by Bee Rowlatt
I never knew that Hawthorne had written such lovely short stories. As the students have not yet started I won’t have time to teach them The Scarlet Letter. I think I’ll probably teach them the short stories instead. As for Dickens, I will probably teach them something shorter – that is, if they show up at all.
Bee, I asked Andrew to call me as soon as he comes to Baghdad. What is your dress size, and what is your shoe size? There are some things that carry the fragrance of the East which I would like you to have. I have them at home. I will also be sending you a copy of my thesis: ‘The Theme of Love in Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales’.
I have to go and make lunch. We are under curfew because it is Friday, or Frightday…
LOVE AND KISSES TO YOU AND THE GIRLS.
MAY
10.11.06
Christmas Fair and pancakes
HURRAY! May, I’m so glad the things reached you. Sometimes I feel like you’re on a separate planet. But you are not! I’m glad you liked the girls’ pictures. In particular, my eldest girl Eva really thought about you a lot, and asked me questions. I didn’t want to scare her by telling her too much about the violence (she is only 5 and she gets scared easily).
How exciting that you can send me something too. I am around a dress size 12, and my feet are big – a size 7 or 40 in European sizes. I was upset at having got quite fat after Elsa was born, but finally it’s going, and I am now almost back to normal. It helps that yesterday I was ill, in bed all day with some terrible vomiting bug. Today I’m much better, and noticed with glee that I had lost weight. But I celebrated by making pancakes and eating them with butter and sugar.
I have to go, we’re organizing the Christmas Fair at school, it is the big fund-raising event of the year. I’m now running the Parents’ Association (PA) along with Marie, who was the scary mum who got me into this whole thing in the first place. Turns out she’s a star. I hope we make loads of money. It’s a really excellent state school. Anyway, I have a meeting in an hour and haven’t sorted anything out.
Will write again soon. Loads of love to you, and stay warm!
B XXXXX
10.11.06
Puritans
Hi, Bee
Do you see how funny it is that people who are worlds apart can become so close?
The term has just started and around half the students showed up! I felt restored and energized as I stood talking endlessly about the Puritans at an introductory lecture, and I was deliriously happy. I realized how much I like teaching.
But things soon went wrong when 150 employees were kidnapped from the Ministry of Education, and the minister announced that studies will be stopped until further notice.
I bought you a sexy nightdress, which I hope you’ll like and will please Justin too. I also got you a pair of Indian-style shoes, and I want to go to a certain shop to get you something that can be called an Arab costume, but I’m waiting for the area to cool down a bit. You know, Bee, that I’m beginning to miss your emails so much. I open mine every night just to check if you’ve sent any.
I mentioned before that it was ‘Frightday’ but nothing bad took place, thank God. My mother had lunch with us, and she and Ali (my husband) helped the gardener doing her garden. She’s planting new roses and other plants, and she has also made a little path for her to come and visit us.
You know, I want to tell you about my life and the problems that face my second marriage. Bee, I married the man whom I met on the phone.
I made all kinds of tests for the posh ones, and they all failed. He was the only one who stood by me when my car broke down, when the water tank had holes and water started dripping from the roof.
The problems lie in many things. On my family’s part: the fact that he is younger than me, that they do not know his family, and also that his family have objected to our marriage. It is a bit like a Jane Austen novel: here in Iraq it is all about the marriage of families. But I have never in my whole life obeyed the social rules. On his family’s part: I am older than him, previously married, and I come from a Shi’ite background, which they loathe.
We decided to get married and ‘whatever will be, will be’. We were, and luckily still are, in love. Bee, you know, his father has told him that he can never come back to them, ever (the man means it) and he will have no family, and he’ll also disinherit him (and God, they are rich). And can you believe it? He chose to live with me. Our relationship is not just that of two lovers. No, it is like a mother–son relationship somehow, if you leave out the intimate side. I don’t know if his being younger is such a big deal. We need each other for many different reasons. And if it ends someday, it will be just like any other marriage – nice while it lasted.
I told you that I’m the eldest child of two PhDs (pharmacists). My sister is also a pharmacist and my brother is a PhD engineer, as is my brother-in-law. And my sister-in-law is a pharmacist. So you see, for them I’m the black sheep of the family.
Write soon because I wait for your emails.
LOVE XXXX MAY
22.11.06
I’m back
Dearest May
Sorry it’s been ages. Right now I’m getting a cold and feel achy and horrible, that itchy throat feeling, but I am curled up on the sofa drinking honey and lemon and watching a dreadful but compelling thing on TV called I’m a Celebrity… Get Me out of Here! where 10 celebrities are sent into the Australian jungle and forced to eat maggots and do weird challenges, while the public votes on who should be evicted and who should stay in.
It’s nice to have my brain entirely disengaged. I should actually be reading a book (The Go-Between by L. P. Hartley, never heard of it before) because I’ve just joined a book group and this is my first one. I really should try to think about it and have something to say in time for next week. Book groups suddenly popped up all over the place here a few years ago. I quite like the notion – it’s a sort of female solidarity thing as well as reading books that you might not normally choose.
The reason I couldn’t write last week is that we went down to Dorset for a break. In winter the landscape is very bare and bleak, with a huge sky. Sometimes a thick grey mist rolls in and you can’t see anything at all. I just love it there, May, and so do the girls. Eva first went there when she was just two weeks old, and she took her first steps there.
The bad thing about Dorset (it’s on the south coast of England) is the people. They are so dour, maybe from resenting the Londoners breezing down to their holiday homes. I can’t blame them for that. But it’s not just the locals, it’s the other Londoners. They pretend they’re not Londoners at all, but authentic country folk. You get excruciating moments such as being at a remote pub, hearing people talk and knowing they’re from London, yet everyone ignores each other, as if to show that they were there first.
Anyway, May, it’s getting late and I’m dying to go to bed. Think how important you are in your students’ lives. It’s a wonderful job you do, May.
Loads of love
Bee XXX
25.11.06
Bloodbath
Bee, at last you’re back. You can’t imagine how much I missed your emails. I don’t know what to tell you. My country is flooded by a bloodbath. Death is everywhere, and it was right in front of me on Thursday as we almost got killed by those who call themselves a police force (but are actually militias). They shot at us as we came out of the office where we were trying to obtain an official translation of our wedding certificate. I became hysterical and the car was badly damaged. I can’t describe the situation but it was like the gates of hell have been flung open.
I can’t tell you how thankful I am for the money you sent; it helped greatly in buying fuel, which is only available on the black market. Now I am quite warm, thanks to you.
Anyway, we have been under curfew for the past three days, and despite that people are getting massacred and even burned alive. Bee, I am scared and don’t know what to do. We tried selling the car to escape to Jordan but no one is buying an
ything nowadays. I wrote to a friend in a Gulf state for a job, and am still waiting for the answer.
I received no comment from you about my story with Ali. What do you think?
Give my kisses to Zola and Eva and the little angel Elsa, and tell them that I hope to see them one day. That is, if I survive all this riot. Also my love to you and your husband.
May XXXX
26.11.06
Love is all you need
Dearest May
Thank God you’re OK in the middle of all that. As for the story of you and Ali, and what I think? Well, I think it is just lovely. The only reason I didn’t make any comment is that I don’t find the age difference shocking. Like the Beatles said, ‘All you need is love!’ And it’s a delightfully unusual way that you two found it. The only problem I can see is the families getting so upset; that’s very unfortunate. Perhaps for them it’s a question of appearances?
My mum had one or two boyfriends after she and my father split up, before she found the right man. They have been together ever since, over 25 years now. They are from different social backgrounds. My mum is elegant, educated and articulate, whereas Dave (her man) was a builder when they met, from working-class parents, and he is a man of few words. But he is very kind, and totally reliable.
Years ago my mum said something wonderful that I have never forgotten. She said, ‘Every day, he makes my life better.’ I was single at the time, and thought, ‘Oh God, what if I never feel like that about a man?’ I think she had just had enough of clever, show-off men. So there you have it: I think that you must appreciate love wherever you find it, and if someone else doesn’t approve then that’s a sign of their own limitations.
Once you wrote to me that careers are the most important thing in our lives, but I don’t agree, May. I think that having someone to love, who also loves you, is the most important thing. Justin’s mum (a formidable achiever, very successful, now semi-retired) once said something I was surprised to hear. She said at the end of your career you finally realize that no one from work cares or matters as much as your family. Even in a very influential job like yours, where your students probably adore you.
Of course, jobs make us what we are on a day-to-day basis, and I have to admit that when I’m not working it affects my self-esteem. Like at the moment when, at the end of the day, I have done a load of laundry, made nice food for everyone, looked after Elsa and tidied up endlessly and no one is going to be impressed by that. Whereas when I’m at work and I’m chasing important interviewees, or arguing with my editor, it is something I might then have a bit of a boast about, to Justin or my friends.
BUT, all this being true, I know many women (fewer men, don’t know why, workplace sexism?) whose lives are so consumed by work that they have no love life or home at all. Just to sit down after your long day and talk about things with someone who cares what you say and feel, May, that is a thing that all the professions, degrees, success and status in the world cannot bring.
So look after your lovely Ali!
Justin just called me; he is now on his way back home, and tonight we’ll have some sausages and a nice bottle of wine. The girls are in bed but reading, and Elsa is fast asleep in her cot.
Blessed peaceful moment.
All my love
Bee XXXX
PS May, can I try to send you some more money; would it help? How much do you need? I’d really do anything to help you, and I’m sure you’d do the same for me if our positions were reversed. So don’t be shy about asking, and I will do what I can.
28.11.06
My Iraqi destiny
Dear Bee
I am really thankful for your concern and offer to send money to me to help me out of the country. But after giving it a lot of thought my husband and I have decided to stay and face our destiny. You see, we cannot take any chances. You have probably heard what is happening to Iraqis in the neighbouring countries. They are being humiliated, and many have spent all their money on rent and food and have failed to get jobs.
As for the importance of family life, Bee, I absolutely agree with you. What I meant about the importance of a career was that a person should always be armed for the unexpected. My ideas probably come from the hardships I went through in my first marriage (I was only 17 with eight SCE/‘O’ Levels from Scotland). This wasn’t much, but when my late husband indirectly forced me to abandon my studies at the College of Science, I wasn’t unduly concerned. I had hopes of living happily ever after; he was an engineer, which in my view, at the time, meant he would be able to provide a decent life for me and our children.
But I was a fool. Years just went by and at the age of 21 I realized that I had to do something. I couldn’t go back to any college because I’d been expelled for non-attendance, so I studied in a petroleum institute for a three-year diploma in material management. I graduated with an average of 96 per cent. My late husband, who was influential in the institute at that time, secretly connived with the dean so that I wouldn’t be employed, even though I was the best student in my year. I felt so sad at the time but I couldn’t do a thing about it.
All that time I suffered from maltreatment because of his drinking habit. My mother did help me financially, but with every penny I received she reminded me of my bad choice of husband, which was just like stabbing me in the heart. Oh Bee, I was abused and battered and all sorts of things. Now when I think back I always wonder why I suffered so much without taking positive action. But I think it was because I feared returning to my family home, and facing society as a divorced woman.
Two years had passed after my graduation when a friend of mine (a journalist) said there were vacancies for translators at the Iraqi news agency. They wanted people who could think in English when translating news items. I passed the examination easily and was trained by very efficient translators, and I was so happy to have my own income. But still I suffered; my husband spent our rent money on drink, which made me despair.
On my thirtieth birthday I did not celebrate. I just sat all alone and thought deeply about my life. Then I made the three most important decisions of my life: 1) to build a small house 2) to divorce my husband, and 3) to complete my studies. You can imagine that divorce is frowned upon in Iraq and other Arab countries. Divorced women are mostly blamed and their morals are often questioned, no matter what kind of a ‘Zombie’ they have been married to. But at 30, all I thought of was that we only live once and I was not prepared to spend what was left of my life this way.
OK love, that’s all for now. I will tell you more in another email. Warm regards to Justin, and all my love for you, dear friend.
May
XXXX
06.12.06
Getting festive
May, well done for making those decisions. I had no idea your previous life was so hard; you endured so much and it moves me to hear about what you have come through, only to suffer this horrible war.
I hope hearing about life outside Iraq helps to take your mind off things. You remember that book group I joined? I went last night. I only knew one person there and she was the one who invited me to join. We were seven women and it was very charming; they were very funny and friendly. We had dinner and then talked about the book, The Go-Between. I loved it, so sad. I asked for the next book to be one by Thomas Hardy but some people groaned, ‘Oh please, no. Not Jude the Obscure.’ To which I had to agree. The last time I read Jude I felt sick for about three days. Perhaps Return of the Native. I wish that you could be here to join in the conversation with the others at the book group. I think you would like them.
I was walking along today, and as I went I wondered what you were doing at the same time. Then I started wondering what your street is like. Our street is elegant at one end, with white houses and gracious tall windows, while we live at the small end. The houses at my end are 1920s Art Deco style and not very big, and there’s quite a lot of council housing mixed in. It has good trees, especially a twisted copper beech tree that I love. Sometimes I
pause under it. It grows in front of a house where the sculptor Henry Moore used to live.
In the big houses the Christmas decorations are all quite tasteful and modest. In the smaller houses the lights are more colourful and festive, then some of the council houses are completely decked out in lights, tinsel and plastic Father Christmases and reindeer. I’m on the tinsel end of the scale personally; what’s the point in trying to be tasteful when it’s all so exciting for the kids? Like a lot of London, it’s well mixed. There are all sorts.
So I wander up and down this street several times a day with any combination of the children. No bombs, no armies or militia groups. The scariest thing you might see is a couple of kids racing on stolen scooters, or very occasionally drug dealers taking over the phone box.
Lots of love to you
Bee XXX
PS GUESS WHAT? The Christmas Fair broke all previous records. We made £4,000 for the school! I hope it was fun – I was too stressed to notice.
PPS Eva’s joke. Q: What does a bear wear? A: Hair!
07.12.06
Hi, Bee
Hi, Bee
I liked the joke. It is amazing the amount you have raised for school, which means a lot of hard work. It must be lovely now in the UK with all the Christmas decorations all over the shops and town centres. I wish I could see all that again. I remember the last time was in 1981, when we visited Glasgow and Coventry. It was a dream. Then there were sales in all the shops such as Littlewoods, Marks and Spencer, Selfridges and a shop which I thought was fascinating called What Every Woman Wants.
Anyway, you asked about our street. Well, it is a very, very wide two-sided street, with a middle area in which plants and short palm trees are planted. Houses are not near one another. For example, to reach the house opposite I have to walk past our garage, which is 16 metres long, and then another 6 metres to reach the pavement on my side of the street. Then I cross to the wide middle area with the plants. I cross to the other side and the pavement, and then there is still about 20 metres before I reach their gate. So you see, it is quite a distance. And the same applies to next door, although the distance is not as far because I built my house nearer to them.