Rebel Heart

by Penelope Ward

  Could Elliott be Harlan?

  Did he pretend to not know me?

  He’d said I looked familiar. From the conversation they’d just had, clearly, Elliott cheated on his wife.

  Fuck.

  I was making myself crazy.

  If he were Harlan, he wouldn’t have pretended to not know who I was.

  The Elliott who just spoke would love to tell his brother he’d slept with his girlfriend.

  Wouldn’t he?

  With the animosity between the brothers, I was positive that Elliott would get off on telling him that he’d had me.

  But then…

  Rush would make a scene.

  Elliott’s wife would come running.

  And then what?

  How would he explain to Lauren why he’d just been punched in the face?

  A knock at the bathroom door startled me out of my thoughts. “One minute.”

  I just needed to get out of here. Get Rush and get the hell out of this place. Go back to our little bubble in the Hamptons and forget tonight ever happened. No good could come from being here and debating this in my head. And stress was not good for my baby. Elliott’s baby? God, it couldn’t be.

  So, straightening my makeshift dress, I took a look in the mirror, patted down my unruly curls, and closed my eyes for a few cleansing breaths.

  I opened the door just as the second knock came and was greeted by a face that I didn’t expect on the other side.

  Elliott.

  Or Harlan.

  “Gia.” His face slid back into that perfect, toothy smile. “I didn’t realize it was you in there.”

  I looked both ways down the quiet hall. “Where’s Rush?”

  “I left him to talk to a board member. Is everything alright? You look a little pale.”

  “Umm. Yeah. I just…I don’t feel so great. I think it might be something I ate.” I pointed toward the party needing to get the hell out of there. “I’m going to go grab Rush and see if he can take me home.”

  Elliott searched my face. “You look very familiar. Have we met before?”

  “No,” I snapped.

  His brows drew together.

  The urge to flee was strong. I needed to get ahold of myself—calm down. “It was nice meeting you.”

  Elliott stood in place, watching me. “Yes. You, too.”

  I stepped from the bathroom doorway and took a few long strides down the hall. Getting to the end, I spotted Rush engrossed in a conversation with an older gentleman on the other side of the apartment. No one was in the vicinity at all.

  And…

  I needed to know.

  Who was I kidding?

  If I left without knowing for sure, I’d never be able to relax. It would eat at me for days. Months. Years.

  With another burst of adrenaline spiking, I turned around and took a deep breath. Elliott was still standing there watching me when I marched back to stand in front of him.

  “Actually…you look familiar to me, too.”

  The wheels in Elliott’s head were turning as he continued to try to figure out where he knew me from.

  God, this was nuts.

  But I needed to know.

  I looked him straight in the eyes. “You look like someone I met once in the Hamptons. At The Heights, actually. Maybe you know him?” I took one last deep breath and spit out the rest. “His name is Harlan.”

  Elliott’s narrowed eyes grew to the size of saucers as a look of recognition finally hit. Then the sleaziest smile spread across his face.

  “Gia—you came back for seconds?”

  “You sure everything is okay?” Gia had seemed a little off ever since the party last night. She was quiet on the drive home, and when I initiated fooling around—something that she never refuted and often initiated herself lately—she’d said she had a headache and was tired. Now she was staring down at her bowl of cereal like she needed it to give her the answers to all of life’s questions.

  She blinked a few times and looked up at me, but her mind was clearly still somewhere else. “I’m sorry. Did you say something?”

  “I asked if you would mind if I had my cereal with your breast milk once it starts to come in.”

  She absentmindedly reached for the container of milk sitting next to her bowl and handed it to me. “Umm. Sure. Here you go.”

  At best, she heard fifty percent of what I’d said.

  My chair scraped along the tiled kitchen floor as I pushed back from the table. I pulled Gia’s seat back, scooped her up, and sat my ass down with her on my lap. Slipping two fingers under her chin, I made sure I had her attention this time.

  “What’s going on? Something’s bothering you. You’ve been acting strange since the party last night. Did getting to see Satan and his spawn freak you out about being with me?”

  “What? No!”

  I pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “Then what’s bothering you? Talk to me.”

  “I…” She shook her head and looked away. “I don’t know. I’m just really tired all of a sudden, and…even though I’ve made progress on my book, the deadline is really starting to weigh on my mind.”

  I nodded. “I bet my brother reminding you of the villain in your book brought that all to the forefront of your mind. The douche’s face can ruin anyone’s day.”

  She nodded. “Yeah. That’s probably it.”

  I kissed her forehead. “I’ll tell you what. I have business to take care of today, anyway. Why don’t I motivate you to write all day? What’s a good day of writing for you?”

  She shrugged. “Maybe three thousand words.”

  I smirked. “Pretty sure that’s more than I wrote in four years of high school and one of college before I dropped out.”

  “You went to college?”

  “Yep. School of Visual Arts. I wanted to learn animation. I had this crazy idea of animating an adult cartoon series based on my winged babes. Not cartoon porn…but sexy babes who can fly and fight crime.”

  “That’s not crazy. I bet it would be amazing if it turned out anything like your art. But why did you drop out after a year?”

  “My mother told me that my father had set up a college fund and was paying for college. During my second semester, I was looking through her file cabinet for a copy of my birth certificate to apply for a passport, and I found a bunch of loan documents. My father hadn’t paid for college. She was pulling equity out of her house to pay the tuition each semester. By the time I hit third year, she would’ve been mortgaged for more than her house was worth.” I shrugged. “I told her college wasn’t for me and dropped out. There was no way that I was letting her take on all that debt when she’d worked her ass off to pay down that mortgage for twenty years. My plan had been to work a year or two, save some money, and go back when I could afford to pay the tuition myself.”

  “But you never went back?”

  “Nope. I found tattooing and then eventually I came into the money that my grandfather had left me, and my life took a different direction after that.”

  “Does your mom know the real reason you dropped out?”

  “No.” I pointed a finger at her. “And if she finds out now, I’ll know where the leak came from. You’re the only one I’ve ever told that story to.”

  Gia let out a big sigh and clasped her hands behind my neck. “You’re a good man, Heathcliff Rushmore. Such a good man.”

  My brows lifted. “Heathcliff, huh? You better watch it. I was thinking your reward for pounding out three thousand words would be I’d pick up a chick flick DVD, a big ass container of Chunky Monkey with two spoons, and bring some massage oil so I can rub the tension from your neck after typing all day. But…if you start calling me Heathcliff, I’ll be bringing girl-on-girl porn, eating an ice cream cone for one on my way over, and you’ll be using that massage oil to slick my wick while I sit back with my hands behind my neck and you do all the work.”

  Gia graced me with the first genuine smile since last night, and I felt like I�
��d seen the sun after a month of gray skies. It made me realize how deep I really was in with this girl. There wasn’t much I wouldn’t do to make her happy.

  I kissed her lips. “I’m gonna head out to let you do your thing. How about if we stay at my house tonight so we have privacy? I’ll pick you up after you finish writing.”

  “Okay. That sounds good.”

  I reluctantly lifted Gia off my lap and set her back down before going to grab my car keys and wallet from where I’d left them in the bedroom.

  “Type your heart out,” I said before kissing her goodbye on the lips one last time. “Because we don’t like it when you’re stressed.” I bent and kissed her belly. “Right, little guy? We like Mommy calm and smiling.”

  That afternoon, I still had a few hours to kill before it was time to pick Gia up. I found myself wandering around the center of town, wanting to buy her a gift that might cheer her up. The problem was I just didn’t know what to get her.

  The craving for a cigarette was enormous. I sucked on a toothpick to try to curb my urges, but it wasn’t helping. Tossing the toothpick in a trash bin, I cursed under my breath, so disappointed in my weakness.

  My two vices were smoking and sex, and I was finding out how difficult it was to give up one without the other. I had neither smoked nor fucked in the past twenty-four hours, and it was really screwing with me. I walked around feeling completely unbalanced, on the verge of getting the shakes.

  But I needed to focus my attention off of my little problem and onto Gia. Her mood from last night and this morning was definitely peculiar. I would’ve done just about anything to make her feel better.

  Walking by a local thrift shop, I happened to notice something in the window that stopped me in my tracks.

  Wow.

  Bingo.

  I might have just found exactly what I needed. This was it; she was gonna love it.

  A bell on the door rang as I entered the store that smelled musty, like old clothes and shoes. A feeling of nostalgia hit me, because being in here reminded me of trips to the Salvation Army store with my mother growing up. We used to buy a lot of my clothes there. I remember getting all excited to go. At the time, all the stuff was new to me, so in my eyes there was no difference between going there or to a department store. Mom would always let me pick out a toy. It was just “the store” to me. And they always carried stuff you couldn’t find anywhere else, things that weren’t even made anymore. So in some ways it was even cooler than a real store. I never questioned why the bags they gave us to hold our stuff had no name on them. And you know what? Getting my Salvation Army toy, in retrospect, had been more exciting than having the means to buy anything I wanted now, because I had appreciated it so much more.

  I put down a set of old trading cards I’d been holding when the attendant entered the room. Fuck, she smelled like cigarettes, and my craving came back in full force.

  “Excuse me?” I said to her. “How much is that doll in the window?”

  “Are you kidding? I’ll pay you to take it away. That thing scares the living daylights out of me. It’s why I have it facing out toward the street and away from me. It’s more like a Halloween decoration at this point.”

  I chuckled. “I’d like to give it a good home. I know someone who will really appreciate it. But I don’t feel right not paying for it. Can I give you something?”

  “A dollar is fine.”

  I took a ten out of my wallet. “Here. Ten?”

  “Thank you. That’s more than generous for that thing.”

  She went over to fetch it from the window then blew some dust off of it. The particles hit me in the face as she handed the doll to me.

  When it came to Gia’s collection, the uglier the better. The funny thing was, my mother had purchased another kind of doll for her, but I hadn’t given it to Gia yet. There was no doubt she was going to like this one more. It had long, black hair that was knotted and messy, almost like it had been electrocuted. Its head was huge compared to the body, and the eyes were unusually big like saucers with eyelids that opened and closed when you moved her head. The only thing she was wearing was a stained white shirt with no pants. It almost looked like a straitjacket. Where are your pants? This thing was a gem.

  “Thanks again.”

  “No, sir. Thank you,” she said.

  I shook my head in laughter as I made my way out of the store with the doll in hand.

  I walked about a block, and headed toward my car before spotting what looked like Oak’s Cadillac drive by. It stopped before suddenly reversing.

  “Hey, Rush!” Oak rolled down the window and nudged his head toward the doll. “Something you want to tell me, man?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s for Gia.”

  “You mad at her or something?”

  Looking down at it, I said, “Nah. She actually collects ugly dolls. It’s a hobby.”

  “Well, then I’d say you got it right. Because that is one ugly ass doll.”

  “Yeah. That’s why it’s perfect.”

  He stuck his head farther out the window. “You need a ride or something? Why are you walking?”

  “No. My car is parked a few blocks away. I just decided to walk around town, blow off some steam.”

  Oak pulled over to a parking spot before getting out and joining me on the sidewalk. He looked me up and down with a big, goofy smile on his face.

  His stare prompted me to ask, “What?”

  “Never thought I’d see the day my man Rush was buying dolls for his sweetheart. Life is damn funny.”

  “Hysterical.” I rolled my eyes. “Well, glad I could amuse you. Gia’s been feeling kind of shitty. So hopefully this will cheer her up.”

  “Pregnancy hormones?”

  “I think so. She’s just been down. I dragged her to a party at Elliott’s, and I almost wonder if it was too much for her under the circumstances. She’s been in a funk ever since. You know…like she thinks she looks fat when she’s never been sexier.”

  “I hear you. Well, I guess it’s normal to feel out of sorts in her condition.”

  “Yeah. I’ve heard pregnant women just get that way from time to time.”

  Oak placed his hand at his forehead to block the sun from his eyes. “How are you holding up?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean…this is a big adjustment for you, Rush. It’s not just Gia whose life is changing forever. Has anyone asked how you’re doing?”

  That was an interesting question. I was too wrapped up in Gia to dissect my own feelings. But I knew a few things to be true.

  “Honestly? I’ve never been happier. I’ve also never been more scared about anything. But I’m taking it one day at a time. Moment by moment. And right now? I just really need a fucking cigarette.”

  “I noticed you haven’t been smoking lately. Good for you.”

  “Good for me if I don’t kill anyone in the meantime, yeah. It’s harder than I thought.”

  “Resist that shit, Rush. The sooner you quit, the better. Been twenty years for me.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “You’re gonna be just fine. If you ever need to vent, you know you can talk to me, right?”

  “Yeah.” I nodded.

  Oak was a good friend. I messed with him all the time, but the truth was, I’d never do anything to hurt him, would never fire him in a million years. He was one of the few people I trusted. Not to mention his big, burly ass could flatten me if I ever crossed him.

  “Alright.” He opened his car door and got back in. “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

  I called out, “Hey…uh, can we not repeat this to anyone at The Heights, that you caught me carrying a doll?”

  Oak leaned his head back in laughter. “Don’t worry, boss. Your secret’s safe with me. Although, might be fun to hold this over your head the next time you threaten to can me.”

  I made sure everything was set up for Gia at my place when we arrived that night. The Chunky Monkey ice cream was in the fr
eezer, and I’d picked up a pre-made lasagna at the Italian restaurant in town that I planned to pop into the oven for dinner.

  She spotted the doll right away as she walked over to the center of my kitchen table where I’d propped it up against a vase of red roses.

  Her mouth curled into a rare smile. “What did you do?”

  “Surprise.”

  Gia lifted the doll and took her in. “She’s…oh my God…she’s…”

  “Ugly as fuck.” I crossed my arms, smiling proudly.

  “I was gonna say…perfect. But so ugly, yes. Which makes her perfect. Where did you find her?”

  “I got lucky. She was sitting in the window of the local thrift store just waiting for me, waiting for us to find her, to give her a good home.”

  She clutched the doll to her chest, but her reaction was unexpected. She started to cry.

  Fuck.

  This was supposed to cheer her up, get her out of whatever funk she was in, not make her sadder.

  “What’s wrong, Gia? This was supposed to make you happy.”

  She looked up at me before wiping her eyes. “Nothing. Everything is perfect.”

  Gia put the doll down and wrapped her arms around my neck. She still had tears in her eyes when she leaned in. Her kiss was hard and intense as she raked her fingers through my hair.

  “Take me to your room,” she said.

  “Now? We haven’t eaten yet.”

  Then it hit me. What was I smoking? Crack? Had I become hormonal like Gia with the pregnancy? Why was I questioning it? Hello? She wanted to have sex. Giddy up!

  She spoke over my lips. “Yes. Now.”

  “You don’t have to ask me twice.”

  When it came to wanting sex, she’d gone from cold last night to completely hot today. Fuck if I was gonna complain about that. I was either going to fuck her tonight or fall off the wagon smoking an entire carton, so I was happy she was in the mood.

  I carried her upstairs to my bed. As I hovered over her, she spread her legs wide open.