She rallied her anger, using it to keep herself together as she clung to her last scraps of self-preservation. If she started crying now, she was pretty sure she’d never stop. She couldn’t believe how quickly a perfect moment could go so terribly wrong. And the heartbreaking thing was, she’d almost believed Cole could get her through this. For the first time she could remember, she’d finally felt safe . . . cherished. And God forbid . . . loved.
And then just like that, in the blink of an eye, it’d all been ripped away. Cole would never want her like this, damaged and scarred with the name of another man carved into her flesh. Every time Cole crawled between her legs, the scars would haunt him just as they haunted her. How could she ever expect him to get past this? She couldn’t, she didn’t. It was over . . . Her one chance at happiness—ruined.
Cole didn’t say anything as he stared down at her with that inscrutable glower, all emotions locked down tight. The only hint at his anger was the muscle twitching in his tightly clenched jaw. The stubbled skin on the left side of his jaw was a little red, the only sign he’d weathered the storm of her wrath.
“That’s not what I want, Katie. This isn’t a competition. You’re not my opponent, dammit.”
Then what was she to him? She wasn’t his girlfriend, and after tonight she certainly wouldn’t be his lover.
“If it isn’t a game, Cole, then why do I feel like we’ve both lost?”
He winced, a fracture in his steely resolve, a show of pain he hadn’t even yielded when she’d decked him.
“I saw the look on your face when you saw my scars, Cole. Don’t lie to yourself, or to me, by trying to pretend this is something you can get past.”
“You’re not being fair by assuming I can’t. And to tell you the truth, it pisses me off that you won’t even give me the chance. How in the hell was I supposed to react? I’m furious that bastard’s done this to you, and knowing he’s gotten away with it just makes it all the worse. I could kill that piece of shit for what he’s put you through.”
“That’s just it, Cole. Don’t you get it? I don’t want my past becoming your future. I can’t stand the idea of you thinking of that monster every time you look at me—” Her voice broke off and she swallowed back the well of tears rising up her throat.
“What were you planning to do, Katie? Just never tell me he’d done this to you? Did you intend to hide yourself from me forever?”
Her silence was just as good as a response.
Cole swore a vile curse, dragging a hand through his hair, his other still trapping both her wrists. “You were, weren’t you?” he accused. “Dammit, Katie, why do I always feel like I’m flying blind with you? Maybe if you’d talked to me, I’d have been better prepared—”
“What was I supposed to say, Cole? My fucking psycho ex found out I was leaving him and he beat the shit out of me? For crissake, he held me down and carved his name in my legs with a hunting knife! That’s not exactly the kind of thing you tell the guy you’re falling for.” Cole winced. But she wasn’t done yet. Not by a long shot. “When he finished cutting me, he raped me—over and over again. There was so much blood . . . I thought I was going to die. I prayed I would so I could finally escape his torture. That was the last time a man has ever touched me and I swore to God it would be the last time one ever would. But then I met you . . .”
The horror of that night tumbled from her lips and with it an unexpected burden lifted. No one knew the suffering she’d endured, not even Uncle Marcus. She felt a sadistic stab of See, I told you so when she saw the shock in Cole’s eyes as her nightmares became his reality. The damage was done. She’d already lost him, so she might as well tell him the truth—the whole truth. “I didn’t want to be attracted to you, and I’ve been fighting it since the moment I met you. But then the more time I spent with you, the more I could see you were nothing like him. I found myself wanting to be near you, and then I’d become afraid when you’d get too close. I guess for a moment I thought—I’d hoped—I could have a shot at being normal again.” A tear slipped from the corner of her eye and she turned her head to wipe it away with her shoulder. “But I know now that’s not ever going to happen. I’m sorry, Cole. I should have told you. You’re right, it wasn’t fair to you. Now, please . . . will you just let me go?”
Something had cracked in his steely expression. She wasn’t sure exactly what it was, or when it had happened, because she hadn’t been able to face him any longer. But God help her if that was pity in his cerulean eyes. She’d endured enough humiliation for one night. Katie bumped her hip against his, nudging him to let her up. They’d both said all there was to say, and she just wanted to go to her room and have a good, long cry. When he didn’t move, she pinned him with an I’m serious, let me up right now glare. What she wasn’t expecting was for him to actually respond.
“You have a fighter’s heart, Katie. You’re stronger than you realize, and I admire your spirit. It’s what draws me to you. Well, that and you’re smokin’ hot.”
A choking laugh caught in her throat. It sounded about as pathetic as she felt.
“Your right hook has some promise, too. I think we could work on that. Give me a little time, and I think I could turn you into one hell of fighter.”
Was he for serious? Cole let go of her wrists and shifted his hold, slipping his hands beneath her shoulder blades and untangling their legs to slide between hers, leaving her torso the only part of her still pinned against him. Bracing his weight on his elbows, he stared down at her, raw emotion etched on his gorgeous face.
“I don’t want to let you go, Kat. And if you’re honest with yourself, I don’t think you want me to, either.”
He shifted again, bringing his erection into contact with her parted thighs. There was no pressure, no prodding, just the delicious heat of him resting against her opening. The temptation to part her legs wider and grant him access to her aching core was nearly too much to resist. The proof that he still wanted her was undeniable, and just as surprising as her own resurgence of longing. Already, she could feel herself growing wet for him, the coil of desire tightening around her womb. Despite her misgivings and flat-out fear at the size of him, her body still craved Cole’s touch. But how could he still want her after seeing her shame and knowing her secrets? How could he still be looking at her with such hunger and raw, honest yearning?
A part of her was afraid to trust it. As much as she wanted this to be about physical healing, and as much as she’d convinced herself she didn’t need more from him, deep down she knew it was a lie. If she gave herself to Cole, she’d be giving him her heart and soul. And she was scared to death that when this was all over, he was going to go back home—back to Vegas—and he’d take her broken heart with him.
His granite flesh bucked against her slippery folds, asking for permission, begging for entrance as he held himself statue-still above her. “I want you, baby. But if you say no, I’ll understand. If I’d only known, I wouldn’t have pushed you so hard. I feel like a selfish bastard for wanting you still. If I let you go without telling you, I’m afraid you’d get the wrong idea. I want nothing more than to make you mine. But this is your decision—no pressure.”
He didn’t have to give her any pressure. The pressure building inside her was already nearly unbearable. Everything that made her a woman, every nerve ending, every desire, every instinct, all clamored for Cole’s touch. She wanted him to fill the emptiness inside her—she needed to experience what it meant to be a woman again.
“I want you to make love to me, Cole.” Would he know what she was asking? Did he realize this was about more than just sex to her and was he capable of giving her more than that? He’d told her before he’d never been in love. Perhaps he just wasn’t equipped for such emotion. Sadly, some men weren’t, and she was taking a big gamble on him now.
He dipped his head to kiss her, but she turned her head to the side and stopped him by planting her palm on his chest. “Do you think you could . . . umm . . . turn
off the lights first?”
His brows tightened to a disappointed scowl and he shook his head, refusing her request. “Not a chance, Kat. I don’t want you hidden from me. You are so gorgeous . . . this body is every man’s wet dream. Trust me, you have nothing to be ashamed of.” He pulled her hand away from his chest and bent down to kiss the tip of her nose—her cheek—her jaw—her neck . . . “Besides,” he whispered next to her ear, “I want to see your beautiful face when you come apart for me.”
She gasped at his bold, erotic words, and he chuckled—a wicked, seductive chortle that warmed all her achy places. She’d never thought dirty talk could be so . . . hot. Then again, Katie had the feeling Cole was going to show her a lot of things she’d never known before.
“I’m going to try to go slow, but I want you so damn bad. If I move too fast or you start to get scared, you have to tell me, okay?”
She nodded.
“Promise?”
She nodded again.
He nipped the sensitive spot on the side of her neck and then licked away the sting, sucking and kissing a trail down her throat. “I can’t hear you,” he teased, slipping his hand from beneath her back and cupping the side of her ribs. He swept his thumb against the underswell of her breast and then over the sensitive tip—back and forth he played, waiting for her to answer.
“Yes . . .” she whispered. “I promise.”
“All right then.” He inched down and slowly dragged his tongue over the tip of her breast and then lifted his head to meet her gaze, his eyes a mesmerizing brilliant blue. “I’m not going to handle you with kid gloves, Kat. That’s not my style and I don’t think it’d be doing either of us any favors. I can’t get you past this if we’re dancing around it, you know?”
She nodded. His brow arched in question. “Y-yes.” She hardly recognized her own voice. It sounded so husky, so breathless, so . . . needy.
“Good. Then just sit back and enjoy the ride, sweetheart.”
Was it possible to come without actually being touched down there? Katie was sure she was about to find out. Her breaths sawed from her lungs, her kiss-swollen lips parted, and she panted as she writhed beneath Cole’s wicked mouth and skillful hands. Every nerve ending was on fire. Her nipples burned from his attention—overly sensitive and throbbing to the slightest touch, and at the same time aching for more.
Cole hadn’t shaved tonight and he put the stubble to good use, abrading her flesh and heightening her pleasure in the most erotic and creative ways. All the while he’d yet to touch her where she ached to feel him most. His hands had been everywhere else. And his mouth . . . oh mercy, she’d known he was an excellent kisser, but that tongue of his was a multitalented tool, whispering the most erotic promises she’d ever heard.
Katie wiggled up the bed, trying to inch Cole’s mouth closer to her clit. He chuckled sadistically and grasped her hips, dragging her right back down the mattress to where he wanted her. A startled gasp broke from her throat as his tongue dipped into her navel. His hands returned to her thighs, teasing, stroking, sweeping ever so close, but not close enough to give her the relief she was ready to start begging for.
At first, when he’d touched her thighs—her scars—she’d tensed, a moment of alarm clouding her thoughts. Anxiety swelled in her chest and she’d almost protested, telling him to stop. But then she’d recognized the intention of his touch, and trapped her bottom lip between her teeth in order to keep silent.
Little by little, Cole was imprinting her with his touch, desensitizing her while training her body to recognize and respond to him—and only him. It was working. In this moment, nothing else mattered, not her past, not her hurts, not her fears or insecurities—nothing—only the feel of his strong, calloused hands, the softness of his lips, and the warm wetness of his tongue as he took masterful command of her body. A body that was so tuned in to his, the only thing she could think of was finding that elusive release she longed for.
“Please, Cole, I can’t stand it anymore. Touch me,” she begged. “Let me come.”
He lifted his head and the smile he gave her was so triumphant, so primal, Katie nearly found that release right then and there.
Dipping his head, he placed a chaste kiss on her mons and said, “Sweetheart, all you had to do was ask.”
Her gasp of mock outrage turned to a moan of pure bliss when he slipped his hands beneath her bottom and lifted her just enough to tip her hips. His thumbs slid along the juncture of her thighs, parting the folds of her flesh to receive his kiss. Upon contact, a jolt of pleasure shot into her core so hard, she instinctively recoiled, pulling back. But Cole had a firm hold on her bottom, and his grip tightened possessively, strong fingers curling into her soft flesh, preventing her from going anywhere but to the moon.
She knew the moment Cole was done toying with her, and his sole purpose became her ultimate pleasure. Each caress of his tongue was so masterfully played, Katie found herself fighting against the rising waves she’d been desperate to dive into only moments ago. She didn’t want it to end, and yet she was helpless to stop it. The pressure coiling inside her was too great, building higher and higher until . . .
Katie shattered with a hoarse cry of release, her back arched off the bed, hands fisting into the sheets, grasping to hang on. Cole skillfully pulled every last tremor from her quaking body, leaving her wrung out, her body exhausted from the delicious torture. He took his time kissing his way up her body, and by the time he reached her lips, she was writhing beneath him again, desperate to be filled by him.
“Holy hell, Kat, you’re so hot,” he growled against her mouth. “Your body’s so responsive, so needy. You’re going to make me come before I even have a chance to get inside you.”
“Then what are you waiting for?” she pleaded, clasping the sides of his face and boldly returning his kiss. She shivered with erotic pleasure at the intimacy of tasting herself on his tongue. Inhaling his moan of flagging restraint, she refused to let her mind think. Instead, she focused on feeling—the weight of Cole’s hard body grounding her, the feel of his hand slipping between her thighs, his finger sweeping between her wet folds and then entering her . . .
Katie gasped at the sudden invasion, the first niggling of doubt seeding into her mind. Cole stilled. He lifted his head, staring down at her, concern infiltrating the lust-filled haze in his startling blue eyes.
“You all right?”
She nodded. He didn’t look convinced. In fact, he looked a little . . . worried. “Are you?” she asked him.
“Uh-huh.”
“What is it? Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing,” he denied. “You’re just . . .”
Oh God, just what? What is wrong with me?
“You’re just . . . really tight. I can feel you’re scared and I don’t want to hurt you. Baby, you’re going to have to relax or this isn’t going to work.”
Easier said than done. But she wanted this—she wanted it with Cole. She hadn’t come this far only to have her fears rise up and conquer her now. “What do you want me to do?”
The smile he gave her was so tender, so . . . loving, her heart swelled with the emotion.
“Just let me touch you and try to relax.”
“Okay.” She took a deep breath and let out a long, shaky exhale.
Cole leaned down and kissed her, a sweet coaxing of his mouth against hers, courting her body to yield to him. His touch deepened—in and out, his thumb mercilessly teasing the bundle of nerves at the top of her sex. As he toyed with her, his kiss grew more ardent, more demanding, as he boldly claimed her mouth. The taste of her mixed with his fresh cinnamon-laced flavor, creating an erotic combination that sent her senses spinning. Her heart was pounding, the persistent sound banging in her ears . . .
Wait, pounding? Was that outside? “Cole,” Katie panted, struggling to climb through the haze of passion and clear her mind so she could focus. “Do you hear that? I think someone is pounding on the door.”
Cole ten
sed above her—listening. He must have heard it, too, because a moment later he muttered a nasty curse and rolled off her with startling speed. Snagging his gym shorts off the end of the bed, Katie glanced at the clock as he yanked them on. Her pulse quickened. “Cole, it’s after midnight. Who could that possibly be?”
Their gazes momentarily locked, neither of them voicing the thoughts running through their heads, though they must have reached the same conclusion, because Cole’s handsome face hardened into that merciless mask he donned in the cage—one of no fear and only pure, primal male aggression.
“Stay here.”
He shot the command over his shoulder as he left the room, adrenaline apparently substituting for his crutch. Outside, an engine revved and squealing tires echoed down the street. The snick of the deadbolt sounded before the front door was yanked open, followed by an abrupt slam and a snarled curse. Katie’s stomach dropped.
When Cole didn’t come back, the knot of dread fisting in her gut tightened. Digging through the covers, she found her pajama pants and tank top tangled in the blankets at the foot of his bed, and rushed to get them on. With each passing moment, mounting fear quickened her pulse until her heart rioted inside her chest. As Katie stepped into the living room, Cole was coming back inside. The door slammed shut behind him.
“Who was it?” Katie stopped by the couch, unsure if she should proceed or sit down. Her head felt light, her legs unsteady.
“I don’t know.” His tone was as tense as his stance, the hardening of his muscles turning his already cut body to stone.
“Did you see anyone?”
“No. The car was taking off before I got to the door. But I can damn well guess who it was.”
She gripped the arm of the couch and lowered herself to the cushion before her legs gave out. Her vision lost focus as she stared straight ahead. “Oh, God . . .” Please don’t let it be him. But Katie knew her prayers would go unanswered. Despite her efforts to be so careful, telling no one where she was staying, using her parents’ address for mail delivery, he’d still found her. “He’s been following me,” she voiced the realization out loud. That was how he knew what vehicle was hers. How long? How long had he been watching her? Had he been watching her tonight? The thought turned her stomach, and was followed by an even more alarming one.
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