by Jamie Beck
He sighed. With his dad unable to work, his own schedule would become even more grueling. But he’d accommodate the others’ schedules for now. “Then I’ll come at noon.”
“I’ll come back with my mom later, then,” Gentry said.
He realized that Gentry had been unusually quiet this entire time. Given everything going on with her, it didn’t surprise him. As much as she pretended to be independent, and angry with her parents, he suspected what she really wanted was their undivided attention. Now, with this crisis, she might be experiencing regrets, just as he was.
When did life get so complicated? Or did people like Gentry and him just make it harder than it had to be?
“You’ve been an absolute star all week. I couldn’t have handled getting Jed back and settled without your help. I hope Hunter appreciates the way you treat his family.” Jenna took the tray of lasagna from Sara and put it in the refrigerator. “Thank you for the food and daily visits.”
“It’s my pleasure, Jenna. However I can help, just ask.” She clasped Jenna’s hand. “I’m sure you’re thrilled to finally have Jed at home again.”
“Yes and no. He’s out of immediate danger, but at the same time, there are no promises or guarantees. I’m no nurse, so that makes me nervous.” Jenna withdrew from Sara and rubbed the back of her neck as if working out a kink. “Apparently, Lyme isn’t very well understood. He might experience intermittent neurological and other symptoms for some time. He’s still shaky and feeling lousy.”
“I’m so sorry.” Sara glanced around, noting signs of Gentry, like the boots kicked in the corner of the kitchen and a dirty dish in the sink. “How’s Gentry coping? She acts tough, but seeing her dad so sick has to be stressful.”
“Honestly, I’m not sure. Things between us have been strained for so long, and this pregnancy hasn’t helped.” Jenna flattened her palms on the island. She stared right at Sara, wearing a rueful grimace. “You know my feelings about this adoption have nothing to do with you. You will be an excellent mother. I just don’t think my daughter has a clue about what will happen to her in the coming months and how difficult it’ll be to hand over her child.”
Sara swallowed hard, unable to dismiss that characterization. Jenna wasn’t the first to raise it, but Sara didn’t want to make room for that truth.
When Gentry had been living with her and Hunter, Sara had been able to bond with Gentry and remind her sister-in-law that she’d still have a relationship with her child after the adoption. Now that Gentry was back at home, her mother’s disapproval could slowly chip away at Gentry’s confidence.
But with Jed so sick, Sara knew she shouldn’t be thinking of herself now, so she nodded thoughtfully and then changed the subject. “Is the nurse coming today?”
“Yes. She’ll change the antibiotic IV line.”
“And how are Jed’s spirits?”
“Hard to say. We were warned that things could get worse before they get better. I’m told Lyme bacteria gives off a toxic chemical when dying, which can cause insomnia, short-term memory loss, numbness or pain, fatigue, headaches, heart palpitations, and on and on.” Jenna tapped her fingers on the counter. “Jed doesn’t like to lose control.”
“Like father, like son.”
“Maybe in that way.” Jenna’s gaze hardened. “I’m sure Hunter’s taking advantage of my and Jed’s absence at the office.”
“That’s unfair, Jenna. I know you two have your issues, but Hunter’s distraught about his dad.” She frowned. “He’s idolized the man his entire life.”
“That doesn’t mean he’ll take his eye off the ball. He’s determined, and you know as well as I do that CTC is Hunter’s top priority.”
Sara bristled inside but kept her cool. “I know things are stressful, but don’t use that as an excuse to insult my husband.”
Jenna raised her chin. “Sorry.”
“Boy, it’s chilly in here.” Gentry waltzed into the room in the middle of the standoff. “What’s up?”
“Nothing. I just dropped off a lasagna.” Sara forced a smile and refrained from dipping her gaze to Gentry’s belly. She wouldn’t be showing this early, but Sara couldn’t help wondering what miracles were happening in there every hour. Miracles Gentry seemed to take for granted. “You know, my house feels empty now that you’ve gone.”
“I’m sure you don’t miss the mess,” Jenna snorted.
“We all have our flaws, Mom.” Gentry flashed a smirking grin.
The energy these two wasted trading sarcastic remarks could light the city of Portland for a week, but listening to it could be equally as draining. “Are you feeling well?”
Gentry’s auburn hair hung unkempt, but the real shocker was her outfit. No labels, no frills, no eye-damaging colors. Simple black leggings made her stick-thin legs look even longer. An oversize gray merino sweater hung just past her hips. The absence of necklaces and bangles completed her new look.
“I’m fine.” Gentry poured herself some orange juice and then sat at the island. “Hungry. Thanks for bringing us something good to eat.”
“I can’t believe you’ve never had any queasiness yet.” Sara’s sisters had lived in the bathroom during the early weeks of pregnancy. She supposed one upside to not getting pregnant was avoiding that discomfort.
“She’s too busy sleeping day and night to be queasy.” Jenna made a show of picking Gentry’s boots up and then walking them out to the mudroom.
Gentry rolled her eyes. “You’d think she’d have bigger concerns than picking on me.”
“She’s not picking on you.” Sara patted Gentry’s hand. “She’s mothering you, trying to make sure you’re mature and responsible. I’m sure Jed’s illness has her on edge, too. Be nice to your mom.”
“Her mothering skills suck. I’m not an underling or employee.” Gentry gulped more juice. “When I’m a mom, I won’t force a bunch of bullshit rules on my kids.”
Sara’s breath stuck in her lungs. Was that a subtle message? Second thoughts? “From what I’ve read, rules actually make children feel safe. It’s psychologically better for them to know and test boundaries than to live with the uncertainty of no boundaries at all.”
“People raised kids for centuries without modern psychology, Sara.” Gentry’s green eyes sparkled with challenge.
“People also thought germs didn’t exist because you couldn’t see them. Progress is called progress for a reason.” Sara noted the way Gentry seemed to be withdrawing and thought better of having an argument about parenting styles with the woman whose child she wanted. “But let’s not argue. How are you coping with your dad’s illness? Can I do anything to help?”
“If you want to help, convince Hunter to stop fighting the sale of CTC. Our dad needs to be at home getting better, not worrying about the price of tea in China.” Gentry’s shrewd gaze didn’t waver as she leaned closer. “Wouldn’t you like it if Hunter were around more? If he cashed out, you could take a proper anniversary trip instead of a simple overnight stay here in Oregon. If he’s serious about being a father, then he should prove that family matters.”
That sounded like a test or a threat, or both.
“I don’t need fancy vacations to be happy. And Hunter will be a devoted father, no matter which way this CTC deal breaks.” The tension in the kitchen knitted around them. She told herself the uncertainty of Jed’s condition had these two on edge, but it wasn’t easy to not take their moods personally. Gentry seemed to be looking for reasons to reconsider her decision, and Sara didn’t want to give her any. “Hate to run, but I need to head out. Please tell your dad I stopped in. I’ll come back tomorrow to visit.”
“Didn’t you just get here?”
“Just to drop off dinner, but I’ve got other errands before I’m due at the Angel House.” A genuine smile bubbled to the surface at the thought of spending an hour or more with little Ty.
With each visit, he’d grown more comfortable around her. Every stray word or smile boosted her confidence and fu
eled her enthusiasm for motherhood.
Gentry slid off the stool and put the dirty cup in the sink. “Okay. See you tomorrow.”
Under other circumstances, Sara might’ve tried to coax Gentry to reconsider her stance on volunteering. She pulled her jacket over her shoulders, her mind replaying that subtle threat from minutes earlier. She paused before asking the question she’d been withholding. “Want some company at your next OB appointment?”
“Maybe.” Gentry looked away. “I’ll let you know.”
“Think about it. We could grab lunch or go shopping after.” She fought to keep her smile from turning upside down.
“I said I’d let you know.” Gentry raised a brow, her tone dripping with annoyance.
O-kay. Time to go. Sara’s smile pulled into a tight line. “See you later.”
Gentry’s fickle mood wouldn’t have been particularly remarkable except that Sara had almost never been on the receiving end of her contempt. Rather than give in to the kernel of fear in her gut, she chose to blame Gentry’s mood on Jed’s illness and her mother’s badgering.
On her way to the Angel House, she called Hunter.
“Hey, babe. What’s up?”
“I just dropped off a lasagna at your dad’s.”
“Thank you. You’re the best, and my dad loves your homemade meals. How’s he doing today?”
“I didn’t see him, but according to Jenna, he’s not improving much.”
“Sitting around waiting is driving me crazy.”
“I know. So I was thinking we should distract ourselves. Let’s have an early dinner and go look at cribs and baby furniture.”
A brief hesitation passed before he replied. “Isn’t it a little early for that?”
“We don’t have to buy anything. But it’ll be fun to check out all the cute things and daydream about if it’s a boy or girl. Maybe even think about names.” She waited a second, then added, “Come on. It’s been a stressful week. We need to relax together, don’t you think?”
“I can’t get out of here early tonight, babe. I’m busier than ever with my dad gone and Jenna working less.”
Exactly the kind of thing she did not want Gentry to hear him say. “Of course.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means that I wish you were as excited as I am, and as invested. I don’t want to be a de facto single parent.”
“I promise you won’t be. But unlike the months we have to prepare for the baby, it’s only a matter of weeks before this Pure thing comes to a head.”
If she brought up Gentry’s veiled threat, chances were good that he’d confront his sister and make things worse. A different tack would be better. “Given your dad’s condition and the stress in the family, maybe selling the company is in his best interest.”
Silence.
“Hunter?”
“I’m here.”
“And?”
“And I’m not surprised when Jenna uses his illness as leverage to sell the company, but you? Let’s set aside how that makes me feel and address the stupid argument. I can run this company if my dad wants to bow out. When he’s better, he can come back or not. Selling the company won’t improve his health.”
“It might improve yours.”
“What?”
“You’ve been under tremendous stress, Hunter. For what? You act like this sale is a death, when in fact it could be a blessing for everyone. We could do so much with that money. We could even start our own business, like Colby and Alec. Invest our money and time in something that brings us closer instead of pushing us apart.” She nearly ran the red light, thanks to her preoccupation.
“It’s a bit hypocritical to say you’re worried about my health when you spend your time at the Angel House, where you got smacked around. Frame it how you want, but the truth is that you’re thinking about what you want from me, not what’s best for me.”
“What if what I want and what’s best are the same, Hunter? Maybe I see what you can’t. Not to mention that I worry that you’ll regret spending this time fighting your dad and Jenna instead of visiting and caring for him. At the end of the day, aren’t his health and family unity more important than the business?”
“I don’t need to give one up for the other. I can manage both.”
“Not as far as I can see. And if you and Gentry oppose each other, it could affect our adoption plans. Is CTC worth losing the baby?” The raised pitch of her voice filled her car. Her heart zoomed along with the traffic. He might be pissed off at her, but she was furious with him for never taking a minute to consider anyone else’s point of view.
A long sigh preceded his reply. “I warned you from the outset that relying on Gentry was a gamble. I can’t control her or what she’ll do, but I’m not going to let her control me, either. As far as I’m concerned, CTC’s future is a separate issue from the adoption and from my dad’s recovery.”
“You know it’s not that simple.”
“But it is that simple.”
She shook her head, even though she knew he couldn’t see her. “For you. Only for you.”
He didn’t see the truth, or he was willfully ignoring it. Either way, Jenna’s ugly prediction echoed in her thoughts.
“Why can’t you be on my side for a change?” His deflated tone blunted her anger.
“What’s that mean?”
“It means that ever since we’ve had trouble starting a family, nothing’s been the same. Nothing I do is right. You drum up problems that never existed before. You get mad about stuff that didn’t used to bother you, like my work. Then you wonder why I don’t share everything with you.” He sounded utterly exasperated. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
His words hammered into her heart like nails. She paused, thinking about how far apart they were in how they viewed their life together.
“Sara?”
“I’m sorry you think we’re on opposite sides, but that’s unfair. Everything I do is for us, including asking you to consider a new perspective on the future. I’m fighting for us, for ‘our’ side. For our life, our future, not just yours. Not just your job.” She passed the Angel House and circled the block, needing an extra minute to finish her thoughts. “Think about the big picture. About what’s best for both of us in the long run. Family connection. Children. Harmony. Those are the things that make life good. Not a job title. Not a business model. What I can’t fathom is why you’re willing to risk destroying your whole family to hold on to a business.”
“God, I’m tired of this argument.”
“Me too.” She pulled up to the curb in front of the Angel House. “But you never get it. Everything takes a back seat to your priorities, whether it’s a movie or lunch plans or whatever. I guess the offer to visit my family in California soon is just another thing that won’t happen because you’re too busy.”
“Is that really how you see me? A selfish dick with no heart? Like I’m not committed to our life and future? From where I stand, I manage all this responsibility, and I’m still there to move mountains for you and everyone in my family.”
He was always there for the big things—the guy who figured out the difficult puzzles or did the undoable. But being there in a crisis wasn’t exactly a good measure of a healthy relationship. Or of balance.
She was the one quietly keeping things together day to day. She was the one who could be counted on to make peace, to hold hands, to be patient. With Jed sick, she was the one cooking meals and doing laundry to help Jenna. At the end of the day, she believed those smaller, consistent acts of love meant more than the grand gestures. How did he never get that point?
“I shouldn’t have started this conversation while you’re at work and I’m in the car. Let’s drop it for now. Your dad needs our full attention until he’s feeling better.”
The charged silence went on forever. She would’ve thought he’d hung up on her except she could hear his breath on the other end of the line.
“I’m planning to stop o
ver there on my way home from work. I’ll make nice with Jenna and Gentry, okay? Relax.”
She hated being told to relax, like she could flip a switch and instantly change her feelings. Or worse, like she had no right to be upset. Sometimes being upset was the appropriate response. “I’ll see you at home tonight.”
“Love you.”
He said those words, but lately she wondered if he remembered what they meant . . . or what they should mean. Love required more than platitudes, nice words, and sex. It required compromise. Sacrifice. Everyday sharing. Making decisions that benefited both people, not just one.
They’d begun their life together holding equal cards, but somewhere along the way he began hoarding all the aces.
Chapter Fifteen
“Eat.” His dad gestured toward the tray of Sara’s lasagna on the island. A gray velour robe hung over his slackened shoulders. The exhausted grooves on his face aged him considerably.
Hunter forced an assured grin. “I’ll eat with Sara when I go home.”
“It’s good.” His dad took another bite, then glanced around surreptitiously. “Don’t tell Jenna, but I’m a little jealous that your wife cooks.”
“Mum’s the word.” Until this year, he would have said Sara’s cooking was the least of the reasons his dad should be jealous. She’d been a perfect wife; they’d enjoyed a carefree relationship. Lately, he couldn’t make that claim. No matter what he thought to do about it, he either thought wrong or eroded any progress with his next misstep. “I’m glad she’s feeding you well. You need your strength for our annual trip to Jackson Hole in January.”
His father’s weak smile indicated that their father-son sojourn looked doubtful. As the seconds passed in silence, Hunter thought about his earlier argument with Sara. About how easily he, and most people, took the future for granted. What if last year turned out to be the last father-son trip they’d ever take? The look in his dad’s eyes suggested he’d just had the same thought.
A damn awful thought that he didn’t want to dwell on.