“No, I am not calling her and if he wants to find her, let him look because we both know he won’t be able to. Calling her might upset her more and we don’t want to do that. Burner, I am warning you, leave,” Hanna growled
“Fine, but this isn’t over.” Burner turned, grabbing his cut off the chair he’d thrown it on last night when he was watching a holo-vid before walking towards the open door with a fake glower on his face as he passed her, but when he knew she wouldn’t see it he grinned because he would be seeing Kelsey before the end of the day tomorrow now that he knew how to find her. He walked to his bike, kicked it into gear and headed to the clubhouse so he could get some shit together to go after her.
When Burner got the call from his contact two hours later, he was sitting downstairs with Rebel at the clubhouse talking about the Jackals who they’d found yesterday selling Juice near the restaurant.
“Yeah,” he barked into the phone.
“I found it. It’s in Mount Pleasant. I’ll send you the information on it because it’s going to be a bitch to find. It’s in an out of the way area about ten miles from the nearest town,” Harold, his contact in the record office, muttered.
“Thanks, I’ll be sure you get a case of apples this week,” Burner told him, already starting to stand, unable to contain the grin that split across his face at the news.
“Yeah, that works,” Harold replied. Since he lived inside the city it was likely he didn’t get much fruit and that was why this bribe always worked when the club needed to know about a deed. Most of the time it was so they could buy property but sometimes like tonight it was to find someone. Burner hung up still grinning widely, letting out a little whoop.
“Guess you found your girl then,” Rebel muttered, and for just a moment he saw a twinge of sadness in Rebel’s eyes before he hid it. Burner was too elated to have a general idea where Kelsey was to really question why he’d looked a little lost for a second. He felt his phone vibrate with the information Harold had found on the cabin the girls owned.
“Yep, tell Reaper I’ll be back next week for church.” Burner didn’t want to waste time calling him when he could be on the road headed to Mount Pleasant since it was a five hour ride from here. Rebel nodded and Burner headed out to his bike. Climbing on, he roared away from the club a few minutes later feeling a thrum of excitement run through him.
Five and a half hours later the sun was hanging low in the sky and he was coasting his bike up the little lane to the cabin so Kelsey wouldn’t hear it and attempt to run. On the way here he’d thought a lot about what he would say but as he neared his goal, seeing the light on in the little cabin, his thoughts scattered. Burner worried she wouldn’t care that he apologized and told her how he truly felt about her and that she would just tell him to leave. It made his hands sweaty and his legs felt unsteady as he climbed off the bike.
He spotted her jeep sitting in front of the cabin so he knew she was here. Putting down the kickstand on his bike near the tree line so she wouldn’t see it right away, he stared at the cabin. Burner suddenly wasn’t feeling so confident as he silently stood in the shadow of a big tree watching it. On the ride here he’d been sure he could win her back because he knew she cared for him; it was the reason she had insisted they talk about all the bullshit he’d gone through. Only standing here only inches from his goal, he wasn’t sure he should even try.
He rolled his neck trying to ease the tension suddenly assaulting him. His hand reached up sliding along his jaw, realizing that he hadn’t shaved. Maybe he should before he saw her, but even as the thought occurred to him he dismissed it because he knew he was just making excuses due to his nervousness.
Burner snorted a little at that realization. Hell, he was acting ridiculous. His jaw hardened and he took a step towards the cabin but stopped. What if she didn’t want anything to do with him anymore after the way he’d treated her? After all, he’d left with an offer to recommend her services to other men like she was a damned hooker. Burner cringed a bit when he thought of the awful stuff he’d said to her that day. He didn’t deserve to even ask her to forgive him, damn it, much less expect her to give it.
No, he had come all this way and he couldn’t imagine not being able to be with her after realizing how he felt about her. It wasn’t happening because he wasn’t leaving. Letting out a puff of air, Burner began walking towards the cabin, his guts twisted but with determination in every step. He was here to get her back and he wasn’t leaving till he made it happen.
Chapter Twenty-four
Burner stood before the door staring at the hard wooden panel with his pulse racing and a frown teasing the corners of his mouth as he shifted from one foot to the other. He should knock on the door but his hand didn’t lift to do so and he found he was suddenly pacing away from the door towards a little meadow, trying to get his emotions under control. He needed to not fuck this up, it was too important.
Burner was standing there with his eyes staring out over the little meadow when he saw her. She was standing in the middle of the field with her back to him, her red hair falling to mid-back. She wore a pair of jean shorts and a loose top that hung low covering her hips as she watched the setting sun sinking. Burner couldn’t take his eyes off her and his chest felt like it was hit by an anvil. She was so beautiful haloed in the red and gold glow of the sky and his breath escaped him.
Burner didn’t even remember moving, it was as if the sight of her pulled him in and he was so transfixed on her that he didn’t even notice until he was only a foot from her. Kelsey started and turned to face him, her eyes widening with shock as she stared at him.
“Burner?” Kelsey whispered.
“Hi, baby,” Burner managed to push out as they stood staring at each other for a long moment, before her brow furrowed and a little frown twisted her lips.
“What are you doing here?” she demanded, her arms wrapping around her waist as she took a step away from him. Burner flinched a little at the obvious rejection.
“I missed you,” he couldn’t stop himself from saying as his eyes ran over her soaking in the sight of her. He felt the need to touch her like a physical ache inside him as he stood there watching her take another step away from him.
“I doubt that, Burner. You left me, remember. Now, what are you really doing here?” Kelsey had dropped her arms from around her waist and stood with her hands on her hips. Burner stepped forward wanting to be closer to her. He had all these things he had planed to say to her about what had happened that day a few weeks ago but somehow all those words abandoned him and all he could do was move towards her. She threw her hand up between them shaking her head.
“No, I won’t let you just grab me again, that’s how this mess started. You should leave unless you’re going to tell me why you’re here.” Kelsey’s voice was tight and she looked stern as she contemplated him.
“Yeah, I know. But I really am here because I missed you, Kelsey.” Burner turned, unable to look at her and not want to touch her, but there were things he needed to say first. He let out a gruff sigh staring at the mountain. “I hurt you and I’m sorry. I never meant to do that.” He let out a snort of self-loathing. “I wanted to protect you.”
“From what?” she asked her voice shaky.
“Me,” Burner uttered, glancing towards her to see she was watching him before he finally said, “the shit I’ve done. I never wanted to make you a part of that, baby.”
“Burner––” she began but he cut her off.
“Just listen, please. I know that I can’t take back the things I did, they’re done, but I can explain why I did them.” Burner watched her nod before he ran a hand over his jaw. “Damn. I don’t know how to start this. I mean, fuck, I know I don’t deserve a second chance, but I’m asking for one.”
Kelsey was still standing a foot from him but her face wasn’t angry. Her head was tilted slightly and her gaze was steady but her body was still tense and it was clear she wasn’t ready for him to touch her like he wa
nted to. He was grateful that she was willing to listen to him, it was more than he deserved after what he’d said to her.
“I didn’t mean any of what I told you the day you left, Kelsey. I said those things just to hurt you.” He didn’t want to admit that to her but he had to so they could fix their relationship. “What happened while I was with the Headhunters, it broke something in me. The longer I was with them the more broken it was, until I couldn’t see how I would ever heal the hurt inside me. You have likely heard stories of their brutality and the way they treat women, hell, people in general, but that’s only half the story. Living it like I did for over a year, having to turn a blind eye to the rapes and murders– the kidnappings, all of that was hell.” His voice broke and he closed his eyes tightly. He paused, unable to speak as the memories flooded him.
Burner didn’t know how long he stood like that, with his eyes closed and the voices screaming inside his head, but he felt Kelsey’s gentle hand cup his cheek allowing him to push them back enough that he could open his eyes to stare at her. She stood before him now, her hand still cupping his face, her eyes dark and filled with sympathy that would have sent him running a few days ago but now only soothed him.
He reached up holding her hand to him with his heart pounding in his ears and he felt captured by her gaze. His breath escaped him in a rush and he wanted to kiss her but there was so much more he had to tell her that he couldn’t, at least not yet.
“It’s okay, Burner,” Kelsey whispered, her voice soft.
“It’s not, baby. I never should have said those things to you. Just like I should have done something to stop those assholes from hurting women,” he retorted, his voice hoarse, his eyes closing again because he couldn’t bear to look at her while he spoke those words aloud, the ones that echoed inside him.
“You did do something to stop them, Burner. You stayed even when it was destroying you. You didn’t walk away and leave those women to their fate. You stayed.” Kelsey’s voice was firm and when his eyes opened to look down into her hazel pools of understanding, he felt as if they were ripping him open.
“I––no, staying wasn’t a big dea–” he began but she stopped him with a shake of her head.
“Yes, Burner, it was. Most people wouldn’t have stayed if it was tearing their lives apart but you did. It wasn’t easy and they would have killed you if they found out you were there only to bring them down. What you did was brave.” Kelsey was now cupping both his cheeks to force his eyes to stay on hers.
“No, it wasn’t brave,” he snapped, his eyes darkening as he glared. “It was fucked up. I allowed them to hurt people and I helped, Kelsey.” He needed her to understand that he wasn’t a good man like she wanted to make him out to be. Burner knew that letting her believe he was some type of hero would get him what he wanted but he refused to allow her to make him into a white knight, even if it cost him the only thing he desired.
“I know that, Burner. You think I’m too innocent to understand what you had to do in order to pretend to be a part of their depravity. But you’re wrong, I know. But it was still brave because it tormented you, both then and now. You seem to think that I don’t get that you had to do bad things while you were there, but I do. I can imagine the awful situations you were forced into. Do you think if you’d tried to stop them from hurting those women that you could have? Because from what I know of them, all that would have gotten you was dead, Burner. How many times did you let a woman get away or protect them in the only way you knew how? And don’t tell me you didn’t do those things because I know better. You aren’t the monster you think they made you into or you never would have tried to stay away from me when we met.” Kelsey’s speech was impassioned and the look in her eyes made the ache inside him ease a bit but he wasn’t ready to agree with her. Before he could tell her that, she added, “And you certainly wouldn’t have saved me from being raped.”
Those words pierced him like a knife because thinking of someone hurting her made him a little crazy. Remembering the fury he’d felt that night and the time he spent watching her sleep because he couldn’t stand the thought of her needing him and him being in the other room, he paused.
“Kelsey, you don’t know what I did have to do. You can’t judge me by what you think you know. I–I didn’t want to do the things I was forced to do. I remember the first time I had to beat a woman. I did it because it was either me beat her or Viper would. Viper was cruel, he liked to flay women open with a whip and I just couldn’t take it that night. I just couldn’t.” Burner pulled away from her to press his face into his hands, the memories flying at him too quickly. He could still feel the weight of the whip in his hand as he stared at her bare back, wanting to be anywhere but in that room standing over that bed. Burner remembered the sound of it cracking against her skin and her screams when it hit and he flinched.
“Burner, you have to stop torturing yourself with this. I know you did things you’re ashamed of but you have to forgive yourself,” Kelsey whispered, trying to pull his hands away from his face but he wouldn’t let her.
“I hit her seven times before Viper decided I was really going to beat her and left the room. She was screaming and begging and I couldn’t stop or he would take over. When he left I tried to help her but she just jerked away from me and screamed her head off for over an hour until all she could do was whimper because her voice had given out. They were heart-wrenching, those whimpers. I didn’t sleep that night, hell, the next several nights, because all I could hear were those screams and her whimpering in the darkness. Viper actually complimented me on a job well done the next morning because she screamed for so long. I almost shot him in the head that day but I managed to control my rage somehow.”
Burner dropped his hand from his face to stare at her again. He could see the rage that burned inside her on his behalf as she stepped forward, her arms going around him. He knew that he wasn’t worthy of her but he also couldn’t bring himself to let her go.
Kelsey couldn’t stand there without touching him when he started telling her about what he’d been through. She knew how hard talking about it was for him but he was trying to let her in. It made her heart ache for him but it was what he needed to do in order to heal the open wounds that were festering inside him.
Over the past week at the cabin, she had thought a lot about the way he’d left her that night and she had come to the realization that everything he’d said had been to shove her away so she wouldn’t see. So she wouldn’t know how truly broken he was. It was why she had intended to go back home tomorrow because she planned to convince him she was worth it but here he was telling her the things he’d never told anyone about his stay with the Headhunters. He’d come to her and that made tears spring to her eyes because it meant that he truly wanted to work past the pain inside him so that they could be together.
She couldn’t deny the joy that burst through her despite her sorrow over what he had suffered. Wrapping her arms around him, she held him tightly, refusing to let him go despite the way he stiffened. Kelsey felt his sigh as he brought his arms up to hold her to him, one hand cupping the back of her head as he pressed her into his chest, his other arm tightly wrapped around her waist and his face buried in her hair.
“Kelsey,” he whispered almost desperately and she felt him jolt against her.
She squeezed him and he let out a little growling moan as he tugged at her hair, pulling her head back to meet her eyes with his blue ones. His eyes were filled with so many conflicting emotions that she almost wanted to cry. Burner lowered his mouth to hers slowly, allowing her time to protest but she didn’t. She wanted his kiss as much as he did hers.
When their lips met, his hard and unyielding, hers soft and pliant, she knew that he loved her, it was there in the air between them. Softly his tongue caressed hers and her fingers buried in his hair holding him to her. Kelsey moaned, realizing she was suddenly on her back on the bed of flowers when she felt the hard ground pressing into her back. Pressing
up into him, she tugged at his leather cut pulling it from him as she ran her hands up beneath his shirt, caressing his hard abs and moving upwards to circle his nipples. He grunted and pulled away long enough to rip his shirt off before coming back to her, his lips commanding as they took hers again.
Burner was already unbuttoning the oversized shirt she wore, his callused palms caressing the smooth skin of her stomach as he slid them upwards to cup her breasts. Kelsey could feel her body tremble as his mouth moved down along her jaw, his teeth lightly nipping her, and she felt the scrape of the small beard he’d grown brushing against her skin as he moved downwards. Her hands clung to his shoulders moving over him in possessive strokes, a gasp escaping her when his lips covered her nipple, sucking it into his mouth.
His teeth tugged at her nipple as his hand cupped her other breast, his fingers rubbing lightly over the beaded tip in a teasing motion that had her body shaking with unfulfilled desires. His head lifted and his eyes, filled with passion, moved over her breasts as he cupped them both plumping them, his thumbs rubbing over them.
“I fucking love your tits, Kelsey,” he growled, making a light blush stain her cheeks at his frank words. “When I touch them they ripen into little pink berries. So beautiful.” As he spoke his face lowered until his lips could surround her breast and he sucked one inside his hot mouth. Kelsey grabbed his hair, holding him to her as he lightly scored it with his teeth before he vigorously began sucking it again.
She moaned as pleasure raced through her veins in a heady rush of feeling, making her cry out his name as he moved across her chest to suck on the other one, his beard scraping against her skin adding to the sensations. Her hands moved from the back of his head to clutch at him, trying to contain the need that gripped her hard in its embrace.
Burning Desires (Blue Bandits MC Book 4) Page 23