by Anne Schraff
“Yeah. ” Darcy chuckled. “She takes all these gourmet cooking classes—she’s smart and everything, but it never comes out right. ”
“Do you remember the octopus?” Dad asked.
“Yeah,” Darcy said, starting to laugh again. “I couldn’t get my fork into that rubbery thing, and Jamee, she was about five, I think, and she goes ‘What’s this stuff?’ and Aunt Charlotte says ‘It’s a delicacy—it’s octopus,’ and Jamee starts throwing up under the table!”
“And the cucumber soup,” Dad gasped, wiping his eyes after tears of laughter.
“And the fish that smelled so bad that the people in the next townhouse complained,” Darcy giggled.
For just a few minutes it was like old times, but then Darcy remembered the distance between them. To break the awkward silence that suddenly set in, Darcy asked, “How’s your job?”
“Good. I sell men’s clothing, you know. The store is nice. My schedule is perfect, and I’m making good money. ”
“That’s great. I always thought you were a good salesman. ”
Dad smiled and then clenched his hands in his lap. Whenever he had something difficult to say, he did that. Darcy did the same thing. “Darcy, how is your Grandma doing?”
“Pretty good. She’s almost normal sometimes, for a little while, but mostly she’s frail and kinda confused. But we all help take care of her, and it works out all right,” Darcy answered. She felt tense. What was her father driving at? Was he, like Aunt Charlotte, going to suggest putting Grandma in a nursing home?
“The thing is, I was wondering what I could do to help,” Dad stated. “There must be something. ”
“Mom said you’re already helping out with money,” Darcy said.
“I mean, I’d be willing to pay for everything, and your Mom could quit her job and—”
“Mom told me she’d never quit her job,” Darcy interrupted.
“Yes, she told me that too. I thought you might try to convince her,” Dad said, looking intently at Darcy.
Darcy looked down at the tablecloth, not knowing what to say. The truth was that Mom did not trust him. Darcy did not really trust him either. Could Dad possibly be giving Mom enough money to quit her job? Darcy wondered. Not wanting to ask him directly, she said, “I guess it’ll take time, you know, for Mom to be able to do something like quit her job. ”
“I understand that, believe me, I do. And I don’t blame her. But I love your Mom. I know that sounds phony after what happened, but it’s true. And I love both you girls too . . . very much. ”
A cruel response threatened to fly from Darcy’s lips. Oh, really, Dad? Is that why you ran away with a twenty-four-year-old woman? Is that why you abandoned us? But she said nothing.
“I know I haven’t acted in a loving way,” he went on. “I can’t take away the hurt I caused. It happened. There are no excuses. There were problems in our marriage, but I took the coward’s way out. Sometimes when things are not going great and a temptation comes to a person, it is so powerful. So powerful. You decide in a moment of—I don’t know—craziness or something, you decide that this one thing is what’s going to put everything right. You forget all the decent things you’ve always believed in, and you tell yourself you deserve this happiness. Suddenly you are feeling young and alive like you haven’t felt in years, and . . . ” The words came out slowly, painfully, like nails being pulled from a hard, dry board. “And then when the fire dies out, you are left with the ashes. Then you ache with guilt, and you realize you’ve hurt the people dearest to you, and you can’t take it back. ” Darcy noticed that her father’s eyes were bright with unshed tears.
“Why didn’t you come back sooner, Dad? You just up and disappear for five years and expect everything to be all right?” Darcy asked.
“No, no, that’s not it. Darcy, I just didn’t have the courage to face what I’d done to my family, and I started drinking. I crawled into the bottle because I was a coward. I was in and out of a dozen detox centers. Every time I decided to come home, I’d lose the courage again. I’d think to myself, ‘What does that family need with a worthless drunk? Haven’t I hurt them enough?’ Then I’d drink myself blind again. And then one day—I guess it was a stroke of fate, or maybe a blow from the Good Lord—I got stabbed in an alley, and I almost bled to death. ” He pointed to a scar near his left eye. “Almost got blinded. I decided to get sober and stay sober, and somehow I did. And then, when I was sure it was for real, I came home. ”
“Well, Dad, I don’t know how all this is gonna play out. I’m not even sure how I want it to go. But for what it’s worth, I’m glad you decided to come back,” Darcy said.
He reached over and grasped her hand, giving it a squeeze. It was the first time her father had touched her since the goodbye hug those many years ago.
After dinner, Darcy and her father had another cup of coffee. “Maybe your Mom and I will go for counseling,” he said. “I know things can’t go back to the way they were, but I’ll do anything it takes to become part of this family again. I’d like to take care of my family the way I used to. I’d like a chance to make up, to try to make up. ” His voice shook as he spoke. He was a big man, and there was something terrible about hearing his voice shake. It was like seeing a mighty oak tree waver in the wind, making you wonder if almost anything in the world might crash at some point.
Chapter 9
On Thursday, Roylin Bailey came back to school. His head was still bandaged from the injury. He seemed sobered by the experience. After English class, he hesitated before approaching Hakeem and Darcy in the hallway.
“How’s it goin’?” he asked.
“Okay,” Darcy said. “Glad to see you back in school. You feeling okay?”
“Yeah. Headache is about gone. ” Roylin glanced at Darcy and Hakeem. “Mom says you guys were a big help that first night. ”
“Well, your Mom had her hands full with the little kids,” Darcy replied.
“Yeah, well,” Roylin said. He looked as if he wanted to apologize for some of the things he said to Hakeem before, but he could not quite bring it off. Not yet. Maybe later on, but not yet. So Roylin just smiled a little, shrugged, and walked away. Darcy glanced at Hakeem. He looked distracted. Maybe he was thinking about the fight again, how close he came to carrying a burden of guilt, deserved or not, for the rest of his life.
Hakeem had not said anything about going out in quite some time. She wondered if it was all the pressure of preparing for the talent show, or maybe his father’s illness. “Everything okay with you, Hakeem?” Darcy asked as they walked towards their next class.
“Yeah. Dad’s going in for a checkup. Hope that turns out okay,” Hakeem said.
A couple of girls from the cheerleading squad came running up to Hakeem. They told him he was sure to win the talent show. Hakeem smiled at them, his gaze seeming to linger on them as they skipped away. Or maybe that was just Darcy’s imagination. If Hakeem won the talent show, pretty girls from Bluford would be all over him. He was only human. Darcy figured she might not look all that appealing to him anymore.
Darcy had wanted a boyfriend for such a long time, and her shyness had stood in the way. She really cared about Hakeem, but if he did not like her back, well, then, she would have to get past it. Like Grandma used to say before her stroke, “Life for most of us is lots of potholes and ruts, and we got to get past them and keep moving on. That’s the thing, keep moving on, our heads held high. ”
Darcy tried to hold onto Grandma’s words for comfort. But the thought of Hakeem losing interest in her cast a shadow on her heart. And there would not be any words comforting enough to lift it.
When Darcy got home from school that day, Mom was finishing a cup of coffee before leaving for the hospital. “Sweetie, I didn’t get a chance to ask you—how was dinner with your father?”
“Good, Mom. I had a nice talk with him. He’d like to, you know, be more involved with the family again. ”
Mom set her coffee cup down hard
. “Anything’s possible, I guess. But don’t expect too much, hear?” Mom paused. “It’s not that I’m still angry—well, not much anyway. But that’s not the main thing. What if I trusted him again and he went away again? Baby, I got a life now— we’ve got a life. It’s not a great life, but at least I got some control. I know your father’s real sorry for what he did, but I just can’t put our lives back in that man’s hands. Not yet. Maybe not ever. ”
“I understand, Mom,” Darcy assured her.
“Sweetie, don’t get me wrong. He is your father, and he’ll always be your father. I’m not standing in the way of any relationship he wants to build with you girls. As a matter of fact, that’s the one good thing I do hope comes out of all this. But as far as him stepping right back into being my husband—well, that’s a whole ’nother story. We’ll just take that one real slow for now, okay?”
About twenty minutes after Mom left, Jamee came home from school. She flung her backpack on the kitchen table, poured herself a glass of orange juice, and sat down. “Tyrone picked me to be his project partner in history class. We’re gonna do a report on the guillotine. That’s the big blade they used to chop people’s heads off during the French Revolution. He is so hyped about it. Why are boys so weird?”
Darcy shrugged. “How should I know? Look at Hakeem. He acts like I don’t even exist sometimes. ”
“Figures!” Jamee responded. “Boys only want to be bothered with you when they want you. Then you’re supposed to drop everything you’re doing and go running to see them. Tyrone’s famous for that. We can be having a deep conversation, and if one of his boys comes along, he’ll drop me right in the middle of a sentence to start talking about cars and stereo systems. ”
“I would say it’ll get better as they get older, but looking at Mom, I’m not counting on it,” Darcy observed.
“Do you think Mom and Dad are any closer to getting back together? He said he wants to get us a house. Girl, can’t you just see the parties we could throw in a big backyard? It’d be good for Grandma too. She could sit out on the patio in her wheelchair and listen to the birds. Remember how she used to like to do that in her own yard?”
Darcy glanced out the window. There was plenty of daylight left to take Grandma down to the park for a little while if she was up to it.
Darcy helped Grandma into a sweater and then into the wheelchair. They went down in the elevator and out onto the street. “Are you warm enough, Grandma?” Darcy asked, adjusting her sweater.
“Oh, it’s so nice out,” Grandma said contentedly.
Darcy pushed the elderly woman down the sidewalk to the tiny park at the corner. It was not much more than a few stone benches and some large mulberry trees, but you could always count on hearing the birds singing and chattering as they scrambled through the branches.
“Do you hear the birds, Grandma?” Darcy asked as she sat down on a bench by Grandma’s wheelchair.
“I hear them. I put out the seed for them yesterday. There were starlings and some little sparrows. Oh, Angelcake, did you check the feeders this morning? I hope them greedy pigeons didn’t get it all . . . ” Grandma fretted. “And the birdbath. I cleaned it yesterday, but it gets dirty so quickly. And the starlings just have to take their morning bath. It just wouldn’t do for the water to be dirty when they came. ” Grandma thought she was back at her little house again, sitting in her garden where bird feeders hung from every tree and a large stone birdbath dominated the middle of the yard.
“I took care of everything, Grandma,” Darcy said. Just then Keisha, a girl from Darcy’s science class, appeared with her grandfather walking slowly beside her, his hand in the crook of her arm.
“Hi, Darcy,” Keisha said. The girls introduced their grandparents to each other. Grandma smiled in the vague way she had lately. Even though she was confused when she met new people, her own natural graciousness always shone through. She had always been a warm, welcoming person, and now she rose to the occasion.
“So nice to meet you,” she said to Keisha’s grandfather.
When Keisha and her grandfather moved on, Grandma said, “What nice people. We must have them over for dinner soon. I’ll make sweet-potato pie. I made one yesterday, and Mama said it was as good as hers. ”
They stayed in the park until the air turned chilly, and then Darcy pushed the wheelchair home. When she neared her building, she saw her father’s silver Toyota parked outside.
As Darcy wheeled Grandma towards the elevator, Dad got out of the car. He had not seen his mother-in-law since he came back, and now he stood there looking even more bewildered than Grandma. The last he had seen of Grandma, more than five years ago, she had been full of energy. Now she sat frail and shrunken in the wheelchair. He had probably kept the memory of the feisty little woman with the twinkling brown eyes, and now that image was surely shattered by reality.
“Grandma,” Darcy said softly, “Dad is here. ”
Five years ago, Grandma was quite aware that Dad had left. She had called him many choice words over the years. Grandma could cuss someone out with the best of them. But after her stroke last year, the memory of his abandonment had blurred. Most of the time, Grandma thought Carl Wills was away on a business trip. “Hello, Carl,” she said, staring at the big, burly figure before her. “I’m glad you’re home. ”
Darcy’s father reached down, took Grandma’s hand, and kissed it. “It’s good to see you too, Annie. ” He always called his mother-in-law “Annie. ” And during the first eleven years of the marriage, Grandma and Dad had a wonderful relationship.
“How are you, Carl? Is everything all right at work?” Grandma asked.
“Just like syrup on hotcakes, Annie,” Dad replied with a warm laugh.
Grandma turned and looked at Darcy. “Well, Angelcake, what a nice surprise. Your Daddy is home early. My word, what a treat. ”
Darcy stood there, gripped by sadness over all that used to be and never would be again. Her father saw the look in her eyes and reached and pulled her against him. Darcy left some tears on his shoulder before they separated.
“Daddy, I’m glad you’ve come back,” she sniffed.
“And I’m glad to know that. ” Dad smiled at her, his eyes wet with tears.
Chapter 10
Hakeem Randall blew away all the competition in the talent show and walked away with the grand prize—a trophy. Darcy did not even try to be among the first to congratulate him. Kids swarmed around him so thickly that he looked like a celebrity. There was even a local newspaper reporter there to interview him.
Darcy told herself that it was not Hakeem’s fault that her heart raced so far ahead of his. Darcy did not share her hurt with anybody, not even Tarah. She just finished her science work in the library and walked home. On the way, she thought about calling Brisana for a trip to the mall—since Mom did not have to work today, and Darcy had a whole afternoon with nothing to do. But when she turned onto her block, she saw her father’s Toyota in front of the apartment. As Darcy got near, Jamee leaned out of the car’s front window. “Dad wants to show us something, Darcy. Mom said it was okay. ”
Darcy got in the car, and they drove a few blocks, stopping at a pale yellow stucco house with a red tile roof. Vines with brilliant red leaves covered a trellis in the front yard.
“Cool house. You know somebody who lives here?” Jamee said.
“No, not personally. But I do know the owners are renting it with an option to buy,” Dad explained. “It has three bedrooms and a den that could be made into a bedroom. Two bathrooms . . . ”
“Are you talking about what I think you’re talking about?” Jamee asked excitedly.
Dad smiled carefully. “I’m hoping, I’m hoping,” he said.
“Can we look inside?” Jamee asked.
“Yeah, come on. The real estate lady gave me the key,” Dad said, leading the way to the solid front door. The house was old, but it was in good condition. You could see that whoever lived here loved the house and took care o
f it.
Darcy followed Jamee down the hallway to the back bedroom. A large window looked out into the backyard where there was a little stone fountain with stone elves perched around it. “Ohhhh, Grandma would love this,” Jamee sighed.
“It’s only a dream right now, princess,” Dad said. “Maybe a pipe dream. I’m going to talk to your Mom, and we’ll see. ”
“Darcy,” Jamee called moments later, “come look at the bathroom. It’s shining, and it’s got pink tile!”
“Could we afford it?” Darcy asked her father as they stood in the front hallway, ready to leave.
“Yes. It wouldn’t cost much more than you’re paying now for the apartment. I’m doing so well at work they’d let me sign for it,” Dad said.
“We could still go to Bluford, right?” Jamee asked.
“Sure,” Dad said. He got real quiet then. Finally, he said, “You know what the prettiest sight in the whole world is? It’s a house at night with the windows all lit up and sounds of family. Kids laughing, music, just folks talking. A family there, you know. When I was alone in New York, I’d pass houses at night, and look into the windows, those little squares of warm light. Just looking at them and knowing a family was inside, I would think of what I’d done and what I’d ruined. I about died of shame. Guess you can say that now I’m hoping to make up for lost time. ”
After Dad locked the house, they stopped for ice cream. On the way home, everybody was very quiet. It was as if they were close to something wonderful and fragile—something so delicate that even the sound of their voices could damage it, make it disappear. When Dad dropped the girls off, they let themselves into the apartment without saying a word.
Saturday afternoon, the weather was so nice that Darcy took Grandma to the park again. Darcy was sitting on the stone bench reading a short story for English when a familiar voice said, “Hi. I called your house and Jamee told me you’d come down here. ”