Alright, this is getting a little too weird. Jordan and Nolan, sure, but Cleo? I can’t have her in my bed, too. I love the woman, she’s beautiful, want to be her best friend forever, but her vagina … she can keep that to herself and her man. I’m good on that front.
“Loren, Christ!” she screams in frustration.
“What?” I moan, fluttering my eyes open and reality hits. I’m in bed. Alone. Except for Cleo jumping up and down next to the bed, jarring me from the most amazing dream I’ve ever had in my life.
“Your phone. You should answer it once in a while and people wouldn’t freak out and rush over here. I haven’t heard from you since the other night and I was worried. I come here and you’re having some weird sex dream. What the hell, girl?”
“It wasn’t weird until you showed up.”
“Wait. I was in your dream? Was I gorgeous? Some kind of dominatrix? Were my boobs bigger?”
Laughing, I throw the blankets off my body and walk into the bathroom to splash some water on my face. Even fully conscious, I remember the dream. Hell, my thighs are still shaking from the immense pleasure. Of all the dreams to remember, since I can’t recall any others, this is going to be the one that will plague me forever. Not saying it’s a bad thing, but hell, I just wish it were real.
“You didn’t show up until the very end, but I didn’t see you.”
“Great. Wonderful. Since I didn’t get to experience whatever the hell you were enjoying, wanna tell me about it?”
“Nope. Not really. Gotta get ready. Meeting Nolan and Joel at the bar in a little while. I must have slept longer than I wanted to.”
“But you’re okay? What’s going on with Jordan?”
“Twenty questions much, Cleo? I’ll call you tomorrow and tell you all about it. There’s a lot to tell and I’d start now, but I’m not sure yet what the hell’s going on. I need a little time to figure this out.”
“Isn’t that what best friends are for? Helping you make hard decisions?”
“Not this time, sugar plum. I gotta do it on my own.”
*****
After kicking Cleo out, I run through a shower really quick, knowing that I need to be at the bar in less than an hour. I’m able to straighten my hair, hell, I don’t even have enough time to blow dry and curl it, so I opt to run some gel through the long tresses, scrunching the natural wave into tighter curls and letting it lay down my back. For my makeup, I go a lot darker around my eyes, leaving an almost smokey effect—something I don’t usually do.
Pairing a short, blue jean skirt with a fitted tee shirt, I complete the look with my cowboy boots. Knowing I’ll look like Nolan’s perfect match sends a thrill through my body. I only hope Joel’s okay with my attire, seeing as this is still a professional trip, but wearing a business suit doesn’t seem like a good idea. Or does it?
Shit.
Quickly stripping out of my usual bar outfit, I trade the jean skirt for a grey pencil skirt, the tee shirt for a button-up black and grey blouse, and the boots for a pair of black five-inch heels. I pin my hair in a casual up-do and there’s nothing I can really do about the makeup since I have to walk out the door five minutes ago. Throwing on a black jacket and grabbing my purse from the couch, I run as fast as the heels will allow to my car and peel out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell.
Stepping through the front doors of the bar, I find Joel sitting at a reserved table just in front of the stage. Seeing him wearing a dress shirt and slacks puts me at ease. At least I won’t be the only person overdressed for this place.
“Loren, I’m glad you made it. You look beautiful,” Joel says, taking my hand and pulling out a stool for me. Getting situated, he calls over a waitress and orders me a beer.
“Thanks,” I offer, for both helping me onto the stool and the drink. “You look great as well. I hope you’re ready to hear the band. I have a really good feeling they’ll be perfect for the project Jordan and I have been planning.”
“Where is Jordan tonight?” Joel asks, looking around me toward the door.
“Oh, he can’t make it tonight,” I lie. I didn’t even tell Jordan about this meeting. Having him and Nolan in the same room wouldn’t be a good idea for me personally, and knowing Jordan’s temper, if he sees how Nolan and I interact, it could be pretty bad professionally as well.
“That’s fine. I don’t mind spending the evening listening to a great band and having the company of a beautiful woman.” Joel’s cheeks turn a light shade of pink, as if he realizes he’s going outside the lines of professionalism. I nudge his shoulder with mine and wink at him.
“I’m the lucky one here. You’re pretty awesome, Joel. I was a silly woman for not giving you a proper chance. I feel so terrible for thinking you were just some nerd,” I offer, trying to ease the tension and reminding him it was me who was a complete asshole the first time we met at the café.
“Oh, no, you nailed it,” he laughs. “I’m a nerd. Through and through. I’m sitting here, praying the band goes up soon. I have a few episodes of Game of Thrones on my DVR that require my immediate attention, but I had to do this first.”
“Oh my God,” I giggle, knowing I pegged him right the first time, but wanted to give him a little ego boost. “You’re something else, Joel.” Placing my hand on his arm, I squeeze slightly just as Nolan walks out from the back office. When our eyes meet, I lose my breath for a brief moment. Joel’s hand patting mine is the only thing that brings me back to the present.
“That’s your guy, huh?” Joel asks, glancing between Nolan and myself.
“He’s a friend, yes, but not my guy.”
“Could’ve fooled me. You’re looking at him like you’re a love sick puppy and he’s glaring at you like he’s about to come over here and kiss you senseless just to prove you’re his and not mine,” he jokes, but deep in my gut I know he’s not kidding. I quickly retrieve my hand from Joel’s arm, placing both my hands on my lap under the table.
Nolan strides over, his chest pushed out and his jaw tight. I send a silent prayer that he doesn’t say anything to provoke any type of fight. He needs this gig. I need it. The company needs it. Joel needs it. I can’t have Nolan acting like some kind of caveman and ruining a potential deal.
“Nolan,” I say sweetly with a slight warning I hope he catches, “This is Joel, the owner of the software company I was telling you about.” Turning to Joel, who’s staring at Nolan with the same intensity as Nolan staring back at him, I continue, “Joel, this is my friend Nolan. He plays the guitar and is also the lead singer of the band I think you’ll love for the marketing campaign.”
“Great to meet ya,” Nolan offers first and his facial features relax as he turns his head to me. “You look amazing, Lo. Thanks for coming out.” When he smiles and those adorable dimples appear at the corners of his mouth, I nearly fall out of my seat. He’s so fucking beautiful.
“Thanks, you’re looking good, too,” I offer, oblivious to everything else going on around us.
The men shake hands and exchange pleasantries while I’m lost in my own head. The waitress sets down my beer and I down half of it while the guys chat for a while. When Nolan stands to head back to the office, he turns back to me and smirks again.
“The guys wanted to see if you wanted to come back and say hey before we go on. I’ll take you back if you’d like.”
“Sure, give me one second.” I gather my purse from the other stool and set it on top of the table. Taking another large swig of my beer, I set down the bottle and stand to adjust my skirt and blouse. “Do you mind keeping an eye on my stuff for just a minute? I won’t be long, just want to give the guys a pep talk,” I ask Joel and he nods his head while he sips from his glass.
Walking in the direction Nolan went, I nearly scream when a strong arm grabs onto my bicep and pulls me into the kitchen. When I whip my head around, Nolan’s staring down at me like he’s starved and I’m the only thing on the menu.
“You look so fuckin’ sexy in that,” he growls, toying wi
th the buttons on my shirt. “Just undo a few of these and I could have you naked in seconds.” Holy shit, where did this guy come from? Nolan’s usually the sweet and gentle one. Seeing him like this—ravenous—has my stomach in knots. “Oh, the things I could do to this body, Loren.” I have no doubt whatsoever. My vivid dream playing back in my head, I clench my thighs together and try my hardest not to moan when his lips come down on mine.
“Wow,” I whisper as he pulls away. My hand instinctively goes to my mouth, gently rubbing over my swollen-from-his-possession lips. How on earth can that have felt so damn good?
“Wow’s right,” he says, smiling, his dimples begging for me to kiss them, the scruff on his jaw begging I lick it and his eyes begging I disregard any ounce of professionalism I have left and let him take me in the back of the bar. “I’m not going back to Cloverton tonight. I’d like to see you.” My stomach does a backflip. If there’s one thing I can’t do while I’m still trying to figure out what man I want to be with is to sleep with one of them. It’s going to be pure hell—torture at this point—but a slut I am not.
“I’ll let you know,” I mutter, adjusting my hair from where he tried to pull it down in the midst of our kiss.
“You do that. I’ve got a show to put on. I’ll see you later.” Nolan places the most gentle of kisses on the corner of my mouth. I lean in, wanting more than what he gave me, but thankful at the same time. There’d be no way in hell I’d be able to resist him if he gave me one of those other kisses again. I damn near lost my wits the first time. The second? I’d be straight putty in his aggressive, make-me-weak-in-the-knees hands.
Chapter Five
Jordan
Giving Loren the space she requested hasn’t been easy. All I want to do is call her … go see her … corner her in the damn break room again, but I haven’t. It’s been hell, but after everything I’ve put her through, the least I can do is give her this one thing. Just when I’m at the breaking point—ready to throw caution to the wind and take back my wife—she texts me.
Loren – Hey. Think we can talk?
Hell fucking yes we can talk. There’s a lot more than talking I’d like to do. I want her underneath me, me inside of her, and us making up for lost time. If taking it slow and giving her the appearance I’m not slowly dying inside is what she needs, dammit, I’ll give her that. Not saying I won’t be imagining her coming apart while I’m so deep in her it hurts. I just won’t tell her that part.
Me – Whenever you’re ready.
I never thought she wouldn’t move on, I just never figured it would be this hard to get her back. Whatever she’s feeling for this new guy must be pretty strong for her not to come running back into my arms. I can’t say it doesn’t frustrate me; however, I’m in no position to make any demands on her. I fucked her over. Granted, I did it with pure intentions, but to her all I did was taint every part of our relationship. I’ve been no angel while we were apart, and I’m sure she hasn’t, either, but there’s never been, nor will there ever be, another woman who makes me feel the way Loren does. I can only hope no man will ever make her feel as loved and wanted like I do … or did, anyway.
Loren – Come over? I’m here whenever you want.
As soon as that text comes through, I waste no time jumping off the sofa and throwing on my shoes. If she’s ready, I won’t keep her waiting any longer than she has to. I know this woman, if I’m not there and she’s got something to say, she’ll either start texting novels or she’ll lose her nerve and won’t do anything. I’ve got about twenty minutes to be in front of her before those things happen.
Throwing the gear shifter in drive, I pull off the curb and race to her house … our home. Fifteen minutes flat and I’m standing on the stoop, knocking softly, even though I want to just walk straight through. It’s not like I don’t have a key; I just feel like it would be better and make her feel more comfortable if she were to invite me in.
“Hey,” she says, pulling the door open and ushering me inside.
“Hey, yourself.” I want to pull her in my arms and tell her how much I’ve missed her, but I’m at a loss for what she wants to talk about. For all I know, she’s called me over to ask for the divorce I didn’t give her months ago. I wasn’t in the right state of mind to answer the summons last time, but now … I’ll fight her tooth and nail. Remind her of all the reasons she married me to begin with.
Stepping into the living room, I glance around, really looking at everything we put into this small house. It was supposed to be just a stepping stone until we could afford something bigger, nicer, but we fell in love with this place the moment we saw it. She hasn’t changed much, but the things that are missing make my heart start to shatter.
There used to be a picture of us from our wedding, if you can even call it that, above the fireplace on the mantle. That’s missing, replaced with a large vase that’s just Loren’s style. The table near the door, where pictures of our vacations used to be, is now lined with a bunch of small candles and one larger one. I knew the pictures were gone. I found them all in her bedroom when I was here before, but I hadn’t really looked in the small space. What once used to be ours is just hers now. This isn’t my home anymore. It’s Loren’s.
“I don’t even know where to start,” Loren says, exasperated, as she flops back onto the couch, pulling a throw blanket over her legs.
“Where do you wanna start?” I ask, opting to sit on the recliner on the opposite side of the living room. If I’m near her, I’ll touch her and once I start, I’ll be damned if I’m going to stop.
“That’s the thing. I don’t know.”
“Okay, answer me one question and maybe you’ll know where to start after you answer it.” I can be patient. I can avoid touching her. I can even withhold every feeling to carry her to the bedroom and bury myself deep within her. But I need to know this. She nods her head, asking me to continue.
“Do you still love me?” It’s the easiest question to answer. Either she does or she doesn’t. If she does, then I’ll do whatever she needs to make it right and win her back. If she doesn’t, then I guess it’s time for me to walk away, lick my wounds and figure out what the hell I’m going to do with my life.
“I don’t know how to answer that,” she says.
“It’s pretty simple, Lo. Do you or don’t you? Don’t make it more complicated than it has to be.”
“Short answer, yes, I love you. Of course I love you. You don’t just fall out of love with someone because they disappoint you, that’s why it hurts so much,” she explains. I’m about to jump in when she continues, “But I don’t know if that love’s enough. I mean, you had your reasons for leaving, and I can even understand and empathize with them, but come on, Jordan. I was your wife. Am your wife. I signed on to be with you in sickness and health. Better or worse. Shit got bad and you ran. You left me with no explanation. Can you even imagine the kinds of things I thought during that time?”
Running my hands through my hair, I don’t know how to address anything she’s just said. I know I fucked up. I know I hurt her. I’m thrilled she loves me, but if it’s not enough, what more can I do? How do I prove to her I won’t hurt her ever again? The only way I can do that is if she gives me a second chance and I work each and every day to never put her in a situation where she has to question my love ever again.
“I’m so sorry, Lo. You’ll never know how sorry I am that I hurt you so bad. Call it my own issues at the time, but I thought you’d be better off if you didn’t see me like that. I didn’t want it to touch you because I loved you so much.”
“Like I said, I can understand that, but it doesn’t take away anything I felt over that year. I want to, I just don’t know how.”
“Are you willing to let me prove it to you?”
“I think I might be willing, but that comes to my second problem,” Loren sighs, laying her head back on the couch.
“There’s no problem, Lo. You love me and you’re willing to let me prove I’ll never
hurt you again. We’re going to be okay. It’s going to work out, I’ll show you.” No longer able to handle the distance between us, I swiftly move across the living room and take the seat directly next to her, pulling her into my side, her head resting on my shoulder.
“I care about Nolan, too,” she whispers, refusing to raise her head and make eye contact with me.
“Is he the new guy you’re dating? The one who was here the other day?”
“Yeah. I don’t know what to do, Jordan. I love you in a way I never thought I would ever love someone, but when I’m with him, he makes me feel so wanted and cared for. Like he’d never do anything to hurt me. I’m scared if I choose you, you’ll break me all over again when you’re bored with me. I’m terrified if I pick him, it’ll be the biggest mistake of my life. How do I do this? What do I do?”
Of course, I want to tell her to pick me and tell this other dude to fuck off, but that’s not what she needs. She’s genuinely confused. Loren wouldn’t even be in this situation if I were half the husband I should have been.
“Baby, I can’t answer that for you. I’m biased. I want you and I’ll do just about anything to have you, but you have to decide where you want to be. You’re the only one who can.”
“I hate this, Jordan. Up until a few weeks ago, I had nobody in my life. This would have been so much easier. I know I sound stupid, having only known Nolan a short amount of time, but on paper, he’s the perfect guy for me. Then there’s you. If we took away the last year of our lives, you’d be the only man I wanted for the rest of my life.”
Her words wreck me. Her pain makes me want to crawl in a hole and die, knowing I caused every ounce of indecision in her heart. I nearly lose my shit when her shoulders start shaking while she’s resting on my side. I’ve brought her to tears … again. I can’t seem to do anything right where Loren’s concerned.
“What can I do, Loren? How can I make your heart stop hurting?”
“Be patient with me. I have no right to ask you to sit around and wait while I decide if our love is enough to push us forward, but I need it. I have to figure this out.”
Claim 3: Volume Three Page 3