Chapter Sixteen
Click
As I tap lightly on the door of my sister’s rundown apartment I feel like throwing up. I can’t imagine what she’ll do when she opens the door to find Jordan and me with Jonah in tow. Our only chance at her being remotely less than homicidal is if the girls are there. Bianca has her flaws, but the one thing she’s always taken very seriously is her job as a mother. I think when you’re raised by parents like ours, there are a lot of benefits, but you also learn what not to do. Bianca has always made a point not to argue too much in front of her girls. My parents didn’t abide by that code and it drove all of us nuts at times. I can only hope she can hold true to that now.
The hinges creak as Bianca pulls open the door. As I quickly open my mouth to explain, trying to beat her to the rage that burns in her eyes, something I didn’t plan happens. Daphne squeezes by her mother’s legs and shoves past me. She dives into her father’s arms and squeals with joy.
“Baby,” Jonah gasps as he crouches down and clutches desperately at his daughter. In a flash, Penny is charging toward him, and I watch his eyes glass over with tears. They look so very much like Jonah that when the three of them are squeezed together you feel like you’re looking at a puzzle with the pieces placed in the right spot.
Bianca grabs the collar of my shirt and yanks me inside with the full force of her strength. “What the hell is going on here? How could you bring him here? How could you let the girls see him?” The hiss in her hushed voice is cutting at me, and she’s looking as though I’ve just betrayed her.
“Give him a chance to explain,” I plead, but she peers around to make sure her children are still distracted by the joy of seeing their father, and then she slaps me hard across the face.
“Bastard,” she mutters, wiping a tear from her cheek.
Jordan steps into the apartment but doesn’t say a word. Even she knows better than to try to plead our case while Bianca is reeling.
“B, please let me talk to you for a minute,” Jonah begs, both his girls scooped up in his arms and snuggling his neck.
“Not in front of the girls,” is all she can muster before she bites down hard on her lip and fights every urge to lash out. “Girls, I know you’re excited that Daddy is here but I need to talk to him for a minute. Go to your room, please.” The girls whine in protest and clutch harder to their dad’s neck as Bianca begins counting to three in the threatening tone only a mother can deliver.
Jonah wiggles them down his body in a silly manner and puts them back on their feet. “Listen to your mother. Go to your room and gather up your things because we’re leaving. We’re going on vacation.” When the girls skitter away and round the corner to their bedrooms, Jonah steps inside and is met with the furious fists of Bianca flying toward him. I grab her by the waist and take multiple blows to the head and chest as I try to calm her.
“He was trying to protect you,” I call as I bring her hands down to her sides and hold them there. She leverages my position to lift her body and starts kicking in Jonah’s direction instead.
“I don’t care what he was doing or what he told you; there is nothing on this earth that justifies what he did to us. Now you get him out of here while I think of a way to keep my daughters’ hearts from breaking all over again.”
“We have to leave,” Jordan says quietly, like she’s trying to calm an unruly animal. “I know you’re upset, and rightfully so, but if you want to keep your daughters safe then please listen.”
Bianca’s body relaxes slightly at the thought of her daughters possibly being in danger. But she still looks ready to strike if needed.
“Pack up, Bianca, everything you and the girls will need for a few weeks. I’ll explain on the way,” I demand as I start to gather up some things from the coffee table next to me.
“You’ve lost the right to give me advice or tell me what to do. Bringing him here like this, you betrayed me. The only reason I’m even listening to any of you right now is because you’re playing the one card I can’t ignore. You know I will do anything to protect my children. It’s a damn good thing too, because apparently I’m the only parent willing to.”
“Bianca, there are people who will hurt us, all of us, if we don’t get out of here now,” Jonah begs as he reaches a hand out toward her face, but she slaps it away. “Let me explain.”
“There is nothing, not one single thing you could explain to me right now that would change anything. If you’re saying you abandoned us for our own good, our protection, fine. What a hero you are. It changes nothing for me because if the situation were reversed, I’d have found another way. Or at the least, I would have given you some kind of explanation. But you can save it now; it’s too late.” Bianca turns on her heels and heads away from us. The sound of her opening and shutting her dresser drawer is the only indication that she’s actually doing what we’ve asked her.
“I’ll go help the girls pack up,” Jordan offers as she slinks away from us, also feeling like crap about this whole thing.
When everything is loaded in the two cars, I wait to see how we’ll split the group.
“Bianca, will you ride with me so I can explain?” Jonah asks with a desperate voice.
“We’ll take the girls in our car. Jordan and I would be happy to take them so you and Jonah can ride together,” I offer, but she shoots me a deathly look and I step back quickly as though she could kill me with her eyes.
“No. Jordan and I can take the girls. Uncle Click and Daddy should ride together,” Bianca asserts, looking as though nothing will change her mind.
“I want to go with Daddy,” Daphne pouts as she clutches Jonah’s leg possessively. “I don’t want to go with you and Jordan.”
“How about you ride with me and your mom,” I say, scooping her up into my arms and tickling her. “You love hanging with Uncle. We’re all going to Nona’s anyway. Jordan and your daddy will ride together, and we’ll all be there in no time.”
“Whatever,” Bianca huffs and we split up. Jordan and Jonah climb in our rental car and Bianca, the girls, and I get in the family car. I don’t feel bad about sending Jordan and Jonah off in the car alone together. They’ll have plenty to talk about relating to the business matters. Plus, if Bianca doesn’t want to hear it from her husband, I want time alone with my sister to try to get through to her.
“Put your headphones on girls and Mommy will put in a movie,” Bianca instructs as she flips down the small DVD player and the girls strap themselves in.
When we back out of the driveway, and I’m certain the girls are engrossed in their movie, I make an attempt at smoothing things over.
“He found information that his company was breaking the law and putting people’s health in danger. He wanted to expose them but keep you safe so he distanced himself and made it look as though he’d abandoned you.” I blurt the words out before she can protest, and she’s furious at the way I’ve delivered the news.
“Shut up,” she barks, slamming her hand down on the steering wheel. “I don’t want to know. I was his partner and his best friend. Whatever it was he should have trusted me with the truth right from the beginning. Now I’m doing what you’ve asked of me, reluctantly, but I am. If there is danger, then for the sake of my kids I’ll listen to you. But you don’t get to tell me how to feel about my husband.”
I reach into my pocket and feel the edge of an envelope that’s been as much a part of me over the last six years as my weapon. It’s seen as much combat as I have and it’s as weathered as I am. Pulling it out, it grabs Bianca’s attention but then she hardens her face, looking uninterested.
“Do you know what this is?” I ask, bringing the letter up for her to see it. I tear open the envelope and, though I’m flooded with emotion, I push myself to continue. I’m not comfortable sharing this. It takes me back to somewhere I never wanted to be mentally, but I feel like it might help Bianca forgive Jonah.
“What?” she asks with a huff and glances at the folded paper.
“It’s my if you’re reading this letter. Most deployed people have them. It’s a message for the people we love in case anything should happen to us. I’ve carried around and mailed more than I’d like to admit for friends I’ve lost. I even hand delivered one, which makes the list of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. And here is mine.”
“Why are you showing me that? It’s morbid. You’re home now, you don’t need that anymore,” Bianca snaps.
“I’m showing it to you because it’s important for you to know who I addressed it to. You’d think Ma, right? But it’s not. I didn’t think there would be anything I could say in one letter to bring her peace if anything happened to me.”
“So who then?”
“It’s addressed to Jonah.” I flip the envelope over and show her the tattered paper with his name across the front. “I wrote it after being in Fallujah for two weeks. I thought the whole idea of having these letters was a bad omen. But after seeing how things were over there, I sat my ass down and started writing.”
“Why would you send it to him and not one of us? Or Dad?”
I unfold the papers and beat back the voices in my head begging me not to read this. These words were written by a naïve kid. A scared, newly deployed kid I don’t know anymore. As much as I’ve tried to bury my feelings, this will certainly uproot some. It’s worth it for Bianca though. I clear my throat as I start to read.
“Dear Jonah,
I feel bad for putting this burden on you but I know you’re tough enough. I don’t know anyone stronger than you. You’ve survived my family so I know you can handle this.
“I didn’t think I’d write one of these letters but with everything going on here, I realize, I’d better. Somewhere in my mind I’ve always known that tomorrow isn’t promised to us, but being out here, that idea is an ever-present and lurking reality. I thought for a long time about who to send this to, but it’s clear you’re the only person I know who can handle this responsibility. Just like you’ve handled everything you’ve ever had to do.
“When I really sit down and reflect on my life up to this point I see how much of an unsung hero you are in our family. When chaos and trouble are all around you, somehow you calm everyone. I thought for a while it was just me you were there for, but really it’s been everyone. You helped Tavia work up the courage to do a back handspring in gymnastics. You beat up that guy who was dating both Gabby and Lona at the same time. You let my crazy mom be her normal, pushy self as you and Bianca planned your wedding, and, on that day, somehow you managed to thank her for it. Without a bit of hesitation, you’re the first one to give my dad a hand when he’s working out in the yard. It may seem like these are all small things, and maybe they are if you were related to us, but you do all this by choice. No matter how overwhelming the situation or how hard we Coglinaeses make it, you keep showing up and helping all of us.
“I don’t know how my family will get through, this but I’m asking you to make sure they do. It won’t happen all at once, and it won’t be easy, but I know with you there someone will always be watching out for my sisters. Someone will always be giving my dad a hand and graciously accepting my mother’s unsolicited advice. Having four older sisters hasn’t been easy, but it led me to the gift of having an older brother and is something I’ll always be grateful for. Thank you for having my back. Thank you for helping me show them this is where I belong. And now, thank you for being there when I can’t be. You are my brother.”
I fold the paper back up and stuff it quickly into the envelope as though my overwhelming emotions might go with it. But they don’t. I can’t hold back the few tears blazing their way down my cheek and I can see that Bianca is having the same trouble.
“Damn you,” she says, wiping at her eyes as she focuses on the road ahead of her.
“Bianca, I know he screwed up, but try to look at his motives. Look at all the years leading up to that, where he put up with all of our shit and stuck around. I know you’re mad but—”
“Is he in danger?” She turns toward me and I see true concern in her eyes. “This stuff, whatever information he has, is it going to get him killed? I saw that cut over his eye.”
“It’s a big deal, but Jordan knows some people who can expose the information properly. She’s offered the whole family her beach house in Florida while we work on it. She thinks something this big will be sweeping and made public, so the long-term danger will be minimal. ”
“But there is short-term danger?”
“Yes.”
She clamps her hand down on my forearm and squeezes it tightly. “You don’t let anything happen to him. You protect him.”
“I promise.” I rest my hand over hers and pat it gently. “I’ll make sure he comes home.”
“I’m so glad that letter never had to be sent. I’m so glad you came home in one piece,” Bianca says with a final sniffle.
“I’m not sure I am in one piece. It’s really hard,” I admit as I open my window and let the cool air dry the tears that formed in my eyes. “I thought I’d be one of the lucky ones who didn’t come home and have trouble. But stuff like this,” I gesture toward the letter before I tuck it away, “it’s messing with my head.”
“Go get some help,” Bianca insists as she wipes away the last of her stray tears. “It’s not something you should be doing on your own. I figured when you left Tennessee it was because you were struggling.”
“I took a security job so I could feel like I was still doing something with a purpose. But even that didn’t do what I needed it to.”
“And what do you think you need?”
“I want to be able to be around you guys and feel good again. I don’t right now. I came back because I knew one of you was in trouble. That’s all Dad would tell me. If not for that, I’m not sure how long I’d have stayed away.”
“And after all this is over, will you leave again.”
“Probably.”
“We’re trying, you know. We don’t know exactly what to do and we screw it up, but we love you,” Bianca explains as she looks in the rearview mirror at her girls to make sure they are still occupied and not listening to this difficult conversation.
“I know you do. And it’s not fair of me to expect you to have it figured out when I’m not sure what I need.”
“Don’t give up on us and we won’t give up on you,” Bianca says as she, for the first time since I’ve been back, cracks a smile.
“How the hell are we going to get Ma to agree to leave her house, her kitchen, and go to Florida? She’s going to put up one hell of a fight.”
“I’ll handle Ma,” Bianca says as her cool smile turns into a sinister one. “You just get the logistics planned and make sure this huge group of crazy people has a place to go and a way to get there.”
“I feel like we should warn Florida. Maybe they can declare a state of emergency.”
Chapter Seventeen
Click
“Can you all quiet down for a second?” Jonah pleads as he raises his hands to get the attention of everyone gathered at my parents’ house. “I know this is not easy. We all have our lives and what I’m asking complicates things.”
“I’m supposed to pull the kids out of school?” Tavia asks with a scowl.
“They’re in preschool,” Bianca interjects. “I think they can survive without playing blocks with their friends for a couple of days or a week.
“Their school is curriculum based and—”
“Shut up, Tavia. I swear if I have to hear about that damn school again I’m going to lose it. The bottom line is none of us are safe if we stay here. Jordan has been kind enough to offer us her family’s beach house in Florida. We need to pack up and go,” Bianca demands, leaving little room for debate.
“I have a job,” Mick jeers arrogantly. “One where I keep my clothes on, so they really do expect me to show up every day.” An audible low uh-oh rings across the room as Bianca takes a direct hit from him.
�
�You know what, Mick, you’re right. You should stay. As a matter of fact, you should parade around town reminding everyone you’re a part of this family. You can be the target,” Bianca shoots back like she’s striking him with a whip.
“Funny,” he scoffs, making a teasing face back at her. To most people looking from the outside in, it would appear Mick is a jerk and Bianca hates him, but really this is just how we talk to each other sometimes.
I look over at my mother and see something more frightening than a full-on rage. Silence. Bianca clues into this, too, and she decides to poke the dragon.
“Ma, are you going to get your things together, or do you want to hang out with Mick here in Sturbridge?”
“I’m just at a loss, I truly am,” she says, pursing her lips together and putting one hand up to her head as though she’s about to faint. “In my generation it was always about family first.” Her voice grows higher as she continues. “It was none of this nonsense of risking your life, especially when it means putting your loved ones in danger. It’s a disgrace, really.”
“If I can get on board with this plan after what Jonah and I have been through, then so can you, Ma.” Bianca explains as she straightens her back, ready to argue her point.
“It doesn’t sound like I have much choice. Everyone here is busy fighting everyone else’s wars and can’t make time for their own family.” Like a petulant child my mother folds her arms across her chest and sinks her shoulders down.
“Oh stop it,” Bianca says. She bends down to pat my father’s golden retriever as though she can’t even be bothered to give my mother all of her attention. “Don’t act like it’s just us being obstinate. You and Dad have never once sat back and watched something unjust happen. When you see something wrong in this world you do something about it. You always say something, Ma. As a matter of fact, that should be written on your tombstone: She always said something.” Everyone in the room lets out a small, grumbling laugh before they force themselves to be angry or silent again. “You set that example and I know you’re proud of Click and Jonah.”
Facing Home (The Clover Series Book 4) Page 10