by Maryam Diaab
Where I Want To Be
Maryam Diaab
Genesis Press, Inc.
Indigo
An imprint of Genesis Press, Inc.
Publishing Company
Genesis Press, Inc.
P.O. Box 101
Columbus, MS 39703
All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, not known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying, and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without written permission of the publisher, Genesis Press, Inc. For information write Genesis Press, Inc., P.O. Box 101, Columbus, MS 39703.
All characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author and all incidents are pure invention.
Copyright© 2008 Maryam Diaab
ISBN-13: 978-1-58571-566-4
ISBN-10: 1-58571-566-2
Manufactured in the United States of America
First Edition
Visit us at www.genesis-press.com or call at 1-888-Indigo-1-4-0
Dedication
To my mother, Diane Diaab and my grandmother, Gertrude Perry. Thank you for leading by example and teaching me that anything is possible.
Acknowledgments
Wow! I can’t believe the time has come for me to say thank you to everyone who has made this book possible.
First and foremost I would like to thank my husband, Damon, for his unwavering support, wonderful ideas, and constant patience. With you is where I want to be.
D.J. and Cameron, thank you for not bothering mommy too much when she needed to write.
To my father, Sabir Diaab, thank you for being my biggest fan.
Nancey Flowers, my agent, thank you for believing in my talent and finding this book a home.
To Deborah Schumaker, thank you for taking a chance on an unknown author and for answering my e-mails with kindness and patience.
And finally, to all the women who, from the beginning, loved Alexis and Massai as much as I do: Jamila, Nicole, Stacey, Tiffany, Mariam, Rahwa, Sharyl, Mornike, and Kelly. Without your input and advice there would be no Where I Want To Be.
1
WHAT’S GOIN’ ON?
Alexis rolled over on her crisp, white Ralph Lauren sheets, an uncharacteristic splurge, and looked over at the pillow next to her. Kevin was gone. The man who had been there last night and gave her so much pleasure had disappeared—as usual. Her memories of their lovemaking vanished in an instant. She ran her manicured hand over the pillow, trying to gauge how long she had been sleeping alone. The cool pillow suggested she had probably been alone minutes after she had fallen asleep.
This disappearing act was an ongoing sore point between Kevin and Alexis in the six months they had been together. They would have amazing dates, followed by amazing nights together. Afterward they would talk about their hopes and dreams until they fell asleep in each other’s arms. Alexis would wake up smiling until she saw and touched that cool pillow. She had questioned Kevin about it numerous times, and he always had what seemed to be a perfectly plausible excuse: He had to be at work really early in the morning, or he had to chauffeur his mother to the doctor. It was always something, and she always ended up frustrated and disappointed.
Alexis rolled out of bed, tugging at her white Victoria’s Secret silk gown, which had bunched up around her waist, and crossed the carpeted bedroom to her beautifully decorated living room. Beige couches, matching chaise lounge, and antique walnut cocktail table, all purchased at estate sales and bargain warehouses, lent a warm and luxurious feel to the room. The walls had been recently changed from basic “apartment” white to a gorgeous shade of camel accented with midnight blue trim, reflecting Alexis’s tastes and underlining her refusal to live in an apartment that was a clone of a hundred others. On the walls were black and white framed photos dating back to the late 1800s. The pictures had been passed down through her family for generations, and they explained her mixed heritage of African-American, Irish, and Spanish. That and her clear, caramel-hued skin, dark eyes, narrow nose and silky, naturally curly hair that when blown straight reached to the middle of her back.
In the kitchen Alexis noticed an expensive pair of gold hoop earrings lying on the breakfast bar and picked them up. She knew that Kevin had left them for her to soften the blow of waking up alone again. She gently slid each earring through her pierced lobes and thought of the man who had left them. Kevin was always doing sweet and thoughtful things like this, leaving little notes or gifts for her to find upon waking up. Alexis enjoyed such things, but she knew they were just attempts to mollify her mounting frustration. She would have much preferred to wake up in Kevin’s arms instead of next to an empty pillow.
Kevin was everything that Alexis had always thought she wanted in a man. She had been instantly attracted to him when they met in, of all places, the grocery store. She clearly remembered the moment she saw the smooth-skinned, chocolate-brown man with the chiseled features, clean-shaven face and hazel eyes reading the back of a box of dryer sheets. He had taken her breath away, and she had nearly crashed her cart into the laundry detergent display. After getting to know him, Alexis found that, aside from being the most beautiful man she had ever seen, he was caring, sensitive, funny, an attentive lover and was a successful businessman as well. As the head of his own public-relations firm, he represented many of Detroit’s most prominent figures and earned six figures a year. In addition, he was free to make his own work schedule. He wanted kids and even expected to be married some day. On paper, he sounded like the type of strong, independent and focused man that her mother, Dana, had always hoped and prayed her daughter would find. But in reality and in the cold light of day, there were problems with their relationship. Kevin’s frequent disappearing acts were just the tip of the iceberg. They rarely went out and spent most of their time together eating takeout and watching DVDs in Alexis’s apartment. When they did go out on a real date, it was somewhere so far outside of the city it was like being in another world. Kevin had never taken her to his home or to meet his parents, nor had he ever offered to.
Alexis knew all the signs were there, but she just didn’t want to face them. She liked Kevin too much to believe, a la Sex and the City, that he “just wasn’t that into her”. Everything pointed to the obvious, but she believed the good outweighed the bad. He called daily, sent flowers often and when they were together it was as if they were the only two people on planet Earth.
Alexis sighed, flopped down on the couch and clutched a midnight blue and camel silk pillow to her stomach. Her conscience was trying to tell her that Kevin wasn’t right for her, but her heart refused to listen. As always she wanted it to work and she wanted it to work right now. Ever since she was a little girl, she had wanted to have a lifelong love like that of her parents. Married thirty years, Dana and Isaiah Hunter met during their senior year of high school and had been together ever since. Their life had its ups and downs, its laughter and tears, but it was full and complete as long as they had each other. That’s what Alexis yearned for, but thus far she had failed to make it happen.
Her history with men was not very encouraging, to say the least. It seemed as if the wrong men were drawn to her, and Alexis to them. She had dated the drug dealers, the women beaters; the ones with baby-mama dramas and the ones who couldn’t, or wouldn’t, keep their dicks in their pants. She had been used and abused so many times that when Kevin came along with all the right credentials and goals, she refused to see the problems that were so
apparent to everyone else. After all, of the three children her mother and father shared, she was the only one who wasn’t seriously attached. Her brother, Aaron, had married two weeks after she graduated from college and her sister Alicia, though only a college sophomore, was planning her wedding for just a month and a half away.
The ringing phone jerked Alexis back to reality. She lifted the receiver off its base and, reading the caller ID, smiled when she recognized the coming call from her longtime best friend and confidant.
“What do you want?” Alexis asked Claire jokingly.
“Someone’s in a funky mood this morning. Houdini must have pulled another one of his little magic tricks,” Claire laughed.
Alexis threw the pillow to the side and climbed off the couch. Returning to the kitchen, she poured herself a glass of orange juice. “Ha, ha, aren’t you a regular Dave Chappelle today. Are they giving you a show on Comedy Central or will you stick to holding your sign off I-96? ‘Will Tell Jokes For Food.’ ”
“Yeah, your attitude really is nasty today, so I know I must be right.”
“Look, I haven’t got time to play your little games, so let’s cut this short. What did you call my house this early in the morning for?” Finishing the orange juice, Alexis rinsed the glass and placed it in the dishwasher.
“I called to tell you that everything is set for the trip. We will be leaving on Thursday and the first concert starts the next day. We reserved a room at the Ramada Plaza right on Bourbon Street. We’re not going—”
“What do you mean one room?” Alexis asked loudly, cutting Claire off. “Three people are coming, right? And I know how you can be. I am not going to have to sleep in the lobby when you bring some local back to the room. No, I don’t think so. I want my own room where I can have some rest and relaxation! I’m sure Morgan feels the same way with her overly-in-love ass.” By now Alexis was checking herself in the bathroom mirror to make sure Kevin hadn’t left any marks on her body as he had done the last time. She had made it a point of telling him that she was not a child and that if he wanted to mark his territory, he would have to do it by making a commitment, not by leaving tacky marks on her neck in the middle of summer.
“You’re one to talk. Always making excuses for Kevin. Anyway, Ms. High and Mighty, all the hotel rooms are booked for that weekend, and if you can find something else in that area and for that price, please be my guest. Don’t you think I would rather have my own room? All your granny-acting ass is going to do is cramp my style, anyway. Talking about getting some rest and relaxation in New Orleans! There is something seriously wrong with you. We are going to Crescent City, the Big Easy. We are not going to sleep; we are going to party and if you are going down there for any other reason than that, then you should stay home and knit.”
Alexis laughed and remembered why Claire was her best friend. She had the balls to tell not just Alexis, but everyone, how she saw it and didn’t care what someone thought afterward. She was honest, blunt and straight to the point. Alexis thought that every woman needed a Claire in her life.
“Anyway,” Claire continued, “we are going down there to celebrate your birthday, so you of all people should be planning to have the time of your life. And again, you of all people should be trying to find a local to have a little fling with, considering what you have—or rather, don’t have at home.”
In that moment Alexis regretted ever telling Claire anything about Kevin and his highly suspect behavior. Claire reminded her of the fact that though Kevin had the means, he was often times less than attentive, and she was of the mind that he either had someone on the side or was on the downlow. Alexis personally thought Claire had been watching entirely too much Oprah.
“Okay, well, whatever you think is irrelevant to me right now. I am not that kind of girl, and I am going down to New Orleans to hear some great music, go sightseeing, eat some awesome food and shop. Notice how I didn’t include boning the first Southern guy that crosses my path on my itinerary,” Alexis said matter-of-factly as she searched through her closet for her favorite fuchsia and white yoga outfit.
“Alexis, you are so stuck up that it’s disgusting. Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, we are not going to all the concerts because some of them just aren’t that great unless you’re a baby boomer. On Friday, they have Destiny’s Child and Floetry on the main stage. Then they have Alicia Keys and John Legend. Sunday, Kanye West and Common will be performing. Since you are off work the entire summer we figured that we would stay an extra day and leave Tuesday morning.”
That was what Alexis loved about teaching—all the time off. She looked forward to summer vacation and always used that time to do the things she hadn’t the time to do during the school year. Traveling was one of those things. Thinking about the upcoming trip, Alexis couldn’t help but smile. Leave it up to her girls, Claire and Morgan, to plan the trip to end all trips. She had always wanted to go back to New Orleans, and had fond memories of the time the three traveled down to the Big Easy for Mardi Gras during their junior year of college. That had been a trip they would never forget. The wild things that had happened there always put smiles on their faces but would have to remain there. What happens in New Orleans stays in New Orleans.
“Claire, this trip is going to be great. Thank you so much for planning it,” Alexis said sincerely.
“No problem; that’s what best friends are for. Just remember to keep your ass out of that hotel room and in the streets with Morgan and me and you will be fine.” With that, Claire slammed down the phone in Alexis’s ear, praying that her friend wouldn’t ruin the trip she’d so painstakingly planned.
* * *
Returning home from the gym, Alexis felt relaxed and rejuvenated; yoga usually did that for her. Not only was it a good workout that kept her five foot, six inch, 125-pound frame toned, it also helped her to clear her mind and make her more focused. She needed this degree of focus to deal with Kevin, having decided to call him and find out what plans he had for the evening. She wanted to spend as much time with him as possible in the two and a half days before leaving for New Orleans, but more importantly, she wanted to find out what excuse he had for leaving her bed this time.
Alexis threw her gym bag onto the navy, camel and white checkered duvet cover and picked up the cordless phone from the glass end table next to her bed. She dialed Kevin’s cell number, and he picked up after the fourth ring.
“Kevin Washington.” Kevin’s deep baritone voice did things to her body that no one else’s had ever come close to. Just hearing it made her tingle, and she was instantly aroused.
“Hi, baby. How are you?” Alexis asked, trying to match the sexy timbre of his voice.
“I’m good. Busy. I’m sorry about this morning, but I had an early meeting and I didn’t bring my suit over to your place last night. You know how my memory is.”
“I know, I know. But it would be nice if we could spend just one full night together every once in a while.” Alexis inserted a pout into her voice and hoped he heard the disappointment.
“It’s coming, baby, I promise. But work has been so hectic these past few months. Trying to land this new account has left me little to no free time. As soon as all this madness is over, I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. Paris, Spain, sky’s the limit,” Kevin said, trying to pacify Alexis yet again.
“I don’t need all that, Kevin. I will be completely satisfied if you would just stay the entire night with me. I mean, we have been pretty serious for six months now and every time we make love, you take off like a thief in the night. I’m beginning to think that something is going on.”
“Alexis, I can assure you that nothing is going on. As I said before, I’m just really swamped at work. Anyway, on a more pleasant note, I’ll be over tonight around seven with your birthday present.”
“Kevin, how many times do I have to tell you not to get me anything?” she asked firmly, even though she was already excited about the promised gift. Maybe it would
match the earrings he’d left that morning.
“I can’t help it. You are so wonderful, and it’s the least I can do. I love to see you smile. I’ll see you soon.”
Alexis hit the end button on her phone and sighed. Kevin always knew exactly what to say to make her forget her anger and disappointment. But none of that really mattered because, right words or not, she still had that nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach that something was not quite right with their relationship.
2
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
Alexis spent the hours before Kevin’s arrival cleaning her apartment and beautifying herself, confident that once Kevin saw her and the romantic atmosphere she had created he would have no choice but to spend the entire night in her bed.
The ivory-colored candles on her coffee table gave the living room a softly radiant glow. Alexis pushed a button on the universal remote and the room filled with the sweet, jazzy sounds of Kem. The music flowing from the CD player in the walnut entertainment system produced the illusion of a live concert in Alexis’s mind. Satisfied with what she had accomplished, she looked in the mirror to make sure she herself was nothing short of perfection. Her long, dark hair cascaded down her back in loose curls, and the royal blue lace baby doll she recently purchased from Victoria’s Secret accentuated her curves wonderfully. She had made the right decision to forgo the matching thongs.
Alexis went into the kitchen to check on the lobster tails with drawn butter she was preparing for dinner. She had considered creating an elaborate dessert of chocolate-covered strawberries but had decided against it. She would be Kevin’s dessert tonight. She returned to the living room and fluffed the couch pillows. This was the most anxious she had ever been. This was her night. This was the chance she had been waiting for to prove all the doubters and cynics wrong. She believed that Kevin was a good man, a hardworking man. If he couldn’t spend every night with her, that was okay. Really. But tonight Alexis planned to put on a show so spectacular that if he left before sunrise then Claire was right, he really must be on the downlow.