Kitty suddenly realised the more material benefits of having two older sisters so well established. “And will you have balls every winter? You must invite us to London for the Season! I daresay Miss Darcy can acquaint us with all the most fashionable ladies!” Elizabeth and Jane shared a look and could only laugh.
Lydia was perhaps a little wiser now than an hour earlier, but she was Lydia still. She scandalised her sisters with her brazen questioning. “How honourable are Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy? You claim they feel great love and affection for you! How can you be so certain?”
Jane blushed a bright pink, and Elizabeth exclaimed, “Lydia!”
“Are you saying Mr. Darcy has not kissed you, Lizzy? Where is the fun in being betrothed then?”
Elizabeth blushed but realised if she talked about herself, perhaps her sister would also confide in her. She stuttered out an inelegant reply. “I...we...that is…That is very private, Lydia! I will only say that I would only kiss a man to whom I was betrothed, who openly sought my father’s approval, whom I was certain would and could marry me and…if I loved him.” All agreed to the wisdom of Elizabeth’s words. Kitty feigned a swoon, and Jane blushed again. Lydia laughed, and even Mary looked as though she could understand the temptation.
Wistfully, Lydia said, “What is it like, kissing a man?”
Mortification swept through Elizabeth, but it was worth it to know for certain that Lydia had not allowed Wickham any liberties. Elizabeth steadfastly refused to answer the question or even acknowledge a kiss had ever taken place. Like Darcy, she valued her privacy and was satisfied she had gleaned enough knowledge from her sister.
As Elizabeth’s mind returned to thoughts of the day, she acknowledged that she was entirely hopeful all might be settled well at last.
*****
The gentlemen called on Longbourn after breakfast. Due to Mrs. Bennet’s new appreciation for Darcy and his logical arguments for Elizabeth needing to meet his family, see the London house, and procure her trousseau, it was all ordered nearly precisely to his liking. Darcy, and he was rather sure Elizabeth as well, would have liked for him to leave immediately for London and remain until she departed with the Gardiners on their Northern Tour. Mrs. Bennet, however, demanded at least some time to exhibit the betrothed couple. In exchange, Darcy pressed his point for an early August wedding. Bingley enthusiastically suggested a double wedding. Although Darcy had been calm previously in the face of Mrs. Bennet’s outbursts, he could not keep his countenance during the caterwauling that commenced at the idea of planning two weddings in such a short span.
“Mrs. Bennet, I assure you, my aunt, Lady Denchworth, would be happy to assist you.” The ensuing peace was because Mrs. Bennet had fainted dead away.
After dinner, the betrothed couples took a turn in the garden, and Elizabeth said to Darcy, “I spoke with my sisters last night. I learned many valuable things.”
Darcy’s brow furrowed in confusion. Elizabeth was by far the superior in understanding her sisters, so he could not hazard a guess what manner of knowledge she could have gleaned from them. He looked at her expectantly, for once master of himself enough to realise he should not speak on the subject with rather uncharitable thoughts.
“We are in little danger of Wickham having success with Lydia.”
“Truly?” He raised his eyebrows in surprise, and the pitch of his voice further displayed his disbelief.
“Truly. Evidently, he attempted to importune her; he claimed he would soon be inheriting enough capital to buy an estate. Can you imagine? Due to your early intelligence on his lies about the living and remembering his reputation as a gamester, she was uncertain if she could trust his words. I will be forever grateful to your cousin for explaining the financial trials of soldiers. She sees the wisdom in not marrying an officer.”
Elizabeth turned and looked at Darcy with a rueful smile, “Although, now she is convinced she could marry an earl or a duke! She even asked Jane and me how we ensnared such wealthy gentlemen!”
Darcy chuckled. “Yes, I would like to know as well!”
Elizabeth glowered at him in mock reproach. “Well, Kitty wanted to know how we caught such besotted gentlemen!”
She meant it as a tease, but Darcy’s expression turned serious, and he leant his head towards her. She felt the need to hold her breath, the air between them suddenly heady.
He moved close to her ear and whispered slowly, “E-liz-a-beth.” His lips ever so slightly grazed her ear. She visibly shuddered, and Darcy bore a self-satisfied half-smile.
Pulling up to his full height, Darcy returned to the subject. “Tell me, how did you answer your sister?”
“I told the truth. I have not the least understanding how I gained your attention, despite the pretty words in your letter. But Jane and I explained that not every man was so honourable, and some, like Wickham, may try to take advantage of a forward or silly young lady.”
Darcy nodded in agreement. He fervently wished he had known Elizabeth last summer. Georgiana would have been saved much heartache.
“I know Lydia has not and will not allow Wickham any liberties.”
“How can you know such a thing?”
“Oh, we ladies must have our secrets.” She pulled her hand from his arm and began to inspect the nearby flowers.
Darcy was still not very used to being teased, and his voice grew sterner. “Elizabeth.”
She met his scowl with laughter. Flashing a twinkle in her eye, she called over her shoulder, “Oh, we talked of something I heartily enjoy!”
His mouth began to form a smile simply from seeing her liveliness. She was infectious. “Being silent and taciturn?” he queried.
Elizabeth rewarded him with full laughter. She approached him and whispered so quietly he had to duck his head to hear her. She made her eyes wide in mock innocence and turned her face up to his. “We talked of kissing!”
Darcy had not intended to let such teasing words go unpunished and was just beginning to lean his head down an inch more when she playfully skipped away. He stood dumbfounded for several heartbeats before deciding to catch up with the minx, a wide grin on his face.
Chapter Seventeen
Friday, May 29, 1812
A few mornings after Elizabeth’s conversation with her sisters about Wickham, Elizabeth and Darcy joined Jane and Bingley for a stroll to Meryton.
“I told you I spoke with my sisters the other night,” Elizabeth said.
“Yes.” Darcy could sense Elizabeth needed to broach a topic that brought her unease.
“You recall I said Kitty called you besotted?”
Darcy smiled at this. “She is surprisingly insightful.”
“Hardly. Now that you do not frown so much, it is rather obvious you gaze at me with affection.” She chuckled. “But she did bring up a point I had not considered.”
“Oh?”
“She said you must have loved me very much even last autumn for Wickham to so quickly determine your admiration and, in a matter of moments, formulate a plan against us.”
Darcy began to tense, fearing where her mind was travelling. He knew Elizabeth was quite intelligent.
“You merely told me Wickham knew you well. I suspect he could only recognise your admiration for me if he had seen how you appeared when admiring another lady at some previous time. No one else discerned your attachment while in Hertfordshire. Even Mr. Bingley has said he had no suspicions that you felt a deep attachment.”
“I was a fool, Elizabeth.”
She ignored his remark and continued in her logic. “Kitty and Lydia are great fans of the gossip columns. I have gone through all back issues we have to see if your name was linked consistently with any lady.”
Darcy’s surprise was great that she would take such measures. “I only read of your supposed engagement to your cousin, the former Miss de Bourgh, and in recent years, you often danced with your Fitzwilliam cousins and two ladies who were their particular friends.”
“You will r
ecall that I wrote you of that arrangement. Miss Dundas and Lady Beauclerk are quite aware I feel no admiration for them. The feeling is mutual and well understood by all the parties involved.”
She nodded and chewed her lip. “Yes, I understand perfectly.” Elizabeth fell into silence, and her countenance was troubled.
Darcy turned to her. “Is there something you would care to ask me, Elizabeth? I promise to be truthful, and I would not have your imagination create fears or doubts.”
“You are not so very young. You might have married long before now.”
“I always wished to marry for affection.”
“Yes, and you said I was the only woman you ever considered to be your wife.”
“It is true.”
“I can think of only one explanation for your unattached state and yet Wickham being able to perceive your regard.”
Darcy was incredibly uncomfortable with the entire subject but allowed Elizabeth to continue her reasoning. “And what have you determined?”
“You were in love with an unsuitable woman, perhaps while still in your youth.”
Before Darcy could negate her thoughts, she began speaking more rapidly. “Now my only question is to the reason she was unsuitable. You have admitted to struggling over your feelings for me, so perhaps she was a tradesman’s daughter. Or-or…perhaps a-a-a…” She looked down, clearly unable to continue. Darcy wondered if she even knew a word to call the type of woman of which she was thinking.
He needed a moment to gather his thoughts, for they were wild and disorderly. She seemed hurt—even a bit jealous—at the idea of his ever loving another, which gave him some sense of satisfaction. But at the same time, his honour bristled at the idea that she could think him the sort of man to visit, let alone love, a courtesan.
He took her hand and wrapped it through his arm. They needed to keep pace with the others. He glanced at her, and although her head was bent low, he could see her cheeks were quite red.
“Elizabeth, will you not look at me?” She shook her head and would not meet his eye.
“I will tell you, but I must see your beautiful eyes. Please, dearest.”
She turned her face to meet his gaze, and his heart broke when he saw her tears. At once, he was reminded of her innocence, for what did she know of men and their ways? Likely, she had heard nothing more than matronly gossip and perhaps nonsense read in a novel. They needed more time to speak. They were on the path to Meryton, but he knew they needed seclusion.
“Bingley!” She startled when he called ahead to Bingley and her sister.
“Bingley! Let us not go to Meryton. Elizabeth tells me of a delightful glade along this path.”
All eyes turned on him in confusion, but all members of the party happily acquiesced, and soon they were turned on a little-travelled path.
“William, how did you know about the glade?”
“I took many long rides along this path last autumn. I would find myself headed toward Longbourn and would pull off the path to argue with myself.” He did not tell her he had done the same thing in Kent.
This earned a tremulous smile, but she said nothing.
After determining their companions were sufficiently distracted, he lowered his voice and spoke earnestly. “Elizabeth, I have loved no one but you. Ever. I did not speak vain words when I told you so in the carriage on the way to London. You are the only woman to earn my admiration…”
She interrupted him, “In five years, at least, I do recall. But years ago there was another, I know.”
He shook his head. “No. I am a man; I have noticed other ladies, it is true. I was pursued from a young age; you know how long my aunt schemed against me. But while I was at school, I had limited interactions with young ladies. It was not until I graduated and shortly afterwards became master of Pemberley that I was truly subjected to the husband-hunting and mercenary ways of the ton’s marriage mart. I abhorred it and viewed everyone with scepticism.
“No lady could break beyond my prejudice but you. Others may have been handsome or witty dinner companions, but never did I anticipate any further interaction with them. Never did I desire their daily company. Never did I long for some sign of their regard.”
Elizabeth did not appear entirely assuaged. “And before you became master? Whom did you admire then? For you have qualified all your statements.”
He let out an exasperated sigh. “Elizabeth, what does it matter? It was nearly ten years ago!”
“Because I am courted by a man who I worry stills holds a torch for another.” She turned, her eyes full of unjustified anger and frustration, and Darcy felt his jaw tense and a cold mask fall over his face.
They walked in silence for several steps when she spoke more calmly. “You promised to be truthful, and I dislike that you still keep something from me. You are keeping a terrible secret from your past about a woman and Wickham. How am I to know that you can enter our union with no regrets?”
Darcy was defeated. “Elizabeth, I have only tried to protect your sensibilities, but I will not allow you to continue thinking this of me. While at Cambridge, I admired a classmate’s younger sister. I only met her a handful of times. I did not even speak to her beyond the requirements of civility. I found her pretty, but I did not know her or make any steps to do so.
“She was like most other young ladies and acted as though she desired to be the next Mrs. Darcy. I do not know if there was any real attachment to me or just to my name. Nevertheless, my friends enjoyed some good-natured teasing on the subject, and Wickham was one of them.”
He could see Elizabeth’s confusion. “I still believed Wickham my friend then. For years, I attempted to ignore the way he sought my father’s favour, the way he used his connection with the Darcys to find a superior place in Society. The last time I saw the lady in question, Wickham was enjoying her company and enjoying even more that I did not have her attention.”
Elizabeth furrowed her brow. “There is more…there must be more. Why else would you hate Wickham so much? Or try to hide this time in your life.”
Darcy stopped walking for a moment. They were on a clear stretch, in easy eyesight of Jane and Bingley, but he wished to have more distance between them.
“Months later, my friend came to me. Wickham had seduced the young lady, and she was with child. Wickham refused to marry her; he wanted a wealthy heiress, and she was one of several daughters and from a family of no distinction. They could not call him out without destroying their reputation. I could not convince Wickham to marry her, and the family instead found an estate where she could hide. Neither she nor the child survived.”
Elizabeth gasped.
They began to walk again, and at length Elizabeth felt capable of speech. “Wickham recognised your admiration years ago, and you believed he easily saw your regard for me now. Did you fear he would attempt something similar?”
“After I danced with you at Netherfield, I knew I either needed to declare myself or leave to protect you, as I could not restrain my attachment. After our engagement, I knew Wickham would have no scruples in acting similarly against your sisters to make revenge on me. He has the added inducement this time: if he marries one of them, he can hope I would supplement his income.”
“But William, that does not explain why you never admired another lady. Wickham was not always so near you and capable of hurting you, as he is now. It must have been difficult being a young man, denying yourself the company of young ladies out of fear of Wickham, and dissolving into untrusting prejudice against their motives.”
“That is true. I...the entire story with Miss Middleton troubled me.” He wished Elizabeth to understand what he meant, but he was uncertain of saying something more explicit to her maiden ears.
“To be certain, it is a fearsome tale.”
“Elizabeth, I was hesitant to speak of this at all but did so because you believed I was capable of loving a woman who would sell herself.”
She blushed deeply, but he persisted. “I
do not know what you apprehend of the ways of men. But there are men who would purchase such comforts. I am not one of them. The thought of a woman suffering in childbirth and dying without the protection and benefit of marriage for my selfish pleasure is abhorrent to me.”
He paused, then decided to continue; she should know all. “My mother died after delivering Georgiana. Indeed, she was frequently ill while with child between my birth and Georgiana’s, but we always lost the child. She gladly went through her travails for love of her husband and children. So you see, it is not only the consequences Miss Middleton faced for her actions that have shaped my decisions.
“I have not explained this to any other. Long before I knew Miss Middleton, I considered my mother’s selflessness. She was willing to die to bear children for her husband and to give me siblings. I realised that the love my mother had to bear children should extend to the very act that could create them, and that act should be honoured by both marriage partners. I desired a marriage based on love and want my children created with love. I would not degrade the physical act of love.
“And I was sensible of the hypocrisy of asking women to remain chaste until marriage while men are encouraged to have dalliances.”
“I think I understand,” she said. She blushed and looked at him—her eyes full of joy—with a brilliant smile. “So, there really has been no one but me?”
Darcy caught his breath. “No one. Ever. No one ever for me but you, Elizabeth.” After a quick glance at their surroundings, he bent his lips to hers. The kiss was quick and sweet. “I have never even tasted another’s lips, Elizabeth. No one ever for me, but you.”
Darcy inwardly triumphed at the fond expression his words inspired, until Elizabeth ducked her head, and he saw her shoulders begin to shake.
“Elizabeth! Dearest, no, please.” He glanced around again, thought blast propriety, and pulled her into his arms. Nary a second later, he discovered she trembled in laughter, not tears!
Compromising Mr. Darcy Page 21