Art’s Deli, an enormously popular L.A. eatery, has printed on its menus a Yiddish lexicon with hilarious translations, i.e., “A Farshlepteh Krenk,” which actually means “a drawn-out disease” but, according to Art, means “filling out your own tax return.”
When actors Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas sought press attention for their comedy album Great White North, based on their lunkhead Canadian characters Bob and Doug McKenzie, they staged a press conference, appearing as Bob and Doug. They even re-created the very set made popular on the original SCTV episodes. The press conference was a smash hit, attended by more than a hundred media people, and it brought them widespread coverage.
The chief danger in the use of humor, of course, is that humor is subjective. What’s funny to you may not be funny to others. I can’t tell you how to be funny, but I do know that all people appreciate wit. My best suggestion is to determine precisely what makes you laugh, and see if it makes others laugh as well.
Finally, you may conjure up an idea based on image. This may be the most powerful kind of idea you create, because nothing is quite as searing as a well-constructed image. Consider some of the indelible images we’ve experienced in the past few years. The Abu Ghraib photographs; the Mel Gibson mug shot; Hurricane Katrina victims stranded in the Superdome and on rooftops, begging for help; thousands of former Enron employees stunned and out of work juxtaposed with the images of their former employers attending a birthday party at which an ice statue of Michelangelo’s David urinated vodka; those two smoldering towers collapsing in horrifying images of dust, smoke, and debris. All these images say far more on their own than any possible accompanying commentary.
We’re all accustomed to advertisers using images, symbols, logos, and other graphics to convey messages. Months before the movie Batman opened in 1989, we were teased with the stark black image of—the Batman logo. The now-famous Infiniti luxury car TV campaign depicted tranquil scenes of riverbanks and cherry groves, never once showing the car. More recently, we’ve seen green, happy images animated in a commercial to indicate British Petroleum’s commitment to making less polluting gasoline, and a calm, soothing beach with gorgeous people on it, alone, saying nothing, doing nothing but enjoying a cold Corona beer. Apparently, the emotional impact of the image is worth more than any intellectual appeal. Guerrilla P.R. practitioners would do well to harness the power of the image when creating ideas.
In one of her campaigns, MADD founder Candy Lightner graphically illustrated the problem of teen drinking by displaying scores of beer cans at a press conference; every can of beer had been purchased by her underage daughter with an illegal I.D. The message was brought home in a stark manner.
Anti-abortion activists sometimes bring the bodies of aborted fetuses (or at least pictures of them) to their press conferences and rallies. Pro-choice proponents carry coat hangers to symbolize the old back-alley abortions. These symbols for the opposite points of view are equally potent.
To draw on the image principle for your ideas, reconstitute your thinking into a wordless language. You might even want to use your own dreams as a guide, as did Stevenson and Stravinsky. Dreams employ symbolic language, and often the emotional impact of dream images is as powerful as any real-life experience.
How do you determine if your ideas are worthwhile? Steve Fiffer, in his book So You’ve Got a Great Idea, makes two salient points.
Though he primarily addresses inventors, his precepts apply equally well to Guerrilla P.R. Fiffer says the key pieces of information in evaluating an idea are these:
1. Determine need. Is your idea beneficial to others? Does it serve a purpose? In terms of P.R., will it help you achieve your objectives by helping to link you and your project together with the media?
2. Is it original? Does it excite? Is it different? The media are always hungry for something new; does your idea fill the bill?
Pondering the answers to these questions will help you steer your ideas into either the development stage or the trash can. It’s up to you to make that determination.
Now, what do you do with your ideas? They can serve many purposes, as you will see. Your creativity will ensure intriguing and well-written press releases, can’t-miss magnet events (i.e., publicity stunts), effective marketing tools, and articulate verbal pitches to media representatives. Your ideas will serve you in business, in your Guerrilla P.R. efforts, and elsewhere in your life as your springboard for action.
In later chapters, I will go into greater detail on formulating ideas for specific areas, such as writing bios or concocting a magnet event. But part and parcel of the notion of Guerrilla P.R. is the understanding that creativity—not money, power, or influence—is the driving force behind any such campaign. It has been said, “The unexamined life isn’t worth living.” I would add, “The uncreative life isn’t worth living, either.”
Looking vs. Seeing
I want you to try something: Take a pen and paper, and open today’s newspaper. Select articles from the news, entertainment, or business sections. Read carefully and note how often the reporter seems to adopt a particular slant on the article’s subject. See if you can detect when the influence of a publicist may have entered into the proceedings.
Watch for these features:
Quotes from “spokespersons”
Detailed statistics and interpretation
Polls and surveys
Information about place and time of an upcoming event
Links to outside occurrences, such as a movie premiere, a sporting event, or a theme (like, say, Fire Prevention Week)
Politicians speaking out about innocuous subjects (“crime is bad”)
Op-Ed articles by guest writers from show business, sports, and politics who normally do not write for the media
Anything at all to do with entertainment
Any of these should trigger a flashing sign in your mind: PUBLICIST AT WORK. Most of us read the paper or watch the news without giving a second thought to the sources. Yes, reporters regularly dig up their own information, but they often rely heavily on spokespersons and publicists for help, and you should begin noticing that influence. You can no longer simply look at the story; you have to see what’s behind it.
Let’s make a dry run with a hypothetical illustration. Read the following fictitious newspaper article and mark every sentence, phrase, or fact you sense may have originated with a publicist. Then check the next page to see if you hit them all.
City Council to Rule on Oak Tree Preserve Near Hillside Park
(City Hall): City Council President Ron Preston an nounced yesterday that the Council will meet next week to determine the future of a centuries-old grove of oak trees outside Hillside Park where developers seek to build a shopping mall. It is also the location of the annual Spring Bazaar, which brings crafts merchants from across the country to the area.
“I’ve always sought a balance between protecting the environment and the need to create jobs,” said Preston. “In this case, the Council has to make a tough call.”
Dora Hutchins, director of Save the Oaks, urged the City Council to rule in favor of the trees. “The area around Hillside has been ravaged by developers for decades now. It’s time for the city to take a stand and just say no to developers.”
Equally vocal has been Jack Larsen, president of the Halo Corporation, which last year acquired leases to the disputed property.
“Our environmental impact study showed Halo’s proposal will not adversely affect the area,” said Larsen.
“The Oakdale Galleria will revitalize the economy, creating 700 jobs while preserving the natural beauty of Hillside.”
Councilwoman Jane Rogers, an outspoken slow-growth advocate, refuted Larsen’s claims. Said Rogers, “He knows perfectly well his development will increase traffic, crime, and pollution in Hillside by 65 percent, as well as destroy forever one of the park’s crown jewels, the ancient stand of oaks.”
The matter was further complicated this week when several
bulldozers arrived at the site to remove the trees. A dozen protesters from Save the Oaks handcuffed themselves to the machinery, and were arrested only after hours of tedious sawing of the handcuffs.
Said Hutchins, “We felt we had a right to commit civil disobedience.”
Al Rojas of the Spring Bazaar issued his own comment on the controversy. “We hope to stage the Bazaar next May at Hillside, but if not, we will find a new location.”
Said Buck Nelson, 14, a regular hiker at Hill side, “I like the trees, but a mall would be radical too. Either way, it’s okay with me.”
The matter will be resolved once and for all at next week’s Council meeting, which is expected to be extremely contentious.
Now let’s look at the story more closely. Both politicians have their own press secretaries, who keep their bosses’ competing career interests uppermost on their agendas. Both the developer and the environmentalist employ publicists to issue press releases, gather statistics, solicit stories from the media, and cook up ideas like handcuffing protesters to bulldozers. Even the Spring Bazaar sought to keep itself in the public eye with a spokesman of its own. The only entity in the story who wasn’t looking for publicity was the fourteen-year-old kid, and maybe he ought to consider it.
Now scan a few real articles and see what you come up with. Try it again with your local TV news. You’ll see the same forces at work. There’s a lot of time and/or space to fill; something or someone’s got to fill it. It might as well be you!
Tips & Traps
The media assume the public is easily bored. By the time of the last Apollo lunar mission, the astronauts had to play a game of moon-golf to keep earthbound TV audiences tuned in. The media’s primary goal is to elicit attention. Clue into that.
In Guerrilla P.R., strategies are built on expediency and efficacy. Making an immediate impact is paramount. Remember: there are two speeds in modern P.R.—fast, and dead.
Keep up with the news. Following current events is the responsibility of every aware citizen. Additionally, in Guerrilla P.R. you need to keep pace with the shifting winds of culture. Knowing what’s hip, happening, and trendy gives you more credibility when you design your campaign. Sounding like last week’s news is the best way to make no impact whatsoever.
Money does not talk when it comes to P.R. What matters is the idea and the presentation, neither of which need cost much.
A Guerrilla publicist is not intimidated by media. You must apply a certain amount of pressure on the media, or you will not be heard.
You don’t have to be great. It’s sad but true: we live a mediocre world, where good is great, and competent is terrific. Be a little better than good, and the world will open its arms to you!
Taking Inventory
In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different.
—Coco Chanel
I’m surprised how often people believe themselves to be unimportant. Perhaps it’s a consequence of our mass society that individuals downplay their own ability to affect the world. To those who wonder whether they make a difference, here’s a helpful parable: According to an M.I.T. meteorologist, mathematical models suggest that the beating of a butterfly’s wings in Brazil could eventually exert enough influence on natural forces to cause a tornado in Texas. You may think of yourself as a tiny butterfly, but remember, you matter.
What you do has profound repercussions on those around you. This holds true in every area of life, personal and professional. To succeed at Guerrilla P.R., you must retain a healthy and positive sense of self-importance. Whether what you do is “important” or not, you will never convince others it is unless you yourself believe it. If you own a balloon store, you’d better believe you not only sell the best balloons in town, but that without them, life as we know it would cease.
I once heard a story about a mattress manufacturer who sought help from a respected P.R. man. At their first meeting, the publicist asked, “What do you sell?” The bedmaker replied, “Why, I sell mattresses, of course.” Shaking his head, the other retorted, “No, you don’t. You sell sweet dreams and good sex.”
It’s all about accentuating the positive, showing people the benefit to them of what you’re offering. You don’t sell beds; you sell sweet dreams and good sex. Everybody wants those things. You don’t sell life insurance—nobody wants that. You sell security for one’s family. You don’t sell a new car; you sell the freedom to roam the highways and explore the nation.
The Guerrilla publicist always sees his mission in a wider context.
There’s a popular bumper sticker that reads “Think globally, act locally.” That’s the attitude behind Guerrilla P.R.
I’ve made my position clear on the concept of perception as reality, but that does not excuse you from delivering substance. Ultimately, face value has no value unless it’s backed by something real. The first step toward image expansion, toward real depth, begins with self-inventory. You must assess your strengths and weaknesses, your skills, and, most important, your uniqueness.
Uniqueness. Singularity. Distinction. These words must form your Guerrilla P.R. mantra. Nothing I ask of you will be as challenging as defining yourself and your product in wholly exclusive—and beneficial—terms. What’s special about your upcoming church carnival? What’s different about your nightclub act? Why should I buy your doughnuts and not the guy’s down the street? What are you offering that people want? To put it bluntly, who the hell do you think you are?
This is not meant to antagonize. Self-examination should invigorate. But let’s go about it in an orderly fashion. Start by answering the following questions (I use the word “product” generically to include every possible project one might seek to publicize). Write down your answers, and then compare them with my subsequent analysis.
A G.P.R. Top-Ten Self-Inventory Questionnaire
1. What attributes of your product are distinct from those of your competitors? In other words, what do you have that people want?
2. Why should potential customers choose your product?
3. Precisely who constitutes your targeted market?
4. What makes you personally qualified to launch this product?
5. List five reasons why your product cannot fail.
6. List five reasons why, despite your best efforts, your product probably will fail. (See it from the other guy’s viewpoint.)
7. What three traits do other people find most attractive about your personality?
8. What three personality flaws most often hamper your success with others?
9. Complete the following sentence: “I am at my best when I ___________.”
10. On a 1–10 scale, rate your abilities on the phone, on paper, and face-to-face (1 equals “Complete Dweeb,” 5 equals “Not So Bad,” and 10 equals “I Should Have My Own Talk Show”).
Self-Inventory Analysis
Question #1: As is commonly believed, the media are indeed hungry for stories—but not just any stories. To be newsworthy, a subject must have some distinctive quality. Journalists sniff out what’s different, not what’s the same. Your aim is to dovetail with that thinking.
Ask yourself what separates your product from others. Is there something special about you or about the people who work with you? Anything unusual about your background? Does your product offer features not seen before? Do you provide novel services to your customers? Direct your energies toward originality and creativity.
Those strains of uniqueness ultimately become the melody of your Guerrilla P.R. campaign.
Question #2: This may sound like a marketing question, but it bears directly on your P.R. efforts. You need to crawl into the collective mind of the people you target and see things as they do. If you own a gardening service, what would your customers appreciate? How about a free health checkup on the backyard trees? Now you have something creative and desirable for customers that separates you from other gardeners. Potential customers would choose you because you offer more than just a manicured lawn. And
that’s something you can publicize.
Question #3: If you know whom you want to reach, it’s easy to select your media targets. But first you must decide whom you’re going after. If you’ve just opened an All-You-Can-Eat Wine & Tapas restaurant, then your customers likely will be young, affluent, and educated. From there, it’s a matter of cross-referencing the media outlets that appeal to such demographics.
Question #4: Why YOU? This is important because the media will ask you the same thing. As a Guerrilla you are your product, and if you look bad, so does your product. There’s no hiding behind a corporate apron. Qualifications go hand in hand with an attractive media-ready personality. If that doesn’t sound like you, don’t worry. We’ll fix it later. There’s nothing about you that isn’t fixable with Guerrilla P.R. (See how I’m pointing out a benefit to you through using my system?)
Question #5: I ask this because you need to get psyched up. If you present an original idea to the media, they will look for a hundred ways to shoot you down. It’s vital you have a pre-planned strategy to quell their native skepticism. Determine here, in realistic but positive terms, why yours is the product to beat.
Question #6: This question isn’t meant to depress you. It’s just a means of anticipating the slings and arrows of outrageous media. I assume you’ve already pondered the potential pitfalls you face in launching your product. Return to that subject and explore the likelihood of failure. By doing so you’ll be thinking just like an inquiring journalist. Turn the tables by formulating counter-arguments. You’ll be like Perry Mason: you can’t lose!
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