“Oh, I must know her from work,” Landon mused.
“If you worked with someone who looked like that in real life I’d cuff you to me and never let you leave the house again,” I supplied.
Landon smirked. “Ah, it’s not so funny when the curse is on the other foot, is it?”
“It’s not funny at all.” I looked Eden up and down with overt disgust. “Those can’t possibly be real, by the way.”
“Oh, they’re real.” Eden’s expression was dismissive. “I’ve been waiting for you for more than an hour, Jericho. You were supposed to be here to give an update on the Michael Ferrigno case right after sunset. What took you so long?”
If Landon was bothered by her tone he didn’t show it. “I had to go to an underground city and watch a bunch of freaks fake dying.”
“You were there?” Eden was grave. “The loss of life at Zeton was enormous.”
“Really? I’m sure if you wander over there you can just drag them outside and they’ll make miraculous recoveries.”
“That’s not part of the mission.” Eden was firm. “What do you have? Do you have the information we need to bring down Ferrigno?”
“Um … no.” Landon shook his head. “I’m working on it, though. I hope to have the information shortly.”
“You have to work faster.”
“I’m working as fast as I can.”
“It’s not fast enough.” Eden adopted a pouty expression as she sidled closer. “I miss you, lover. I cry myself to sleep every night that you’re not next to me.”
“Oh, my … Goddess.” I thought my head might implode. “She’s your girlfriend!”
“She’s not my girlfriend,” Landon protested.
“That’s right,” Eden confirmed. “We live together. We’re supposed to be getting married in a few months. We’re going to live happily ever after. I’m his fiancée.”
My stomach twisted. “Yeah, because that makes it better.”
“Hey, you’re married,” Landon reminded me. “Why wouldn’t I have a girlfriend in this … cesspool?”
“Because you’re supposed to be in love with me.”
“This is a fake world!” Landon exploded, his temper getting the better of him. “I can’t control how Aunt Tillie wrote it. It’s not as if I’ve really been cheating on you.”
“What is going on here?” Eden planted her hands on her hips as her eyes bounced between us. “Is there something you want to tell me, Jericho?”
Landon nodded without hesitation. “Yes. Jericho is a stupid name.”
“And?”
“And … um … I think we should stop seeing each other.” Landon was clearly trying to appease me, but Eden didn’t take it well. Instead she slapped him hard across the face, causing him to reel back. He wasn’t even minimally recovered when she attacked a second time and threw a drink at him, the liquid splashing across his handsome features. “Hey!”
“Where did she get the drink?” Clove asked. “Did anyone see her carrying a drink?”
Thistle shook her head. “No, but throwing drinks is a soap staple. It doesn’t really surprise me.”
Eden moved to slap Landon again, but he caught her wrist before she could.
“Don’t do that,” Landon warned.
“Hey, my phone is ringing.” Sam lost interest in the scene playing out in front of us and dug for his phone. “Should I answer it?”
Marcus nodded. “It’s probably part of the story.”
“Okay.” Sam pressed the phone to his ear. “Hello?”
“You can’t leave me,” Eden screeched. “We’re destined to be together. I will kill anyone who tries to get between us.”
“Yeah, that sounds healthy,” Landon deadpanned. “I really don’t care. I think we need to take a break.”
“Oh, of course you do,” Eden sneered. “I know you’ve been running around behind my back. I assumed you were doing it because you had no choice, you had to or risk being found out and ultimately killed for your betrayal of Ferrigno. I guess I know better now, don’t I?”
“I guess you do.” Landon was blasé … right up to the point when Eden wrenched her wrist free and grabbed the front of his shirt. With an ease that shouldn’t have been possible given my knowledge of fabric and seams, she ripped Landon’s shirt from his chest, leaving behind only two sleeves and a baffled look on his face. “What the … ?”
“This is your doing,” Eden hissed, rubbing the remnants of the shirt over her face as her eyes turned crazy and dangerous. “You’ll rue the day you broke my heart!”
Landon was over the drama. “Give me back my shirt.”
“No!” Eden continued rubbing it against her cheek. “It’s all I have to remember you by. I won’t forget any of this. You’ve broken me, wrecked me. You set off a bomb in my heart and now that it has exploded there are too many pieces to pick up.”
“But … .”
Landon didn’t get a chance to finish his statement, because Sam had finished his phone call and he looked altogether sick to his stomach.
“What is it?” Clove asked, worried.
“I’m needed at the hospital,” Sam replied woodenly. “I’m supposed to perform emergency brain surgery.”
“Oh, well, that explains the phone.” Thistle was clearly amused. “This world is starting to look up. I can’t wait to see the hospital.”
I want to be a fashion model, astronaut, writer, makeup company CEO and doctor on the weekends. That woman did it all in less than a year. At least she’s never bored.
– Aunt Tillie picking a soap career
Seven
Eden was beyond conversation and her need to rub Landon’s shirt over her face and chest was downright disturbing. Landon finally gave up trying to reclaim his clothing – it was beyond repair anyway – and focused on our next issue.
“I’m not doing it,” Sam announced. “I don’t care what you think, what you expect or how much you beg … it’s simply not going to happen.”
“We still have to go to the hospital,” Landon said, folding his arms over his chest as he attempted to cover his bare skin. He was clearly uncomfortable. “You wouldn’t have gotten the call unless we were supposed to go there next.”
“Yes, but I’m a brain surgeon on weekends,” Sam said. “That’s what that clip show thing said. They called me for brain surgery. There’s no way I’m doing that.”
“I doubt very much you’re going to have to do it,” I supplied. “It’s a soap opera, not a medical show. They never show the nitty-gritty on a soap opera. At most they’ll show a couple close-ups of your face. There’s no way anyone is going to put a scalpel in your hand.”
Sam wasn’t convinced. “I’m not doing it.”
Landon held up his hands to stave off an argument. “You’re not going to have to perform surgery. I can virtually guarantee that. We still need to head to the hospital.”
Sam wasn’t about to be placated. “I’m not doing surgery.”
“And I’m sick of hearing you say that.” Landon put a hand to my elbow to direct me toward the opposite end of the dock. “Let’s get going.”
“How do you know that’s the right direction?”
“Because the only thing in that direction is Zeton and I have no intention of going back there.”
“Fair enough.” I fell into step with him, refusing to look over my shoulder to make sure everyone else followed. I figured they were on their own if they chose to separate. The only one I was determined to stay close to was Landon. I’d never been lost in one of Aunt Tillie’s worlds without him – at least not for an extended period – and I wasn’t about to start now.
“Do you want to tell me what you’re thinking?” Landon’s voice was soft.
“I’m not sure what I’m thinking. It’s a lot to process.”
“Yeah, that’s not going to work on me.”
“Well, for starters, I think it’s funny that you’re covering your chest that way. It’s not as if anyone is staring at
your nipples or anything.”
Landon made a derisive snort in the back of his throat. “I feel exposed.”
“We’re not really on television. You’re okay.”
Landon reluctantly dropped his arms, although he didn’t look thrilled with his decision. “I’m starting to think Aunt Tillie is crazy because she watches soap operas. When I first met her I thought she was confused because of old age. After knowing her a bit I assumed it was because she simply liked being crazy. Now I think it’s the soap operas making her wonky. I’m going to ban her from watching them if we ever get out of here.”
It was a somber moment, but I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. “She’s not crazy. She only wants people to think she’s crazy. She’s smarter than almost everyone I know.”
“Is that saying much?”
“I was including you in the group.”
“Ha, ha.” Landon poked my side. “You haven’t said much about what just happened. Are you still … upset?”
“Upset?” I cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t know if ‘upset’ is the word. I was surprised more than anything else.”
Landon snorted. “Bay, if you were a cat you would’ve started hissing when you saw her. Your back would’ve arched and you would’ve made that snarling sound cats make while preparing themselves to claw their enemies to death.”
“I think you’re exaggerating.”
“And I think it was kind of funny.”
“You didn’t think it was funny when Michael pinched my butt.”
“Because that was weird.”
“And that woman rolling around on the dock and rubbing her face against your shirt as if she’s a dog and memorizing your scent, that’s normal?”
“Well, when you phrase it like that … .” Landon’s smile was sheepish when he spared me a look. “Bay, you can’t let this stuff get to you. I know it’s hypocritical for me to say given how I reacted with the happy butt pincher, but it’s true. Aunt Tillie wants us to overreact. We need to remain calm.”
“That’s easier said than done.” I glanced over my shoulder and found Clove and Sam trailing us, Clove’s hand on her boyfriend’s arm as she attempted to soothe him. I adjusted my tone. “We’d better hope he’s not really expected to perform surgery.”
“I was just thinking the same thing.”
“NO!”
Sam was beside himself when the hospital’s chief of staff, who just happened to look a lot like Clove’s father Warren, met us at the front door of the facility.
“We don’t have much time.” Warren grabbed Sam’s arm and tugged him forward. “We need you. We need your gift.”
“Absolutely not!” Sam’s eyes were wild with fear. “I refuse.”
“You must.” Warren didn’t back down. “The man’s life is in danger. He won’t last long. He’s already overcome so much.”
“I don’t really care if he’s overcome a pack of zombies,” Sam fired back. “I’m not doing it.”
“You don’t understand,” Warren pressed. “It’s Flynn Warfield. He’s a celebrity in the field of metaphysical belief systems.”
Landon and I exchanged a weighted look. Landon cleared his throat to get Warren’s attention. “Flynn Warfield?”
Warren nodded. “Then you’ve heard of him?”
“A little something here and there,” Landon replied. “I have no idea what a metaphysical belief system is, but I’ve heard of Flynn.” He shifted his eyes to Sam. “I believe you have to do the surgery.”
Sam’s expression was murderous. “No means no!”
“Oh, you’re such a kidder.” Warren gave Sam’s shoulder a good squeeze. “You’re the best weekend brain surgeon that we have. This man will die without you.”
“That’s kind of exciting.” Clove’s eyes sparkled. “I always wondered what it would be like to date a doctor.”
If looks could kill, Sam would’ve struck his beloved dead with a single glare. “You’re on my list, Clove,” he announced. “You’re right at the top. You’re even beating out Aunt Tillie right now.”
“That’s a little sad,” Thistle noted. “I guess you’re even more of a kvetch than we realized, huh?”
“I’ll make you eat soap opera dirt if you’re not careful,” Clove shot back. “I bet it’s even grosser than real dirt. That’s how Aunt Tillie does things.”
Thistle apparently thought the threat had weight, because she wisely shut her mouth. That didn’t mean I could.
“I think you have to do the surgery, Sam,” I prodded. “We need that diamond, and if Flynn is in surgery … .”
Sam realized what I was getting at … and he apparently didn’t like it. “You want me to try to steal a diamond from him while I’m conducting surgery?”
“Do you have a better idea?”
Sam’s mouth moved, but no sound came out. It was almost as if he was talking silently to himself. Finally, he regrouped enough to utter a sentence. “You just took Clove’s spot on top of my list.”
“Yay!” Clove clapped her hands. “I didn’t like being at the top of your list. This is so much better.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Sam rolled his eyes, cringing when he realized Warren was watching him. “Why are you still here?”
“I’m waiting for you.” Warren wasn’t letting up. Sam seemed to finally realize that, because he looked resigned. “We need to get moving now.”
“Fine.” Sam scratched at an invisible itch on the side of his nose. “I’ll do brain surgery. That seems to be the only way out of this. So, I will do it. I’ll be a brain surgeon on weekends.”
“You’re so strong, honey.” Clove patted his arm. “I’ve never been more proud of you than I am right now.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better, Clove,” Sam snapped.
“We’ll need you, too, Cinder,” Warren added, turning to Clove.
“Me?” Clove’s features turned white. “Why would you need me?”
“You’re a weekend nurse.”
“But … .” Clove looked panicked. “I can’t be a nurse. I most certainly can’t sit through surgery. You know how I feel about blood.”
“This must be one of the other personalities talking,” Warren noted. “That’s okay. We thought ahead for when this happened. Each personality passed the nursing exam, so you’re good to go.”
“What?” Clove was flabbergasted. “No way. Uh-uh. Not gonna happen.”
“Oh, now it’s a big deal,” Sam intoned. “It wasn’t a big deal when it was me. Now that it’s you, though … .”
“I thought Clove was a naughty nurse,” Thistle argued. “That’s not like a real nurse. It’s more like on Halloween when I was a naughty stewardess and I helped Marcus stow his luggage in the overhead compartment.”
“Don’t be gross,” Landon barked, pressing his eyes shut.
“I concur.” Warren’s smile never wavered as he focused on Clove. “We need both of you to save a man’s life. You can’t turn your back on something like that, can you?”
Clove was morose. “I guess not.” She darted a hateful look in my direction. “I’m not sure how yet, but I’m almost positive this is your fault. Thistle’s, too. When this is over, I’m going to make you both eat so much dirt you’ll choke to death.”
For lack of anything better to do, I offered up a sarcastic salute. “Good luck. May fortune favor the foolish … and brave.”
Clove narrowed her eyes to dangerous slits. “You’re dead to me.”
LANDON FOUND A SHIRT in the lost-and-found box. It featured a cat with a pretty pink bow. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing when I saw it.
“Don’t say a word,” Landon warned, turning his attention to Thistle and Marcus. “Have you heard anything on the surgery?”
“They’ve been gone like twenty minutes,” Marcus replied. “You can’t perform brain surgery in twenty minutes.”
“It’s a soap,” Thistle reminded him. “You can do anything in twenty minutes on a soap.”
“Including being a brain surgeon on weekends. I … .” I had no idea what I was going to say. I’m sure it would’ve been pithy and bright, though. I lost my train of thought when I saw the woman in the nurse’s uniform crossing to us. She had a certain edge that wouldn’t let me look away.
Much like Eden, she was tall, thin and busty. I knew before she opened her mouth that she was coming for Landon. Her flirty gaze and swishing hips were distinct clues.
“Jericho.” She didn’t acknowledge the rest of us before sliding her hand into Landon’s hair and pressing her mouth to his.
To his credit, Landon immediately pushed her back. “What are you doing?” he sputtered.
“I’ve been waiting for your call for a week,” the nurse said, her bottom lip jutting into the perfect pout. “You were supposed to call me. This is not how you treat the woman you’re going to propose to once you’re done working undercover.”
“Ooh, soap Landon is a total tool,” Thistle supplied, smirking. “I should’ve seen that coming.”
“Jericho is a tool,” Landon corrected, doing his best to keep the nurse from stroking her hands over his chest. “Jericho is not me.”
“Of course you’re Jericho,” the nurse countered. “We’ve been together for a year.”
“Yeah, well … .” Landon licked his lips and looked at me. “Do you want to help?”
“Far be it from me to get between you and your fiancée.”
“Knock it off. This isn’t my fault.”
“No, but it’s still irritating.”
“Fine.” Landon’s eyes fired as he turned back to his randy nurse. “Listen … um … what is your name?”
“You don’t know my name?” The nurse was incensed.
“He has a head injury,” Marcus offered helpfully. “He has partial amnesia.”
Landon made a growling sound. “Like she’s going to believe that.”
“It’s a soap.”
“You have amnesia?” The nurse’s voice turned soft. “My poor baby!” She grabbed Landon’s head and pressed it to her ample breasts. “I’ll take care of you. I’ll make you remember me if it’s the last thing I do. We’ll fall in love all over again.”
All My Witches (A Wicked Witches of the Midwest Fantasy Book 5) Page 7