“Fine, I don’t need this bullshit anyway. I don’t understand why women insist on ruining shit by trying to force a man to talk. Fuck, if I’d wanted to talk about this shit then I would have done it already. Did you have to wreck a perfectly good fuck with this dumb crap?” Burner stormed towards the living room as he hurled those words at her, already hating himself for trying to hurt her even more but he needed to be sure he couldn’t fix this easily or he’d be back. He needed to prevent that by making sure this was over for good.
“Apparently we do. Just get out, Burner,” Kelsey yelled from a few feet behind him.
He grabbed his cut and his shirt off the couch, glancing back at her briefly, feeling a ripping sensation in his chest that nearly brought him to his knees. He moved towards the door, wanting to beg her to forgive him so badly it was all he could do to walk. Kelsey stood there with her arms wrapped around her waist, tears streaming down her face. Her eyes were puffy and great big sobs were wrenched from her. He closed his eyes as he turned to the door, the words he needed to say hovering on his lips but he couldn’t say them for a moment. He paused, gripping the door handle tightly, feeling it dig into his palm.
“By the way, thanks for the great fucks. If you like I can certainly recommend you to the next man in the club who wants you,” he managed to utter, feeling gutted by the very thought of another man touching her.
If any of those assholes tried anything with her they’d end up dead because he wasn’t going to allow that to happen ever. He wasn’t saving her from himself just to let her go down that road with another idiot from his MC. Burner heard the sobs like blows as he ripped the door open and stormed out into the early morning light feeling more defeated than he could ever remember feeling in his life.
Chapter Nineteen
Kelsey felt a sob shake her whole body as she watched Burner walk out of her apartment, her heart shattering into a million tiny pieces. The door slammed hard behind him rattling the windows and it crushed her heart. She had just admitted to herself today that she loved him and now it was over between them because she refused to allow him to destroy her. His parting words to her echoed in her ears and she screamed out an internal denial, destroyed by the truth that pierced her chest with a white hot pain that almost sliced her in two. Burner had never cared for her at all. He’d made that perfectly clear with that last declaration. Kelsey felt anger surge up inside her blistering her with its fire.
No, just no, she wouldn’t fall apart over this.
She refused to allow him to make her into a weak, weeping mess. Using her arm to wipe her face, she turned on shaky legs, walking through her room into the bathroom. She grabbed a washcloth off the shelf she kept them on, wetting it to wash her face. She held it over her eyes while a few more tears poured out of her letting the warmth soothe them away.
Kelsey knew that she wasn’t about to allow him to wreck her with his words. She knew that there was a reason he kept coming back and it wasn’t just because he liked to fuck her. Even if he said that it was, she damned well knew it wasn’t, but what she’d told him before he left was true too. If he couldn’t man up and admit this was more than just a screw for him then she wasn’t going to allow it to continue.
She met her eyes in the mirror seeing the puffiness around them and the sadness filling them, sighing because she knew that she’d made her decision even if it was killing her. She would need time to come to terms with ending their relationship. She loved him but if he wasn’t willing to fight for them, she was done.
Kelsey knew that if she stayed here, when he tried to come back as just her sex buddy she wouldn’t be able to resist the passion he evoked inside her. She had to get away from him so she could harden her heart, she realized. Nodding to herself, she moved into the living room to grab her phone from her purse. She dialed her sister and waited for her to answer.
“What’s up, little sister?” Hanna asked.
Kelsey knew she hadn’t woken Hanna up because she’d been with her at the bar and Hanna always needed two hours to wind down before she was able to sleep. Kelsey sat down on the arm of her couch, her eyes avoiding the bra she’d never put back on.
“I’m headed out to the cabin for a little while and wanted to let you and Greta know. I just need to get away for a bit and I’m off for the next three days so you’ll have time to get my shifts covered. I don’t know how long I’ll be there,” her voice unsure as she relayed this message to her sister.
“What did that son of a bitch do?” Hanna growled and Kelsey could almost see her green eyes turn dark with anger. Closing her own eyes, she let out a little sigh because she really should have expected this reaction but somehow she hadn’t.
“Nothing, I just need to get away.”
“Nope, Greta and I will be there in a little bit. Don’t you dare leave till we get there.” Hanna hung up, likely to call Greta, and Kelsey sat looking at her phone for a long moment. Yep, she really should have called them once she was at the cabin. Damn it, what had she been thinking?
Getting up, she headed into her room, walking into the closet to get her duffle. She needed to pack because they weren’t going to convince her to stay here. She needed to find a way to resist him the next time he decided to convince her to be his fuck buddy. She wasn’t going to do that again because she shouldn’t have agreed to it in the first place. She wasn’t that type of girl but he unleashed such passion inside her that he’d fried her brain, making her temporarily lose her mind.
She’d just finished packing her clothes when the doorbell rang and she glanced at her watch snorting. Damn, that was fast. They’d only taken twenty minutes to get here from across town. She headed to the door and just to be a brat she called out, “Who is it.”
“You know damned well who it is, Kelsey. Let us in,” Greta yelled through the thick wood. Kelsey felt a slight smile tug at her lips. Even heartbroken over Burner, it was fun to mess with her sisters when they were being overprotective again.
“Sorry, I don’t think I know you.”
“Open this damned door, Kelsey Ann!” Hanna screeched, making her wince because Hanna knew she hated when they used her middle name; it always made her feel like she was five.
“Geez, can’t you two take a joke?” she asked, opening the door with a sour frown. “No reason to get mean. Besides, don’t you have a key?”
“I forgot it. Hanna was rushing me and hers seemed to disappear when she forgot it here several weeks ago. I am assuming you gave it to Burner and that’s why you’re running away,” Greta grumbled, pushing past her into the apartment followed by Hanna.
“I’m not running away,” Kelsey snapped, her eyes narrowing on her two sisters. “And I didn’t need my two big sisters to rush over here to rescue me either.”
“You are too running if you’re going to the cabin, which I assume is still your plan since I see your fully packed duffle sitting on your bed from here,” Hanna stated, her arms crossed.
Greta sat down on the couch crossing her legs to stare at Kelsey sternly. She hated that look, it reminded her of when she was fifteen and in trouble for something Hanna had usually instigated. Hanna had always been a fan of throwing caution to the wind and hadn’t really worried about the rules a fifteen-year-old needed in order to not end up being a damned hooligan.
“Yes, I’m going to the cabin but it isn’t because I’m running. It’s more that I don’t trust myself to stay strong,” Kelsey told them, plopping down in the chair after shutting the door.
“What?” Greta asked, looking at her with a raised brow.
“Burner and I agreed tonight to call it quits.”
“We know you two broke up but why are you running off to the cabin?” Greta asked, watching her carefully.
“Because we were never more than sex, all right?”
“Ha, you wanted more than that,” Hanna snarled. “You were never the fuck buddy type. Now me on the other hand that works for, but you not so much and Burner knew that. You can’t tell m
e he didn’t; he’s too experienced. That son of a bitch is going to get what’s coming to him too, don’t you worry,” Hanna finished with a wicked grin that did not bode well for Burner’s safety.
“No, Hanna,” Kelsey said firmly, her narrow-eyed look trained on her impulsive sister.
“What?” Hanna asked, now trying to look innocent.
“You’re not going to do anything to Burner. First and foremost because we need the Blue Bandits to continue to protect the club–” Kelsey began but was interrupted by Hanna.
“Do you think either of us care about that? He hurt you,” Hanna roared.
“Need I remind you that I’m not the first Cane sister to be hurt by a Blue Bandit?” She eyed Hanna sternly, remembering how hurt she’d been when her own relationship with a Blue Bandit member had ended. “You didn’t let me or Greta go off half cocked four years ago and I am not going to allow you to do it now.
Hanna paled and her eyes darted away before a stubborn look covered her face and she turned back to meet Kelsey’s eyes. “That was a long time ago and you’re not me. You can’t just move on like I did.”
“Bullshit. I know for a fact that you cried yourself to sleep for weeks after that asshole decided he didn’t like being in a relationship with you. You are not going to get revenge and it’s final!” Kelsey screamed at her, now so angry she could barely sit still.
“I will too–” Hanna began but Greta’s voice cut across whatever she’d been about to say.
“Enough, both of you!” Greta waited until they both stopped talking to look at her before she spoke again. “If she needs to go to the cabin then we let her, Hanna. Even though I agree she’s running, it doesn’t matter because we’re family and if she needs alone time, she gets it. As for Burner, Kelsey knows what she wants and she’s right, we do need the Blue Bandits to watch the club. Especially now with people getting drugged there and even if we do hate some of them now, they are useful.”
“I don’t hate him. That’s the issue,” Kelsey muttered, her eyes downcast, her heart aching a little as she thought of the things Burner had said to her before he left. She wondered if he would allow her to sleep with another member of his club just so he could tell himself he didn’t care. That thought had her up on her feet pacing back and forth as she clutched her waist trying to get a grip on her raging emotions.
“Stop pacing, you’re making me dizzy,” Greta whined from the couch, leaning back into the cushions and closing her eyes.
“I can’t help it. I didn’t ask the two of you to rush over here anyway so if you don’t like my pacing leave,” Kelsey grumbled, her hand rubbing over her face as she continued to pace back and forth.
“You’re grumpy tonight, aren’t you?”
“Shut the hell up, Greta. Like I just said, you didn’t have to come over here.” Kelsey felt like her head was going to pop from the pressure building up because her sisters were a pain in the ass.
“Of course we did, Kelsey. You’re our sister and if you hurt we’re going to be here for you,” Greta muttered, peeking at Kelsey through one eye before leaning her head back again and closing her eyes.
“I agree with Greta, you’re crabby. I just wish you would let me get back at him for you because I know he knew that he would hurt you if he slept with you. He’s a total jerk.” Hanna was in the kitchen grabbing a drink from the fridge as she yelled this at her. Kelsey rolled her eyes because she had no manners. Hanna could have at least asked before helping herself to her sodas.
“That’s just it, he really isn’t but he’s broken,” Kelsey said softly as she finally sat back down, tired of pacing and a little depressed over what had happened tonight.
“Well whatever he is, you should let me just do one little thing to make him regret hurting you,” Hanna stated, walking back into the room with her open can of soda, her look now pleading.
“No, I want you to promise too. Both of you. I won’t have you doing anything to Burner,” Kelsey grunted, her eyes moving from one sister to the other, her lips tight and her jaw clenched. Not that Greta was paying attention as she leaned back into the cushions, her eyes still closed, and Kelsey knew she was about to fall asleep.
“Fine, I promise but under duress. But if he says anything to me, I am making no promises that I won’t let him have it,” Hanna agreed after a ten-minute stare-down.
“Ditto,” Greta muttered.
“Uh-uh, you say it, Greta Lynn.” Kelsey knew better than to allow her to evade the promise in such a way. She had been bit in the ass by a lame promise from her sisters before and it wasn’t happening this time. Greta was less likely to try something with Burner but Hanna might be able to convince her.
“Fine, I promise not to maim your idiot ex-lover. Happy now?” Greta threw her hands in the air after making that pronouncement.
“Yes, yes, I am actually.”
“Okay, I know you want to get away from here and soon but can’t you at least get a little sleep. Just like five hours would be enough to make me feel better about you running off to the cabin because I’ll worry you’re going to fall asleep at the wheel otherwise. One of us can stay here and sleep on the couch to be sure Burner doesn’t bother you,” Hanna pleaded.
“Oh hell no, I am not staying on this lumpy couch. You can stay, it was your idea.” Greta glared at Hanna for even suggesting it.
Kelsey rolled her eyes because she knew that the only reason Hanna wanted to stay here was to convince her to not go to the cabin; she wasn’t stupid. Her big sister was not pulling the wool over her eyes despite her attempt to do so.
“You worry? I don’t think that’s something you know how to do, Hanna.” Kelsey shook her head with her arms crossed, watching Hanna through narrowed eyes.
“Hey, when it involves you, I do worry.”
Kelsey sighed. Yeah, that was likely true because she had been their responsibility for a long time. She wanted to just yell that she wasn’t a child and they needed to let her deal with her issues on her own but she didn’t want to hurt their feelings too badly, even if they were annoying.
“I know,” Kelsey informed her, running a hand through her hair, her agitation growing because she was really too keyed up to sleep but she understood why Hanna wanted her to get some. “I don’t need one of you to stay here. I can handle Burner if he were to come back. I really am not running. I promise.”
“I don’t believe you but I am going to agree to allow you your space but you aren’t getting forever. Four weeks max,” Hanna stated before she walked over to the couch thumping Greta on the forehead to wake her.
Greta sat up quickly crying out, “What? I’m awake. I’m awake, damn it. I was just closing my eyes for a second.”
“Yeah, and that’s why you’re snoring so loud I can’t think, huh. Don’t you care about our little sister at all?” Shaking her head at Hanna’s ridiculous statement, Kelsey got up.
“You two go home, and Greta, you ride with Hanna. We don’t want you falling asleep at the wheel and running off the road either. I’m going to try to get some sleep. Lock up when you leave.” Kelsey headed into her room to try and get a few hours of shut-eye, not that she thought it was possible. As she shut her bedroom door, she shook her head because she could still hear her sisters arguing.
Kelsey did manage to get about five hours of sleep despite being keyed up and overly stressed by what had happened with Burner. After a light meal, she left her apartment to head to the cabin they had purchased with their first year’s profits. It was a five-hour drive and she pulled up to the small three-bedroom cabin just as the sun was setting over her favorite meadow.
Kelsey climbed from the jeep feeling the wind catch her hair and whip it around behind her as she stared at the absolute beauty of the meadow with its little white flowers and the mountains in the distance. Damn, she’d forgotten how soothing this place was. She already felt comforted by the beginnings of soft purple and orange highlights of the setting sun framed by the mountains.
Le
tting out a deep contented sigh, she grabbed her bag from the back and headed towards the cabin. Entering, she smiled remembering the last time she’d spent time here. It had been a year ago when they’d all taken time off to spend a week here. They drank and played poker while talking about everything. That had been a great week and she kind of missed Hanna and Greta as she dropped her duffle by the door, shutting it before walking into the kitchen to turn on the generator that was in the little closet by the pantry.
After that was done, she opened the fridge to be sure that it was still working, grateful when it was because she didn’t want to have to do a daily food run if it was dead. She would have to head into the little town tomorrow to get groceries because she hadn’t wanted to stop on the way in order to get here before dark. She knew she’d need light because the generator was off. That made her think to check for fuel, finding there was still half a gallon, which should get her through at least a week. She grabbed her Colt 45 from her bag and checked to be sure no one was lurking in the empty cabin.
All of the basics done, she pulled some coffee from her bag, brewing a cup before sitting down at the little table in front of the large picture window they’d spent a ton of credits to have added to the cabin. She felt a little lighter watching the fading shadows fall over the meadow, a sense of peace settling inside her. She had made the right choice coming here. Burner wasn’t filling her head as much here because she hadn’t had sex with him in every room she entered.
Not that her heart wasn’t aching with longing for the stupid bastard; it was, but here she could almost push those feelings out of her mind and just be for a little while. Kelsey knew it wouldn’t last because she was in love with him but at least for now she could take some time to heal the gaping wound he’d created by refusing to allow her to help him move past the pain he was holding onto with both hands.
Burning Desires (Blue Bandits MC Book 4) Page 18