“Yeah, he’s just saying that to explain why the hell the two of them are here with me.”
“That may be, but they are here. That’s something. And they worship you. That’s obvious.”
I sigh for the millionth time. “Yeah. They like me. I’m aware of that. They feel more for me than they normally permit themselves to feel. I get that too. But this story doesn’t have a happily ever after because it was born in secret. Life isn’t that perfect.”
“It could, you know.”
I shake my head. “Nope. There’s no path that leads to happily ever after here. For one thing, there’s a third man involved. And he’s not here. It’s not the same without him. I almost feel like…like we’re cheating on him.” I shudder. That’s the best way to describe it. Julius plays a role in our foursome, a role that is void right now. He’s sort of the director or something. I can’t even work it out in my own head, let alone explain it to someone else.
“Have you talked to him? Have you talked to any of them?”
“Of course. We keep communication wide open.” At least we did. In the beginning. Before things got weird and feelings got involved.
“About this though. About your feelings?”
I pick up my mascara and open it. “It’s complicated.”
“That’s the understatement of the year.”
Silence hangs in the air while I put on eye shadow.
Sabine takes a deep breath and blows it out. When I glance at her, I find her staring at me, her brows drawn together. “I have to tell you something, and you’re not going to like it.”
I face her more fully. “What?”
“I busted into your room for a reason this morning, and the messy bed wasn’t my only clue that you were sleeping with someone.”
I frown. What is she talking about?
She pulls her phone from her pocket, taps the screen a few times, and then turns it around to show me.
I gasp as all the blood drains from my face. I grab the phone, finding it difficult to rationalize what I’m seeing. But there’s no doubt. It’s a picture of me, standing in the aisle at the pharmacy, pulling the pregnancy test off the shelf. “Where did you get this?” I think I’m going to faint as I lift my gaze to Sabine.
“Marla. Apparently she saw you at the pharmacy yesterday morning.”
“Shit.” I run a hand over my hair. Marla of all people. She’s always in everyone’s business and the only person I know would have taken such a picture. “She’s a total gossip. She’s probably showed half the city and shared that on social media.”
Now, I’m freaking out. The last thing I need is for the entire damn town to think I’m pregnant at the funeral. Or worse, suspect I’m dating either Levi or Beck. Everyone thinks I’m a goody two-shoes, and they’ve been correct. At least until this summer.
This damn picture could have already been sold to the tabloids and I could be on the front cover by the end of the day. I’m well-known in this area. My grandfather was an important man. This can’t be happening right now.
Marla would love to make a buck at my expense. Sabine and I met her our freshman year of college. She was in two of our classes and drove us batty from the moment we met her. Prissy and perfect and in everyone’s business.
Sabine is shaking her head. “Lucky for you, since I’m your best friend, and Marla thought she had some sort of juicy gossip that she might be able to tell me before you did, she called me before anyone else this morning.”
“And you believe her? You think she sat on that for twenty-four hours before calling you?”
Sabine shrugs. “Well, I scoured social media before I came here and found nothing. No one else from her social group has contacted me. So, I think we can safely take her word for it.”
I try to breathe. “What on earth would keep her from telling everyone eventually?”
Sabine grins. “I told her it was mine.”
I gasp. “You told her the test was for you?”
“Yep. I was completely cool. I gave a good show on the phone for her, groaning as I explained that I was too distraught to buy the test for myself, so you went for me. Trust me. She bought my story. I laid it on thick. She easily would believe I could be pregnant. I even told her I was relieved to find out I wasn’t. Your secrets are totally safe. Marla laughed and said she couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw you. She figured you wouldn’t have sex until you were thirty and married. I told her she was probably right.”
I’m still shaking. “You really think she bought it?”
“Yes. But more importantly, would you mind telling me what the results were?” Sabine crosses her arms and stares at me.
I blow out a breath. “Negative.”
“Well, that must have been a relief.”
“Yes. And I never mentioned even suspecting I was pregnant to Levi and Beck, so please don’t say anything.”
Sabine makes a motion to zip her lips. “Not a word to anyone. Promise. But you should really get on birth control if you haven’t already.”
I nod. “I should. I haven’t had a chance. We’re always careful. Condoms every time.”
Sabine wiggles her eyebrows. “Yeah, well, when you’re fooling around dragging three different penises near your private parts, they leak precome before you put the condom on, girlfriend. It can happen.”
I blow out a breath. “I know. You’re right. I need to go on the pill.” Of course, it also seems like after tomorrow I might not have sex again for a hundred years, so why bother. I don’t say this to Sabine, however. I’m not ready to face the end of my relationship myself. I have no interest in discussing it with my best friend right now.
Chapter 47
Master Levi
* * *
Our girl is amazing. She has spent the entire day on her feet in high heels greeting hundreds of people as they come through the receiving line to give her their condolences. She has smiled at every person, the vision of a perfectly raised socialite.
Beck and I have kept our distance, making sure there are enough seats for everyone in the chapel, consulting with the staff at the funeral home, verifying that the limos will arrive on time. Everything that needed to happen in the background to make this day run smoothly, we have handled. For her. Because she means more to us than anyone.
My phone buzzes in my front pocket, and I pull it out to see it’s Julius. I swipe to take the call but then slip from the room and through the side door to step outside before addressing him. “Hey.”
“How is she?” he asks right off the bat.
“Amazing. Exhausted. Holding it together like the strongest woman I’ve ever known. Things you would know if you were here.” Where you belong.
“You know that’s not possible. I’ve had my hands full with work this week. I’ve also found someone to take some of your appointments, by the way. He’s good. He won’t let you down.”
I frown and lean against the brick side of the building. “You sure that’s a good idea?” Our reputation could be trashed in a heartbeat if the wrong person fills our shoes.
“I’m sure it’s the only idea. Have you looked into any of the venues I emailed you about?”
I blow out a breath. We have not. In fact, Beck and I haven’t even discussed this possibility. It’s far-fetched and too soon. We haven’t had time either. We’ve been busy. And approaching Abby about one or both of us possibly moving to Cambridge is more than she can handle this week. “No. And I’m surprised you’re working so hard to make such a preposterous thing happen. We have the perfect life together in Seattle, the three of us. If you’re tired of the arrangement, you should say so flat out instead of pawning us off on the state of Massachusetts as if it’s the perfect solution to a problem you’ve dreamed up in your head.” I know I’m being abrasive, but seriously, Julius has pissed me off. He’s just as deeply involved with Abby as we are, and yet he’s in denial.
“You know that’s not true. I’m stepping out of the way to let you both choose.”
I chuckle sardonically. “Bow out? Don’t you mean chicken out? You’re so damn afraid to let yourself live again that even after twenty years, you can’t open up to someone. Not everyone is your fucking ex, you know. Some people are kind and good and nice and pure. Abby, for example.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought about Theresa, and look where that got me.”
I groan. “Abby is not Theresa.”
“Abby is also not available. At least not to me. Her future is at Harvard. I live in Seattle. You can uproot. Or Beck. Or both of you. I cannot.”
“That’s bullshit,” I spout, gritting my teeth to avoid shouting. “Have you asked Abby what she wants?”
“Have you?” His voice raises too. And he’s right. I have not. I haven’t asked Beck either. We’re all walking on eggshells, ignoring the elephant. And we haven’t had a choice so far. Abby has a full plate. Her grandfather died. She’s got too many things to deal with, and she’s barely holding on by a thread.
What she has needed from the two of us, we have gladly provided—a soft place to fall at night. Dominance from the moment we shut the bedroom door at night until morning. It calms her. It helps her sleep. I know she benefits from our presence even though we haven’t discussed anything about the future.
If her staff suspects anything is happening between us, they’ve said nothing. I know for a fact Sabine is aware, but she won’t breathe a word, and the way she looks at me tells me she approves, warily, but it’s something. I suspect she has decided not to judge us for our unconventional relationship, but she will kick our asses if we hurt Abby. I don’t blame her.
“Look,” Julius continues, “think about finding a storefront there. Look at the locations I found.”
“And then what? Let’s say for argument’s sake that Beck and I sat down with Abby and we all agreed to set up house as one big happy family. How the hell would that work? She’s going to law school. She has no interest in outing herself to anyone publicly as a submissive. Even if there were only one of us, she still wouldn’t flaunt to the world that she was in a relationship with a forty-three-year-old man.”
“Cut it out with the ageism, Levi. It’s a cop-out. People date in all age ranges these days. No one is going to blink at a grown woman dating a marginally older man.”
“Fine. But two men?” He knows I’m right.
Julius sighs loudly. “If you care about her, you’ll figure this out. All three of you.”
“And what about you? You care about her just as much as Beck and I do. And yet, you’re too stubborn to admit it or let go of your insecurity and take a chance. You haven’t even called her since we left. You think that doesn’t hurt her? She’s mentioned you several times. Beck and I have made excuses for you because you ghosted her. Instead of acting like you’re so high and mighty with all the answers to my problems, why don’t you fucking call her and man up and tell her how you feel or break off what you have with her. Hell, you don’t even have to look her in the eye when you tell her you don’t want her because you suspect she’ll fuck you over like your ex. You could do it by phone. Why not just send her a breakup text?” I know I’m being an ass, but I’m pissed.
“Fine. You want me to call her now? Is this a good time? Because last I heard, you three were at a funeral.”
I groan. “Yeah. That’s right. Toss another excuse at me. Whatever. I’ve got to go. She’s greeted hundreds of people today. I should bring her a glass of water at least. Someone has to look out for her. It sure isn’t going to be you.” I hang up and stuff the phone back in my pocket. I’m too angry to go back inside yet though.
Julius and I have never fought in ten years. None of us have. We’ve never had a reason to fight. Now we’re fighting over a woman. That’s what it boils down to. Beck and I haven’t fought over her yet, but the tension is there just beneath the surface. It’s only a matter of time before we blow up at each other too.
Julius is partly right. Society won’t have a complete meltdown over a woman dating a man in his early forties. But no one in her circles will understand her living with two men. Which means, even if she did agree she had deep feelings for one or more of us, we can’t all come out winners. Beck or I could logically stay here in Cambridge. It makes more sense anyway. We could expand our business to this side of the country and each run one of the locations.
Each. Not both. I have no idea if Abby cares more for one of us than the other. Hell, she might prefer Julius over Beck or me. Or maybe she has zero interest in continuing this arrangement in any form.
I suspect that last part isn’t true though. I suspect she cares more than I often permit myself to internalize. Which means Beck and I could be in for a showdown. I don’t relish this battle. I never expected a day like this to come.
And it’s my fault. I’m the one who saw her picture first and looked her up and dug into her life to choose her over any other applicant for the internship. I’m the one who knew in my soul she was more than just a pretty face with an interest in photography. I did this. I created this mess.
I’ll never be sorry. She’s made me realize I need a permanent submissive. Not someone I just train and release, but a woman who wants to stay, someone who will look at me the way Abby looks at me every day. Someone I can hold close and cherish and worship for the rest of my life. Someone who climbs into my bed every night and doesn’t leave.
I want that. I didn’t even know I was missing out until now. I want it, and I won’t stop until I’ve found it. If it turns out Abby would prefer to be with Beck or Julius or none of us, I’ll still have learned something about myself in the process.
Oh, who the fuck am I kidding? I want her. I will fight for her.
And this is why Beck and I are in for a battle.
Chapter 48
Master Beck
* * *
“Where did you go earlier? You disappeared forever.”
We’re standing outside the front of the funeral home at the bottom of the steps off to one side. It’s been difficult to keep our distance from Abby. When I’m in a room with her, I gravitate to her side, but today I’ve forced myself to stand near the back of the room most of the time. I know Levi has too.
We checked on her occasionally and brought her water, but we didn’t hover. Hopefully most of the mourners who came didn’t notice our existence because our proximity makes Abby nervous.
It’s understandable. I get it. It still pisses me off a bit. I wanted to stand at her side. Set my hand on her back. Kiss her neck occasionally for reassurance. I did none of those things because people would have gasped.
Few people inquired about us, and to those who did, we told them we were her bosses, here to support our hard-working employee in her time of loss. No one seemed to question this. In fact, those few people seemed elated that we were so kind.
“I took a call from Julius. He pissed me off. We argued.”
I flinch. “Why?”
Levi glares my direction. “Why do you think? I lectured him about not being here or confronting his feelings. He lectured me about looking for a Cambridge location for Vanguard.”
I sigh and run a hand through my hair. “Not surprising. Should I be expecting a call from him also?”
“I’m sure he assumes I will relay his disappointment in the two of us.”
“What the hell does he expect? Did he think we were going to show up in Massachusetts for a funeral and simultaneously lure the grieving granddaughter into a permanent threesome?” I can perfectly imagine how Levi’s chat with Julius went, and I’m not sorry I missed it. Julius was unreasonable even before we left. He’s so hung up on being jilted two decades ago that he trusts no one.
“Something like that,” Levi murmurs.
“The bitch of it all is that Abby has never once insinuated that she’s interested in a long-term relationship with any of us, let alone more than one of us. We’re infringing on her life goals.”
Levi meets my gaze. “Julius is right about one thi
ng. We can’t know that for sure until we confront her.”
I blow out a breath. Frustration is eating at me. Levi and I have to talk. We never discuss this looming problem. “I can’t see a reasonable path forward that doesn’t hurt one or more person. Can you?”
Levi shakes his head, his shoulders dropping. “No.”
“I mean, let’s be frank. All three of us, Julius included, are half in love with her. Julius can act like a dick about it if he wants, but it changes nothing. On top of that, we know Abby cares about all of us to some degree. It’s undeniable. I’m going to assume she doesn’t have any more answers than we do. Her life is in turmoil. She’s not getting enough sleep. She has enormous decisions to make. And we’re hovering like puppy dogs.”
Levi gives me a wry grin. “Puppy dogs?”
I shrug. “I’m panting over her. Aren’t you?”
“Yes. You’re right. But she needs time and space to heal and think. Not pressure to make life-altering decisions. And besides, we both know how much she loves law and how excited she’s been about her future. No matter what happens, I’ll insist she follow her dream first and foremost, even if it means walking away from us.”
I watch his expression as he speaks. He’s thought about this. I’m not surprised.
The door to the funeral home opens, and I glance to see who’s coming out. It’s Sabine. She looks around, spots us, and heads our direction.
I like Sabine. Even from the moment I first met her. I nearly laughed when she shooed us off the second floor yesterday as if she were the queen of the castle and we were nothing but minions. She has spunk. She loves her friend.
And she’s heading toward us with a determined look on her face, her hands on her hips. We’re about to be read the riot act.
Sabine has gorgeous red curls that frame her face perfectly. It’s a shade of red with just enough brown in it to tone down the color. Her complexion is pale, and freckles dance across her nose. She might look cute and harmless most of the time, but her current expression is filled with frustration. I can feel it even from several yards.
Teaching Abby Page 24