“FIX IT!” Hannah suddenly blurted out. “Do whatever needs to be done, but just make them FIX IT!”
Gloria forced a grin. “I’ll do my best—you can count on it!”
Hannah, despite her best efforts, started crying again, but this time Gloria and Kathy cried with her. Too weak to stand, Gloria raised her arms and Kathy rushed into them. The three, cradled together, comforted each other, but no one noticed that Gloria cried in silence.
Lying in her bed that night, Hannah held the conch shell close to her ear. The sound of the ocean drowned out her thoughts. Exhausted, she slipped away to a forever time ago as a little girl walking along the water’s edge. The Captain followed close behind, and of all things, in her dream, her mom sat on a chair in a hallway sipping a glass of red! Surely, she was losing her mind. Reality and her dreams combined, and at that moment it brought her peace as she drifted away to her memories of a pirate, a girl, a beach, and a scallywag that she swore must have at one time been her mom.
Chapter 20
Hannah
My heart is breaking; I have no words
~ Hannah Gunner ~
Cash opened the jeep door, and Hannah climbed in. Her eyes were swollen, and her long hair hung loosely around her shoulders. Oversized sweats and a pair of converse were all she could manage. Normally he would have commented on how cute she looked, casually thrown together and all, but at that moment it didn’t seem appropriate, and even Cash knew that.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
Hannah shook her head.
“Coffee?”
She nodded. “Please.”
As he drove, he reached over and placed his hand on top of hers; support without words, and though he had no idea, the simple gesture couldn’t have been more perfect. Fearful of saying the wrong thing, offering words of comfort that did not come readily to him anyway, he allowed the silence to consume the Jeep. Relieved they’d finally arrived at their stop, he pulled into the first parking spot he found outside the coffee shop.
Pointing to a table in the corner, Cash directed Hannah to sit down. She didn’t argue. He placed their order and sat down with her. Small talk, pointless and awkward at a time like this, he waited patiently for Hannah to bring up her mom or say something first. He didn’t have to wait long.
“I can’t believe I didn’t know she was really ill. Like, this sick.”
Choosing his words carefully, he answered her as kindly as he possibly could. “How could you have known? Between school, studying, and work, you’re as busy as your mom. Not to mention, she said she was feeling better.”
“But I should have known,” she snapped back.
Cash didn’t respond, but the look on his face told her she was angry with the wrong person.
“I’m so sorry! It’s me, not you.”
“No worries,” he whispered. “It can’t be easy to hear that kinda news under any circumstance, let alone out of the blue.”
Hannah rolled her eyes. “Tell me about it!”
A high-pitched voice called out their number and Cash jumped up to retrieve the coffee. Pointing to a piece of lemon cake sitting behind the glass, he smiled and added it to his order.
“Can I get that too, please?”
Setting it in front of Hannah with his hands raised before she could object, he stressed, “You don’t have to eat it, but I’m betting you haven’t eaten today.”
He was right. Hannah hadn’t been able to stomach anything since the news, and the thought of food made it worse. Neither had her mom, despite her aunt Kathy’s attempts to make her eat something before she took her meds. Cash’s dark brown eyes darted down toward the plate. The cake didn’t look bad, and Hannah picked at it before finally taking a nibble. The sweet and tart flavor made her mouth water, but as good as it tasted, she couldn’t manage more than a few bites. Sips of coffee washed the lemony sponge cake down and, for a few minutes, her mind drifted from her mom’s illness, which she didn’t understand. The distraction Cash provided from her sadness was just what she needed; leaning forward, she kissed him on his lips. His smile indicated that he was pleasantly surprised, and certainly not complaining.
“Thank you! Just wanted to say thank you,” Hannah whispered.
“With a kiss, which was great,” he added, the cutest smile crossing his face.
Cash listened as Hannah poured over the details from the night before, but purposely offered little in regards to advice. Asking if she or her mom needed anything, Hannah shook her head. She didn’t need a thing except for maybe a hit of her JUUL, highly inappropriate at a time like this, but her mom, on the other hand, needed a miracle. The research Hannah had done since she’d heard the news had been grim. Sticking in her mind were the words unfortunately, in many cases, CML is not cured, and the patient eventually dies. But she loved Cash for listening and saying that he’d be there by her side if she needed anything, and for not judging her about her own habit concerning her addiction to nicotine. As she described the treatments, her heart sank. Targeted drugs, which Gloria had already started. Chemo. Bone marrow transplant, dangerous, and not necessarily successful; biological therapy, whereby the body’s own immune system is encouraged to fight cancer; and trials, which her mom wasn’t eligible for. Saying those things out loud drove her need for nicotine through the roof. Cash sipped his coffee, listened without complaint, and held her hand in his when she’d let him.
“I think I should go home now, but you can come with me and hang out.” She hesitated. “Can I smoke before we leave? I know, not in your Jeep, but before we head back?” She looked at her feet, embarrassed, wanting to quit and feeling guilty and ashamed, wishing now more than ever that, at least for her mom, this wasn’t her crutch.
Cash gathered up the trash, threw it away, grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. Not once did he say a negative word, but kissed the top of her head and held the door open for her to walk outside. “I don’t want to impose,” he responded. “I understand you need to be with your mom, and if she’s up to it, I’d love to come in and hang out with you if you’re sure she doesn’t mind.”
Hannah smiled, a real smile, one that he hadn’t seen in days and it reminded him how beautiful she was.
“No imposition. Mom likes you, and it might even cheer her up.”
He put his arms around her and pulled her next to him as she smoked. Softly placing little kisses on her cheek, he even managed to make her giggle as she swatted him away from her a time or two. Hannah needed all of the distractions that she could get, and even if he were playfully irritating her, she’d take it. Not thinking about what was going on for a few minutes was bliss. Cash, having absolutely no idea how happy it would make Hannah, asked if she’d like to invite Lindsey to hang out with them.
“We could visit with your mom for a while, and then when she rests we could all go for a drive. How does that sound?”
Surprised he had even given Lindsey a second thought, she nodded and her face lit up. “That would be wonderful, and thank you for thinking of her!”
Guiltily, he smiled. “Well, to be honest, as you would say,” he laughed, “I was thinking of you, but I’m glad you like the idea.”
Hannah immediately pulled out her phone, texted Lindsey, leaned into Cash and kissed him tenderly right there in the parking lot as they leaned against his Jeep. “Thank you, babe. I really need this!” Cash opened the door, and Hannah climbed into the front seat.
“Do you think we should take your mom some of that lemon cake?” he asked.
Hannah shook her head. “She won’t eat it; thank you for asking, though.” Watching him turn the key, she reached over and grabbed his hand. “And thanks for today—coffee, cake, listening, and especially for inviting Lindsey to hang out with us. Having my best friend and boyfriend with me is exactly what I need.”
Gloria was sitting with Kathy when they arrived, and except for looking a tad tired, seemed as healthy as could be. Thrilled that Hannah had some color back in her cheeks, no
doubt from the Jeep ride, the two sisters drilled the teens about where they had been. Hannah fussed over her mom, checking the temperature of the apartment, making sure she had a blanket next to her in case she felt a chill, and poured her a glass of tea. Gloria tried to make jokes, but no one was laughing.
“Maybe I should make an announcement like this more often!” Grinning, she added, “Feeling quite spoiled these days.”
“Very funny,” Hannah replied sarcastically. “Now, really, do you need or want anything else?”
She didn’t. She needed to be left alone, like she’d usually spend her regular Saturday afternoons—alone. That way she could doze off in the chair at will, grab a snack if she wanted one, watch mindless TV, read a book, or do absolutely nothing at all. All of the fussing that Hannah was doing made her feel anxious and nervous. Knowing the road ahead of her could be long, she wanted Hannah to get on with living and enjoy herself. Gloria was sure she could smell the sweet scent of vanilla on Hannah’s clothes when she had walked in, but one more fight about that disgusting vape habit would require more strength than she had in her right then. Knowing Hannah knew how she felt about it, that those devices still put holes in lungs, angered her but another fight about that would have to wait. Right now, seeing her daughter with color in her cheeks, a smile on her face, and her friends surrounding her was like receiving a free gift for that day.
“Lindsey, you can stay over if you like, and Cash, you can stay until midnight and watch a movie with us if you’d like to do that.” Gloria adjusted herself on the couch. “I mean, when y’all get back.”
Knowing she likely needed to rest and was trying to get some peace and quiet, Cash responded. “Thank you, ma’am. If you’re sure you don’t mind, that would be great! We shouldn’t be too long.”
Gloria nodded. “I’m going to watch crap TV, take a nap, and we’ll order pizza tonight. Kathy’s coming over as well.”
Grinning, she turned to Hannah. “You two are a great-looking couple. Go have fun!”
Cash turned bright red, Hannah gasped, and Lindsey burst out laughing.
“Yeah, they’re sickening. Boyfriend goals!” Lindsey laughed.
“Love you, Mom. See you later.”
“Love you too! And guys, no drinking, smoking, drugs, or anything I might have missed!”
Hannah kissed her mom on the cheek, told her she loved her again, begged her not to worry, grabbed her wallet, and barreled toward the door. Cash, not wanting to purposely lie, just in case they did something wrong, didn’t respond. A smile, a nod of his head, and he made his exit at the same time he said his goodbyes.
“See you later, Mrs. Gunner.”
“Bye, Mom,” Lindsey grinned.
All three piled into the jeep, the top rolled back, music cranked up, and pulled away from the curb.
“Where to?” Cash asked.
Lindsey leaned forward in between the seats.
“Let’s go to the lake, drive around. I heard Danny’s group might be having a party over at Tigers Trail. Let’s check it out. You know Danny, right?”
“Yep. I have two classes with him,” Cash answered.
Cash glanced at Hannah for approval. Shrugging her shoulders, digging her hands into her pockets, she laughed and motioned with her head. “Let’s roll.”
For a few hours while hanging with her friends, Cash’s arms around her, Lindsey acting like a fool, everything felt totally normal again. Lindsey downed a couple of beers; Hannah took a few sips and did her usual holding onto a beer until it was hot. Cash declined because he was driving, and took pleasure in watching his girl, Hannah, smile and laugh in such a way that he hadn’t seen in quite a while. That night, for just a little while, they were teens hanging out, doing what teens shouldn’t be doing, and hoping they didn’t get caught. But at that moment, being a teen meant all was well for just a minute in Hannah’s world, and she needed that!
Chapter 21
Complications
Slow it down
Please, listen to me
Don’t take her yet
I’m begging you, please!
~ Hannah Gunner ~
Hannah’s heart sank when she heard her name over the intercom requesting that she report to the principal’s office. She hadn’t been caught smoking on school property, so that couldn’t be it, and she hadn’t been in trouble in any of her classes. Fear set in, followed by panic, knowing something must be wrong at home.
Running down the hall, the teacher on hall duty, Coach Darwin, hollered at her to slow it down. “Where’s the fire young lady? Walk!”
Hannah nodded but didn’t respond. Walking as fast as she could, getting to the office seemed to take forever! The administrator behind the desk was talking to another student, so despite the hurry, Hannah had to wait anyway. Her eyes inadvertently stared at those standing in the same room, but thankfully no one made eye contact with her. Impatiently, she waited for the teacher to address her.
“Can I help you?”
“Yes, ma’am. I’m Hannah Gunner. I was called to Mr. Brown’s office.”
The administrator’s facial features noticeably softened and her voice sounded sweeter. “Ah, Hannah. I’ll let him know you’re here.”
This alone heightened Hannah’s fears. Something was wrong. She was right.
“Mr. Brown will see you now,” the administrator announced, pointing to his office door.
Nervously Hannah approached his office, knocked on the door, and waited. His voice responded with one word: enter. To her surprise, he handed her a note. Her eyes started to scan it, but all she saw was a three-digit number written in red ink.
“It’s a room number; um, hospital room.”
Hannah froze.
“Hannah, your aunt called. Your mom collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. Your aunt will meet you there, but you need to go immediately. Do you have a car, can you drive, or would you like a ride?”
Hannah tried to answer, but no matter how hard she tried to spit them out, the words would not come out of her mouth.
“Never mind. We’ll arrange for one of our staff members to drive you; that’s probably the best thing to do anyway.”
Mr. Brown picked up his phone and started making arrangements for her dismissal and transportation. Hannah, totally numb, followed his directions in a complete daze. Hardly remembering whose car she climbed into, she barely remembered opening the door and stepping onto the pavement outside the emergency room. Charging through the wide automatic doors, her mind flashed to Cash. Should she text him? But she never pulled out her phone. Rushing up to the desk, she requested to see Gloria Gunner. The girl sitting behind the computer tapped away at her keys, read the monitor, and finally spoke.
“And you are?”
“I’m her daughter, Hannah Gunner.”
“Mrs. Gunner has been admitted. They’re preparing her room, but if you like you can wait with her until they take her up.”
Hannah nodded her head. “Yes. Please.”
The girl pushed a button under her desk and the two large doors behind her opened onto another hospital corridor that Hannah didn’t even realize was there. Temporary holding rooms were on one side, separated by curtains, and examining rooms on the other, complete with real doors. Hannah glanced at the piece of paper still in her hands. Room 228 was on her left. She didn’t knock but merely barged right on in. Kathy was sitting in a chair in the corner of the stark room, and her mom was lying in bed. She looked pale and scary, hooked up to all kinds of hospital equipment that Hannah didn’t recognize. Monitors were beeping, nurses were drawing blood, and tubes seemed to be in odd places that Hannah didn’t think they should be.
“What happened?” Hannah asked as she walked into the room.
She leaned down and hugged her mom, laying a kiss on her cheek. Gloria managed to raise her arms, but dozing in and out of consciousness, she hadn’t recognized Hannah’s face at that moment but thought she’d heard her voice.
“She’s on pain med
s and other drugs right now,” Kathy explained. “I’m not even sure what they’re all for, but her organs were struggling, and she was having breathing complications related to her illness.” She paused. “She’s been coming in and out since they gave the meds to her. They’re pretty strong. But they’re taking good care of her.”
Hannah sat down on the edge of the bed and placed her mom’s hand in hers.
“What are they going to do?” she asked her aunt.
“Try to stabilize her, and if possible, once that happens, when she’s strong enough or if she’s strong enough, perform a bone marrow transplant.”
Kathy hesitated. “If she’s up to it. But if her kidneys start to fail, they won’t do it. She’ll be on dialysis until… until its time.”
“Time for what?” Hannah asked.
Kathy didn’t respond.
The words if she’s strong enough stung Hannah like hot needles pricking her bare skin. Why on earth wouldn’t her mom be strong enough or regain her strength? Wasn’t it too early in the illness for her to be so weak? And her kidneys—failing? What had happened? Gloria came to again for a few minutes and realized Hannah was in the room. Trying to speak but having difficulty getting out the words, Hannah spoke for her.
“Causing trouble again, I see—you trying to scare me?”
Hannah’s smile melted her mom’s heart and brought her a comfort she couldn’t explain. Her hand reached up and pulled the oxygen mask off her nose and mouth as she tried to mouth the word, sorry! Hannah replaced the mask and hid the sadness she felt that her mom needed to apologize for being ill. Sorry. Why would she even say that?! Glancing at her aunt who sat close by, she received some of the answers she needed regarding the extra oxygen.
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