by Tijan
She clenched her drink tighter. “Dear god.”
I shook my head. “Not god, honey. His son.” I flashed her a hateful smirk. “But close. I’m sure my father thinks he is a god. He plays with people’s lives like he is one. Right, Dad?” I swung around.
He was standing there, just watching me with pity in his gaze. Nate’s dad was beside him, so was Nate’s mom. She held a hand to her mouth and horror filled her gaze. I hated that. It set me on edge and I gritted my teeth. They had no idea. They were horrified because of me? Because I was going to ruin their party? A burst of fury like I had never experienced shot through me. I lunged for him.
Nate’s dad tried to catch me, but I ducked, avoided him, and kept going. My dad fell back and Nate’s mom stepped in front of him, like she was going to protect him. I laughed; this was ridiculous. Another guy stepped in and caught me. Both of them wrapped their arms around me. I wasn’t really fighting, but I wanted to. I wanted to hurt him. Nate’s dad and the rest were reacting to my threat, but my anger wasn’t at them.
I yelled at him, “You screw women like they’re snacks for you. You always have. You’ll never change.”
Seeing that I was restrained, even though I wasn’t really fighting them, he shook his head. “Mason, things happened in my marriage that you won’t understand.”
“Fuck you.”
He stopped, a glimmer of his own anger flared, and I waited. I wanted him to fight. I wanted him to react. God yes, I thought, but then he backed down.
I laughed. They tightened their holds around me, but I wasn’t fighting. I was standing there, shaking my head. I hated him. In that moment, I hated my father like I had never allowed myself to feel. A strangled sound came from me and I said, “You ruin lives and you don’t give a shit.”
I stopped. Everything stopped. This wasn’t me being a smartass or some punk kid. This was me speaking the truth. Everyone sensed it and they stopped pretending to hold me back. Nate’s mother dropped the hand she had pressed to her chest. Even the woman I had insulted paused. My dad had an arm around her waist to comfort her, but she moved away, out of his reach.
I said further, “Logan doesn’t want to have a relationship with Mom. Who do you think is to blame for that?”
He started to retort.
I shook my head. I knew what he was going to say. My mother. Everything was her fault except it wasn’t. “Stop, Dad. Just stop. This is you. This is all on you.”
“Mason.” He started for me.
I jerked back. Their arms went back up, but it wasn’t to hold me back. Now it was to protect me, and they had no idea they did it. They just reacted to what was going on. I shook my head. “There’s no way you can justify what you’ve done. You screwed her.” I pointed to the woman. Her face reddened and she jerked away, but she didn’t leave. I knew it was true then. She didn’t want to leave, in case he wanted her later. Knowing that, knowing it wouldn’t matter, caused something to die inside of me. He would do it. He would keep doing this and nothing I said or did would matter. He would get away with it. I didn’t matter. I was just his son. I was collateral damage. I was something that was swept up and tossed away with the garbage.
Feeling that and knowing that was the truth stopped me. It would never matter. I was just a kid. I wasn’t more. Feeling that and digesting that sent a new wave of rage through me. I would matter. I wouldn’t be tossed away.
I wanted to kill him.
He saw it in me and moved back. Nate’s dad and the other guy locked hands. They reacted to the change in me and it switched back to where they were holding me back. I wanted to rip through them. I wanted to lunge for him. I wanted to hurt him how he hurt me, how he hurt Logan, how he had hurt his wife.
I couldn’t, though. Anything I said wouldn’t be taken seriously among these adults. They would laugh me off. They would say something to discredit everything I said and none of this would do a damn thing. At that, accepting that, I stood there and an anchor dropped in my gut. He won. He would get away with it. No one would care that his own son showed up to ruin his life. This wasn’t abnormal in their world.
So instead I said, “I hate you.”
“Mason.”
I shook my head. “I will continue to hate you.”
“Stop, son.”
“Don’t call me that. I may be your blood, but you haven’t raised me. You don’t care.” I gestured around the crowd. “They don’t care. You’ll get away with this. You can sleep with any woman and they won’t care about the damage they’re a part of.”
I couldn’t hit him. They were holding me back, but I needed to hurt something, anything. I scanned the crowd and my gaze zeroed in on a lady. I smirked. Her eyes got big and she took a step back. Too late. I called out to her, “I remember you. You were the car girl. He had you up against the car in our driveway.”
The man next to her whipped around to face her. “Is that true?”
She stood frozen. “No, uh—” She glanced at my dad.
The guy saw it and asked, “Why are you looking at him?”
She looked away. “I’m not.”
“You did. I just saw you.” The man looked at me for confirmation.
I nodded to him. “It’s true. And my mom saw the whole thing.”
“Mason,” my dad hissed, stepping closer, “stop it. You’re going to hurt people.”
This was it. This was how I could hurt him, by hurting them. That couple was already gone. The guy had taken off and she ran after him, but this room was full of targets. I started looking again and moved to a lady who had been standing next to the car girl. Of course. They must’ve been friends, but this one I remembered from the pool. Her mouth dropped when she saw I wasn’t looking away. I was only looking at her.
I pointed to her. “Red dress.” The rest of her friends turned to her. They were waiting for what I was going to spill. “You were in the pool with him.”
The guy next to her grabbed her arm. “You better tell me that’s not true, Vivienne.”
“I—” she began to look at my dad, but stopped.
I said further, “She had on a hot pink bikini. I remember because my friends and I went through the backyard to go into the basement and one of them grabbed her top. I think he still has it.”
The guy was shaking his head. His teeth were clenched together. “You did say you lost that top.”
“Dean, no—” She stopped. Her date was already backing away from her. With a disgusted sound, he turned and shoved through the crowd. She started after him, but stopped as she went past my dad and hissed at him, “Stop your son. He’s going to ruin everything!”
There was more. I could feel it. They could feel it too and the air in the room changed. Women started leaving; they didn’t want to be the next target. But people were looking around to see who was leaving. Who would leave? Who was guilty?
“Mason.” My dad reached past Nate’s dad and the other guy still holding me back. He grabbed my arm and started to pull me after him. “Stop this. Now.”
I shoved his arm off me. “You touch me again and we’re going to fight.” I was bigger. The coach had me on a weight training schedule, and I had begun to fill out more. I was bigger than him. My dad registered all of this and paused, cautious now. When he didn’t do or say anything, I laughed and looked for the next target.
I saw her. There was a couple in the corner by the bar. I pointed at her. “Yellow dress.”
She lifted her drink to me in a salute. “I’m single, kid. You’re not going to hurt me.”
“Good to know.” I moved to the next one. A woman in another black dress was inching into the house, away from the patio. “You. Black dress.”
She hurried into the house.
It wouldn’t matter. I glanced to where she had been standing. A group was there, waiting for what I was going to say next. I knew which one was the husband right away. He was glaring at James, his jaw clenched, with the same look of violence in his eyes that I was feeling. He turned
to me, waiting. I told him, “In his office. He was supposed to give me a ride to an away game and I heard them. When she left, her dress wasn’t zipped up all the way.”
The husband was seething. He didn’t go after his wife. He went for my dad. His fist was already formed. I watched it happen. My dad was focused on me. He was trying to figure out how to shut me up. He wasn’t looking at who was coming at him and then a woman screamed. The husband didn’t say anything. He was a foot from my dad when he threw the first punch.
It connected with his jaw, square in the middle, and my dad went down.
It was chaos after that.
The husband hit him again, but Nate’s dad went from holding me back to holding the husband back. He yelled in his ear, “Patrick, stop this.”
The husband shook his head. “It wasn’t your wife, Dom. It was mine and that bastard has been with her more than the time the kid saw. I know it. I’ve known it for a while.” He lunged for my dad again, but two other men joined in and held him back.
I wasn’t being held back anymore. I met my dad’s gaze. He was still on the ground, holding the side of his face. Nate’s mom was kneeling at his side, yelling for them to take the husband out. In that moment, all the yelling and chaos melted away.
It was just him and me.
He asked, “Are you done?”
No. “Not by a long shot.”
My dad wasn’t sorry. I could see that. He was going to continue to do what he wanted. There was an arrogance to him. Standing there, seeing him on the ground and bleeding, didn’t make me feel better. Instead of the need to hurt someone, I was empty. The gnawing ache in my stomach was still there, but it was worse. I closed my eyes and hung my head. The gnawing feeling would never go away.
“Mason.”
Nate’s mom was in front of me. She pointed to the house. “Leave my house. Now.”
I nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”
As I left, I realized that the only people paying attention to me were the ones I hadn’t called out. As I went past them, each one turned away or stood behind a person, hiding from me. The rest were buzzing about what had happened, and I could hear shouts from outside still. I never minded when people were fearful of me, but this time it left me empty. I had joined them. I had sunk to their level and I felt dirty because of it. When I got to the door, Nate was there. His prick friends were too. I didn’t give a shit what they were thinking, but Nate folded his arms over his chest. He gestured towards the patio area. “My mom kicked you out?”
“Yeah. You’re probably going to be banned from being my friend.”
“They’ve already tried.” He shrugged. “I won’t listen. I never do.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“I put my dad shit above our friendship just now. I’m sorry, Nate.” And I was. It had been the wrong thing to do. He’d be hurt by it. I wouldn’t. That was the sad thing. My dad would come home and pretend I wasn’t there. It’s how he dealt with life. He would continue to do his own thing and pretend there were no consequences.
“Mason.”
I had started out the door, but turned back to Nate again. “Yeah?”
“Spend time with Logan tonight. Just the two of you do something together.”
“Why?”
“Because being around your brother always seems to help you.”
Guilt and shame shot through me, and the hole in me grew bigger. “You’re a good friend.”
“So are you.” He flashed me a half-grin. “Maybe not today, but you are. I’ll sneak over tomorrow.”
“Sounds good.”
“See you.”
He shut the door behind me and I walked away. I didn’t feel better at all.
7
AN AGENDA
A girl in a tight shirt and jeans came over with a beer. I skimmed an eye over her—she looked fine—tight body, decent rack for our age. Her bra was showing; girls did that shit on purpose. They wanted us to see it. When Nate saw my approval, he flashed me a grin and took off. We were at one of Fischer’s parties, but it was still early in the evening. Logan insisted on coming, but he was in the corner with his girlfriend draped all over him.
A grin teased the corners of her lips. “Do you know who I am?” She placed the top of her bottle between her lips, sucking on it lightly.
Did it matter? That thought flashed in my mind, but they never liked it when I called them on their bullshit. I slowly skimmed her up and down, and this time, I tried to place her. When I couldn’t, her grin fell and she straightened to her fullest height, frowning instead.
Kate came over, her own frown on her face. They were dressed the same, but Kate’s pants were ripped around the crotch and her shirt exposed a lot more of her rack than this girl. As she stopped at our little group, she glared at the girl. “Sarah Cast.”
I grinned. “Your name is Sarah.” I nodded at Kate, but said to Sarah. “Cast. Sarah Cast.”
She snorted and grinned again. She turned to Kate. “Do you mind? I was hoping to talk to Mason alone.”
Kate moved so she was closer to me, her back brushing against my arms. It was a gesture for boyfriends to put their arms around their girlfriend, but I didn’t. I kept my hand in my pocket and never moved from the counter that I was leaning against. Kate shot me a dark look, but I flashed her a grin. We weren’t a couple. We’d have to have the same conversation again, but she wouldn’t want it to happen in front of the new chick. She said that was embarrassing. A sound of disgust came from her. “Are you kidding me?”
Sarah glanced between the two of us.
I lifted an eyebrow. I wasn’t in the mood for Kate today. “I’ll be in the mood tomorrow.”
Anger flared in her eyes, and she stormed off. “Whatever. I won’t.”
She would. She always was. I turned to the new girl and kept that information to myself. “You go to FCP?”
She nodded, but glanced down for a moment. When she looked back up, she was biting her bottom lip. I frowned, wondering if this was the same sexy appeal she was going for. She seemed cautious, not sultry now. “My mom works for your dad.”
“A lot of people do.”
“Yeah. True.”
She started looking around. When she saw her friends, they gave her a thumbs-up sign and she rolled her shoulders back, lifting her gaze back to mine again. What was going on?
“What do you want?”
She tensed. “What do you mean?”
“You came over here looking like you wanted one thing and now you’re playing at something else.” I didn’t like games, and this girl was throwing out too many different signals. She was a head trip. “Look,” I started. I shook my head. “I don’t know what you’re playing at, but girls don’t come over to me unless they have one thing in mind. I don’t date. Girls know not to even try with me. So…” I drew out the last word and let it linger between us.
She didn’t react. She knew what she was doing. Realizing that, I narrowed my eyes. Then I asked, “Did they put you up to this?”
She looked too and frowned. Her friends realized we were talking about them and squealed, turning around so their backs were to us. All their heads went together and Sarah sighed. “You saw that before?”
“Was this like a dare? I dare you to go up to Mason Kade and what? Kiss me or something? What’s the end goal?”
Her eyebrows shot up. “Jeezus. You’re straight to business, aren’t you?” She went back to biting on her lip, but she rolled it out so it looked like she was pouting. “This was a mistake. I should’ve never listened to her.”
I grinned. Now we were getting somewhere. “Who’s her?”
“What?”
“You said you never should’ve listened to her. Who’s her?”
“My mom.”
“Your mom?”
She nodded. “She works for your dad.”
“A lot of people work for my dad.” As I said that, I already knew the angle. The mom wanted an introduction to my dad.
She heard about the divorce and sent her kid as bait. My stomach clenched. I let out a disgusted sound. “Bit of advice.”
She paused, listening. Her eyes narrowed.
“If a guy has a reputation for being an asshole and doesn’t date, he’s not fairytale material. He’s not going to change so don’t go over to waste his time.”
Her mouth fell open. “Jeezus, you’re blunt.”
“Are you here to screw me?”
She turned away and crossed her arms. I thought she was leaving, but she didn’t. She stood there, as if thinking it over. When she turned back, there was a tentative look in her eyes. I said, “You heard me. I don’t date. I don’t hold hands. I don’t do nice things for girls. I have sex and that’s it. Your mom put you up to this, right?”
She nodded. “Yeah, I know, but my god. You’re so ‘in your face’ about it.”
I frowned. “I don’t know why you’re so shocked. You know my reputation. Your mom wants an ‘in’. How do you think this would happen?” I made a show of looking her up and down. “Think about it. I would have to like you. I would have to keep you around. I would have to develop feelings for you. All that would have to happen before we’d think about inviting your mom over—” I saw that she was speculative. That didn’t make sense, and I paused, thinking about a different angle. When it hit, I had to laugh.
“What?”
“Shit.” I shook my head. “No. Your mom wasn’t going to wait around for that to happen. She was going to wait for us to screw a few times and then what? You’d pretend to get pregnant? Your mom would sue us for money?” Seeing the surprise in her eyes, I watched as it turned to being suspicious and realized she hadn’t thought about that either. Then it clicked and a storm filled her gaze. I smirked and shook my head. “Your mom is a piece of work.”