by Foster, Voss
Enclosed, please find a check written for the amount of $50,000. These checks will be delivered biannually until you request that payments cease or in the event of your death.
We're sorry for your loss.
Evenstad Media
10
JOURNAL 03BLAKE
ENTRY 004
DATE: 1/31/2074
I met this girl after I killed that guy. It's been really good for me. She's helping me get through all the things in my head. All the stuff I keep thinking. Without her, I don't know how I'd be getting through any of this.
I kind of liked it. I mean, I didn't like killing him. I don't know. It was like something releasing. Or maybe something snapping. I can't really decide which it was. But there was suddenly this lack of tension. Maybe because I'd been planning it and focusing on it so hard, and then it was just done. I guess that's probably what it was. But I didn't like it. I don't like it. The killing. I liked the release. I'm not even making sense to me.
That's why Rita's been so great. She's talked me through it. This is just a game. Everything I'm doing is just a game. None of it is really me. She even pointed out that there's no way that Evenstad Media's really letting us kill each other. Especially not on TV. That's just crazy. I was just too stupid to see it on my own.
But that doesn't change what I did. I didn't know that I wasn't killing him when I did it. I killed that guy. It seemed way too real to be faked, too. I mean, the way he kind of flew apart. I've already puked three times thinking about that.
I don't know. I really don't get how it could all be faked. I don't understand a lot of things that are going on right now. Rita's one of those things, too. I mean, I think she's into me. Like, really into me. And she's way out of my league, so I don't get it. She's absolutely out of my league. But she's being so nice. Really nice. And touchy. Physical touchy.
It's nice. It helps take my mind off of what I did. And the fact that I'll probably have to do it again. The killing thing, not the touching. Real or not, that blood smell just isn't going to go away. I know that for sure. I can smell it in my sleep, and I've already showered and scrubbed twice. It's not on my body at this point. It's just… there. Maybe with soap. Or maybe it's just stuck there in my head.
ENTRY END
JOURNAL 04JUSTICE
ENTRY 004
DATE: 2/08/2074
Well, the decision got fucking made for me, I guess. I've got to leave this place and head out into the park. It's for Desiree. Logic be damned, I guess. I'm attached to her, as much as I don't want to be. And she's not doing very fucking well. The last few days, she's been really quiet. Not that she ever talked too much, but it's been almost silent. When she does talk, it's very slow. Sometimes she doesn't even respond when I ask a direct question. It's fucking scary, and it doesn't bode very well for her. She's not going to be able to fend for herself. She wasn't all that capable before, really, but now she doesn't have a hope. Which means that I'm responsible for her. At least that's how it goes in my head. I know I shouldn't give two shits about this girl, but here I am, fixing to leave my safety behind just so I can try to ensure that she stays alive. I'm telling you. Fucking damaged women. They're my downfall.
According to that letter I got when I woke up here, there's more of these weird-ass medallion things out in the park. I don't know, maybe they're not worth it. Maybe I won't even be able to find one of them. I doubt that these people just left them lying on the fucking ground. I know I haven't seen one yet. I'm taking Desiree's with me when I leave, too. Being invisible can't hurt. I don't know for sure how long it lasts, but I'd rather have it than not. I don't have any kind of watch, but I'm going to try and keep the trips short. I'm worried about leaving her alone too long. Damn me. Damn her. Damn this whole fucking thing. But mostly damn me and my pathological need to help a damsel in distress. Cause I tell you what, Desiree is damn sure distressed.
ENTRY END
JOURNAL 10MANFRED
ENTRY 005
DATE: 2/06/2074
It has been too long since I have felt safe enough to write a journal. I know that I should do it daily. I know that. But I have been otherwise occupied. I knew that I could not stay in the same house. It was a risk that I was unwilling to take. As much as David's death affected me, my survival is now of more importance than my mourning. I'm certain I won't be able to hold back my grief much longer. Not now that I have assured a relative measure of safety for myself.
I can thank the military for one thing, at least. The training I received is now proving useful. I have managed to cover my own trail, I believe. At least, I have not yet been found. I could not move quickly, nor far, but I was able to find a new house to stay in. I do not move much. I keep the curtains drawn. There is little point to having them open, anyway. No sunlight to let in. I still stay below the windows as much as possible, and the lights are only on when I absolutely cannot avoid it.
I am concerned over my health, however. Much more than before. While I still do not expect to survive this ordeal, I would hope for a faster death than starvation. I can only force myself to eat small amounts. Too much and I throw it all up. I can feel the weakness, a shiver and ache in my limbs any time I dare try to move. I have considered strongly ending it myself. It would be kinder to me and it might save someone the trouble of dirtying their soul. But, at least today, I have not been able to make the final leap over that line. The idea however, is there. I cannot honestly believe that, at some point, it will not become more prevalent, the voice more powerful. One day soon, it may even sound reasonable. But for now, such a death seems too terrifying.
ENTRY END
JOURNAL 02CHRISTINA
ENTRY 003
DATE: 2/09/2074
So, I've had a moment of self-discovery. It's not as great as that makes it sound, though. I've realized that even though Julia's a bit of an idiot, I might rival her in that regard. I realized that I might be sticking around for more than the food. That's all I thought it was. I don't know about that, I guess. If I'm being honest, since it's just me here, I think I knew that there was something else going on. Not just the food. But I either didn't want to admit it to myself or I didn’t quite understand it. I would hardly think I would be the type to fall for someone as totally useless as her, especially not with everything being so important as it is right now. She can't afford to ignore what's going on, and I can't afford to be saddled with someone intentionally ignorant like her. But I also can't afford to be missing as much work as I have. The company needs me and I've been gone for a month. But that's happening. And apparently this is happening, too.
I don't notice it when I'm with her, though. Which is pretty scary as it is, not noticing everything that's going on around me. But I don't. All we do is talk and laugh and eat. Damn it, her food is good. But I think I could go without it and still be just fine, sitting there with her every night. I've already moved in, and that's a huge step.
I try to talk about this whole situation with her at least once a day, but she doesn't want to hear it. She doesn't want any reminders that she isn't just living her normal life. That's why all the blinds and everything stay closed, so she doesn't have to see what's outside. The emptiness. She just stays in the house and cooks and cleans and talks. And honestly, I've started doing the same. I find myself bringing up the real reason we're here just as much to remind myself as to try and jog her out of her denial. Which might be the scariest thing of all. I'm beginning to buy into her delusion, and it's a fatal delusion.
ENTRY END
JOURNAL 06RITA
ENTRY 004
DATE: 2/14/2074
Well, looks like things are working out. I told you I'd be trying to raise your ratings. I bet there's all kinds of fan speculation now, wondering if Blake and I were together from the beginning, right? And then you'll have the people who think I just jumped on an opportune situation. They're right. I didn't know that the kid was actually going to kill that guy. I should have realized it, the way he was han
ging around the house, throwing rocks at the windows. Clever kid. But I had him in my sights, didn't I? I even got him halfway convinced that he's not even killing anyone. I wasn’t sure that one would work, but damn it, I'm glad it did. It means he's good and gullible. Just the way I need him to be.
Make sure you keep those camera lenses nice and shiny clean, boys. I wouldn't want anyone to miss out on this. I bet it'll be damn good television. I'm sure the kiss will be enough to pique your audience's interest, right? What more could they really expect, though? It is Valentine's Day. It would just be a sin not to kiss my new beau on Valentine's Day, don't you agree?
ENTRY END
TO: Matthieu Moreau
FROM: Suzanne Young
SUBJECT: CESUs
SENT 8/19/2073 AT 11:16 a.m. EST
Matthieu,
This is just to confirm the plan on the setup for The Park. Namely, the placement of the CESUs. Mr. Evenstad has some basic guidelines, but he has specifically requested that a single individual take charge of the official placement. You will, of course, not be allowed to tell anyone else any details of this. You've worked with the company long enough that I hardly need to point that out, but it bears repeating nonetheless.
There will be twenty-eight CESUs in the form of golden medallions. Each will be individually packaged and labeled with a number from one to four. The numbers indicate a specific strategy Mr. Evenstad would like applied to the CESUs thusly labeled. Those strategies are detailed below. Within the confines of Mr. Evenstad's instructions, you have free reign to place the CESUs as you see fit.
1: 9 in total; these are to be put more or less in plain sight or with minimal attempts at camouflage.
2: 11 in total; these are to be hidden, but not particularly difficult for the contestants to locate; should not be visible upon first glance.
3: 5 in total; these are to remain out of sight; should be very difficult to locate; will preferably require physical effort to reach.
4: 3 in total; no specific instructions are attached to CESUs labeled with a 4; it is of note that these CESUs are considered to be either particularly volatile or otherwise dangerous; these should be placed with attention to viewer intrigue above all else.
If you have any questions in relation to this, please respond to this email. Do not create any other information trails dealing with this subject. I will be in touch with you at a later date with further information.
Suzanne Young
Administrative Assistant to Niels Evenstad
Dear Valued Evenstad Media Customer,
You've watched The Park. Now how would you like to be a part of it? How would you like to live it? Now you can participate in all the game play you love to watch without leaving the comfort of your computer chair.
Say hello to The Park: Live and Breathe. Design your own character, pick a random CESU, and do your best to survive in our all new MMO. The game map is an exact replica of the arena from The Park. All of this, the full Park experience, can be yours for the low, fixed price of $11.95/month. Your price will never increase, but this is a limited offer. If you want these kind of savings, you need to subscribe before the end of this month. As always, if you are dissatisfied with the service for any reason, you are free to cancel at any time. No fees, fines, or charges.
For more information, or to sign up for The Park: Live and Breathe, call our Customer Service Hotline at 1-888-003-8000 Monday-Friday, 8 a.m.-8 p.m. EST.
From us, thank you,
Evenstad Media
JOURNAL 09TINA
ENTRY 005
DATE: 2/15/2074
I'm not safe here. I never really thought I was, but I just had to have some people around me. And staying here seemed to me like a much better option than getting murdered by Susan. She's a whole different kind of nuts. Like, the kind you hear about in the newspapers. Soccer mom kills six but shows no remorse. That kind of nuts. I don't spend any time with her I don't have to, and she pretty much ignores me. Which is good, I guess. I'd rather her ignore me than to be constantly on her radar. But there's a part of me that wants her to give me something more than that, too. So I could see into her a little better, try and gauge what she actually thinks about me.
I guess it doesn't really matter. I'm pretty confident I have a good enough idea of what she thinks about me. She wouldn't have any issue throttling me on the spot, if she got tired enough with me. Same thing with Craig, too, I think. Both of us are expendable to her, I wouldn't doubt. Me, at least.
That's why Craig and I have been talking about maybe leaving. Probably leaving. I want to leave, let's put it that way. Craig wants to leave, too, but he wants to wait. I really, really don't agree with the whole thing, but I don't see myself taking off without him. He wants to stick around long enough to get a little closer to Susan. He still wants some tools, and she keeps a pretty tight hold on whatever she's been able to cobble together, but he thinks he can get to some more, if she has them. We just have to stick around a little longer.
That's his theory. Mine is still get away from the psychotic nutjob lady. But I'll stick with Craig as long as I can. If things get too much tenser around here with Susan and I, I'll probably be forced to leave for my own safety.
ENTRY END
JOURNAL 07JULIA
ENTRY 004
DATE: 2/15/2074
I can hardly contain my excitement! I don't have any chance of getting to sleep, so I had to write it down. I don't want to forget any of it.
Christina moved into my bedroom tonight. It's silly and stupid and I just love the way it feels. I haven't had anyone in my bed with me for a long time. Not just to sleep. She didn't say very much, but what she said mattered. She wanted to get in my bed just to be close to me. She said it quietly, but I heard it. I can still hear it in my head. She wanted to be close to me.
I know I won't be able to sleep, still, but I don't want the light to wake her up, so I have to sign off on this. But someone actually wants me. Christina wants me. I finally see a chink in that wall.
ENTRY END
JOURNAL 11SUSAN
ENTRY 004
DATE: 2/17/2074
Craig and Tina are planning to leave. They don't think I pay attention. They don't think I know. I let them believe that. But I know. And I know he wants tools. I don't have any. None better than I let him use. I keep a hold on them to make him wonder. Otherwise, he'd already be gone. Rather have him here. Once he's not useful, he'll be easier to deal with if I have him on hand. Tina's alive temporarily. Probably not much longer. Puts too many ideas out there.
ENTRY END
TO: Evenstad Media
FROM: Natalie Klein
SUBJECT: The Park Query
SENT 2/17/2074 AT 3:16 a.m. EST
Hello.
I am sorry to bother you. I realize that you and your company are very busy and probably don't have much time to deal with questions. I just need an answer, if you can provide me with one.
My husband, Manfred Klein, is currently a contestant on The Park. My feelings for this program aside, I hope that you can answer a simple question. Do you by chance know why my husband agreed to participate in this program? I realize that there are legal reasons you likely cannot reveal this information to me, but I beg that you will find some ounce of kindness to overlook those policies. I need to know why. And I need to know why he didn't tell me about this. Please
Regards,
Natalie Klein
—
TO: Natalie Klein
FROM: Evenstad Media
SUBJECT: RE: The Park Query
SENT 2/17/2074 AT 10:46 a.m. EST
Mrs. Klein,
Thank you for taking the time to contact us. We here at Evenstad Media are devoted to customer service above all else.
Your husband Manfred signed a contract with us shortly before we began re
cording. While you are correct in thinking that some details may not be revealed, as to avoid legal repercussions, we will of course help you in any way possible.
Manfred's decision was based on you and your children. As you may know, the winner of The Park will receive twenty million US Dollars, which works out to over twelve million pounds, after conversion. That would be enough to live on for some time. And, in the unfortunate event of his death during filming, you and your children would receive a biannual stipend to cover all of your living costs. Manfred thought only of his family, I assure you. I was present during contract negotiations personally.
As for why he didn't inform you, we can only guess. The most logical answer, of course, would be that he simply didn't want you to worry about him. However, beyond mere speculation, we can't offer anything on that front.
Hopefully, this answered your questions. And again, we here at Evenstad Media thank you.
Evenstad Media
JOURNAL 04JUSTICE
ENTRY 005
DATE: 2/19/2074
I finally managed to find another one of the medallions. I almost missed it. I mean, if there'd been any sort of fucking light in here, it would have been easy. Probably would have seen the metal glinting. I found it hanging from the eaves of one of the trailers. I mean, I would have thought they would have at least fucking tried to hide them. Probably part of what made it so hard to find, just sitting out there for the taking.