“You should have called me.” I try to deliver my words without the daggers of blame, but it seems impossible.
“Don’t act like you’re all about putting family first. We’ve come second to the Marines for over six years.”
“I was deployed, Bianca. That was different than now. I couldn’t just leave my post every time one of the kids had a play at school or a birthday party. I had a job to do.”
“Hey, I get that signing up made you a brave kid. We were all really proud. What I don’t get is, after that place nearly killed you a dozen times, after it ruined some of the best parts of you, why you would go back. How could you choose to go back there when your family wanted you home? You did your four years. You should have been done.”
“Hold on,” Jordan demands, her eyes wide and full of fire. I have my own answer to Bianca’s question. It revolves around not ever wanting to leave my buddies out on that battleground without me. But before I can make that case Jordan is speaking at a rapid fire pace.
“How could he reenlist? That’s your question? You think he did that because he didn’t care about his family, because he wanted to be away?”
“You don’t understand,” Bianca bites back, her tone as steely as Jordan’s.
“No, I don’t think you understand because you’ve been living in this country your whole life and it’s made you complacent. You can send those girls to school, they can learn to read and write. They can wear the clothes they choose and listen to the music they like. Last night I was in your corner when it came to defending your choice of profession because you have the right to do it if you want. Know that, in other parts of the world, showing even a few inches of your ankle could have had you dragged into the street and stoned. So when you sit there and question your brother’s loyalty to your family, realize his sacrifice for his country is the reason you have the freedoms you do today.”
Jordan’s fierce reaction to Bianca’s cutting words sends a lump to my throat. It wasn’t that long ago she herself questioned my motives for being a Marine. Now here she was defending my honor.
“I’m sorry. I’m under a lot of stress and I’m taking that out on you.” Bianca sighs and slumps into the chair across from us. “I am grateful for everything you’ve done, Click. I’m in awe of you really. But I’ve got this under control. You can go back to Mom and Dad and tell them to back off. Then you can take off to wherever else in the world you’d rather be than here.”
She’s right. I could lie and try to convince her that being back in Tennessee is nostalgic and heartwarming, but really I would suffocate here.
“Why didn’t you just move back with Mom and Dad? You know they’d have helped you.” I deflected the subject from my own problems.
Bianca huffs out an annoyed laugh. “Isn’t that ironic coming from you? If you want answers from me, try opening up yourself. You were home for just over a day after your last tour and then you were gone. You were finally free and took off. Why was that?” The arrogant smile on her face tells me she already knows the answer but doesn’t intend to let me off the hook.
“Mom is too much for me sometimes,” I admit. “She’s always digging for more and more information about things I don’t want to talk about. She wants answers I don’t have. Dad, well, he’s just been completely weird. He acts like I wasn’t gone at all. What’s up with the dog, why does he have a dog now?” I scratch at my head as I contemplate my parents’ strange behavior. “You know what makes me most mad about the dog?” I ask and instantly see Bianca light with recognition.
“I knew that was going to bother you,” she interjects and I see Jordan looks confused.
“What? Why does your dad having a dog bother you so much?” Jordan asks, looking back and forth between the two of us.
“It’s our hostage word. And it has been for the last six years. Now I have to come up with something else.”
“What the hell is a hostage word?” Jordan twists her face up in confusion.
“If we were ever in distress or taken hostage and we were communicating with each other we were supposed to mention something about a dog. Like, Did you feed the dog? or Don’t forget to walk the dog,” Bianca explains.
“Right. And now every time I hear dad talk about the damn dog I think he’s in some kind of distress. I have to come up with a whole new distress word.” I don’t hide my frustration. It’s likely a stupid reason in most people’s eyes to be mad but I can’t help it.
“It’s a good dog,” Bianca says in a softer voice and then seems to remember what we were talking about before we got off track. “I’m not letting you off the hook so easily. Our situations aren’t that different.”
Knowing I owe her an answer, I continue, “I don’t have things sorted in my own head yet, so I can’t be there with everyone wanting more from me.”
“Exactly,” Bianca shoots back. “I don’t want to sit around the dinner table and speculate where Jonah is. I don’t need Mom implying if I were a better cook maybe he’d still be around. I don’t want Dad acting like Jonah never existed either. You have your reasons for not being there, and I have mine.”
“I can come up with some money.” I turn my eyes to the ground, knowing she’s going to hate my offer but that won’t keep me from making it.
“You can’t come up with the amount of money I need. I have a plan. I’m staying here through the summer. Six months. I can swing the rent on this dive apartment and save up a year’s worth of mortgage payments for the house. This place is much closer to work for me. I can’t be over an hour and a half from the house every night. That’s why I rented this dump. By the time Daphne is ready for kindergarten in September we’ll be back in our house. I can give my daughters the life I had planned for them before Jonah betrayed us. Even if you could give me the money, I wouldn’t take it.”
“Why? I know you’re stubborn, but why are you digging in on this?”
“When someone screws you over,” Jordan chimes in as she locks eyes with Bianca, “the last thing you want to do is become beholden to someone else.”
“I’m her brother,” I shoot back, annoyed that Jordan is trying to make Bianca’s case for her.
“He was my husband,” Bianca whispers with the first sign of sadness on her face, replacing the anger. “He was the other half of my life, my future. And one day, without any explanation, he destroyed that. There is no way I’m ever giving that kind of power to anyone else ever again. If I can’t get something by myself then I won’t get it. I have a plan and it’s going to work as long as you stop showing up at my job.”
“How am I supposed to let you do this? I can’t just walk away today and leave you like this.”
“It’s hilarious to me that you don’t understand how long we all had to do that for you. Do you think it was easy worrying that every time the phone rang it would be news about something happening to you? Loving people isn’t about controlling them and forcing them to live a life that doesn’t make you worry. If you love me then the only thing I need you to do is run interference with Mom and Dad. Tell them I’m doing all right and not to worry.”
“They’ll still worry.”
“I know that, but if they hear it from you it will buy me some time. That’s all I’m asking.”
I turn from Bianca’s pleading eyes to Jordan’s empathetic ones. “Fine,” I resign reluctantly. “But I’m keeping tabs on you, and if anything gets out of control at that place you call me.”
“Fine. I will. Do you want to spend some time with the girls before you leave?” Bianca asks, looking like I’ve lifted an anvil off her shoulders.
“I’ll come back tomorrow and visit with them. I’ve got some stuff to take care of today.”
“Tomorrow, huh? So you’re not getting the hell out of here as fast as you can?”
“I’ll be in Tennessee for a while.” I can’t help but catch Jordan’s shocked eyes as I stand and start heading for the door. This isn’t what I’ve been saying all along, but now leaving does
n’t seem like an option any more. Not until this is settled.
Chapter Five
Click
“You did really well,” Jordan says, leaning across the center console of the car and kissing my cheek. “It’s not easy to sit back and watch someone you love make a choice you disagree with, but I think it’s admirable that you handled it so well.”
“Like hell,” I murmur as I dig my phone out of my pocket and start dialing.
“Who are you calling?”
“Luke. He’s the only one who can help straighten this shit out.”
“Are you going to ask him for money? She won’t take it. She needs to do this on her own; you heard her.”
“I’m not asking for money,” I retort flatly and then press the phone to my ear, which silences Jordan. “Luke, it’s Click. Sorry to bother you but I need a favor.”
I’ve only known Luke for a short time, but he’s a solid and reliable friend, and it’s good to hear his voice. Being in Clover, North Carolina, was a blessing for me, and Luke is a big part of that.
“Hey man, how’s it going in Tennessee? Did you get to the bottom of whatever kind of trouble your sister is in?”
“Yeah, her husband left her suddenly and she’s serving drinks at a strip club to try to make ends meet.” Saying it out loud to someone turns my stomach to cement.
“Holy shit, dude. That is bad. How can I help?”
“I need to find her husband. I know you have contacts everywhere. Could one of them give me a hand in tracking him down?”
“Yes, unless it will make me an accessory to murder. Do you plan on leaving this guy breathing or not?”
“I just want to talk to him. Something isn’t right. He’s not the kind of guy to just bail on his family. Something must have happened. My sister isn’t interested in accepting a loan from me and she’s dead set on trying to get her life back even if it means she’s got to—”
“Text me his information and I’ll see if I can get any leads for you,” Luke interrupts, saving me from having to rehash what Bianca is doing.
“Thanks, hey how is everything in Clover? Devin, Rebecca, and Adeline okay?”
“Things are expanding quickly here. It’s keeping us pretty busy but that’s a good thing. We could certainly use you and Jordan back here. Do you think that’s in the cards?”
“Could be. I honestly can’t think past today right now, but once I get things sorted out here, we’ll be hitting the road. I guess we could end up back in Clover.”
“That’s my vote if I get one. I’ll let you know what I come up with on your brother-in-law. Try to keep your cool out there.”
“I’ll try,” I assure him half-heartedly as I hang up the phone. Jordan’s eyes are running up and down my face. I suck in a deep breath before I turn my gaze toward her.
“Really?” she asks as she shakes her head in disappointment. “You think hunting down Jonah is going to fix any of this? She doesn’t ever want to see him again.”
“You’ve never met him. I’ve known Jonah since I was twelve years old. He’s been in love with my sister for sixteen years. He loves his daughters. I consider him a brother. There has to be more to the story, and if I can’t get Bianca to take my help then maybe getting answers from Jonah is the best I can do.”
“You’re meddling in things when she very clearly just asked you not to. Odds are you’re going to end up looking like the bad guy no matter what the outcome is.”
“I can handle that if it means getting Bianca back to a normal life.”
“And you plan on staying in Tennessee while you work it all out? You sure you can handle that? I heard you last night. You were having a nightmare. It sounded intense. I think being back here is really bothering you.”
I feel a rush of blood course through my body toward my face at the thought of Jordan glimpsing the shadows that lurk in the dark places of my mind. “I’m fine.” I shrug off the conversation and roll down my window, letting the cool air and the rushing sound of the wind take over.
“You can talk to me, you know,” Jordan says loudly over the noise I’ve created. “When we first met I wasn’t very empathetic about the military. I still have a lot of problems with war in general, but I can separate that from what it means to fight for your country.”
“That’s not why I don’t want to talk about it. I know you support me and I also know if I needed to talk you’d be there to listen. I feel like I do a pretty good job of fending off most of it. If I start talking about it, I might lose my footing.”
“What about talking to a professional, someone who deals with this stuff all the time? I’m sure they are prepared for that type of thing.”
“A few nightmares aren’t going to ruin my life. My six-year-old nephew has them all the time and he seems to be doing fine.”
“I’m guessing his are about dinosaurs and monsters, not smoke and bleeding ear drums.”
The fact that her examples come directly from the nightmare I had last night tells me I was talking in my sleep. I don’t know exactly how much or what she heard but, either way, it’s not what I want. “Can we drop it?”
“Of course, let’s get back to talking about overstepping boundaries in your sister’s personal life.”
“Can we drop that, too?” I plead, making sure my eyes look sad enough to win Jordan over.
“What do you want to talk about?”
“This is going to be your second dinner at my family’s house. Now that you’ve met them it won’t be quite as relaxed and friendly as last night.”
“That was relaxed?”
“For them it was. Tonight is going to be about sizing you up and trying to find your weaknesses. All three of my sisters’ husbands will be there, and they are kind of dopes. Usually nice dopes but challenging.”
“Good thing I don’t have any weaknesses.”
“Yeah, except for the way you argue a point to death, even completely unimportant things. You snore like a grizzly bear. You slurp your coffee. Should I go on?”
“I never pegged you as a liar, Click, but apparently you are. I certainly do not snore or slurp my coffee. Nor do I beat a point to the death. I occasionally, and very intentionally, let you win. I relent when I realize my opponents don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. See, I’m about to do it right now.”
“Just get your game face on,” I tease as I grab her knee and tickle it the way that always sends her into a flailing fit.
She slaps my hand away and drops the smile from her face. “All kidding aside, Click, I’m here for you. No matter what, I’ve got your back.”
“We call that having my six,” I explain as I glance over and brush her dark bangs away from her eyes then turn back toward the road. “That’s the part I miss most about being deployed. It’s easy for people to say they have your back, but over there it was true. You watched out for your brother next to you and they did the same. It’s the only way to survive. I miss that, but with you I feel like I have a piece of that back. I know you’re looking out for me. That you’d do anything for me.”
“You miss it over there? I didn’t realize that.”
I can see the confusion on her face and I start to regret saying anything about it. “I don’t miss the war, but I miss my buddies. Some of them are still over there and it kills me not to be with them. Some have been deployed again and again and I’m here enjoying the freedom we all take for granted every day.”
Though she tries to disguise it, I can see the fear in her eyes. She wants to ask me more. I’m sure she wants to know exactly what I mean, but the answers might not be what she wants to hear.
“I’ll watch your six,” she asserts as she reaches across and puts her hand to my cheek. I wish we weren’t driving because I’d like to be able to take in the look in her eyes. I truly am grateful to have her loyalty.
Chapter Six
Jordan
“Two days in row, you’re about to break your record,” Click’s brother-in-law, Mick jokes
as he slaps him on the shoulder. He’s a short, stocky man with a gap-toothed grin, a constant sweaty forehead, and a five o’clock shadow. He’s wearing the amount of gold that screams, Hey I can afford gold, can you? “I thought for sure you’d have hightailed it out of town again.” I see the look of annoyance growing on Click’s face. “We’re all taking bets.”
“Leaving town. There seems to be a lot of that going around,” his sister Tavia hisses like she’s trying to hide her happiness. Maybe she’s not happy about Bianca’s trouble but she’s enjoying the gossip. “You went to see Bianca, right? What did she say? What really happened with Jonah?” The excitement on her face makes me want to slap the lipstick right off her mouth. I never understand people who take joy in the suffering of others.
“Tavia,” Click’s mother cuts in, “I told you I would ask him. She’s my daughter and I have the right to know what’s going on first.”
Like vultures hovering over the carcass of Bianca’s roadkill of a life, they are all trying to rip off their piece. Maybe Click is accustomed to this, but I’m not.
“She’s fine,” Click says flatly as he leans against the wall in the den and crosses his arms over his chest. “She doesn’t know what happened with Jonah. She’s as puzzled as the rest of us.”
“Well, I’ll tell you one thing, and let this be a lesson to the rest of you girls here,” Corinne stares right at me, her finger pointing in my direction, “a man does not leave a woman who can make a lasagna like mine. Next time I’m teaching you something in the kitchen you might want to pay more attention if you care about your marriages.”
I let out a small gasp of disbelief as Bianca’s premonition about what she would face comes to fruition. All eyes turn toward me and I feel words bubbling at the back of my throat that I know I shouldn’t say, but I can’t help myself.
“If a man left me because I burnt a lasagna I’d be glad he was gone. I’d hope I’d have more content to my character than just the ability to mix up some ingredients the right way.” Eyes go wide and mouths drop open. All but Corinne’s. Her face does the opposite. Eyes narrow and lips purse.
Facing Home (The Clover Series Book 4) Page 4