by Kelly Oram
“She’s not the same person she was before the dance,” Mike whispered. “She’s different.”
I shrugged. “Going through something like that changes a person.”
Mike nodded and got his tears to stop. His eyes flashed up to me and the ghost of a smile crossed his face. “I used to blame that on you. She dumped all her friends and started hanging out with you. She got so cold and prickly, just like her new BFF the Ice Queen.”
“That’s ironic, considering she was cold and prickly because of you, and I was that way because of a guy just like you.”
Mike flinched in surprise.
“That’s why I figured out what had happened between you guys. It’s why Becky and I were able to become such good friends. We had something in common.”
Mike stared at me for a long time, processing this new information and applying the knowledge to what he knew of me over the last year. Things looked like they’d suddenly become a lot clearer for him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
I was touched by the sympathy.
“It’s why I started drinking so much, you know? The guilt.”
He seemed almost to be talking to himself at this point. It was as if he suddenly needed to get it all off his chest and for some insane reason decided I was the one who needed to hear his confessional.
“I’ve screwed my whole life up over this. Got drunk. Blew out my knee. Lost my scholarship. Miller’s the only friend I have left, and even he’s left me behind. And now this…” He waved his good arm over his lap as if to indicate his current physical condition. “I really screwed up.”
He looked back up at me suddenly, his face full of desperation. “I am so sorry. You have to believe me. I know Becky won’t ever forgive me—I don’t expect her to—but you have to tell her that I’m sorry. Please.”
“You should probably tell her that yourself, don’t you think?”
Mike shook his head. “She’ll never give me the chance. I don’t blame her for hating me. I know an apology can’t fix anything, but she still deserves to know that I’m sorry. I think she’d like to know that I can finally admit what I did and would give anything to somehow go back and do things differently.”
Mike paused a moment, and then in a small voice asked, “Would you tell her that for me, please? Tell her…” He took another breath and his voice got even smaller, but he was determined to say what he was thinking. “Tell her if she needs to press charges in order to get better, I won’t fight her. I’ll admit what happened.”
Irritation hit me for the first time since we got on this topic. “You can’t do that, Mike. You can’t put that on her.”
Mike frowned at me, confused. “What do you mean?”
“You’re the one that screwed up. She shouldn’t have to be the bad guy for pressing charges against you. She already feels guilty about your accident. She shouldn’t have to feel guilty for trying to send you to jail, too. If you really want to show her that you’re sorry, then take responsibility for your actions and turn yourself in.”
Mike sat quietly for another minute, unable to meet my gaze again. Eventually he took a deep breath and asked, “Do you think it would really help her?”
“I think it doesn’t matter. It’s the right thing to do. But yes, I do think it would help her. I think it would help you, too.”
“I’d go to jail,” Mike whispered after another long silence.
“Maybe. Maybe not. You might get a judge to be lenient on you if you turned yourself in, considering you were both drunk at the time and you don’t even really remember what happened. It works in your favor that Becky never came forward, either.”
Mike looked up at me, surprised.
“I’ve done a lot of research on this,” I admitted, offering him a sheepish smile. “I wanted to send you away for life after it happened. I tried to get Becky to go to the police, but she refused.”
A ghost of a smile crossed Mike’s face. “Gee, thanks, Baker.”
I shrugged without a shred of shame. “Becky’s my friend, and no one has ever hurt her worse than you.”
Mike flinched, but nodded his head and sighed. “You’re right. It’s just…it’s jail.”
“You’re a big guy. I think you’d do all right for yourself.”
Mike almost smiled again. “Still,” he said, “prison is scary.”
“So is being raped.”
Mike flinched again, and this time his face paled.
I knew I was being harsh. I admired the guy for coming clean about what he did, but I wasn’t about to go easy on him, either. I’m only so forgiving.
“Are you always this blunt with everyone?” Mike asked.
I cracked a smile. “It helps that I don’t really like you much, but yes. I suppose the Ice Queen title was justified.”
Mike watched me for a minute with a look I couldn’t decipher. “You know, I can see why Miller likes you so much. You’re not so bad, Baker.”
I actually laughed. “I’m trying to talk you into going to jail right now.”
“You’re trying to help a friend.”
Again, Mike’s depth surprised me. I never realized he had any to him. He sighed and rubbed his face as if he were exhausted. “I guess it’s time I try to help her, too.”
I was shocked. Mike Driscoll, douchebag of the century, was basically offering to go to jail to help Becky recover. I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but seeing this side of him, seeing him so torn up and taking responsibility for his actions, softened me to him for the first time since I’d known him. I still didn’t really like him, but he’d just earned both my respect and my forgiveness.
“Good for you, Mike.”
Mike sighed again and said, “I wish it felt good.”
I actually felt sorry for him. Yeah, he was doing the right thing, but it definitely wasn’t going to be easy. “If you want, I’ll stay with you while you talk to the police.”
I’d blurted it out of nowhere, and I’d shocked us both.
Mike hesitated and then slowly asked, “Why would you do that for me?”
I can’t believe it, but I felt a blush creep into my cheeks. I tried to play it off as if it were nothing, but I knew I wasn’t fooling anyone. Finally, I sighed and told him the truth. “Because Ryan cares about you, and because you’re making the right choice. And because I know what it feels like to need a friend.”
For a minute I thought Mike was going to turn down my offer and tell me to get lost, but instead he just said, “Thanks, Jamie.”
I shrugged and things got awkward between us again. After a few unbearable minutes Mike broke the silence again. “Hey, do you think you could not say anything to Miller for me? I think he needs to hear it from me.”
“I think that would be a good idea. What about Becky?”
Mike looked up at me with a bit of a helpless expression. “I’ll try to talk to her if you think I should, but I think it would be easier for her to hear the news from you.”
He had a point. This was not going to be easy for Becky. I nodded. “I’ll talk to her.”
“Thanks.”
Since we were being all caring and sharing right now and clearing the air, I decided it was my turn to apologize. “I owe you an apology, too, Mike. I should have pulled you out of the road that day. I’m sorry I didn’t.”
Mike was a little floored by my confession, but after a moment he shook his head. “I told you I understand why you didn’t.”
“No, you don’t. Not helping you had nothing to do with Becky. I didn’t do it because I was scared. There were so many people watching us because we’d been fighting. I would have exposed myself. I thought about everything Mr. E. did last year and I just couldn’t do it. It was selfish of me and cowardly, and I’m sorry.”
Mike completely missed my apology. “What do you mean?” he asked. “What did Mr. E. have to do with your powers?”
“Mr. E. wasn’t the perverted English teacher everyone thinks he was. He wasn’t eve
n an English teacher. He was a freaky genius scientist who learned about my powers and wanted to kidnap me so that he could study me. He used Ryan as collateral so that I wouldn’t kill him when he confronted me.”
Mike’s eyes nearly popped from his head. “Will you tell me?”
I frowned. “About Mr. E. hooking Ryan up to a car battery?”
“About all of it. Dude. You have superpowers.”
That made me smirk. “It’s a long story.”
The tips of Mike’s ears flamed red, but he managed to sound dignified when he said, “Honestly, I could use the company. With everyone off at college it’s kind of out of sight, out of mind, you know?”
For the first time in my life, I gave Mike an honest-to-goodness smile. “Are you hungry? You want to see how a superhero does takeout?”
I could not believe that I spent the rest of the day with Mike freaking Driscoll. I brought him a pie from my favorite pizza place in the whole country—a tiny place not too far from where I grew up in Illinois—and he’d been just as amazed as Ryan had the first time I’d brought him one.
After that, we called the police together. It didn’t take them long to get his statement, and they told him that they’d have to open an official investigation before any formal charges were filed against him. They said it would take some time before he heard anything, but the change in him was immediate. I could tell that he was just glad to finally have it all off his chest. I knew the feeling. I sort of felt the same way with him knowing my secret, and didn’t hesitate to unload the story on him.
I told him all about my accident and how I got my powers. I told him how I could never control it and how Ryan had forced me to practice just so that he could kiss me again. Mike especially loved the part where I told him I’d accidentally zapped Ryan unconscious once. Mike—typical boy that he was—wanted to know what it felt like and asked me to zap him, too. I said no because he was still recovering from a near fatal accident, but promised him that I was sure he’d piss me off someday and then he’d get a good dose of “Jamie Juice,” as he called it.
Somehow, by the time I left that evening, we’d managed to dissolve the hate between us. I wouldn’t say we’d become friends, but we had definitely reached a certain level of camaraderie. I was still puzzling over this unexpected turn of events later that night as I sat on my bed researching Visticorp. Or I was trying to, anyway, but Becky was sitting on her bed just a couple feet away. With the promise I’d talk to her for Mike looming over me, I couldn’t really concentrate on much else.
I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t notice Becky abandon her math book until she was leaning over my shoulder, squinting at my laptop screen. “Stem cell research? Limb regeneration? Human cloning?” she read, laughing. “Jamie, what on earth are you studying?”
I jumped sky high, sending my laptop crashing to the floor.
“Oh! Sorry!” Becky scrambled for my computer and carefully inspected it for any damage. “Still in one piece.”
As I took the computer back, Becky sat down next to me with a heavy sigh. “Okay, spill. Now.”
“What?” I asked, startled.
“Something is totally going on with you lately. We started to talk about it once and I’ve been waiting for you to bring it up again, only you haven’t. Instead, it’s like you’re pulling away from me.” Her face looked so sad. “What is it you aren’t telling me?”
Everything, I thought.
“Jamie.”
I looked into her concerned face and choked back a sob. Becky was my best friend and I’d been keeping so much from her that I felt as if she didn’t even know me anymore. She was my one thing that was completely normal. Lately, “normal” had flown so far out the window I wasn’t sure I knew the meaning of the word.
Becky saw my tears and threw her arms around me in a protective hug. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
“I don’t even know where to start,” I sobbed.
“Hey,” she said, startled by the intensity of my sudden breakdown. “Jamie, it’s okay. Is it Ryan? Is something going on between you guys? I noticed the tension between him and Teddy the other night. Is Teddy causing problems?”
“A little,” I admitted. “But it’s not just that.” I looked up at her through tear-blurred eyes. “I’m the worst best friend ever. I’ve been keeping so much from you. You’re going to hate me when you hear what I’ve been hiding from you.”
“Impossible.”
“No, really. You will.”
“Why don’t you tell me and let me be the judge?”
Becky gave me the most encouraging, loving smile, but she didn’t know what I was keeping from her.
We were both startled by a loud knock. “Jamie!”
I was surprised to hear Ryan’s voice. It was almost eleven, and Ryan was never up that late anymore on a weeknight. I would have been panicked, but his voice sounded oddly giddy. “Hey, babe! You’re not answering your phone! Are you there?”
Becky took in my tear-stained face and sighed. “I’d tell him to go away, but I think you need him right now. Come on in, Ryan!”
“You would not believe who just called me and told me that I had the coolest girlfriend ever!” Ryan said as he entered the room. “Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been visiting Mike in the hospital? I can’t believe you two have finally become friends! This is so awesome!” He plopped down behind me on my bed and went to kiss me, but stopped when he noticed my face. “What’s wrong?”
I couldn’t answer him. I was too busy watching my best friend’s heart break. “Beck.”
“That’s what you’ve been keeping from me?”
“I can explain.”
“Don’t.” Her voice was a faint whisper. “I don’t want to hear it.”
“You guys, what is going on?” Ryan asked. Neither Becky nor I even spared him a glance.
“He’s sorry, Becky. Really sorry.”
Becky gasped as she came to a realization that I couldn’t hide from her. “You’ve forgiven him! How could you forgive him?”
Her face paled, and I couldn’t pinpoint the expression on it. Hurt. Anger. Betrayal. Disgust. Hate. Devastation. All of the above…Whatever it was, it was something beyond awful. I started bawling all over again.
“He’s completely broken over it, Beck. It’s ruined his life as much as yours—more, even.”
“It’s ruined his life more than mine? Are you kidding me!” Becky finally decided to focus on a single emotion: anger. I knew she’d hate me for this.
“He’s lost everything. His friends, college, football. He’s not going to walk ever again. He’s a mess. He doesn’t even want your forgiveness. He just wants you to know he’s sorry. He turned himself in to the police for you today.”
Apparently this news was too much for her to process. Her eyes filled with tears. She couldn’t seem to find any words, so she just shook her head at me and then ran from the room.
Ryan looked panicked and when he started to go after her, I stopped him. “Don’t. I’m sure she needs to be alone for a while.”
Ryan stared at the door for a few seconds and then turned back to me with a bewildered expression. “Jamie, what is going on? What was she talking about?”
“Mike didn’t tell you what was going on when he called?” I asked carefully.
Ryan frowned. “He said he had something important to tell me and asked if I’d come see him tomorrow. Why? What happened? Please tell me what’s going on.”
Why me?
I’d promised Mike I’d let him explain. I’d also promised Becky I’d never tell anyone her secret, but I couldn’t keep it from Ryan any longer. Besides, Becky already hated me now, so what did it matter? Mike was about to tell him anyway, and if he knew the truth Becky would have him to lean on now that she was never going to speak to me again.
“Jamie?”
Screw it. “Mike didn’t dump Becky after homecoming last year. He raped her.”
“He what?”
I nodded. “I’ve known since before Becky and I became friends. I overheard a conversation between the two of them at school after it happened. I swore to her I’d never tell anyone.”
Ryan’s entire body sagged beneath the weight of my statement. “He…” His voice trailed off as if he couldn’t bear the idea of it enough to even think the words.
I watched a range of emotions wash over him and grabbed his hand when he finally settled into a murderous rage. “Ryan, don’t. Don’t get mad at Mike now. It will only make things worse. They’re both destroyed because of what happened and they both need you.”
“But he—”
“He made a mistake,” I said quickly. “And believe me, he’s paid for it. You’re the only friend he has left and he needs you. At least promise me you’ll talk to him before you write him off.”
I think that if it had been anyone but me pleading Mike’s case, Ryan wouldn’t have listened. I think he would have marched right over to that rehab center and finished the job that that SUV had started.
“Have you really forgiven him?” he asked in a small voice.
“I have. You really need to talk to him, Ryan.”
Ryan sat quietly for a few more minutes, clinging loosely to my hand while he tried to process everything he’d just learned about his two best friends. Eventually he looked up and met my eyes. “I never understood why you hated him so much.” I shrugged, not sure what he expected me to say. “What made you change your mind? Why’d you finally hear him out?”
I suppressed a sigh. I thought I’d have more time to prepare before I had to come clean about Mike. “He didn’t give me much of a choice. He knows I’m Chelsea’s Angel.”
“What? How?”
“I sort of told him, but I thought he was in a coma at the time. I was just venting and the cat was out of the bag before he let me know he wasn’t unconscious.”
“Mike…knows…about you…” Ryan’s voice trailed off after every word as if each one were causing his brain to short circuit.
“You know, I think it’ll be okay. When he found out he was mostly concerned that I was lying to you. There’s a little more to him than I’d thought. Maybe…”—I cringed, not believing what I was about to admit to—“Maybe he’s not so bad.” When Ryan’s jaw dropped in shock, I blushed and turned my attention back to my computer. “He’s loyal to you, anyway. I’m sure he’s not going to say anything. Just go talk to him tomorrow before you freak out. You’ll see.”