I’d take lessons with Bane first before learning anything from Ryder after what I saw tonight. Max’s face will again be on my mind for a while, and until I find out all the answers that are left unresolved, I’m left feeling incomplete. I can’t think of anything as to why Ryder did what he did.
I lie wide awake in my bed when I hear the door to my house closing downstairs. I lie awake most nights just to hear my mum coming through that door at ridiculous hours, and yet she still returns to the hospital. She loves doing what she does best; the things she can do mesmerizes me, and I’d be lost without her.
I turn to my side, away from the door and shut my eyes ready for sleep to overtake me. When I hear the door to my bedroom open gently, I smile happily to myself. Not once has my mother forgotten to check on me straight when she comes home. In a way, I think she does it to reassure herself that I’m still here with her. She never says anything to me, she has a quick look to see if I’m asleep and then leaves quietly, and she never closes the door.
So when I hear the door start closing and footsteps approaching my bed, I know something isn’t right. I swiftly turn on the lamp placed on my bedside table and turn to face whoever’s entered my room.
It doesn’t matter how many times I see him, he’ll always make me feel nervous, but for some reason seeing him here right now makes me forget about the argument we had earlier.
Ryder stands unmoving in the middle of my room, his clothes soaked from the wet weather outside. He wears black skinny jeans with a white shirt sticking to him that makes out his bare muscular chest underneath. His hair is slicked back with droplets of rain falling every so often on his face, and he also breathes heavily like he’s been running to get here.
I’m frozen from the position in my bed wondering what has brought Ryder here in the middle of the night, ‘Ryder, what are you doing?’
‘Is it true?’ Ryder asks in a gravelly voice which in return makes my heart skip a beat.
It takes me a couple of seconds for me to answer him, ‘Is what true?’
Ryder crosses his arms over his chest, causing the muscles of his biceps to bulge through the sleeves, ‘What Kellan said to me.’
I shake my head, ‘It was no big deal, Max kissed me and..’
‘That’s not what I meant.’
‘Oh.’
‘I was told that you don’t feel as though you’re a wolf.’
I don’t hesitate, ‘Yeah, it’s true. I don’t feel any different. At all.’
Ryder thinks for a moment then goes to lean on the wall right beside my window, ‘You’ll come to my house tomorrow.’
‘Excuse me?’ Never in my life have I ever had someone order me around like that other than my mother.
I don’t know whether I like it or not….
‘You need to learn fast. The full moon is in two weeks and we can’t waste another day. Now this could be because you fought the first transformation or it’s just because you’re shutting your wolf out without realizing it, and trust me doing that is the worst thing you could do. If you shut her out she’s just going to disobey you on every decision you make, and that will make her go feral which could result in you never changing back into a human.’
‘It’s not my fault that I can’t summon her, I’m new to this and I have no idea what I’m doing wrong.’
Ryder slowly approaches the bed and stands at my side, looking down at me, ‘I’m not gonna say that’s it’s not your fault because it is and deep down you know it too, but you need to let her run free because it’s what she needs and wants. She’s probably pacing around right now in irritation with you and I bet she’s one pissed off wolf.’
I don’t say a word as he talks to me about how it’s my fault that I don’t feel connected to my wolf like I should be. I know that it’s my fault and I feel guilty about it, but with him reminding me all the time for making that wrong decision, it’s just going to make me feel worse than I already do. I want her to run free and give her the freedom that she needs, but I’m consciously worried about someone or something hurting the two of us. I’m new to this whole thing so maybe showing up at Ryder’s house tomorrow wouldn’t be such a bad thing, I mean, I’ll be learning how to be a wolf and I’ll see what amazing things I can do just like Kellan told me.
‘I don’t want her to be pissed off with me. Ever,’ That’s the last thing I’d ever want..
Ryder places his hand firmly on my thigh, ‘Come tomorrow and I’ll teach you everything you need to know, and we’ll take it slow and steady. Most likely she’s gonna be hard work and she’s going to think that she’s in control, and considering that you’re an Alpha too, you’re gonna have a short fused stubborn son of a bitch of a wolf on your hands...so we’re going to need numbers.’
‘You’re making it sound like she’s feral already.’
Ryer backs away to look out the window, ‘I can sense her emotion right this second and I’m telling you she is not happy, I don’t know how I didn’t pick up on it sooner.’
‘Is that supposed to make me feel better?’
A second ticks by when Ryder sighs, ‘Your mom’s home, so I better leave before she thinks her daughter’s up to no good.’ The bright lights of the headlights shine on Ryder’s form as my mother turns into the driveway.
I get out of the bed, approach Ryder and place my hand on his arm, ‘I’ll be there,’
He looks at my hand wrapped around his arm, moves to look at me then nods, ‘Good.’
I drop my hand from his arm as he moves to open my window when I remember the conversation we had earlier, I call his name but he doesn't turn around.
‘About tonight, I just want you to know that I don’t judge you for what you did.’
He turns to face me with his piercing green eyes, ‘Which part? The one where I beat the shit out of your friend or the fact that you caught me sleeping with Silver?’
I’m taken aback and look at Ryder with a frown, ‘I don’t judge you for sleeping with her.’
Ryder leans right into my face, ‘Then answer me this, why do I feel so guilty that it was you who walked through that door?’
Before I have a chance to reply, the door downstairs closes and our little moment is broken too quickly. He looks at me one last time, turns and jumps out the window. I rush to it just as I see him remove his shirt and runs away from my home in the pouring rain.
I don’t hear the door to my room open, I just stare into the night and at the spot where I last saw Ryder before he disappeared into the woods.
‘Alice? You’re awake.’
When I meet my mother’s eyes she smiles warmly at me, ‘Yeah, I couldn’t sleep.’
‘You okay?’ She looks at me with worry written on her face.
I turn away from the window to look at her, ‘Yeah, I’ll be fine.’
‘Well, I for one can’t wait to lie down.’
I chuckle, ‘I bet it’s been a long day for you.’
My mother shrugs, ‘It’s what you sign up for if you wanna save lives right?’
‘Yeah I guess.’
‘How was the party? Did you have a nice time?’
I look back at the events of tonight and try to think of anything that did make it a good night, but I come up with absolutely nothing.
‘It was okay, I didn’t really stay there long.’
‘And Sam? Is she here or did she go home?’
‘She went home.’
‘Oh, I thought she would’ve stayed here I mean, she’s always welcome to stay here, we’ve got plenty of room.’
I just nod, ‘I know.’
‘Okay, well goodnight.’
Just as my mother turns to leave my bedroom, I really want to ask her this one question.
‘Mum?’
‘Yes honey,’ She faces me with a tired look in her eyes but she still smiles.
‘Do you know a woman who works at the hospital that has the surname Fields?’
She thinks for a few minutes while murmuring the surname to
herself over and over again, then she shakes her head, ‘No.’
‘Are you sure?’
She thinks for a little while then nods, ‘I’m absolutely positive. We have no one working at the hospital with that surname, I’m the person that’s in charge of arranging the shifts and I’ve never come across that name.’
My heart has already stopped beating as my mother confidently tells me that Max’s mother does not work at the place like he said. I knew something was wrong the minute I saw him in that hospital chair and called his name to see an expression that looked a lot like he didn’t want to be caught. And now that I know the truth I can’t help but think why was he there in the first place?
‘Is there a reason for this Alice?’
I smile at her reassuringly, ‘No, I just needed to know something that’s all.’
‘Well I hope that it was useful information.’ My mother turns away and goes to her own room where she’ll stay for the rest of the night.
‘It was.’ I say to myself just as I get into bed hoping to have any kind of rest to get through tomorrow’s big day. I was wrong.
Chapter 16
Arriving at Ryder’s place early the next morning wasn’t something I was looking forward to doing. I’ve realized that I’m giving a lot of my time to Ryder lately and I’m starting to think that his presence doesn’t bother me as much as it should. Although being around him makes me feel somewhat safe, I do believe that he can also be one of the most dangerous people if he was ever threatened, which takes me back to Max.
When I climb out of my mother’s car and walk slowly towards the house, I can’t help but feel anxious about how today’s gonna go. Last night’s revelation was unexpected but my mother’s words are still haunting me and because of that, I believe that things are going to be very different from now on.
As the house comes into view, It seems odd that I was only here last night. The place shows no sign that a party was being held here, so when I see the glass surrounding the house, I check around to see if anyone’s nearby until I realize that nobody is around the property. I’m not the type of person to just walk into a house like it’s my own, so when my attention is drawn from the sound of a door closing I exhale in relief.
I see Kellan standing by the door, wearing nothing but black jeans, he smiles at me but it doesn’t reach his eyes which immediately makes me think that something is bothering him.
When I meet him where he stands, he welcomes me with a hug that I instantly accept. We break away and I notice that he’s looking at me in concern.
‘You okay?’ His question takes me back to last night where I see Max’s bloodied body on my table and the truth about his mother.
‘Yeah, I’m fine, you?’
‘Last night was pretty rough with Max and everything.’
‘It was but what were we supposed to do?’ I shrug, ‘I couldn’t just leave him there besides, no one would’ve helped him if I didn’t.’
Kellan remains silent as he takes in my whole appearance, ‘You look exhausted.’
I’m running on very little sleep but I refuse to let my tiredness get in the way of me today. I’m determined to learn about how to be a wolf and what it means to be one. Furthermore I decide not tell him about what I’ve learnt so I just nudge him playfully, ‘I’m just nervous about today that’s all.’
He chuckles in response, ‘You’ll be absolutely fine, you’ve got Ryder, Bane and myself to look out for you.’
‘Wait, it’s not just going to be me and Ryder?’
Kellan turns to open the front door and indicates me to follow him, ‘We all kind of have to be there in case you try to attack one of us, and because you’re an Alpha female you’ll most likely try to take out Ryder.’
‘So you’re basically saying that I could kick Ryder’s ass then?’
Kellan looks at me in surprise, ‘She jokes! Didn’t expect that to come out of your mouth.’
‘It’s true though right? I mean, I don’t know what she’s gonna do when I shift.’
He stops walking and faces me, ‘From what I heard from Ryder about what she did when you shifted, she probably still has a grudge against him, so it’s up to you to communicate with her and try to soften things with the Alpha male. Naturally she’s gonna want to dominate those around her because she’s an Alpha, but that’s where Ryder comes in.’
‘And what’s he gonna do?’
Kellan smirks and starts walking away, ‘He’s gonna dominate you and make you submit to him.’
‘He’s gonna do what!?’ I march to keep up with his long strides while he laughs at me, ‘How is he gonna do that if she can’t stand him!?.’
From out of nowhere, I feel somebody walking behind me, I turn around and smack right into Ryder’s bare chest, who wears nothing other than blue jeans. Why all of a sudden is everyone half naked…?
‘If she submits to me then I won’t have to fight or hurt her for dominance which I shouldn’t have to do anyway,’ He leaves with Kellan through a door at the back of the house where it leads out to the garden. I quickly have a look at the house and notice the white walls completely bare of any pictures or memories of either one of the wolves, and it makes me feel quite unhappy. Everyone should have pictures up on the wall happy or sad but now that I think about it, maybe I don’t know these people as well as I thought I did. I stand in a big archway that gives the view of the living area that I didn’t see last night. I was so oblivious at the beauty of this room that I feel downhearted that I missed seeing what I’m looking at now. The living area is enormous and by enormous I mean I could fit my kitchen in this space. A large television takes up the whole wall on one side of the room with all sorts of consoles placed neatly on the floor. Potted plants are placed on either side of a glass desk with an expensive looking laptop left untouched. Two black sofas are placed on either side of each other with a black coffee table sitting between them, but what draws my attention is the white marble fireplace placed at the back of the room with flames already ignited. A sheepskin rug lying in front of the fireplace - making it look so tempting to lie on right this second.
I jerk in surprise when I hear my name being called from outside and rush to catch up with everyone. The moment I step out I see that all the wolves have gathered outside; waiting for me presumably.
Bane stands with his arms crossed over his chest with a bored look on his face. As long as he isn’t sneering at me then I guess we’re making progress. Kellan stands with his back to me looking out into the woods while Silver stands beside Ryder; looking flirtatiously at him. Ryder looks at me with an expression I can’t figure out. I stare back at him but look down when I notice Silver placing her manicured hand on his bare chest. Why all of a sudden do I feel so territorial?
After what happened last night between us, I would've thought that we had somewhat of an understanding with where we stood with one another, but with the looks of things he’s not quite ready to let Silver know how he really feels. The silence is broken when unexpectedly a womanly gasp breaks the stare I have on Ryder’s chest to see that he has a firm grip around Silver’s throat. Silver looks at him in desperation to let her free but Ryder shows no sign of letting her go just yet. I look to see Bane staring at them with a disinterested look while Kellan places his hands on his hips waiting for this moment to be over.
‘That’s the last time you do something like that, understand?’Ryder says to her in a serious tone.
Silver looks taken aback as she stares back at him with a look of confusion. With what happened last night I’d probably have the same reaction, so I don’t really blame her for that.
Doesn't make me pity her though!
He lets go of her throat causing her to stumble backwards and walks to stand in front of me.
‘Today’s all about you, it’s a chance for you to let your wolf go and explore the areas around the property. Hopefully she’ll gather a sense of freedom while she’s at it.’
‘What are you guys gonna do whi
le she’s exploring?’
Ryder points to himself, ‘I’ll be following you at a distance, enough for me to know where you go.’
‘Didn't Kellan say before that if she sees you she might attack you...again?’
Ryder takes in my appearance, ‘She can try.’
‘Okay whatever.’ I shake my head in denial even though I know that Ryder is much stronger than I am, ‘Shouldn't our strengths be the same considering that we’re both Alphas?’
The moment the word leaves my mouth, Silver and Bane both look at me with frowns written on their faces while Kellan looks at their reaction with a grin.
Ryder crosses his arms over his chest, ‘Just because you’re an Alpha it doesn't mean that you can easily overpower another.’
Bane steps into our conversation, ‘How is this even possible?’
Silver spits on the floor, ‘She doesn't even have a pack to be an Alpha.’
‘You’re one to talk! You couldn't even control two wolves in your previous pack until your rank lowered of course.’ Kellan snorts.
‘You really wanna talk about rankings you weakling!?’ Silver hisses.
Ryder grunts, ‘Enough! We’ll discuss this later but for now I need everyone’s attention.’ He looks at his pack, ‘We don’t know what’s gonna happen when Alice shifts. I'm going to make sure that I'm in her line of vision when she does, and I want you three to stay behind her at a distance. I don’t want her attacking either of you so if it’s me she goes for I want you to let it happen, and don’t interfere.’
Silver huffs, ‘You want us to just sit back on our asses and watch you get attacked by that feral thing!’ She growls at me.
‘Silver don’t say things like that.’ Kellan looks at me with pity.
‘Why? We all know it’s true so what’s the point in denying it?’ She squares up to Kellan, clearly showing that she’s a much higher ranking wolf than him. ‘I mean she’ll probably be much stronger than you are, and she hasn't been a wolf even for a week. That would really hurt your pride, wouldn't it?’
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