by Ayers, Ava
“Just find a seat where you’d like. My guru sent a CD that we’re going to use for the reabsorption. It’s simply spectacular.”
We followed Lucia out onto the veranda and there were rows and rows of white chairs setup in front of an altar. A large picture of India in an ornate, gold frame sat on the altar surrounded by candles. Lucia sat in between Baron Richter and Adolfo in the first row and Sahara sat on the ground at their feet playing with pebbles.
“Where should we sit?” Rebel Love said into my ear.
“Uh, in the back,” I said. “Family will be up at the front.”
We filed into a row of chairs toward the back and sat down.
“She was so beautiful, Beth,” Rebel Love said as she stared at India’s photograph. “Such a shame.”
“Why is that baby playing with rocks?” my mother said as she stared at Sahara. “She’s gonna choke.”
“No she won’t, she’s an intuitive eater,” I said and smiled as I stared at India’s picture.
Lucia stood up and turned on a small boom box on the altar and classical music played.
“Thank you all for coming,” she said and smiled as she pointed to a man holding a video camera in the corner. “Tony, please?”
“She’s taping this?” Rebel Love said into my ear.
“We want to welcome our guests from far away to the reabsorption ceremony for India,” Lucia said.
“Sounds like she’s saying abortion,” Merry-Bell said as she leaned forward and stared at me over my mother.
As Lucia spoke about India and how everyone assumed the two of them were sisters and how India was an old soul destined to expire many times over and how Sahara was in fact communicating with India through the rocks she played with, I looked around at all the empty chairs and shook my head.
“No one else is coming,” I said into my mother’s ear. “Not any of India’s friends, not even any of Lucia’s friends. We are the only ones.”
“Yes, Beth,” she said and put her arm around my shoulder, “so sad.”
The music changed from classical to low, guttural chanting as Sahara continued to play on the ground. Lucia periodically halted her speech to ask Sahara what India was saying through the rocks.
I looked over at Ivory-Lou and knew that he was seething because he risked his life to come for this utter nonsense. India was spoken about as if she was still alive, in fact, Lucia said she could see her playing among the hydrangea bushes on the other side of the fence.
“She’s not even crying, Mama,” I said into my mother’s ear. “She’s only looking into the camera and smiling. Wouldn’t you cry if it were me?”
My mother looked at me and covered her mouth with her hand as her eyes watered.
“I would die if it was you,” she said.
And I knew that was the truest thing my mother ever said.
Forty-five minutes after it began, the rocks told Sahara and Lucia that it was time to end the reabsorption ceremony. The five of us sat in our chairs and looked at each other as Adolfo picked up Sahara and walked into the house, followed by Baron Richter and Lucia without a word.
After they closed the door, Ivory-Lou looked at me and shook his head.
“What the fuck now, Beth?”
“I-I don’t know,” I said. “I mean, this isn’t how things usually are here. I thought there’d be a huge group of people, not just...”
“Us,” Rebel Love said and stared at India’s picture.
“Maybe they’re waiting for us to come inside? People grieve differently, you know. We cannot expect them to act like they normally do. This isn’t a party,” my mother said.
We all walked back inside and there was not a soul to be seen or a sound to be heard in the house.
“Maybe they’re in that first room,” Rebel Love said.
We all filed in the room before the foyer and stared at each other.
“Jesus, what do we do?” I said. “I mean, what if the driver isn’t here anymore? I thought Lucia would assume we were staying.”
“Well, maybe you should have asked. Now we’re all standing here like we casing the joint,” Ivory-Lou said.
“Excuse me,” I said, “I didn’t think it would be appropriate to ask what was gonna go down at the after party!”
“Oh,” Baron Richter said as he walked into the room, “you’re still here?”
“Well,” I said and cleared my throat, “we were looking for Lucia and thought we’d say goodbye.”
“Adolfo has taken Lucia to her room. I believe she was very disappointed with the turn out, no offense. So, what is on the agenda for today? Are you going to take your family into the city, Jess? Am I right in assuming they’ve never experienced Manhattan?”
“Um, I don’t know,” I said and looked at Ivory-Lou. “Well, the thing is we didn’t know if--”
“I’m sorry,” he said and stared at us, “forgive me, I assumed Lucia would have explained that the offer of the plane only extended one-way. The plane is now grounded in Montauk for a few months.”
“One way?” I said and shook my head.
“Tell you what, I know it’s difficult for people who aren’t consummate travelers, so I can try and contact my travel agent so she can make arrangements,” he said and looked at his watch. “It’s still very early and I know there must be a great many planes still available to take you back to Kansas.”
“No,” Ivory-Lou said as he stared into Baron Richter’s eyes, “we make our own travel arrangements.”
“That’s wonderful,” he said. “If you’d like, my driver will take you to JFK for less than a hundred dollars. Cabs usually cost a bit more and are often times unreliable. Why not travel back in style, yes?”
“Let’s go, Beth,” Ivory-Lou said and walked to the front door.
“You are a very rude man!” Rebel Love said to Baron Richter and joined Ivory-Lou at the door. “Let’s go, Beth!”
Ivory-Lou and Rebel Love went outside and Baron Richter stared at me. I looked at my mother and she shook her head as she grabbed my hand and we walked outside with Merry-Bell in tow.
“I don’t understand,” I said as we stood in the driveway and waited for Ivory-Lou to finish negotiating with the limo driver. “Did we just get bounced from a funeral?”
“Reabsorption ceremony,” my mother said and shook her head. “I have never seen anything more superficial in my life.”
“Come on,” Ivory-Lou said. “Jeeves here is gonna take us to JFK. Grab Smurfette.”
Merry-Bell stood in the middle of the driveway and held her hands up.
“What the fuck is going on? Was that it? Not even a piece of fucking cake or a cup of coffee?” she said.
“Get in the car, Merry-Bell,” I said as I walked toward the limo.
“Say goodbye to the house, Beth, I don’t think you’ll be back.” Rebel Love said.
Ivory-Lou argued over the phone with a Delta agent as he bought plane tickets back to West Virginia.
When he hung up, he stared across the limo at me and shook his head.
“Fifteen hundred dollars!” he said and took a beer from the mini-refrigerator. “Five plane tickets, goddamn it!”
“I’ll pay you back,” I said and stared at my shoes.
“Oh yeah?” he said and took a sip of beer and nodded. “Did your quarterly bonus come in?”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“This is not Beth’s fault,” my mother said. “She had no idea that Baron Asshole would be so rude. I mean, really, he literally threw us out of the house like we were garbage.”
“Because he thinks we are garbage,” I said and looked out the window.
“I’m starving,” Merry-Bell said. “Hey, Chives, you got any food in this frig?”
“We can get you something at the airport,” Ivory-Lou said. “We have five hours to kill before our flight.”
“Aren’t you glad now, Beth?” Rebel Love said. “Those people are soulless.”
“I should have known bette
r,” I said and closed my eyes.
“Beth, wake up! Look at the sign,” Rebel Love said an hour later.
I opened my eyes and looked out the window.
“Brooklyn,” I said. “Man, I hate to admit it, but I was kind of hoping he’d be there.”
“I know you were,” she said and smiled.
Rebel Love turned in her seat and knocked on the glass divider.
“Excuse me,” she said as the driver lowered the window, “how long does it take to get to Brooklyn from JFK?”
“Thirty minutes, give or take,” he said.
She looked over her shoulder at me and winked.
“Rebel Love?” I said and shook my head.
“Would it be possible to drop us off first and then take my sister there and then back to the airport? She needs to deliver something.”
“Uh, sure,” he said and looked at me in the rearview mirror.
“Perfect, how much?” Rebel Love said.
“Call it even with fifty bucks,” he said.
“Perfect,” she said and turned to Ivory-Lou. “Give the man fifty dollars, baby.”
“What?” Ivory-Lou said.
“He’s gonna drop us off at the airport, take Beth on to Brooklyn for a bit and then bring her back. Fifty dollars,” she said and nodded.
“Rebel Love, I don’t even know if he’s there!” I said.
“Then you will leave the photograph and the book on his doorstep. You have his address, right?”
“Yeah,” I said and sighed. “I confirmed it with the I-Spy Network months ago.”
“Then it’s settled. He will drop us off, you will go there and the driver will take you back,” Rebel Love said.
“Ivory-Lou is gonna tell me no,” I said and stared at him and nodded. “He won’t let me go.”
He looked at me and smiled.
“Nah, I think it’s a perfect idea. What’s not to love? Showing up unannounced at a guy’s doorstep, hundreds of miles away from where you live after not speaking to him for months because you insulted him by saying some nasty, ignorant shit and broke up with him over the Internet? I only wish this was gonna cost me more than fifty dollars, Bethy,” he said as he handed Rebel Love a fifty dollar bill.
“God, I love you,” Rebel Love said and kissed him on the cheek. “You are the sweetest man!”
Ivory-Lou laughed as he closed his eyes.
“I don’t think I should,” I said and looked at my mother. “I mean, I was very rude to him. You know, I emailed him that picture a couple of days ago and he never responded. What if I get there and he has a girl in his apartment? I can’t deal with anymore humiliation.”
“Are you not the one who told me that you are the girl who flies across the country, the world, to see the man she wants?”
“Yeah,” I said and stared at the photo of us.
“You know, you’re right about me. I never took one goddamn risk. And not just with men, with anything. And look where I am. Take the risk, Beth. I’m not saying that it will end with love, I’m not even saying it won’t end in humiliation, but, it’s not for him you’re doing this, it’s for you. Take the risk. Just make it back to the plane on time.”
Ivory-Lou opened his eyes and stared at me.
“I’m telling you right now, you best get your stalker ass back to that airport on time, you hear me? They are non-refundable tickets and I will leave your ass in JFK and you will have to wait until your quarterly bonus comes in from your nonexistent fucking job to get home.”
“I don’t anticipate being there very long,” I said and pulled my compact out of my purse and stared at my reflection.
“Whatever, just get your ass back on time. Now, we’re coming up to the cutoff for JFK, you feeling nervous?” he said.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Good,” he said and laughed.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
The limousine pulled up in front of a large brownstone on a quiet street in Brooklyn. I looked up at the building and stared at the tall windows. My stomach flip-flopped and I thought about asking the driver to take me on to the airport. I figured I could hide out in the bathroom until it was time to meet them at the gate.
The text notification on my phone went off and I looked down and read the text from Ivory-Lou: Sent boarding pass. Check email. Gate C-29. Stalker.
I walked up the concrete stairs to Nicolas’ building clutching the picture and the book and stared at the directory. I scanned the residents of the building until I found him. Nicolas Miles, Apartment 4D. I picked up the telephone and pressed the intercom button.
“Please don’t answer,” I said as I stared at the tiny, blue octagon tiles in the foyer. “Please don’t answer, please don’t answer, please don’t--”
“Hello?” he said.
I watched the driver watching me in the side mirror of the limo.
“Hello?” he said.
I cradled the phone between my shoulder and ear and opened the book to the page: It was better to burn than to disappear.
“Hello? Is someone there?”
“Um, Nicolas?” I said.
“Yeah, who’s this?”
I stared at my reflection in the faceplate of the intercom and closed my eyes.
“Nicolas, this is Beth,” I said and took a deep breath. “I, um, I am here because--”
“Beth? I don’t believe it!”
“Fuck,” I said under my breath.
“Are you really downstairs outside my apartment, in Brooklyn right now?”
“Um, yeah, but when you say it like that, it really sounds crazier than it is. I just wanted to, you know what, I don’t know what I’m doing. I think I’m gonna go.”
“Jesus, hold on! I will be right down.”
I walked down the stairs and sat on the concrete steps. I stared at the water and the bridge to Manhattan and closed my eyes.
“Beth?” he said as he walked outside.
I opened my eyes and turned and looked over my shoulder at him. I could not breathe as I stared at him. He sat down next to me on the steps and looked at the water.
“You can’t swim in that, you know,” he said and pointed at the river. “Well, you can, but you shouldn’t.”
I looked at him and smiled.
“I wanted to return your book,” I said. “Um, I read it like eighty times.”
“Thank you for coming all the way to Brooklyn from West Virginia just to return a paperback that I gave you months ago,” he said and chuckled. “Very thoughtful of you.”
“Yeah, that’s me, I guess. And also, I wanted to apologize for that stuff I wrote,” I said and stared at my knees. “I felt insecure.”
“You went off,” he said and shook his head.
“You disappeared...disconnected,” I said. “I felt scared.”
“And I figured you changed your mind,” he said. “You never told me.”
“The thing is,” I said as I turned and stared at him, “well, the thing is, Nicolas, I’m not very good at taking care of myself.”
“Who is?” he said and brushed his shoulder against mine.
“Seems like everyone but me. I just, well, I liked you, Nicolas,” I said and looked at the picture. “I really, really did.”
“Am I missing something?”
“What do you mean?”
“Aren’t you supposed to like me? I mean, wouldn’t it be kind of odd if you didn’t? I guess you could have disliked me, technically, and still went out with me, though I don’t know why you’d do that.”
“What I mean is--”
“I know what you mean,” he said and pushed his leg against mine. “Let me see what you have there.”
He took the photo out of my lap and stared at it and smiled.
“That lady at Glade Creek took this,” he said. “That was a really good day.”
“One of the best days ever,” I said as I stared at the picture. “I emailed it to you a few days ago.”
“I didn’t get it. I changed my email th
ough,” he said as he stared at the picture. “I’m always forgetting my passwords, so I just start over.”
“Too bad you didn’t forget your Facebook password,” I said and stared at the bridge.
“Nope, saw that. I have to say as pissed as I was, I did appreciate your clever use of metaphor,” he said and stared at me. “Or would that have been simile?”
“You’re the writer,” I said and took a deep breath.
“I get confused. Hey, I found a publisher.”
“That’s amazing!” I said and smiled. “You must be really excited.”
“I am, I really am. I worked so hard for this.”
“Wow,” I said and stared at him. “I’m proud of you.”
“Thank you, Beth. So am I.”
“I think I decided something, a career path of sorts. Can I tell you?”
“Please do,” he said and turned toward me.
“I decided I want to be a photographer,” I said and closed my eyes. “If you think it’s silly, don’t tell me.”
“Why would I think it was silly? I believe I was the person who told you not to discount your work.”
“Yeah, you were.”
“We should work on a book together.”
“I need to work on a life,” I said and sighed as I looked at his Converse.
“Well, this is it,” he said. “You don’t get another one.”
As I turned and leaned into him, I grabbed the back of his neck and pressed my lips against his.
As I kissed him, I thought of nothing but how incredible that kiss felt. I did not wonder what he was thinking of me, I did not wonder if my ass looked big, I did not try to adjust the pitch of my sigh so it sounded sexier. I just leaned into that kiss and it was the best first kiss I ever experienced.
“I-I just wanted to do that,” I said.
“I am very happy you did,” he said as he stroked my cheek. “Come upstairs with me.”
“I can’t,” I said and looked at the limo, “I have a plane to catch. My family is waiting for me.”
“What have you been through since we last saw each other? Tell me,” he said and put his hand on my leg.
“I will...later,” I said and smiled.
I stood up and walked down the stairs toward the limo.