“I don’t want to talk about it, Jordan. It’s over. We had a really scary thing happen today. I could have lost you. Can we please just drop it and be grateful we’re both safe?”
“Are we?” I regret the words almost instantly but my adrenaline is still pumping and I can’t get the image of Click’s blank-eyed stare out of my mind. He was there with me lying by the car, but his mind was somewhere else.
“What do you mean?”
“Whatever you were seeing out there almost made you kill a guy. What if it were me instead of him? What if you looked at me and saw all the things you are trying to forget? Don’t I look like the faces you must see in your nightmares? Aren’t my features the same? Isn’t my skin the same shade? What happens if you lose your bearings again and I’m the one standing in front of you?”
“Stop.” Click’s voice is so sharp I clutch the rails of my hospital bed, feeling uneasy. “I would never hurt you. This was an extreme circumstance. We were in a car accident. It reminded me of an accident I had when I was deployed and it set me off. I would never lay a hand on you. You have to believe that.”
“I don’t think for a second you would ever knowingly hurt me. But what happens if you wake up from one of your nightmares and don’t know where you are? I wouldn’t stand a chance against what I saw out there today.”
Click’s eyes fill with tears and it destroys me. While he manages to compose himself, I’m less successful and use my arm to wipe tears away. “What are you saying?” He chokes out a mix of hurt and anger. “You don’t want this anymore? We’re done?”
“No,” I shout back, sorry he thought that for even a moment. “I just think you need to get some help. I’ll support you and be there for you, but I don’t think you can do it on your own.”
“I can’t get help.” He rubs his hands over his nearly shaved head as if it’s about to explode.
“Why? There are resources for you. There are places you can go and people you can talk to.”
“If I go and get a diagnosis or something, or they put me on pills, I can’t go back.”
“Go back where?”
“I can’t reenlist,” he says in a raspy voice as tears threaten his composure once again.
“You want to reenlist? You want to leave? You’ve never said that before. You never told me that. That’s not fair. I deserve to know that.” My breath is becoming short and panicked. A train has just run over my body.
“It’s not like I have a date or something when I want to do it. I just want the option. I have brothers and sisters over there still fighting. I walked away from them. I abandoned them.”
“You did your job honorably and you made a choice to move on. That’s not abandonment.”
“I don’t expect you to understand this. That’s why I’ve never mentioned it. I’m not reenlisting tomorrow. I know if I go to the VA and start telling them I’m seeing things, that I half-strangled a guy because I thought he blew up my Humvee, I’ll never be able to go back. That option needs to be on the table for me. Even if I never take it.”
“So I just have to sit back and wonder if, at any moment, you’re going to make that decision? When things get tough here you might just grab your go-bag and head to the nearest recruitment office? I don’t want to live that way.”
“I don’t know what else to tell you.” Click’s gaze lifts from his boots and he looks me right in the face.
“Think about it, Click. Maybe there is a damn good reason they wouldn’t let you reenlist if you are having nightmares and delusions. It’s for your safety and other people’s safety. Looking for a loophole might not be the right solution.” I’m pleading my case with reason rather than emotion.
“I had a purpose over there. I had a post that was mine to protect and missions that were mine to execute. People needed me. They needed my skills. What am I here? What am I ever going to be?”
“You could be with me. We could have a future. A life. There are jobs you could get where you could use the skills you have.”
He lets out a breathy half annoyed laugh. “I don’t think you know the skills I’m talking about. If you did you’d realize there aren’t any civilian jobs that compare. And if there was anything remotely close, would you want to be married to a guy who risked his life to that degree every day? You’ll want me working somewhere safe. You’ll want what everyone wants. For me to change.”
“Why did you ask me to come with you then? Why am I here if you don’t see a future with me? If you have one foot out the door, why am I here?”
I watch as he thinks, and that hurts me more than any answer he can give. The fact that he has no idea why he asked me to come cuts at me. “I love you, Jordan.”
“Is that enough? Because it sounds like no matter what I do, I won’t fit into the life you want for yourself. So now it’s my turn to ask the question. Are we done?” I’m holding back the sobs I feel rising in my chest because I don’t want that changing Click’s mind. I don’t want sympathy to sway his decision.
“I feel better with you than without you. I’m not reenlisting tomorrow. I know it’s not fair to you and I know you deserve better than I have to give right now, but please stay with me. Please.” His demeanor shifts now from determined to desperate. His stern voice is shaking.
I’ve always prided myself on being the kind of woman capable of walking away from a relationship that had a downside for me. Hell, I’ve walked away from some just because I was too selfish to care about the other person. If I read this situation the way I’d read a business deal, I’d be gone before I hit the end of the document. But right now as I watch Click, a mess of internal conflict and need, I can’t help myself. No amount of self-preservation would be enough to make me leave him right now. “I’ll stay,” I whisper, opening my arms to him and shifting in my hospital bed to make room. He walks over and climbs in beside me, resting his head on my shoulder as I wrap my arms around him. “I’ll stay,” I say again and I feel his arms come around me and squeeze tightly. Though we’ve settled nothing, I can’t see myself walking away from him.
Chapter Nine
Click
“We’re fine, Ma,” I say into the phone for the hundredth time. “Bumps and bruises, but we’ll be okay. We’ve already been discharged and we’re back at our hotel.” I have to pull the phone away from my ear as her sobs grow more dramatic. “No, you can’t bring pasta fagioli to our hotel. We’ll come by tomorrow for dinner. I’ve got to go, Ma, my other line is ringing.” I hang up on my mom mid thank the Lord my baby is alive prayer just so I don’t miss Luke’s call.
“Hey Luke, got a lead for me?” I ask, and I can see Jordan leaning in to listen. She’s uneasy, and rightfully so. I don’t want her to worry about everything I’m doing so I pull the phone from my ear and turn on the speaker so she can hear the conversation too.
“I think I do. Your brother-in-law left his job at Safron, Inc. No activity on his credit cards or the cell phone number you gave me.”
“Shit.”
“But luckily I have some very creative contacts who’ve been able to track him down. He’s staying in a motel about twenty miles from yours. He’s paying cash and the room is reserved under an alias. But a car that’s registered to him was issued a parking ticket a block from there about a week ago. My guy was able to make the connection. Even though he hasn’t actually gotten eyes on him, he’s pretty confident.”
“That’s great, can you text me the address?”
“Sure thing. How’s everything else going?” Luke asks, likely just to be nice, not knowing the depth of that question, considering what the last twenty-four hours have been like.
“It’s good,” I lie, looking over at Jordan’s intentionally level face. She’s been stoic since we left the hospital. Luckily the rental car company dropped off another vehicle because I would have walked before I called anyone in my family for a ride. Not in the physical and emotional state we were in.
“Well keep in touch, and if you need anything el
se let me know. Adeline says hi, by the way. She misses you both like crazy.”
“We miss her too. I really appreciate the help, Luke.” As I hang up the phone, Jordan’s hand slides across the bed, clutching my forearm.
“That’s good news,” she says, and I can’t tell if it’s a question or a statement. “Do you plan to go there?”
“Not tonight. Tonight I just want to order room service, watch some mindless television, and lie right here with you.” I toss my phone on the nightstand, ignoring the text from Luke with the address to Jonah’s hotel. I brush my finger lightly across the white bandage taped to Jordan’s forehead and lean in to kiss it. “I just want to be right here tonight.”
Chapter Ten
Click
The swelling in my nose has gone down, but the blotches of black and blue beneath my eyes don’t look any better than they did last night. I flip up the sun visor mirror and smile over at Jordan as she does the same, inspecting her own bumps and bruises.
“Don’t we make a fine pair?” she laughs, but stops suddenly when the wrinkling of her forehead causes her pain. “Ouch.”
“Maybe you should have stayed back at the hotel.” Seeing Jordan in pain, her body battered, reminds me how important she is. I think what today may have been like if she hadn’t decided to stay with me. Would she have hopped a flight back to New York or gone back to Clover maybe? That yanks the knots in my stomach even tighter.
I want to be honest with her about how I feel, what the military means to me. But it’s like we’re speaking different languages. Trying to explain it to someone who has never experienced it feels impossible.
“I’m glad I came. I’m anxious to hear what your brother-in-law has to say for himself. I have to be honest, I can’t think of a single explanation that would make what he’s done acceptable.”
“I know he must have his reasons. Jonah is a good guy. We’ll find out soon. Here’s the motel he’s been staying in.” I pull in across the street from the row of bright blue doors sunk into a long yellow structure, surrounded on all sides by alleys and run-down houses that look like they’ve been forgotten by the world. On our side of the street is a patch of woods with so much litter on its fringe it might as well be a trash heap. The flashing sign of the motel reads: “Vacancy—Long-term discounted rates available.” I put the car in park, and when Jordan reaches for her door handle I catch her arm.
“We aren’t going anywhere yet. He’s supposed to be staying in room 207. It’s over there.” I point to the door and watch Jordan’s eyes follow my finger toward it. “We’re going to hang out and watch to see if he comes out. It might be hours.”
“Why?” she asks, as though I’m making too big of a deal of this. What Jordan doesn’t realize is even simple situations can turn into trouble if you don’t prepare properly.
“Never underestimate the power of surveillance,” I explain.
“Okay,” she says, stretching out the word like she thinks I’m crazy. “I’m all for your plan; I just wish I had known. I would have packed a snack or something.”
“There’s a bag of supplies behind your seat.”
Jordan reaches around and pulls my green duffle bag up onto her lap. Yanking open the zipper I see her lips curl into a confused smile. “When did you get all this stuff? Drinks, protein bars, magazines?”
“The magazines are for you. I knew you’d be bored. I went out last night while you were sleeping.”
“No you didn’t. I didn’t hear you go out, when did you leave?”
“I specialize in coming and going without being heard. It’s kind of my thing,” I smirk, and she rolls her eyes at me.
“Well do you specialize in bragging so much that you miss important stuff, because someone is coming out of room 207. Is that Jonah?”
I squint my eyes and lean forward to try to get a better look. I’ve known him long enough to be able to spot his walk, the nuances of his gait. “That’s him.” I watch him hop down the iron stairs and look repeatedly over his shoulder. There’s a fidgeting in his body, an uneasiness that is not part of his normal demeanor. My first thought is drugs. That would certainly explain his out-of-character behavior. These new living circumstances could all be tied to drugs.
“What’s he doing?” Jordan asks as Jonah hesitates at the bottom of the stairs and stands completely frozen for a moment before turning around to go back to his room.
“I don’t know. I’m going to go talk with him.” I look Jordan over and realize I haven’t given much thought to her safety in this. If Jonah is on drugs and acting out of his normal character then maybe confronting him isn’t a good idea. But this certainly isn’t an area I’d leave her alone in the car either. “Come with me but stay close and don’t say anything until I have a better understanding of what’s going on.”
“Yes sir,” she says with another roll of her eyes and a mock salute.
I grab her hand and hold it in mine, staring at her, making her understand I’m serious. “I don’t know what’s going on with Jonah, and this isn’t a particularly safe area.” I reach behind my seat and grab my weapons. I strap my knife to my ankle and clip my gun to my belt, pulling my shirt down over it.
“You really think that’s going to be necessary?” Jordan asks, her eyes locked on the shiny black handle of my knife.
“I hope not.” I step out of the car and round it quickly to make sure I’m at Jordan’s side when she gets out. My eyes are initially on the door to Jonah’s room, but something a few car lengths ahead catches my eye. A silver car with dark tinted windows and an out of state license plate is looking out of place. The car is running and the windows are partially open. I can see a man’s face reflected in the side mirror as he brings a long scoped camera up to his eye for a brief second and then lowers it again.
I stop in my tracks and catch Jordan’s arm so she does the same. “I need you to trust me. Do you?”
“Completely,” she answers, and I’m grateful for that.
I casually slide the car keys into her hand and begin giving her instructions. “In a minute I want you to get in the car and speed off, as if we’re fighting about something. Drive to that gas station we passed when we came off the main road. Do you remember it?” I wait for her to nod and try to ignore the fear growing in her eyes. “I’ll meet you there in a little while. Lock the car doors and if anyone approaches you, drive off. If you’re sure no one is following you then go back to our hotel.”
“And if someone is following me?”
“Find a police station and beep your horn like crazy until someone comes out.”
“I don’t understand,” she says, her voice louder than I expect it to be, considering the circumstances. I make a gesture for her to keep her voice down and twist my face to tell her she’s completely blowing this. “How could you sleep with my sister?” she cries as she raises her hand and slaps my face with what feels like her full strength. My hand flies to my stinging cheek, which still hasn’t completely healed from yesterday’s car accident. “You can find your own damn way home you son of a bitch,” she shouts as she runs to the car and does exactly what I told her to do. Though it’s a slightly more dramatic performance than I expected, the screeching tires are a nice touch.
I toss my hands up in the air like a stranded person might and then start cursing. I walk past the car and take note of the license plate number, forcing myself to remember every digit. I take a seat on the bottom of the stairs that Jonah had walked down and then quickly stand up and pull out my phone. The men have taken note of me, but I seem like an annoyance rather than anything they’d be interested in.
I pretend to make a few phone calls that go unanswered and then turn my back on the men as I make the only call that matters right now. It’s a quick one to the police about suspicious activity on this block. About seven minutes later the first cop car pulls up. He elicits the reaction I need to get a better read on the situation. As the blue flashing lights round the corner, the silver car slams into
gear and pulls away quickly. These are not the good guys. Good guys don’t run at the first sign of the police.
After a brief conversation with the officer about not seeing anything suspicious and a flash of my military identification, he’s on his way. I look at the motel door that Jonah disappeared into and consider going there. But I’ve left Jordan alone long enough and I’m sure she’s worried.
I break into a jog down the cracked sidewalk. It’ll be about a mile back to that gas station, but I’m overdue for a workout anyway. My mind swirls with thoughts of Jonah and what he might have gotten himself into. And more importantly, how I’ll help him get out of it.
Chapter Eleven
Click
“You did good,” I tell Jordan as I hop in the passenger seat and lean over to kiss her cheek. She looks instantly relieved at the sight of me.
“I’ve spent enough time with you in Clover to see you in action. I can tell when you’re serious. What happened? That silver car, they were watching Jonah too?”
“It looked like it. I called the cops and the silver car took off in a hurry when the first cruiser pulled up. That tells me they aren’t likely the good guys.”
“Who, well, besides us, would want to watch Jonah?”
“I got the plate and I’ll have Luke see if he can track it down, though I’m sure it’s a rental.”
“How are we going to talk to Jonah if people are watching him?”
“We aren’t. I can get close to him by myself without being spotted by anyone. I’ll go back over there tomorrow morning but you need to stay behind.”
“Excuse me, but I think my performance back there was pretty convincing. Are you saying you don’t think I’ll be a good partner for this?”
“Convincing might be an understatement. That slap was a little over the top. You know I have a broken nose right?”
“Listen, being undercover is a difficult job. If you aren’t up for the challenge that isn’t my fault.”
Facing Home (The Clover Series Book 4) Page 6