I glanced up to see Daniel’s face contort in pain, “I’m so sorry,” he said, “I never mean to cause you pain. If there is anything that I can do to help, let me know.”
I shook my head and then, shrugged my shoulders, “Honestly, I’m not sure there is any way to help,” I said, sorrowfully, “But thank you for offering.”
I gazed back toward my father and Matt as a great sense of depression washed over me. Worse, I realized that once Ky heard that I’d called Daniel, it would get worse.
**********
Ky was waiting for me when I got home. Though his eyes swept over me in concern, they were still hazed from anger because I chose to speak to Matt without him. I narrowed my eyes at him because he didn’t have a right to be angry. However, I did.
I walked to my deck without speaking to him but I realized that he followed. When I reached the railing I turned, allowing him to see the anger upon my face, “I called you,” I said as my breath quickened with the heat of my anger, “You didn’t answer.”
He shrugged as if it shouldn’t matter, “You said you didn’t need me so I figured that you were okay,” He said, giving the real reason of why he was angry. I rolled my eyes at how ridiculous he was being.
I raised my chin, determined to make him understand, “My brother passed out once I used my gift on him. I did need you in that moment,” I said through clenched teeth, “You weren’t there.”
He shrugged again with a look of infuriating indifference upon his face, “So, call you dad,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest, “I’m sure he would run to help you.”
“I did,” I said, raising my brow and he grinned until I continued, “But he didn’t answer and I tried every other member of the Appointed. Daniel is the one who came when I called.”
His face turned completely red as he faced me in shock and he nearly shouted, “You called him?”
“You didn’t give me much choice,” I said and then, shook my head, “And you are still mad even though it was your fault that I had to call him.”
His eyes narrowed, “You have no idea what it’s like to go out with you…Sometimes, it’s just…too much.”
I blinked as his words sunk in. Suddenly, my anger was gone and all that was left was the guilt and sadness. I stared into Ky’s face and I watched as he realized what he’d said.
“Alex, I didn’t mean it,” he said, paling as he studied me but it was too late. He’d said what I had suspected all along and the damage was done.
“Yes, you did,” I said as my heart broke into. A tear rolled slowly down my cheek as he took a step toward me.
“I love you, Alex,” he said as his eyes widened and I realized he was trying to take away everything he’d said but it was still there. It was still hanging over us.
“I know you do,” I said as I swallowed over a lump in my throat and I whispered the rest of my suspicions that I now knew were true, “But you don’t want to.”
“Alex, don’t…” He pleaded, trying to reach for me but I moved away from him as he cried, “Don’t ruin us.”
Another tear fell as I met his eyes, “Ky, no matter how much I love you or you love me, it’s already ruined. I can’t do this anymore.”
I backed away from him as he shook his head in denial. He ran his hand through his hair, “No…” he whispered.
I moved further away from him toward the door, “I’m so sorry that I’ve hurt you,” I said through a sob, “But it’s going to continue until I know who I’m supposed to be with. Until then, I’ve got to let you go. I’m done hurting people.”
I heard him inhale sharply as I turned and walked away from someone I loved more than myself but it was still not enough. My heart was broken and so was I as I walked away feeling the weight of everything I had caused falling down on me.
Chapter Nine
Old Loves Die Hard
My body shook as the tears fell down my face and into the pillow as I sobbed harder than I ever had before. I couldn’t take a deep breath instead I gasped as the pain in my chest grew larger and larger until that was all that I was…pain. I closed my eyes as I thought of my life and the mess it had become. I realized it was my fault…All my fault. I was determined to fix it. I just didn’t know how.
“Alex,” Kelly whispered with worry drenching every word, “What happened?”
I breathed out slowly as I gazed up at her unsure if I could speak. I swallowed as I realized that my brothers stood in the doorway with concern marked clearly on their faces. Kelly sat on her bed staring at me in horror as tears rested in her eyes. Jonathon crossed the room and sat on the bed, pulling me into his arms and hugging me in a way that only a brother could. He was silent for a while, rocking me back and forth as he allowed me to cry. When the tears finally faded, he kissed the top of my head.
“Do I need to kick someone’s ass?” He asked, causing my chest to loosen and the pain to fade a bit. I couldn’t help but to laugh as I raised my eyes to his and shook my head.
“No,” I said, sniffling and wiping my tears with the back of my hand, “This is my fault. If you were going to kick anyone’s ass, it would have to be mine.”
He raised his brow, “Well, I don’t want to do that,” he said and then frowned as he studied my face and tried to decipher what had happened, “What exactly is your fault?”
“I broke up with Ky,” I said as I took a shaky breath and clasped my hands in front of me.
Jeremy blinked in surprise, “It doesn’t look like you wanted to, Alex,” he said, confused as he took a step forward, “Why would you do it, if you didn’t want to?’
I rubbed my temples as a dull headache began and then, gazed up at Jeremy, “I was hurting him,” I said swallowing over the bitter, metallic lump in my throat, “How could I not be? I’m in love with three people. It would have to be torture for him.”
Jonathon nodded, understanding immediately, “Ky, Daniel and Semarias, right?”
I glanced up at him, “Yes,” I whispered as I clutched my chest with the pain of it, “It makes me a horrible person, doesn’t it?”
“No,” Jonathon said, giving me a small smile, “You didn’t cheat on Ky. You tried. You even broke up with him because it was best for him. You’re not horrible, Alex. You’re doing what you need to for him…For all of them. It sounds pretty selfless actually.”
Jeremy tilted his head as he studied my face, “What are you going to do now?”
“I’m going to figure out who I really love,” I said with a sigh, “If it’s Semarias, I can’t be with him so I’d stay single but if it’s Daniel or Ky, that’s who I’ll be with. I’ll figure it out but I won’t be with anyone until I do. I’m not going to hurt anyone else by making them watch me struggle with loving someone else and dating them.”
Jonathon gave me a hug, “That’s a good idea,” he said and then, smiled as he rubbed his thumb across my cheek to wipe the remainder of my tears away.
I nodded suddenly very tired, “I think I need to focus on the Appointed right now,” I said, glancing at my pillow, “I think I need to get some sleep and hopefully have a vision that will get us out of this mess. Then, I’ll focus on what I’m supposed to do about my love life.”
“We’ll stay with you until you fall asleep, Little Big Sister,” Jonathon said with a grin.
I smiled, “Thank you, Big Little Brother,” I said, laying back onto my pillow. Kelly tucked me in. Their presence calmed me and within minutes I fell quickly into the black abyss of sleep.
**********
Even before I opened my eyes, I sensed his presence. On some level, I realized even as I fell asleep that he would take advantage of my pain and visit me. My eyes narrowed as I faced Lucifer.
His gaze swept over me taking in my tear-drenched face and then, he grinned. His eyes were dark red and I would have had the need to shrink away from him if I wasn’t so miserable.
“Too many loves for Alex?’ He asked narrowing his eyes. For a moment, his eyes lost the red glow but
it quickly returned as he stepped toward me, “There is a way out and the beauty of it is that you wouldn’t have to choose one of them. You’d die and they would all know that you loved them.”
I raised my brow as I faced Lucifer. After everything I’d been through I found it easy to meet his gaze. I nearly laughed at that realization, “I’m not interested in your way out,” I said and rolled my eyes, “I’m not running away from my life.”
He chuckled because he saw the temptation there, “Are you sure?”
I pursed my lips at his insistence, “I’m sure,” I said and then, sighed, annoyed, “What do you want, Lucifer?”
“You but you keep refusing,” he said, stepping closer. When I didn’t tense or flinch away from him, he paused surprised. He raised a brow as he gazed into my face. All the red faded from his eyes.
He frowned and for a moment, he seemed concerned that he wasn’t able to frighten me. I met his gaze steadily and raised a brow as I spoke, “I’ll continue to refuse.”
He scoffed as he moved even closer to me, “Even though you’re hurting, Alex,” he asked stepping around my body and stopping to lean close to my ear. His breath caressed my cheek, “I’m sure I could convince you.”
I shook my head and laughed, “I would tell you to go to hell but you’re already there,” I said and then, shrugged, “So, go fuck yourself, Lucifer.”
His eyes began to glow once more, “I’ve been nice so far, Alex.”
I laughed, “Nice…You want me or one of the Appointed to sacrifice our lives just so that you can be happy that you took someone we love and care about more than our own selves. You’ve threatened us numerous times and sent your demons to kill us and our descendants. Not to mention that you sent Asmodis to possess Drake for a whole decade or that you allowed Jezebel to make everyone think I was suicidal. That’s nice?”
His eyes narrowed, “That was nice,” he said as the color heightened in his cheeks and he faced me, “I supposed I’ll have to show you what being mean is. Maybe then you’ll have some respect for me.”
“I will never respect you, Lucifer,” I said, raising my chin, “I never have and I never will.”
He grabbed me. Finally, the fear kicked in and I tried to move back from his too hot embrace as he hissed, “I’ve always wanted your blood, Alex but since I can’t shed it here, I’ll take what I can get.”
My breath hitched in my throat as I heard a voice, “Alex, wake up!”
“Daniel,” I whispered and instantly darkness surrounded me. Lucifer’s roar echoed around me as he lost his grip on me and his hands ghosted through me. I closed my eyes and blocked Lucifer from my vision as I woke from the dream.
**********
“Alex, wake up!” I blinked my eyes, terrified as I moved back until I was sitting up against the headboard. I trembled uncontrollably as I realized how close I had come to being raped by Lucifer. Tears burned my eyes and scalded my cheeks as I finally took a breath that I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. Finally, I glanced around my room, allowing my gaze to fall upon the one who’d saved me from that fate when he woke me.
“Daniel,” I said almost breathlessly. Tears fell down my cheeks as I shook even more. My trembling hand moved upward and brushed my hair from my cheeks, trying to wipe my tears as I did before facing him again, “What are you doing here?”
He shifted as guilt clouded his eyes and then, sighed, “I heard what happened between you and Ky from Jonathon and I wanted to make sure you were okay. I swear I was just going to check on you and leave. I wasn’t even going to wake you but you were having a nightmare. It looked like a really bad one too. I couldn’t leave you like that.”
I sighed in relief, “I won’t tell you how stalker-like that is,” I said putting my hand to my heart and feeling the hard pounds beneath my fingertips, “However, I’m really glad you were here. So, I forgive you.”
He smiled but concern still blanketed his face, “I don’t want to be your stalker,” he said with a shrug, “I was trying to be your friend. I wasn’t expecting anything else. I really just wanted to make sure you were okay. I understand that breaking up with Ky had to be hard.”
“You don’t have to explain, Daniel,” I said and then, bit my lip, “I appreciate that you aren’t expecting anything though. I couldn’t give it to you even if you were.”
“You’re trying to figure out everything?” He asked, tilting his head as he studied me.
I nodded before I shrugged, “I don’t want people to hurt because of me anymore. I hurt Ky because I love you and Semarias too. Not cheating on Ky wasn’t enough. It wouldn’t be enough for you either.”
He nodded his head and then, shrugged, “No,” he said and gave a short laugh, “If you ever wanted to be with me again, I would hope that it was because you were in love with me and only me. I wouldn’t want to share you with anyone else.”
“I know I’ve hurt you, Daniel,” I said, frowning as I gazed into his eyes, “I’m so sorry. I really didn’t want to. All of this just happened.”
Daniel’s brows raised, “I think that’s my fault,” he said as he pursed his lips, “If I had never chosen Renee, this wouldn’t have happened. I had your devotion and ruined it. That’s my fault. Everything that you are going through wouldn’t have happened if I’d been loyal. You have no idea how much it hurts to realize that I screwed up but that’s on me…Not you. Now, I realize you’re still going through the pain I caused. Whether you realize it or not, this is on me too. You may have all of those feelings but I truly believe that they wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for me being disloyal to you.”
His willingness to take the blame for me touched me, “I do love you, Daniel,” I said with a sad smile. I knew it didn’t mean much in that moment but I wanted him to know.
“I know you do,” he said, “And I love you too, Alex. I love you enough to wait and I love you enough to let you go if that is what you want,” he said. I nodded. I didn’t know what to say but I really didn’t have to because he graciously changed the subject, “So, what was the dream about?” He asked, studying my face closely.
“Lucifer,” I said, shaking, “He wasn’t happy with the usual threats this time. I think he was about to rape me when you woke me up.”
Daniel inhaled sharply. His nostrils flared as anger covered his face, “I’m glad I woke you up,” he said through clenched teeth.
“Me too,” I said, wincing as my mind offered images of what Lucifer could have done. I wondered briefly what would have happened had Daniel been there to witness it and then, my eyes widened as I thought of who might have been there, “I think I should call Leighton and make sure that he stays in my dreams for the rest of the night and also to see if he saw what happened. If he did, then he’s probably freaking out.”
“That’s a good idea,” Daniel said, uncertainly before exhaling in a long rush, “I guess I’ll go.”
“I would rather you stay until I go back to sleep,” I said, softly. I was much more comfortable since I knew that Daniel wouldn’t ask anything of me but friendship for the time being.
He nodded as he sat on the edge of the bed. I called Leighton and told him what had happened and I was thankful that he hadn’t witnessed the exchange between me and Lucifer. He promised he would be in my dreams for the rest of the night. With that done, I laid down and the last thing I remembered before going to sleep was Daniel pushing a lock of my hair away from my face.
Chapter Ten
The Earth Moves
I realized as I fell into my slumber that Lucifer would pull me back into the cavern and when he did he would be angry. However, this time Leighton would be there and he could pull whoever I needed to protect me into the dream with me. That thought comforted me a little. Still, I sighed in relief when I opened my eyes and saw that Semarias was standing next to me grasping my hand.
“I hope you know that I would have stopped him from defiling you even if I was ordered not to,” Semarias said, as soon as I glanced at him
.
My heart clenched, “I know,” I whispered, believing him as I glanced around the room. We were in a hallway of sorts made of the same cavern walls as the cavern that Lucifer usually met me in. Screams of pain erupted around us in a sickening crescendo.
Semarias’ face darkened as he tilted his head. He tensed as he grasped my hand and began to lead me down the hall. I frowned as I glanced at his face. Something else was wrong besides being in Lucifer’s home. It was something that had Semarias on edge and made me want to dig my feet into the floor of the cavernous hallway to prevent being brought closer to whatever it was. Still, I moved as we found an entrance to a room. I held my breath as we entered realizing that something horrible was waiting to be discovered within.
The room itself was dark. Shadows were everywhere and I had to squint to make out a figure chained against the wall. My heart nearly stopped as I saw Semarias’ brother, Ezra. His eyes were red but he was fighting the possession. His mouth barely moved through cracked lips. Slowly, he licked them as Semarias guarded me with his body.
“It’s a dream remember,” I whispered and he shook his head.
“Remember that you were nearly raped in a dream,” he said, refusing to move.
I smiled. It warmed me that he guarded me instinctually. He didn’t have to think about it. He only did it. He took a deep breath and then, nodded finally relaxing.
“Ezra,” he choked out as he stepped toward his brother, reaching his hand out toward him.
“Please,” the angel whispered. The red faded and I saw eyes the exact color of Semarias’. A tear fell down his cheek, “Please let me die.”
“No,” Semarias said, shaking his head, “I won’t ever let you die. We’ll find a way to save you. I promise.”
Ezra glanced at me, “Alex,” he whispered and then, bowed backwards and let out a horrible scream. I winced as he finally calmed and then, said my name again, trying to tell me something.
The Sacrifice (The Alexandra Denton Chronicles Book 4) Page 6