustled over. She had tears in her eyes and gave Desire a big hug. “Oh my dear, I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how dreadful it must be to lose your Mama.” She hugged her for a moment longer and then insisted that she come over for tea and stay with her until her Papa returned.
“That is very kind of you, Mrs. Proctor, but with all due respect, I feel exhausted and would like to lay down on my bed and rest. I also have to be sure to feed Papa because he will need his strength.”
Mrs. Proctor looked at her with compassion. “Of course, dear. I understand, but don’t you fret about dinner. Most of the ladies are home right now baking and cooking so that you don’t have to worry about dinners for at least a week. This is your time to mourn and not to fuss about chores. If you like, leave your front door unlatched and I will direct the ladies inside to put the food in your icebox and cold cellar. Would that be alright?”
She seemed very genuine and Desire nodded yes and thanked her. She also thanked Johnny and turned to walk into her house. When the door was closed behind her she sighed a very heavy sigh. She looked around her. Though nothing had really changed, at the same time everything had changed. This home, once a safe haven, now seemed like a prison cell. Keeping in mind that she was being watched, she took off her shoes at the front door looked around and headed upstairs.
Once in her room, she felt safe. She went into her bathroom and drew a nice hot bath with lavender oil. The scent instantly reminded her of Mama and a few tears welled up in her eyes.
She slipped into the tub and closed her eyes. The lavender was soothing and slowed the buzzing in her head as she drifted off to sleep.
She was running through the forest desperate to get away from him. Although she was quick, her bulky skirt slowed her down. She could hear him not far behind. She was so deep into the forest, she had lost her way. She had no idea how to get out. She felt as if she was running in circles, but there was not enough distance between them to stop and get her bearings. She saw someone ahead of her and she ran in that direction. She looked back and saw that Nathaniel was not far behind her, eager to catch her. She couldn’t make out who it was ahead, but all she wanted to do was to get away from Nathaniel. As she got closer to the figure ahead, she saw that is was Aedan. This gave her the strength to run a little faster despite the fact that her legs began to ti
re.
She wondered why he wasn’t also running to her. As he came into clear view, what she saw made her stop so suddenly that she tumbled forward, scraping the forest floor with her face. When she looked up she started to scream uncontrollably. Aedan was tied to a tree covered in blood. His head hung down toward his chest which had been ripped open violently with some sort of large knife, still sticking out of his abdomen. She screamed out his name in vain knowing that he was dead. Just as she was about to get up to run away, she felt his hand on her; Nathaniel had caught her. “You are all mine now, bitch, and trust me when I say I went lightly on you before.” He laughed wickedly. He seemed like a beast who had caught some prey. He picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. She started to pound his back and screamed at the top of her lungs.
“Wake up, dear, wake up!” Desire felt someone shaking her in the water. She sprung awake and sat forward in the tub. She sat there stunned for a moment until she regained her senses and realized she was only dreaming. She looked into the face of Mrs. Proctor.
“Oh my dear, I was downstairs tucking the casseroles and baking away when I heard you screaming.” She scurried over to the hook and grabbed Desire’s robe. “Now step into this and don’t you worry, you don’t have anything I don’t have myself.”
Desire obeyed and stood up in the tub and allowed Mrs. Proctor to wrap her in her robe.
“Were you having a nightmare, dear?” She looked genuinely concerned.
Not wanting to share the details of her dream, Desire looked up at her earnestly. “Well, I suppose I was, but I cannot remember what is was about. I am so sorry that I worried you.”
Mrs. Proctor sighed. “Well it’s no surprise that bad dreams are haunting you after such a dreadful loss. You lay down and rest, dear, and I will warm a casserole for you and your Papa. You need to get your rest. We can have tea tomorrow, if you like.”
Desire nodded in agreement and Mrs. Proctor wentback downstairs. Desire remembered her nightmare vividly and she shuddered at the flashback of her Aedan slain and tied to a tree. She crawled under the covers anxious for a dreamless sleep.
Chapter Twenty Seven
Johnny made his way back to the Hall hoping for noticeable tasks he could do so that he could actually perform his inspection of the premises. He needed to find a viable and discreet way out of the building. When he arrived, he felt relieved to see that no one had put away the tables and chairs yet. If he took his time, he could probably spend an hour there. Only a handful of people remained at the Hall. Papa was one them. Papa looked at him inquisitively when he entered the Hall.
“Johnny, where is Desire?” he asked.
“She said she felt tired sir, so I escorted her home. Mrs. Proctor was waiting for her outside and promised to keep an eye on her. I thought I would come back here and offer to tidy up the chairs and tables. I am sure most folks want to go home to be with their families and you sir, with all due respect, look pretty worn out.”
“Yes, well losing a loved one is never easy.” His response sound somewhat scripted and unemotional. “Thank you for your offer. I shall take you up on it and head home to console my daughter.” He shook Johnny’s hand and left.
Johnny puttered about, moving and folding chairs and tables. Before long, he was all alone in the Hall. He reminded himself that he was probably being watched somehow so he tried to be as inconspicuous as possible as he searched for a way out.
He ruled out escaping through the windows right away since they did not open and the thickness of the glass was remarkable. Next, he inspected a door at the back of the hall behind a partition that led to the restrooms and storage areas. He noticed the thickness of the door and the tight seal around the door and the frame. It appeared as though there was some sort of electronic box on the back side of door. He felt sure this was a remote control door operator. Presumably the doors would be closed and secured remotely prior to gassing and torching them all. He that the front door of the hall had a similar device on. The storage room behind the door held the racks for the chairs and tables. It had no other exit doors and no windows. The restrooms too proved useless as there was no windows. All the ceilings in the hall were solid and there were no vents visible that were big enough for people to climb through.
Johnny started to worry. If they attended the Celebration in hopes of getting out, they ran the risk of getting trapped. How would they escape?
Johnny played out different scenarios of escape in his head as he headed back to his house. None of his plans were ideal. Escaping at any other time had a significant consequence for them. They would be identified as missing. He was sure they would not even make it out of the forest without being captured. He had mapped out the escape route through the forest and the quickest he ever made it out was 36 hours, including a few breaks to rest and regain their strength. He had scoured the forest looking for areas that would provide suitable coverage for rest and had found a few where he felt confident they could sleep undiscovered. Forcing themselves all the way through the forest without stopping would probably take about 24 hours, but without any rest, he knew they would put themselves at risk of making mistakes that could prove deadly. If only he knew how They would make sure that everyone was in attendance, he could work with that.
Johnny went upstairs and fell onto his bed. He reached for the little flask of gut rot and took a few swigs. He closed his eyes as the whiskey calmed him and he fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.
Chapter Twenty Eight
When Desire work up, she hopped out of bed, dressed quickly, tied her hair back, and then left her room to go downstairs to make breakfast. Before she took her first step down, she could smell freshly brewed coffee and heard the skillet sizzling. When Desire entered the kitchen, she found Mrs. Proctor making breakfast for her and Papa.
“I hope you don’t mind, dear,” Mrs. Proctor said, “but I didn’t think you would feel much like cooking today so I thought I would come over and help.”
“Of course, we don’t mind.” Papa had come down the stairs behind Desire.
“Good morning, Mr. Winthrop. How did you sleep?”
“Very well, thank you,” said Papa. “It’s very thoughtful of you to help us at this difficult time. Indeed, Desire should take it easy today. She can resume her chores tomorrow.”
Mrs. Proctor nodded and smiled and continued fixing breakfast. Before long, Desire and Papa were sitting at the table staring down a feast. There were fresh biscuits, eggs, bacon, ham, pancakes and fruit. Desire looked at all the food thinking there was enough to feed about a dozen people. They politely thanked her and asked her to join them. Mrs. Proctor declined and returned to her home.
Looking at all the delicious food, Desire realized how hungry she was. She hadn’t eaten for two days. She filled her plate and ate every bite. Then she filled her plate half again and ate all that too. She washed it down with a few cups of coffee and a tall glass of orange juice. She expected Papa to comment on her veracious appetite, but he was too busy eating his third plate of breakfast. When they were done, the food that she thought would feed a dozen people was almost all gone.
They both looked at the empty plates and then at each other and smiled. As they sat in silence, Desire looked at Papa closely and actually felt pity for him. He was a non-person; just a fleshy robot created in a lab with invisible puppet strings inside his mind. She wondered if he was capable of experiencing true emotion or if he only executed programmed responses.
She flashed back to the morning after Mama died, seeing Papa haggard and a little drunk mourning the loss of his wife. That was real emotion and that was real pain. Sadly, he went to clinic to take care of some business and when he returned he seemed to once again to behave according to scripted responses to his environment. Besides pity, she also felt fear, knowing now what They were capable of.
“Papa, will you be home for dinner tonight?” she asked.
“Yes, I will, and every night after that. I cannot leave you here alone after
dark until I find a suitable new wife.”
So that was it. His mourning period for Mama had ended.
“Desire, the ladies here in the community filled our icebox with far too much food for the two of us to eat and I certainly do not want to be disrespectful by throwing any away. When you finish your chores today, why don’t you go find Johnny and invite him to dinner tonight. Just remind him that he will need to wait on the porch if I am running late.”
Desire worked to conceal a rush that would rise in her just thinking about spending time with Johnny. She tried to remain mechanical. “What about Bible study, Papa?”
He looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, and then spoke. “You are the woman of the house now, Desire. As such, you will have no time for Bible study. You will take on the responsibilities that belonged to your mother. Do you think you can handle that?”
“Yes. Papa. Don’t worry, I will make you proud.” Desire felt secretly delighted. Being excused from Bible Study would give her and Johnny much-needed time to continue planning their escape from Hemac.
“Good girl. Now, I know this may be difficult for you, but I want you to gather your mother’s things so that we can dispose of them. I left two sacs on the bed and that should be more than enough. Leave the sacks on the porch and someone will pick them up this afternoon.” He said this very matter-of-factly without a trace of emotion. He got up from the table, kissed her forehead and left for the day.
After tidying up the kitchen, Desire went upstairs to Mama and Papa’s bedroom. She went over to Mama’s wardrobe and opened the doors. There hung all of her skirts and blouses. Most were everyday clothes, but there were a few Sunday dresses as well. Desire pulled them out one by one and began folding them and placing them in the canvas sacs.
Who We Are Page 25