by Alexia Adams
She pulled and then pushed the front door of the building rather than buzz up to the flat. Seven years and the council still hadn’t fixed the major flaw in the security. With each step she recited the name of a flower in Italian, trying to hold back the memories. The flat door was unlocked, and she closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she stepped across the threshold. She hadn’t been inside since the morning she’d left for school and never came home.
The flat was an absolute tip. Used dishes covered every level surface. Clothes were piled haphazardly, making it impossible to tell the dirty from the clean. She changed into jeans and a t-shirt and set about getting the place sorted. At least she wouldn’t have too much time to think if she were busy.
Her father looked up once or twice as she moved around the room, gathering the plates and endless cups of half-drunk tea. There wasn’t much in the fridge, but using her newly learned cooking skills, she managed to put together a decent meal.
“Thanks.” Her father looked surprised at the plate she handed to him. “Wow, this looks and smells really good.” He ate hungrily. “I’ve been living on hospital food and canned beans for the past week.”
They finished the meal in silence, and she went back to setting the flat in order. At six o’clock they made a brief visit to the hospital to relieve James while he went to get something to eat. Janice never woke up while they were there.
“They had to up her morphine to deal with the pain,” James informed them on his return. “The doctor said she would probably be unconscious most of the time now.”
“Call us if she wakes and wants to see us,” Sophia said as they left, giving James a hug. He looked so despondent, the way she’d felt for months after Ben had died.
She returned to the flat with her father and finished the cleaning. Her whole body ached from the effort to fight off the memories. But it didn’t compare with the pain of missing Luca. She tossed and turned for an hour before finally falling into a disturbed sleep in her old bed.
• • •
Sophia woke early the next morning, and after a quick breakfast of tea and toast made her way to the hospital. She’d left a note for her father telling him where she’d gone. He’d looked so tired the night before, she didn’t have the heart to wake him. Besides, she could use a little time on her own.
“James, why don’t you go home and get some proper rest? I’ll sit with her now.”
James looked up bleary eyed at her and nodded his assent. “She hasn’t woken up. Call if there’s any change. I’ll be back in a few hours.”
She sat beside her dying mother, holding her hand. It was hard to equate the frail woman in the bed with her memories. Although her mother had been a mere shadow in her life, she’d always been a vivacious, beautiful woman and that was how Sophia tried to remember her.
If it were Sophia lying in the bed, her last hours ebbing away, how would she want to be remembered? As a great interior designer, having made homes stylish across northern Italy? Or as a wonderful wife, a loving mother, the nucleus who held a family together? The answer was obvious.
It was almost noon before the rest of the family arrived, en masse. Her father appeared more rested and was freshly shaven. Sarah still looked on the verge of tears, but managed a watery smile for Sophia.
“Sorry it took me so long. I had to wait for my boyfriend to come and look after the children. He’s a policeman and was on night shift,” Sarah added, almost triumphantly.
“How did you meet a policeman?” James had told her that Sarah finally had a decent boyfriend, and she was interested to learn more about him.
“His name is Andrew, and he came to arrest my previous boyfriend, baby Rose’s father. Andrew was so sweet. He came back the next day to see if I was okay, and the day after that. When he had his first day off, he came and took the children to the park with me. He loves them and they love him. And before you ask, we’re not living together. He says I’ve had enough men treat me badly; he wants to show me what a gentleman is like.”
“He sounds wonderful. I look forward to meeting him,” Sophia said, genuinely pleased for her sister. In some ways, Sarah was the stronger one. Despite all the disappointments and heartbreaks, her sister had never lost faith in love. Maybe it was time Sophia trusted it, too.
Before she worked out how to get her business-first husband to love her, the hospital room door was thrust aside and two huge men strode into the room. It took a moment for Sophia to recognize the first one as her brother, Paul. His blonde hair was cut so short he looked bald, and his blue eyes were hard and filled with hate. He scanned the room as if looking for a fight. Catching sight of her, his face softened. When he smiled, she saw a hint of her brother as he’d been, before.
The other man checked out the room and its occupants, looking out the window and into the small attached toilet. He appeared satisfied that escape was impossible, so went to stand out in the hall in front of the door. The back of his jacket was emblazoned with the words HM Prison Service.
James leaned over his mother and spoke into her ear. “Mum, Paul is here to see you. Please wake up.”
After what seemed an eternity, Janice found the strength to open her eyes. “All my babies here, except poor Ben. Thank you. I love you all.” Her voice was a whisper but she managed to keep her eyes open while each of them kissed her and told her they loved her. Then they fluttered closed.
Sarah was crying softly and James looked on the point of tears. Sophia wanted to cry, but the sadness she felt was more for the loss of any future relationship with her mother. The woman in the bed was a stranger to her.
Her father sat on one side of the bed with Sarah and James on the other. She and Paul stood at the end, watching their mother’s breathing become more erratic. When one short, shallow breath wasn’t followed by any others, Paul took her hand and squeezed it lightly. Sarah began to cry in earnest, and James held her in his arms trying to comfort her. Her father still held her mother’s hand, whispering over and over that he loved her.
“I’ll let the nurses know,” Sophia said after a couple of minutes. “I also have a couple of calls to make so I’ll be back in ten minutes or so.” She so desperately needed to hear Luca’s voice, it was frightening.
“I’ll come with you,” Paul added, his soft tone at odds with his hard man persona. “I need a smoke.”
They stopped by the nurses’ station and then made their way outside. Paul’s guard followed behind them.
“I wanted to say sorry to you,” they both began at once.
“Sorry! What do you have to apologize for?” Paul asked, surprised. “I’m the one who ruined your life.”
“Oh, Paul, you didn’t ruin it. You just redirected it. I want to apologize for grassing on you and then never coming to visit you in prison. I’m sorry, I was a coward.” She looked up at him, wanting, needing his forgiveness.
Paul hugged her until the prison guard gruffly told him to move away. “Even without your testimony, I would still have been convicted. I left enough evidence behind … I guess maybe in a way I knew I deserved to be caught. I got in way over my head and was terrified. I didn’t know where to turn. I was trying to leave the gang when Rick told me the only way out was to be dead. I was just quicker than him with the knife. Otherwise I’d have been the one lying on the pavement. Then when I turned around and saw that kid watching, I panicked. I was proud of you; you had the courage to stand up for what was right. When I heard what had happened at school, I tried to escape so I could teach those girls a lesson, but I got caught and put in solitary.”
“I didn’t know. But I wouldn’t have wanted you to take revenge. It was horrific at the time, but it made me start a new life, and now I’m happy. I have a wonderful husband and a fabulous life in Italy.”
“You’re married? No one told me.”
“No one knows. James only found out when he called to tell me about Mum.” Her voice caught a bit. “I asked him not to say anything. I didn’t want to upset her in he
r last hours. I’ll tell Dad and Sarah tonight. Luca, my husband, will come over for the funeral. Do you think they’ll let you out to attend?”
“I think so, as long as I behave myself. Of course I’ll have my shadow with me.” He indicated over his shoulder at the guard behind.
Paul lit the cigarette the guard passed him and took deep drags while Sophia called Luca.
“He says he’ll be on the next flight out and come straight to the flat. I guess you have to go back soon?”
“Yeah, five minutes or so. The guard’s already called for the transport,” Paul said.
“No matter how bleak it gets inside, Paul, I want you to know that I never stopped loving you and I never stopped being glad you were my older brother. I hope that when you get out we can go back to that relationship. I don’t want to lose you, too.” Sophia wiped an errant tear from her cheek and plastered on a brave smile.
“I’m not sure your husband will want you hanging out with a convicted killer.”
“You’re my brother. Nothing else matters.”
The prison van drew up in front and the guard ushered Paul into the back. He waved at her with a wry smile before the doors slammed shut.
Her heart ached for her brother going back into incarceration. But she felt lighter than she had in weeks, knowing what she was going to do about her immediate future.
Chapter 16
Luca stepped out of the cab and stared up at the decrepit brown building in front of him—Sophia’s childhood home. Even if he hadn’t known her troubled past, he’d still have found her former residence depressing. It couldn’t have been easy for her to come back here, and now she’d lost her mother, he wanted to hold and comfort her. Tell her he loved her.
His mobile phone vibrated on his belt, but he ignored it. Chet had not been happy that he’d left everything to fly to London, saying that if he was going to put his personal life first, maybe he wasn’t the man to oversee the project. Luca could lose the job. But it was nothing in comparison to the possibility of losing Sophia. In her last phone call, when she’d told him of her mother’s passing, she’d sounded so distant, like she was closing all the walls around her, letting no one in.
As he strode toward the front door, a female voice called out, “Luca?”
Swiveling, he spied Olivia hurrying toward him. Although he was anxious to see Sophia as soon as possible, he couldn’t be rude to her best friend, so he waited for her to reach the door.
“I thought it was you, but I wasn’t sure from the back. Wow, you got here quick from Italy,” she greeted him.
“I got on the first flight after Sophia called.” His bag had already been packed and sitting beside his desk, waiting for her call. Waiting for her to summon him to her side where he should have been all along.
Olivia pulled a key out of her pocket and unlocked the outside door and led him toward the stairs. “You don’t mind if we walk up, do you? The lifts in these buildings are disgusting.”
“No, I have been sitting all day; a little exercise would be good.” If he were alone he’d take the stairs two at a time, but with Olivia beside him he restrained himself and kept to her pace.
“I know it’s not my place, but Sophia is my best friend … ”
Was she going to tell him that Sophia needed to live her own life, have her own dream? That to make her come live with him in the little cottage would destroy her bit by bit? Olivia could save her breath, because he’d already worked that out in the two sleepless nights he’d spent alone. He couldn’t watch her die a little more every day—withdraw from him until she was just a shell of herself. But neither could he live apart from her, only see her on weekends. It was the toughest decision he’d ever made, but he knew now what he was going to do. Sophia deserved to be the first to hear it.
“You know her better than anyone. I would appreciate your insight into how I can help her.” At least his voice remained calm while his heart rate accelerated.
“Coming back here, her mom dying, it’s been a lot harder on her than she expected. She put on a brave face for everyone, but I can tell she’s crumbling inside. Don’t believe her when she tells you she’s fine.”
It galled him to ask, but he needed to know how to reach his wife. He needed the key to unlock Sophia’s heart. “Do you have any suggestions on how I can get her to open up to me? She keeps everything inside—sometimes I have no idea how she feels.”
“Get her angry. I know it sounds counter-productive, but when she’s angry, all the filters come off and you’ll know then what she really wants.”
Making his wife angry when she was dealing with the loss of her mother and lingering memories of her traumatic childhood seemed the worst idea yet. Could Olivia be trying to drive a wedge between them? Yet every time they’d had a row, it had moved their relationship forward. His parents had never argued, but he understood now that they’d had a rather sterile marriage, not one he chose to replicate. Isabella and Dante had fought a lot at the beginning of their relationship and now they had a strong bond. He wanted his marriage to reflect theirs, not his parents. And he sure as hell didn’t want to become like the Wilkinses.
“Are you sure?”
She stopped on the top step and turned to him. Standing a step up, they were on eye level. “I had serious doubts about you, and this marriage, when Sophia told me. I believe now that you could be the best thing to happen to her. But you could also be the worst. I don’t think she’ll recover if you fail her now.”
With that ominous warning, Olivia spun around and wrenched open the door to the fifth floor. He followed her silently down the narrow, dark corridor until they came to the last door. Olivia’s knock was answered by a tall, fair-haired young man in his late teens.
Olivia performed the introductions while Sophia’s younger brother looked him up and down. James’s smile of greeting was reserved although not hostile, his handshake firm.
“Sophia, Olivia and your husband are here,” James called down the corridor. He stepped back so they could enter. Soon the hallway was crowded with bodies, but all Luca cared was that at last Sophia was in his arms. He breathed deeply of her scent, burying his face in her hair, holding her tightly against him. She trembled and for a moment he thought she might cry, but then she pulled back and raised her head.
“Thank you for coming,” she said, her voice weak.
“Always,” he replied past a lump in his own throat.
She gave him a watery smile before glancing around. “Right, show’s over. Go back to the sitting room and I’ll introduce Luca to you all properly,” Sophia ordered the amassed spectators.
For the next ten minutes all eyes stared at him, the mysterious husband conjured out of thin air. He offered his condolences and sipped a cup of strong tea while fielding questions about his work, his life and why they hadn’t invited anyone to the wedding.
Sophia was getting tenser beside him with each question. He wanted to get her away, give her some space, time to deal with the turmoil he knew boiled just under the surface.
“Amore, in my haste, I forgot to pack my toothbrush. Do you think you could show me to the shop where I can purchase another?” It was a lame excuse but all he could come up with at the moment.
“Of course, let me grab my bag.” She rushed out of the room as though it were on fire.
He plastered on an apologetic smile and excused himself as well, mumbling something about being back in a few minutes. Olivia gave him a conspiratorial wink as he passed.
• • •
Sophia pulled in a deep breath and rolled her shoulders, trying to relax them. Her whole body was tense, in fight or flight mode. If Luca weren’t at her side, she’d jump on the Tube and just ride around and around till they kicked her off.
“Did you really forget your toothbrush?” They wandered toward the high street.
“No, I thought you needed a break from the interrogation,” he replied. He took her cold hand in his warm one. Some of the warmth crept up her arm and h
er heart fluttered at Luca’s caring.
“Then let’s pop into the pub and get a drink,” she said, steering him toward the local.
He held the door for her, and she inhaled deeply of his cologne as she passed by. All she wanted was to be held in his arms, sheltered from the guilt and emptiness she’d thought she’d dealt with long ago.
“What do you want?” Luca’s voice near her ear sent a shiver of longing through her. Okay, maybe being held in his arms wasn’t all she desired.
“Want?”
“To drink?” An answering flare of passion lit his eyes, as though he read her thoughts.
“Actually, just a ginger ale.”
Luca’s eyes searched hers before he stepped toward the bar. She found a quiet corner table and waited for him. The pub wasn’t busy as the after dinner crowd hadn’t come in yet. This was the first time she’d ever had a drink here; it was her father’s hangout. A few regulars stared at her as if trying to determine if she was one of Charlie’s girls, but thankfully they weren’t interested enough to come over and ask.
The clink as Luca placed the glass on the table in front of her brought her back to the present. She could hear his phone buzz on his belt and wondered how long before he answered it. When he sat across from her rather than excuse himself to take the call, she glanced at his face. He took a sip of his red wine, put the glass down, and stared into her eyes.
“How are you?”
“I’m fine,” she answered.
“No, you are not.” He sat back and crossed his arms over his chest, daring her to lie to him again.
“How do you know how I feel?” This was too much—first coming back here, her mother dying, and now her husband lecturing her on how she should feel.
“I know when you are genuine and when you are putting on a front. You are pretending to be fine. I will not have you faking it with me. I am tired of your acting. If you cannot be truthful with me, then maybe it is time we put an end to this charade.”
Excruciating pain filled her chest and she tried to drag in a deep breath to ease the burning. Instead all she managed was a couple of quick pants. This couldn’t be happening, not today. And why was the man who hated public scenes doing this here, and now? Maybe he was too busy to wait until they got home.