“Mr. Darcy,” she called and saw disappointment come across his face when she did not address him by his Christian name.
“Miss Elizabeth,” he began gravely, with all the cold civility with which he usually addressed a casual acquaintance. “I suppose you may desire to end our understanding.”
Elizabeth paled but did not take the time to contemplate the overwhelming sadness that pierced her heart at the thought. She collapsed on the bench. “Is that what you wish?” she whispered, her eyes focused on the ground.
“No! It is still my greatest wish to marry you. But I would never desire to force you. I love and respect you too much to take your choice away and make you enter a union with a man you cannot esteem.” He spoke with great pain. “I will buy their silence if my aunt’s demands are not obeyed and defend your honour in any way should your reputation become tarnished.”
Elizabeth was silent for a moment, realizing the strength of character in this man again. That he would allow her to end their engagement, against his inclination, was a great testimony of his nobility. “William.” She could not miss the surprise and relief flooding Darcy’s face, followed by his trepidation. “I am exceedingly sorry if I led you to believe I was expecting and wishing for your addresses. It was never my intention to deceive you. My manners must have been at fault. Prejudice blinded me before yesterday. I wilfully misunderstood every word you said, every look, every action.”
She took a deep breath before admitting the extension of her pride. “The events at the parsonage, your declaration of love, and my realizing how wrong I was in all my impressions of you left me embarrassed and uncertain what to say. I did not wish for you to know how dreadfully I had misjudged you. I believed the knowledge would wound you greatly. Until I could find the correct words or judge them to be truly necessary, I planned instead to display my regard and changed understanding of your character.”
She could see Darcy was holding his breath with a decided aspect of uncertainty. He glanced at her with a variety of emotions passing through his pale blue eyes. Looking away, he shifted his legs and twisted his signet ring. When he finally turned to her again, a small smile graced Elizabeth’s face as she believed he would not judge her eloquence.
She gently placed her hand on his arm, which drew his immediate notice. His breathing seemed to quicken, and he regarded her with what was likely hope in his eyes. She attempted to explain her altered feelings. “Perhaps I did not always like you, but I do like you now. It has only taken me longer to puzzle out your character, intricate as it is, than is my norm.”
She paused and smiled a little more, hoping he would recall her words from a discussion at Netherfield. She was not certain if she met with success, but tentatively she continued, “Knowing you better, I understand your disposition more. I do value and respect you. You have vowed to try to be worthy of my hand. I believe you are already worthy. You do not need to change in essentials.”
He made to disagree with her, and her anger flashed. “Will you not believe me? You say you respect me, but do you not believe me to know my mind? My feelings do not change without merit, nor would I feign esteem to placate your wounded feelings.”
Elizabeth was not amused when Darcy begin to laugh heartily and said, “I may jest that you enjoy professing opinions that are not your own; however, you have given me hope. I know enough of your disposition to be certain that you would acknowledge your feelings openly when questioned.”
Elizabeth smiled at her victory and was relieved she had eased his spirits. Unexpectedly, his expression darkened, and he added, “I can imagine what you would have said if I had proposed as planned.”
Elizabeth’s face clouded, for she knew she would have unjustly condemned him. The knowledge was sobering, but she chose to affect cheerfulness. “My conduct would not have been irreproachable. But let us only think on the past as it gives us pleasure.” After looking at her watch, she continued, “It is growing late. I believe you called for your carriage some time ago.”
Darcy nodded and offered her his arm. The two began slowly making their way back to the house when he was seized by a thought. He stopped their progress and turned to face her. “Do you think your father will still allow you to return to London with me tomorrow?”
Elizabeth’s eyebrows creased in thought, but before she could answer, they heard Mr. Bennet ahead of them brusquely declare, “No, I will not.” He then turned on his heel and returned to his study without even a glance at the couple.
Elizabeth stomped her foot in frustration. “I do not know why he persists in treating you so abominably. I have never seen him display such stubbornness.”
Darcy’s eyebrows rose in silent inquiry, for it was well known Elizabeth shared many attributes of Mr. Bennet. She blushed and gazed at her feet. “You may reasonably see that my mother often gets her way. I learned stubbornness from her. She does not find it flattering at all,” she added with an impish grin.
Darcy lightly smiled before saying, “It is well. I do not need to depart for London immediately, and Mr. Bingley has opened Netherfield. I may remain here for a few weeks before I must leave.”
Elizabeth was surprised at the feeling of loss generated by the idea of his leaving. “I am uncertain if my father will change his mind, but I shall work on him.”
Darcy must have perceived her sudden gloom. “Elizabeth, I know this is all sudden for you, but I have loved you for many months and have considered our union very seriously. Your father only needs time to become reconciled to our union. These obstacles are of a short duration, and I believe we can withstand these early trials. I choose you to share my lifetime. I choose you for my future; for all the years when we are established at Pemberley surrounded by our loving families, our children, and grandchildren; for the companionship of like minds; and, I hope, a dearest friend and ardent lover. I am very confident of our domestic felicity.”
Blushing and enjoying his happy picture but wanting to lighten the moment, she gave an arch look and replied, “Such a pretty image you conjure. But tell me, sir, what shall you do when I vex you greatly? Steal away on your horse? Pray, anything but banish me from your library.”
“Ah! So I see you desire my material goods, after all,” Darcy teased back, “and it is our library, my dear. And no more calling me sir or Mr. Darcy in private, my dearest, loveliest Elizabeth.”
“Yes, William,” Elizabeth replied softly. She noticed Darcy’s satisfied smile.
*****
Mr. Bennet chose not to announce the betrothal, and Darcy intended to take a quick leave of the Bennet ladies. Mrs. Bennet continued profusely in her praise of him for bringing Bingley back to the country and even credited Elizabeth with being clever enough to fall ill while Darcy was visiting his aunt. Darcy resisted the urge to roll his eyes, as her outpourings reminded him of the woman’s behaviour while Jane was ill at Netherfield the previous autumn. Does the silly woman really believe people can design their illnesses so conveniently?
His thoughts were interrupted by Mrs. Bennet’s overly excited voice nearly screeching with glee. “And pray you, remind Mr. Bingley of his engagement to dine with us. I have not forgotten, you see? And you, too, kind sir.”
“I assure you, madam, as soon as I meet with him...”
“And do inform him of how well we all are,” Mrs. Bennet interrupted. “My Jane is just as beautiful as last November. I am certain he will recall.”
As Darcy stumbled for some reply, he noticed the scarlet cheeks of the eldest two Misses Bennet. He heard the vulgar giggles of the two youngest, and believed he heard the words “Mr. Wickham” amongst their whispering.
Mrs. Bennet whirled upon them quickly and, in a loud attempt at a whisper, admonished her daughters, shocking everyone. “Now you must not listen to another word Mr. Wickham says. I will not have you insulting a friend of Mr. Bingley for a poor man in a red coat. Think of what this means for Jane! Think of what this means for all of us, with the entail! Besides, I am sure Mr. Wickh
am is only jealous of Mr. Darcy’s wealth.” Evidently, Mrs. Bennet was constant in her new appreciation for Darcy.
Darcy stifled a cringe at such a vulgar description but agreed. “Yes, do not trust Mr. Wickham.”
Kitty and Lydia gasped in disbelief. The younger exclaimed, “Why did you not give him the living, Mr. Darcy?”
Despite the vulgarity at such a forthright question, Darcy smiled. Things would be simpler if others made their inquiries so directly. “He refused to take orders, declined the living, and requested the value of it instead. It was only a few years later that he wished to receive it, after he gambled a sum of four thousand pounds away. He is quite the gamester.” Darcy hoped that would be enough to make the younger daughters discourage any attentions they might receive from the man, until either Darcy’s plan succeeded —or Mr. Bennet chose to explain the truth of Wickham to them.
Kitty chimed in, “Did you tell Lizzy? She must know, for it explains why she agreed to ride home with you.”
Darcy tried not to show his discomfort at further proof of Elizabeth’s prior dislike.
Lydia joined in, “La! Do you not remember? Lizzy hated him before we even met Mr. Wickham. She always said that...”
Darcy was never so grateful for Mrs. Bennet than when she exclaimed, “Lizzy! You did thank Mr. Darcy for his generous treatment, did you not? I see you are quite well enough to go on a walk nearly as soon as you return; surely you can see Mr. Darcy to his carriage.”
Elizabeth’s face was in a constant heated state throughout the scene, and with her eyes downcast, she turned to obey her mother and escort Darcy to the door. Remembering his declaration and intention to honour Elizabeth’s parents as his own, Darcy said with all the warmth he could muster, “I thank you, Mrs. Bennet, for such an enjoyable afternoon. Sadly, the day is growing late, and I must take my leave. Mr. Bingley is awaiting my return. I bid you all good day. Until tomorrow.”
He made a great show of bowing over her hand and kissing it, which sent her into such a nervous flutter that she nearly collapsed into a nearby chair. Darcy found he could only chuckle when he met Elizabeth’s astonished and amused eyes as he bowed over her hand, too. His actions clearly gave her great reassurance. After a strictly proper farewell, Darcy entered his carriage and departed for Netherfield.
Chapter Eight
Tuesday, March 31, 1812 continued.
Entering Netherfield, Darcy sighed with great annoyance as he noticed signs of Mr. and Mrs. Hurst and Miss Bingley, most notably her peculiar scent, which reminded Darcy of rotten fruit. He concluded it best to discuss matters with Bingley before refreshing himself. He hoped his words to Elizabeth were correct, and Bingley would not immediately dismiss him from his presence. He inquired of the butler as to his friend’s whereabouts.
Entering the library, where Bingley sat absently looking at a drink in his hands, Darcy took a deep breath and poured himself a fortifying glass. He crossed the room and sat silently in the chair across from his dearest friend for a few minutes, fidgeting some as his thoughts raced.
Finally, he cleared his throat and said unsteadily, “Bingley.” His friend did not respond, so he attempted again, “Charles.”
Bingley’s head shot up at the unexpected sign of intimacy, but he said nothing, eventually returning to stare at the glass in his hands. Darcy sighed and mustered his courage again, for what seemed like the millionth time that day.
“Charles, thank you for opening Netherfield to me without question. However, I am unsure if you will desire me to stay after I disclose what I must say.”
Bingley briefly looked at him with uncertain eyes, but Darcy persevered. “I know you must be confused as to why I escorted Miss Elizabeth to her home and renewed my acquaintance with the Bennets. You may even feel hurt and betrayed, which was never my intention, but someone recently has informed me that my behaviour gives many people the mistaken belief I care not for the feelings of others.” He winced as he imagined a scene of Elizabeth angrily rebuking him with the harsh words spoken by her father. At least I was spared that.
“First, let me admit I admired Miss Elizabeth from nearly our first meeting. I left for London believing I was merely bewitched but soon realised it was love.” Darcy was surprised Bingley did not seem shocked at the admission.
“You recollect, I am sure, my arguments against a union with the Bennets. I decided to overcome what I thought would be the degradations of the match but was hopeless of ever seeing her again.” He expected Bingley to reprimand him for hypocrisy, but the man remained silent.
“Miss Elizabeth happened to visit Mrs. Collins, the former Miss Lucas, while I visited my aunt in Kent. I planned to seize the opportunity and come to an understanding. Before I could act on my intentions, however, fate intervened.” Darcy explained the events that necessitated their departure from Kent.
He took another breath to calm his nerves and emulated his friend, who still stared unseeing at the glass in his hands rather than look at Darcy. “I say fate intervened because I now know that until very recently, Miss Elizabeth did not hold me in much esteem and would have refused me in other circumstances.” The last statement finally drew Bingley’s eyes from his glass, but he remained silent.
“After realizing how unkind I was in my arguments against her family, I learned Miss Bennet was, and still is, in love with you.” Darcy allowed the words to linger as he studied his friend.
Bingley sucked in a deep breath and simultaneously dropped his still full glass on the carpet. Bingley choked back a sob, masking the sound of the glass’ impact.
“I apologise for my interference, Bingley. I was incredibly mistaken in my understanding of her regard for you. It was officious of me to intrude in your affairs. Elizabeth tells me, and I witnessed it several times today, that Miss Bennet understands the wisdom in masking her feelings from the observance of others, not unlike I often do.”
He saw Bingley nod as though in agreement. Suddenly, more things made sense to Darcy. Of course, Bingley would be drawn to Miss Bennet and comprehend much in her quiet demeanour; he understood Darcy, after all. Darcy realised Elizabeth was as lively and amiable as Bingley. A selfish, blind fool I am! How little I deserve the respect of either of them!
Darcy closed his eyes before revealing his most damning disclosure. “I must confess more, and it might justly make you hate me. Miss Bennet was in London, until today, since January. I learned of it from Miss Bingley and agreed to withhold the information. Perhaps this is why, when she immediately called on your sisters, they treated her with barest civility, as I learned from Miss Elizabeth just today.” Darcy gulped back the bile of self-recrimination rising in his throat. “They waited many weeks before returning Miss Bennet’s call, in an unmistakable desire to conclude the friendship. I did not know Miss Bennet called on them —it would hardly be a sign of indifference towards you —but I believe I encouraged your sisters’ cruelty.”
Darcy watched as Bingley first went ashen, then turned red. For a moment, he expected Bingley might strike him. Darcy imagined he would do no less if someone attempted, with so much deceit, to separate him from Elizabeth. Bingley paced around the room in a highly agitated manner and cried out, “You hid all this from me! Darcy, I trusted you! How dare you? And Jane! She must be deeply hurt.” Darcy flinched at the vehemence in Bingley’s voice but would not defend himself. “And you say my sisters played a hand in this deceit? I could expect it of them, but not of you!”
Seemingly spent from his sudden pique, Bingley ceased his pacing and leant his arm against the mantle, allowing his head to drop onto it. Darcy waited until he heard his friend’s breathing level, then walked to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Darcy said quietly, “I truly do apologise. I shall leave at once if you desire it. I only wished to save you from a marriage of unequal affections. I should have encouraged you to stay and seek Miss Bennet’s approbation instead of leaving. I realise now that my desiring to leave Miss Elizabeth’s presence cultured my actions. I stole mo
nths of happiness from both you and Miss Bennet, and I shall never forgive myself.”
Bingley remained silent for another moment before shaking his head. “I cannot blame you entirely, Darcy. Or even my sisters. I should not have so easily allowed you to persuade me. And after I came to regret my decision, I was able to return at any time. Am I not the lease holder of this estate and my own master? I blame no one but myself.”
Darcy could not forgive himself so easily. Too many painful recollections intruded that he could not repel. “I knew you would rely on my judgment. I knew how to press my point.”
Bingley shook his head again. “You say she loves me still? After all the heartless treatment she received?”
Darcy could see the hope in his friend’s eyes and heard the earnest need for encouragement in his voice. “Miss Elizabeth would only speak the truth, and this afternoon when I mentioned your return, I narrowly observed Miss Bennet. I saw pain when hearing your name but no hatred, only regret.” Softly, he added, “I recognise the expression, as I have looked at Elizabeth in the same way.”
Bingley chuckled lightly and finally lifted his head to look at his friend. “She dislikes you that much?”
Darcy could not find it in himself to be offended if his pain brought comfort to the friend he had so severely wronged. “Much of it originated from my ungentlemanly words at the first assembly, compounded by Wickham’s malicious tales, and now I am attempting to redeem myself for my offences towards you and Miss Bennet. Though I now know all of Hertfordshire believes me selfish, arrogant, and hateful, Mrs. Bennet forgave me and credits me for contriving a reason for your return.”
He let out a frustrated sigh. “But Mr. Bennet has not. He begrudgingly approved the marriage due to the threat of scandal. Now my aunt Lady Catherine has notified me that she shall enforce silence on the matter, and Mr. Bennet received a note from her as well, which, I assume, states likewise. I am uncertain if he shall recognise the engagement now. Our earlier...discussion was more like an altercation, and I thought it best not to press matters again today. Elizabeth has agreed to honour the engagement and attempt to persuade her father, but I would ask you not speak of it to anyone at present.”
Compromising Mr. Darcy Page 10