"Let go," I said softly, moving forward and laying her down on the seat under me. I pressed my lips to the delicate skin at her side, kissing a line from the bottom of her ribcage to the bruising at her hips. She squirmed beneath me.
"Please, more," she whispered. Her voice was barely audible over the pounding in my chest. I physically ached as I kissed her battered skin. Her skin grew wet from tears that I didn't even know were falling from my eyes.
I poured out my heart to her, telling her how beautiful she was, begging for her forgiveness. She squirmed under me until she could capture my mouth with hers, and then she kissed me with more passion than I had ever felt. She somehow squirmed out of her pants and underwear and wrapped her bare legs around me. The way that she clung to me was both erotic and desperate. I was powerless to stop.
I shoved my pants down to my knees and then slid my arms under her shirt gripping her shoulders from behind as I pushed into her. She cried out as I entered her and for a moment I thought that I had hurt her, but then she bucked her hips against me and begged me in a rough voice to fuck her.
I swallowed her cries with my mouth and did as she asked. I tried to make love to her as slowly as I could, not wanting to hurt her, but she used her hips to increase the pace. I gave into her desires, dominating her body the way she craved. I lowered my lips to her neck and told her how incredible she felt wrapped around me.
"Yes, fuck me... harder David, please... make me forget..."
I did my best to do just that. I shifted her legs so that I could reach even deeper inside her. I wanted her to feel every inch of me. I reclaimed her thoroughly.
When I knew that she was close I pinched her clit. "Come for me," I commanded.
The combination of my fingers and voice sent her over the edge and her walls contracted around me. I continued to pound into her ignoring the painful sensation building in my balls.
I bit her neck gently, and changed the angle, driving into her even harder.
"So fucking good, Kat. I want you to come again for me. Let go sweetheart."
I kept up the steady rhythm, holding out for her, desperate to feel her falling apart around me again. She relaxed and submitted her body to me. Like putty in my hands, I shaped her into the ultimate object of my desire, using her body for my own pleasure and granting her pleasure in return.
"You belong to me," I panted, never ceasing my thrusts.
"Only you," she agreed and then she fell over the edge again, this time taking me with her.
Chapter 38
I lay sweating and sated under David in the backseat of his car. He had given me what I needed. He was what I needed. He always has been.
Physically I still felt terrible. I was jittery and exhausted. I wanted a shower now more than ever, but in some grotesque way, the stickiness between my legs was oddly comforting. It was a reminder that David still wanted me, that he would protect me, that he would kill for me.
My lady parts were aching. Richard had hurt me worse than I had originally realized, and when David slid into me, the pain was fairly intense. I had been surprised by it, but quickly hid my discomfort. I knew that David was in no shape to punish me, but a part of me truly wanted to be punished. I had disobeyed a direct order from David by leaving the car, and I deserved the pain that came as a result. Every stroke he gave me brought me closer to atonement, and for that I was grateful.
We awkwardly redressed ourselves and checked the time. It had been long enough. We needed to get to Ellen's now.
We silently made our way from the back of the car to the more typical driving arrangement, and David flipped on the heater. It was chilly now that the sun had gone down and the rainy atmosphere made me shiver.
I caught his eye before he shifted into drive. "Thank you, for everything," I said.
"I love you," he replied.
We started the short journey back to his parent's house. Despite the fear in the pit of my stomach, I had a feeling that everything was going to be all right. The worst was behind us.
The cop cars lining the drive were lit up like demented Christmas lights even an hour and a half after the supposed accident. It seemed like every officer in a fifty-mile radius had been called in. It appeared that Ellen was correct. The police had a vested interest in Richard's well being. David navigated slowly through them, coming to a stop in front of the house. His eyes were still swollen and red from crying, and I was glad. Hopefully they would not question his grieving.
David got out of the car and then walked around and held my door open. I took his hand as we walked through the crowd of police, lawyers, and press looking for Ellen. David identified himself to several police officers and then was lead to his mother.
The two came together in a teary embrace. To the outside world it would have appeared to be mother and son grieving together over a tragic accident, but I saw it for what it was, the reunion of two souls who thought that they would never be reunited. Ellen had thought her son was gone forever. David lived in constant fear for his mother. The expressions on their faces looked like sadness, but I knew those were truly tears of relief.
A short while later a detective, who looked oddly familiar to me, introduced himself to us and explained the current situation. It appeared that they believed our planted crime scene. The rainy, cold weather worked to our advantage. They thought he'd taken the bend too fast and lost control.
Ellen had supposedly called them after hearing a crash and then going to investigate. Richard was found dead inside the car. The cause of death was head trauma. Ellen had denied the request for an autopsy stating that it was unnecessary. She preferred that his body sustain as little abuse as possible before the funeral. They were planning to comply with Ellen's wishes unless David contradicted her.
The car was pulled out of the woods, but left on the side of the driveway at Ellen's request. She stated that she would have the insurance company come to the house before disposing of it. I thought she probably just wanted to make sure that it was fully destroyed. It wasn't wise to leave it in the city impound for any length of time. It would be better to have a private company crush it as soon as possible.
After the car was settled, many of the police officers went back to work. Ellen, David, the remaining detective, Richard's lawyer, and I went into the house. I was shocked to find Ellen's kitchen a mess. When we had left, the room was spotless. Now, her stovetop was covered with splattered spaghetti sauce. A portion of noodles lay limp and soggy in pot of cold water. Burned garlic bread lay forgotten on the counter, wrapped in foil.
The table was set for two. Two plates, two sets of silverware, two empty glasses, and two chairs. There were four in the bed and the little one said... The perverse nursery rhyme filled my mind. She was smart. So very smart. I had always thought that David had inherited his incredible intelligence from his father. Not so. His mother was as sharp as a tack. Three chairs would have looked odd. Two looked intimate. Find the missing object in this picture.
"I'm so sorry for the mess," Ellen said to the detective while wiping her tear-filled eyes. "I was in the middle of dinner. We were eating late because he was coming home late..." She trailed off into a Kleenex.
"Of course, Mrs. Paulson," the detective replied.
I moved across the room to help Ellen clean up. We worked together keeping our hands busy with dishes. David went to Richard's study and returned with a stack of official papers. The lawyer, detective, and David all sat at the more formal dining room table to review the will. They were within hearing range so Ellen and I worked quietly and listened.
David had power of attorney in the case of accidental death. The detective noted that this was unusual as his spouse was still living, but David simply stated that Richard would not have wanted to trouble Ellen with the burden of making arrangements. The lawyer agreed.
He was to be buried. The funeral home had been pre-selected as had most of the funeral details. The man was nothing if not detail oriented.
I looked at El
len in the bright light of the kitchen and finally saw what a mess she really was. The side of her face was still swollen, but she had expertly covered it with makeup. Years of practice had again been to her advantage. I shook my head at the thought. Her eyes were puffy and red and her eye makeup had run down her face. She looked like a woman who had experienced tragedy. She was the perfect victim.
When the dishes were done, she set the teakettle to boil, and we sat down at the kitchen table together. My eyes continually drifted to the spot on the floor that just hours before had been soaked with Richard's blood. There was no trace of it now, except in my mind.
The detective remarked several times about what an unusual will Richard had, but the lawyer, luckily, waved away his accusations saying that Richard had always done things in his own way. I got the impression that this lawyer was like-minded with Richard. It made perfect sense to him that a woman would not be granted any decision-making power. The detective had also known Richard, but didn't seem to be privy to the kinds of personal information that the lawyer had.
Richard had left nearly everything to David. His son inherited it all. There was a provision that David was expected to provide for his mother, but essentially Richard had left his wife of almost thirty years with nothing. If Ellen was surprised by this, it didn't show.
The men talked in the dinning room for a while longer and then the detective and lawyer finally excused themselves, once again relaying their condolences to Ellen. An eerie silence fell over the house in their wake. I stepped into David's arms looking for comfort and he held me close.
Finally Ellen spoke. "We should all get some sleep, and I would think a couple of hot showers might be in order as well."
I couldn't agree more. We all made our way upstairs, Ellen returning to her room and David and I settling into his childhood bedroom. I showered first, grateful to be able to wash the day down the drain. I made note of the bruises on my hips. I would be careful to avoid low-rise jeans for a few days.
I was sore and tired and now that I was clean I wanted only to sleep, safe in David's arms. David joined me after his own shower a few minutes later. We didn't speak as we curled up together, we simply held each other and waited for the darkness to overtake us.
Chapter 39
I heard screaming. I bolted upright, disoriented.
"Kat? Kat. Calm down, love. It was just a dream."
My hysterical wife threw herself into my arms, sobbing. I stroked her hair and took a couple of deep breaths hoping that she would unconsciously match my breathing pattern.
"Shhhh, just a nightmare. You okay?"
She nodded her head against my chest and snaked her legs around mine. I laid back and pulled her closer.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
She shook her head no, but didn't respond verbally. I rocked her in my arms, and she cried herself back to sleep. I lay awake still hearing her scream in my head. Would she ever heal from this? I knew that nightmares were to be expected after the series of events that we had been though, but I didn't know how long they would last. Had I damaged her permanently by bringing her into my life? I would never forgive myself for allowing this to happen.
I breathed her in and let the silent tears flow down my cheeks. I had so much to atone for.
I never did go back to sleep. I was afraid that letting my guard down might somehow allow Kat's nightmares to creep back into her subconscious. I would keep a constant vigil over her if it would ease her mind.
Some time later I heard my mother in the kitchen. I was reluctant to leave Kat, but she showed no more signs of waking so I slid out from under her and quietly moved down the hall.
"Good morning, David," my mother said. She had a pot of coffee made and was cracking eggs into a bowl.
"Morning, Mom. How'd you sleep?"
"It was odd, being alone in bed."
"Did you have nightmares?"
"No. Did you?"
"No, but Kat did."
"I guess that's to be expected. I've lived with horror and violence for a long time. I think my subconscious processes it differently."
I was taken aback. The mother that I was used to was not typically so blunt. I just nodded, not really knowing what to say.
I pulled a mug from the cabinet and went to pour myself some coffee.
"I'll get that for you, dear," she said, reaching for the cup.
"No, I can get it. You're busy with breakfast."
She studied me for a moment and then turned back to the eggs.
"You know? I made your father breakfast every morning for the last thirty years, with the exception of the days that he was away on business. Not once did he get his own fucking coffee."
I spit the coffee that I was sipping all over the floor. Did my mother just say fuck?
She turned to me and smiled. "Didn't think I knew that word did you?"
I just shook my head. Apparently there was a lot that I didn't know about my mother. I wiped the coffee of off the floor with a paper towel and then took a seat on one of the stools by the counter. I didn't think that I would be able to sit at that table ever again.
"I think, Mom, that we have some catching up to do. It seems to me that we've missed a lot in each other's lives."
She poured the eggs into a pan. "You go first," she said.
"Okay, um Kat and I have known each other a lot longer than I've let on." I wanted to break it to her as gently as I could. There was no easy way to tell your mother that everything she thought she knew about you was a lie.
"How long?"
"We met my first day at Harvard."
"Wow. Have you been romantic all that time?"
"No, but we were lab partners and then friends. We started seeing each other, as a couple, during sophomore year."
She turned away from the stove and faced me fully. "You hid a serious relationship from us for five years?"
I ran my hands through my hair. "I didn't want to, Mom, but I had to. You saw how Dad was. Imagine if he'd known about her for years! Our relationship would never have survived."
"So all those things that you told your father about the women you were seeing..."
"Lies, Mom." I looked at my coffee, embarrassed. "Only my freshman year was true. When I met Kat, my whole life changed."
"I'm afraid it will take me a while to wrap my head around that."
An uncomfortable silence filled the room.
"Mom?" I finally said.
"Yes?"
"I'm so sorry that I let him do that to you all of these years."
She flipped the omelet over in the pan. "It wasn't your fault. You were just a child."
"But when I met Kat, when I first realized, I should have..."
"No, David. It's over now, and I don't want you to spend one more minute of your life worrying about what you should or shouldn't have done with that man."
It got quiet again. I had so much to say and no idea where to start.
"You know I'm going to give you the money, right? He should have left it all to you in the first place."
"I don't want his money. I don't want this house. I don't want any of it. I just want to get past the funeral, and then get on with my life." She pulled two plates down from the cupboard as she talked. "I would like to get to know you and Kat, though. I hope you'll consent to having me as a part of your life."
"Of course, Mom, and we'll sell the house, if you want, and you can go somewhere new. He left a ton of money. We won't need to worry about anything."
"That’s the only good thing that I can say about your father. He was financially stable."
She set two omelets on the counter, leaving a third portion for Kat on the stove and then moved towards the pantry for napkins, as I had seen her do a hundred times. She paused part way there and turned around. She looked at me for a moment, and then grabbed two paper towels from the roll by the stove instead.
"I can't tell you how long I've wanted to serve breakfast without formal fucking napkins."
She burst into tears, and I got up to comfort her. Her hugs still felt the same as they had when I was a small child. She just seemed a little shorter now.
"God, David," she said against my shoulder, "I feel like I can finally breathe. It's terrifying. I spent the whole night awake trying to figure out what I wanted to do now. I haven't had my own opinion in so long; I don't even remember what kind of ice cream I like best."
I couldn't help it. I laughed. "After the funeral, we'll go get some. You can try every flavor." I thought hard. When I was little I always thought that she liked mint chocolate chip, same as my dad. I guess that's all he'd let her have. How fucked up do you have to be to not let your wife pick her own damn ice cream flavor? Kat would have kicked my ass if I had tried that outside of role-play. Even then, I would have known what to pick for her according to her preference. Unless it was really something bad that had become habitual, I would never dictate to Kat what to eat.
"Come on, breakfast will get cold," she said, giving me a last squeeze and wiping her eyes.
A moment later a sleepy-headed Kat padded softly into the kitchen. Out of instinct my mom got up to fix her a plate, but Kat waved her away and did it herself. I could see that my mom had to physically restrain herself to stay in her chair while someone else worked in her kitchen. She was going to have some adapting to do.
"So," my mother began after Kat was seated, "David was just telling me that you've been together a lot longer than I thought."
Kat blushed beside me.
"Actually, Mom," I said, "I um… I wanted to tell you this with Kat present. So I guess now is as good of a time as any..." I looked to Kat for confirmation, and she smiled up at me affirming. "Kat is my wife. We were married over last spring break."
My mother's jaw dropped open and tears filled her eyes.
"Married?" she whispered. "I knew you were in love, but... married?"
Generational Sins Page 20