Now that she realised her thoughts, not his words, were the true source of her pain, she no longer needed his continual reassurance. She could not place her self-worth on his approval; it had to come from within. The knowledge that no one else could hurt her was powerful. She was indeed worthy of his love and admiration, but her worth was not contingent upon his regard.
She blinked back tears. “Thank you.”
He pulled her into his embrace, and she revelled in the new sensations of acceptance she felt. Somehow, Darcy saw the real her. He knew her in an intimate way no one else ever had.
Jane or her aunt would tell her that her feelings of inadequacy were unnecessary, which in a bizarre fashion, only reinforced the feeling. But Darcy did not try to denigrate her emotions. He allowed her to feel them because they were a part of her. He only asked if such thoughts made her happy. And now with his arms wrapped around her, she truly felt happiness.
She could not remain silent for long, however. Her courage always rose to every occasion. “And what is your greatest fear, William?” She attempted to suppress a great yawn but was unsuccessful.
Darcy pressed a kiss into her hair and guided her back to her chair. “Rest yourself. I will write Mrs. Scott a note of apology for our mess, and then we must get you to bed.”
Darcy left for his study to write the quick missive to the cook, and when he returned, Elizabeth was asleep in her chair. She barely roused and needed to be carried the final steps from the top of the stairs to her room, the laudanum still having an effect on her after her meal.
When he drew the counterpane over her, he leant down to kiss her forehead. “Sleep well, my love.”
Elizabeth turned towards the warmth and murmured sleepily, “Stay, please. I know tonight is not...is not how it should have been, but hold me, please?”
Darcy could not refuse her request. He lay next to her, face to face, in what he hoped would not turn into too tempting a position. Before drifting to sleep, he acknowledged silently that his greatest fear was not earning her unconditional love.
He also acknowledged that pride was most definitely coming before the fall. Only hours before, he had told himself he could resist the temptation of his lovely wife for the duration of her pregnancy and had used the example of his previous restraint as proof. But it was all for naught because his restraint always shattered near her, and it was only his foolish pride that thought otherwise. But maybe if his resolve came out of concern for her and the babe and was not complicit in merely consulting his own desires, he could prove valiant.
Chapter Fourteen
Jane entered the breakfast room the morning after her sister’s wedding and tried to not feel emptiness. This was as life was meant to be. They all had duties to marry, and she was fortunate enough to find love and an acceptable match. Perhaps she had never expected before that they would be so scattered. Even London was many hours away; Lizzy in Derbyshire was so far she could scarcely hope to see her above three times a year. She was not alone in her thoughts.
“Thank heavens you will be near me, Jane,” Mrs. Bennet said as she buttered a roll.
“Perhaps now that you see what it is like to lose one daughter to matrimony, you will not be so fast to wish the rest gone,” Mr. Bennet said with a sad smile over his tea.
Mrs. Bennet shook her head. “No, Lizzy is not so far away because she married, but only because of who she married. Jane will live close by, and they will host more balls. Did you see the attention the other girls received on Tuesday?” A twinkle returned to her eyes. “Oh, and London! Jane and Lizzy can host the girls in London, and they will all make such good matches.”
“The London gentlemen may not be local, madam,” he said.
Jane’s heart lurched a little for her parents. They seemed to be trying to hold onto their usual ways, but both seemed to feel Elizabeth’s loss acutely.
“But Jane will only be three miles from us.”
She wondered if Bingley meant to always stay at Netherfield. She did not know the particulars of the lease but knew he meant to buy an estate one day, and Netherfield may not be open. Perhaps he would wish to stay in Hertfordshire at least. It occurred to her how very few women she knew married and moved far away from their families. Her own mother had not. Her father had been a solicitor in Meryton.
Kitty and Lydia finally arrived in the room, giggling. Jane smiled at their youthful exuberance.
“What has my two silliest girls so happy first thing in the morning?” Mr. Bennet asked.
“Nothing!” Kitty immediately exclaimed at the same time that Lydia spoke.
“We were only wondering if Lizzy slept well her first night in her new house,” Lydia said with a wicked gleam in her eye before laughing again.
Jane blushed for her sisters’ antics and the reference. She jumped when Mr. Bennet laid his cup on the table with a clatter.
“I am learning to be cautious! It seems my sensible daughters are not as sensible as I had thought, and so I am prohibiting you, Kitty and Lydia, from all balls unless you stand up with one of your sisters. No more visits with these officers either. The last one who entered my house was rake! You must prove you can spend at least ten minutes a day in a rational matter before you may walk to town again!” He rose and began to leave, but Mrs. Bennet stilled him.
“Mr. Bennet! Mr. Bingley will call soon! You cannot mean to leave us already.”
“Mr. Bingley has gone to London to finish the paperwork with his solicitor.”
Mrs. Bennet huffed. “Well, what’s the point in having suitors if no one ever calls? I do not know why he had to hurry off to London, for the wedding is not for many weeks.”
Mr. Bennet opened the door just as Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner stood at the outside. Jane looked at her hands, knowing she would see the pain on their faces.
“Jane and Bingley will wed on Monday. It cannot be delayed.”
“Edward!” Mrs. Bennet cried to her brother. “Is this your doing? You must return to Town so soon? I thought you were to remain until Christmas!”
Jane looked up, feeling the weight of her aunt and uncle’s stares upon her. For the first time since the night of the ball, she began to feel some recrimination. Mr. Gardiner hastened to his sister’s side.
“I am sorry, Fanny. I received the notice just Thursday. I had thought Mr. Bennet would have told you.”
“No, he treats me most cruelly, as you see! I am always abused by everyone! Two rushed weddings. No young men calling! What is the point of it all?” Mrs. Bennet cried and clasped her handkerchief to her chest.
Seeing that one of her “attacks” was coming on, Jane stood. “Here, Mama. You are overtired from yesterday. You must rest.” She went to her mother’s side to assist her upstairs. Mrs. Gardiner followed.
After settling Mrs. Bennet in her rooms, Jane was unsurprised when Mrs. Gardiner directed her to her own.
“You may look at me, Jane. I did not come here to scold you. I think you have done that yourself.”
“I did not realise the disappointment I would give everyone.”
“I daresay you did not realise much at all at the time.”
Jane blushed. “No, I did not.” She paused. “I am astonished at myself. I knew my feelings for Mr. Bingley were very strong, but I did not take care to be on guard. I cannot defend what happened, but neither do I entirely regret it. Does that make me terrible?”
She met her aunt with anguished eyes. She had been attempting to hide that feeling even from herself. Her sense of modesty and morality told her that she had quite erred, and yet if presented with the same situation all over again, she did not think she could help to do otherwise.
Mrs. Gardiner took Jane’s hands in hers. “You ought to have waited. There are risks involved now. A child may be born too early. Mr. Bingley may, Lord forbid, meet a terrible fate while away or any time before the wedding day. You were fortunate that he already applied for a licence.”
Jane nodded. “Of course! I would never have allowed
myself to feel so much if we were not betrothed.” She spoke passionately and then deflated. “Does that sound silly?”
Mrs. Gardiner smiled. “No, it sounds very like you. You have enough sense to hold back your feelings until there is some merit to them.”
Jane wondered if Mrs. Gardiner meant that Elizabeth gave into her feelings more quickly but could not ask before a servant arrived holding a letter for Jane from Netherfield Park. She read it instantly and sighed.
“Caroline requests my presence. Mr. Darcy’s relatives left without incident this morning.” The ladies shared a look in remembrance of the unexpected events the day before. “She and Louisa grow bored.”
“Do you wish to go?”
“I think Mama desires me home, and I wish to spend my last few days at Longbourn with my family.”
“As you should. I also think your affection for the brother far outweighs the affection for the sister.”
Jane smiled. “It is true. Without Bingley there, I do not care much to go.”
*****
In London, Bingley awoke in his hotel room, and after a light breakfast, set out on his day. He was to meet Darcy at the solicitor’s at eleven. He arrived at the business offices of Bingley & Son at nine o’clock.
“Mr. Bingley, quite prompt!” his manager greeted him, and Bingley noted the surprise in his voice. He had not realised he had a reputation for tardiness.
“I have limited time in London. I leave this evening.”
The two settled to work, and Bingley smiled in satisfaction when the task was completed. He always saw to his business matters before, but now with marriage and a family on the horizon, it took on new meaning. Now it was no longer his father’s legacy, but his sons’ future. Sons with Jane. He smiled at the thought.
“I look forward to meeting the new Mrs. Bingley,” the manager said.
“I am uncertain when we will arrive in London for the Season, but I am certain she will enjoy meeting you.”
Bingley smiled again, imagining Jane with the appellation of Mrs. Bingley. His mother had an interest in the business affairs. Indeed, her fortune was added to the enterprise. His grandfather and great-grandfather had built the business and amassed a fortune. His father’s marriage to the heiress of a competitor cemented their profit. Modelling their lives like the gentry, Bingley was sent to school and university—where he met Darcy, who had been delayed a year due to illness. His sisters were educated at seminaries in Town and had dowries of twenty thousand pounds. Bingley’s father and grandfather merely presided over the business dealings, but the family still had their hand in trade. Jane did not bring wealth or stunning connections, but she was a gentleman’s daughter, and Bingley found that quite adequate for his position in society. Loving her as he did, he would have married her anyway, but he believed his parents would be pleased with the match, even if his sisters were not.
In the carriage on the way to his solicitor’s office, he shook his head. Caroline had not taken the news of his engagement to Jane well. She took the news of Darcy’s engagement to Elizabeth even worse. When Miss Lucas’ betrothal was announced at the ball, Caroline’s mouth fell open. He found Charlotte Lucas very pleasant company, but women like his sister only saw that she was plain, nearly on the shelf, and had no fortune or style. Caroline had not kept her complaints to herself in the days between the ball and Darcy’s wedding.
“What can possibly recommend her to him?” she asked over breakfast while Darcy was out riding the morning after the ball.
“I daresay he loves her,” Louisa replied.
“Love? Nonsense! Why should a man of Mr. Darcy’s stature marry a woman as lowborn as Eliza Bennet for love?”
He and Louisa shared a look and simply shook their heads.
“He has a duty to his estate and blood line to marry someone of better standing. It was rumoured he would make a match with his cousin.”
Bingley rolled his eyes. “You have spent years saying that rumour was incorrect. You cannot change your opinion merely because he did not choose you.”
Caroline scoffed and rose to pour another cup of tea. “You ought to have done better than Jane, too,” she said. She furiously stirred the tea, and the spoon clanging on the side of her teacup grated his nerves nearly as much as her words.
“Jane is a gentleman’s daughter and will make a wonderful mistress to any estate I purchase. I have done fine by my duty.”
Mr. Hurst grumbled, “See to yours now, Caroline.”
She returned to her seat and pouted a moment. “There were far too many betrothals announced at the ball! Reverend Black’s scandalous sermon the other week must have instigated all of these. Good heavens! Can you imagine someone falling in love with Miss Lucas? She must have entrapped him, in a moment of weakness, and were found in a compromising position?”
“That is enough! I will not allow you to malign another person’s name at my table.” It had felt good to take a firm stand.
Caroline continued as though she did not hear. “It must be why Darcy proposed to Eliza as well. I am certain she used some kind of allurement on him when she stayed here. There was no need for her to arrive at all! She came solely to gain Mr. Darcy’s notice!”
Bingley stood and tossed his napkin on the table. “You have gone too far. You have attempted to smear Miss Lucas’ name and now Darcy and Miss Elizabeth’s. Who is next? Jane? Me?”
“Do be serious, Charles. You at least liked Jane the entire time we have been here. If only you would have returned to Town, we could have nipped this little infatuation in the bud, but you must see it is quite different from Darcy’s interest in Eliza.”
Bingley had turned red in anger. “It is clear you will not learn. I will not be beholden to your welfare any longer. You know I journey to London in part to change matters of your dowry as you are recently of age, and I am no longer your guardian. As such, you will have complete control of your shares of our Father’s company, and I encourage you to either marry this Season or make plans for your own establishment, for you will no longer be welcome in my home.”
He strode to the door while she called after him. She did not speak to him at all until just before he left for London. She had even refused to call on Longbourn to meet the Gardiners. She only planned to attend Darcy’s wedding because Lord Sidney arrived. Then she did not return after attending to Lady Catherine and Miss de Bourgh. Instead, she spent the entire day at Netherfield in their company along with Mr. Collins. As Bingley left for London shortly after Darcy and Elizabeth’s wedding breakfast, she pleaded her case.
“Charles, you cannot do this to me!”
“I can, and I will,” he promised.
“I will apologise for my words when next I see Darcy and Eli…” she amended her words as she saw Bingley’s face turn to stone, “Mr. and Mrs. Darcy.”
“You will also apologise to Miss Lucas and give genuine friendship to Jane.”
“Yes, of course!” she eagerly agreed.
“I want to hear a favourable report from her upon my return.”
“I promise, Charles,” she said and for a moment reminded her of when they were children. Disliking the softening of his demeanour, he only nodded and boarded the carriage.
Caroline did not know it, but their father’s will stated the stipulations of her inheritance when she reached the age of majority. She was always intended to live off her own income if she did not have a husband by the time she was one and twenty. Their father thought it would encourage independence and financial prudence. If Caroline had truly made an effort to befriend Jane, then he would provide her shelter, but all of her other items were to no longer come from the family’s legacy. She would not like the news.
Arriving at the solicitor’s office, Bingley found Darcy waiting within. He checked his watch. Traffic had moved slowly, and he was half an hour late. Blast and bother, even when he made every effort to arrive on time! Darcy did not seem to notice the delay, and Bingley grinned. He could certainly imagine what occu
pied Darcy’s mind instead.
*****
Jane was unsurprised to learn Mr. Collins had left for Netherfield before breakfast to see Lady Catherine off. He returned in just enough time to say a strictly formal farewell to the family. Amidst his thanks, he sounded as though he would return shortly. Jane could scarcely understand what would bring him back so soon, especially with Lady Catherine’s displeasure at Darcy and Elizabeth’s wedding.
She was surprised, however, when Caroline and Louisa called upon them Sunday after church. She attempted to greet them with an earnest smile, although she was beginning to suspect duplicity in their friendship. For the sake of Bingley, however, she determined to be as warm as ever.
“I did not expect to see either of you before the wedding!” she exclaimed.
Mrs. Bennet caught hold of the topic and carried on for such time. At last, there was a break in her speech, and Caroline seized it.
“It seems there is to be yet another wedding in the area soon,” she began, clearly uncomfortable.
“Another!” screeched Mrs. Bennet. “Well, I am certain it cannot be another one of Lady Lucas’ daughters. They are too young.”
“Maria is the same age as Kitty, Mama,” Mary pointed out.
“Do not correct me, Child,” she replied testily.
“Actually, you are to wish me joy,” Caroline gushed. “We are to be cousins as well as sisters.”
“Cousins!” the Bennet women cried at once.
“Mr. Collins proposed yesterday on his visit to Netherfield, and I accepted.” She raised her chin in pride.
After an awkward silence, Jane offered, “My congratulations. It is a remarkable match.” Caroline had shown no true happiness at her announcement, and the entire thing was beyond her belief.
Mrs. Bennet, who had been pouring the newly arrived tea, emptied the pot in stupefied astonishment. Jane easily saw what she had realised.
“Miss Bingley and Mr. Collins? It is most preposterous!” Lydia began laughing.
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