“Are you heading back to Raleigh tomorrow or early in the morning the day after?” Griffin asked as we rolled down I-40. I didn’t want to think about anything other than today. I wanted to find the pause button on life, because I wanted more than one day to prove to Grif that I was serious about figuring out if the spark between us could still flare back to life. I had to be at the training facility by eight, eight thirty if I pushed it, which meant we’d have to be on the road at the ass crack of dawn. I wasn’t a morning person, so that was a crappy idea. But if I left tomorrow night, that’d mean losing the a night with Grif, which was equally crappy.
“Not sure, why?”
Griffin slid his hand over the console and up my leg. He needed to quit that shit before I ran us off the road. My dick was like an iron rod in my jeans and it fucking hurt. I shifted, trying to get comfortable, and he chuckled as he slid his hand to a more acceptable position on my knee. “I know there’s still a lot of shit we need to work out between us, but I was thinking maybe we could close up your house tomorrow morning and head back up here. Get a hotel for the night and that way we could spend a little time together before camp starts. Monday, you can sneak out and go do your thing, and I’ll show up with the rest of the crew.”
“I thought you were supposed to be my shadow through filming.” It struck me as funny how I’d been so pissed about having a camera following me around at first, but now that Griffin made it sound like that wouldn’t be the case once camp started, I was upset about him taking off. It was way too damn soon.
“I’ll still be there, and I’ll probably be hanging around more often than you think, but Liam said the league makes it clear that filming can’t disrupt camp. That means we need to make ourselves scarce while you’re all settling in,” he told me. “Plus, they have a very strict no-visitors policy in the dorms. We have set hours we’re allowed to be there, but after that, even we’re banned from being on premises.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” I grumbled. “I lived at home during college because I didn’t want to deal with curfew or getting locked out of the building if I was late. Now, I’m a professional athlete having to live by someone else’s rules.”
“It won’t be that bad,” Griffin tried to assure me. It wasn’t working. I’d been through this before. I’d probably never forget the one night I missed curfew. Nixon had taken it out on my body the following day, laughing when I swore to him I was going to die. His response was adding more weight to the bar and telling me to do another set. The man’s a sadist.
“It will,” I complained. “Because this year, not only do I have to deal with curfew, you’re going to be there and I won’t be able to talk to you. That would’ve been fine a week ago, but now, I kind of like the time we get to spend together.”
“Then we’ll make time,” he promised. “Whenever you get a night off, we’ll go do something. Maybe drive back to your place for a few hours, no interruptions, no cameras. Just you and me.”
“I like the sound of that.” I slipped my hand beneath his, wishing we weren’t still an hour from home.
Griffin got real quiet and I glanced over to see if he’d fallen asleep. When we were kids, he had a tendency to nod off every time we were in the car for more than twenty minutes. His head lolled to the side and he smiled when our eyes met. “Damn, you have no clue how much I missed you.”
“I think I do,” I told him. “Because I know how much I missed you. But I’m trying to not think about that right now, because every time I do, I just get pissed at myself all over again.”
“Why? I’m the one who left without talking to you,” he pointed out. It was a valid point, but I was through blaming him. I’d spent years focused on what he’d done to destroy us, but I’d never addressed my own part in the breakup. “And in case I haven’t told you, I really am sorry about that. There’s no excuse, other than I was young, dumb, and beyond insecure. You were this super-hot, crazy-smart star of the football team, and I was just a geeky photo journalism major. I seriously thought that if I told you what I was feeling, you’d have blown me off, telling me I could put up with what you were offering me or I could leave. So I left.”
I wanted to be pissed at him, but thinking back to how I was back then, hell, how I was a week ago, he made a valid point. I’d always lived my life that way. My dreams were the number one priority in my life and if anyone had a problem with that, they were pushed aside. The only person who’d ever gotten away with trying to make me do something I didn’t want to do and that wouldn’t further my career was Nate, but even he picked his battles. Speaking of, if Griffin and I were going to take another stab at making a relationship work, I really needed to make a phone call and not give up until I got through to Nate. Soon, because Nate would kick my ass if he found out about everything that was going on through a media leak. And dammit, why hadn’t I thought about an unnamed source making a convenient phone call to a friend before now? There was no way I was getting through training camp without having to answer questions about my personal life.
“I think it’s pretty safe to say we both made mistakes,” I told him. We were getting close to home, and I was really hoping he’d be tired of talking by the time we got there. Time was slipping away from us and I didn’t want to report to camp with blue balls. “Just so we’re clear, I want to see what happens between us. I don’t know how we’ll make it work once filming wraps and I’m busy with the season, but we owe it to ourselves to try.”
“I can live with that,” he agreed. “If either of us aren’t happy, we’ll talk about what’s going on, not run away from it. But you have to promise me that we’re a team from this point forward. I know it’s going to be tricky while the show is filming, but no more stupid stunts that you think will help me. I don’t like being upset with you when I should be happy. And I really don’t like feeling like you did something to further my career, by putting your own at risk.”
“Babe, the only thing that’s going to put my ass on the line this year is if I fail on the field,” I assured him. Coach had told me my personal life wouldn’t play a role in his decisions, and I trusted him. Or, at least, I was trying to trust that he was telling me the truth. He’d never gone out of his way to fuck anyone over, at least not that I knew of. And players had a gossip mill that could rival any small-town diner. Everyone knew the coaches who couldn’t be trusted. “So how about we agree to talk about the shit that’ll affect both of us, but beyond that, you worry about your job and I’ll worry about mine.”
“Sounds like a damn good plan to me.”
I pulled my car into the driveway and killed the engine. I sat there for a moment, wringing my hands around the steering wheel. I shouldn’t be nervous about going into my own home, but I was. The universe had shifted in the past few hours, and this felt like a huge moment for me. For us. When we walked through the door, we wouldn’t be exes, we wouldn’t have the tension of the past weighing down on us. I only hoped Griffin would grant me my one final request before life got crazy. “Sleep in my room tonight?”
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” he promised me. We walked up the stairs to the front door together, my hand holding his tightly, afraid he’d leave if I let go. As if he sensed my anxiety, Griffin stopped me as I reached into my pocket for my house key. He held me in place, staring directly into my eyes with intensity I’d never seen from him. “I mean it, Zach. I regretted walking away from you before I even reached the end of the block, but I knew it was what was best for both of us.”
“No, you thought it was what we both needed,” I interrupted. He wasn’t going to get away with playing the “it was for the best” card on me. Not now. Not when I’d almost lost everything because of his decision.
He pressed a finger to my lips, silencing me. “Like I was saying, it was what both of us needed, even if it didn’t seem like it at the time. I mean, look at us. You’re a hotshot football player now, and while I’m not rolling in the dough, work has been steady enough to keep me
afloat. You’re living the dream of being a professional athlete, and I’m proving every day why people make fun of starving artists. I might not be rich, but I’m doing what I love. Most of the time.”
“Most of the time?” I asked, wanting to figure out if there was any chance I’d be able to convince him to move closer, so we weren’t on opposite sides of the continent.
“Well, yeah,” he scoffed. “The bit about having to help air my might-be-boyfriend’s dirty laundry isn’t terribly appealing. But I can’t complain about the rest.”
“No might be to it,” I promised him. “If we’re doing this, we’re doing it. There will be no feet out the door this time around. So tell me right now, you still in?”
“Damn straight.” Griffin reached into my pocket and pulled out the keys. I leaned against the front of the house, amused by the way his hands shook as he tried to unlock the door. “Stop laughing or I’ll go to my room tonight.”
“You will not,” I teased. If he did, I’d follow him up the stairs, throw him over my shoulder and carry him back to my bed. Back where he belonged. I wasn’t sure how I’d make it happen, but I was determined to make him see he was supposed to be there with me. In a house on the beach, just like we’d always talked about. And it wasn’t on just any beach—it was on our beach.
Thirteen
(Griffin)
We were really doing this. There was a good chance we’d crash and burn, just like we had before, but Zach and I were at least going to be together one more time. Stop thinking that way. Have faith in yourself. I continued the mental pep talk all the way up to the second floor. I hung back as Zach tidied his room. He’d always been a bit of a slob, and he’d always insisted on picking up whenever I came over.
“You know, if you kept it clean, we could be naked by now,” I teased, recalling a night years earlier when he’d invited me to spend the weekend at his house when his parents were out of town. Most of the time, we stayed at my place since I lived on my own, but he’d promised to stick close to the house to take care of the family dog. I’d almost asked about her earlier, but figured she was probably long gone. Ugh, could you think of anything less sexy than an old dog?
“What’s so funny over there?” Zach tossed the last of his laundry into the hamper. I made a mental note to sneak downstairs and run a load of wash after he passed out, otherwise he’d leave it until he came home on a day off and the house would reek like sweaty socks. Hell, it was beginning to seem like there’d be no honeymoon phase the second time around. Even though we hadn’t been together in a few years, I was already starting to slide back into old habits.
“Nothing.” No way was I going to tell him my brain was short-circuiting and doing its best to cock block me. I tentatively walked to the bed, pushing down to test the mattress, as if it mattered how comfortable it was. Very soon, I’d be naked in that bed, with Zach, and that was all I cared about.
“So you’re telling me you’ve officially lost your mind and you’re laughing for no reason?” Zach teased. I tried not to stare as he reached behind his head to pull off his shirt. I failed, because the man’s body was even hotter than it had been in college. His muscles rippled as he moved, a sensuous dance filled with promise of what was yet to come. I couldn’t wait to feel his arms pinning me to the mattress, his legs caging mine as he hammered that cock into me.
“I think the fact that we’re here, doing this, is a sign that both of us have lost our marbles,” I quipped. “Seriously, what are we thinking?”
Zach stalked around the foot of the bed, stopping in front of me. He reached out, stripping me out of my shirt. I may have whimpered when he traced his fingers over the ink on my chest. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking some of the best times of my life were with you. Having you naked beneath me, begging me to fuck you harder. Taking you right to the edge, then pulling out until we both calmed down so I could fuck you some more. I’m thinking we’ve both lived a little since then, and I want to see if we’re even hotter together now.”
He ran his hand down my torso, making quick work of the button on my jeans. His fingers curled around my shaft and he squeezed. I tried to push my boxers over my hips, but he batted my hands away. Message received, I thought as he closed the distance between us.
“I can already smell you,” he whispered in my ear. His tongue flicked at the spot behind my ear that drove me insane. “I still remember exactly how to make you come apart. And tonight, I’m going to make damn sure you never want to walk away again.”
“I don’t,” I promised, my voice cracking as I tried to work through the emotion of what was happening. Fuck, I hated how terrifyingly real this felt. I hadn’t lived like a hermit in the years we were apart, but never had the sex compared to being with Zach. Never. And in this regard, it seemed there were no issues picking up where we’d left off. “Need you, Zach.”
“I know, baby. I know.” He pushed me back onto the mattress, standing between my legs. I kicked off my shoes, hoping like hell he planned on taking off my pants and boxers soon. Otherwise, I was going to come in them, and wouldn’t that be embarrassing as hell. “Fuck, you look good there. Like it’s where you were meant to be.”
“Zach,” I pleaded. Any other time, I wouldn’t have a problem with this prolonged torture, but not tonight. Not when we’d be ripped apart again in under thirty-six hours.
“Yes?” he responded, a teasing lilt to his voice. Jackass knew he was driving me insane.
“Stop. Talking,” I demanded. Propping myself up on one elbow, I sat up enough to wrap my free hand around the back of his neck. “Fuck now, talk later. Believe me, it’s not going to take long.”
He shoved down my boxers and jeans, chuckling when his fingers grazed along the length of my over-sensitive dick. “Been a while?” I nodded. “Me too. I’m really not trying to tease you, I need to slow the hell down, otherwise I won’t even get the condom on before I shoot.”
“I doubt that’ll be an issue.” It never had been in the past. We were each other’s firsts, and even when we had no clue what we were doing, the sex was decent. One of my classmates, who’d considered himself to be my mentor on all things gay, warned me that sometimes it took a while to go from “why in the hell am I doing this?” to “holy shit, how did I ever doubt that I’d love it?” but Zach had proven to be a quick learner. He’d done what he always did when he wasn’t sure about something: he jumped online. But unlike most normal college guys, he hunted for educational articles rather than education-by-porn. I’d teased him, but he’d quickly shut me up when I became his favorite study aid. “Please tell me you have condoms.”
That stopped him short. Oh no. Fuck. No. This could not be happening. Zach jumped off the bed and ran to a stack of boxes in his closet. “Come on, where in the fuck are you? I know I had some.”
I slid off the bed and pulled my wallet out of the jeans Zach had tossed across the room. Nothing. If the gay population at large found out about this gaffe, we’d have our membership cards revoked for sure. “You find anything?” I asked, silently praying for an affirmative answer.
“Fuck no,” Zach grumbled. “And even if I did, it’s been so long since I’ve used any that they’d probably turn to dust as soon as I tried rolling one on.”
Alrighty then. At least we were both on the same page as far as being undersexed and ill-prepared. I eased myself up and walked over to him, determined this wouldn’t ruin our night. I wrapped my arms around his middle and kissed between his shoulder blades. “You know, there are still plenty of things we can do that don’t require protection.”
He hummed and tilted his head back, turning to kiss the side of my face as I ran my hand over his stomach. I dipped my fingers beneath the elastic waist of his boring white briefs, teasing the head of his cock. Like my own, it was already leaking precum. “I love the way you think.”
Zach turned in my arms, taking hold of my dick. We kissed as we jerked one another off, muttering incoherently when the other found
a particularly sensitive spot. As hot as it was, there were more comfortable places than in his bedroom closet. I laughed again, this time at the irony of two gay men getting off in the closet.
“If you keep laughing at me, I’m going to think there’s something seriously off with my game,” he warned me. I opened my eyes and saw him giving me a pathetic attempt at a pout.
“Trust me, there’s nothing wrong with your game,” I assured him. “I was just thinking we could maybe move this to that huge, comfy bed instead of hiding in the closet like we’re worried your parents are going to walk in on us.”
“Dude, I will pay you if you promise to never bring up my parents while you have your hand wrapped around my dick.” He gave me another quick tug. “Strike that, you’re not allowed to mention anyone or anything any time we’re naked together. If it’s not about what we’re doing, keep your mouth shut.”
“Deal.” We both laughed as Zach playfully pushed me back into the bedroom, headed directly toward his bed. He tried to climb over me once I was lying on my back, but I turned the tables, easily flipping him so I was on top. “Wanna see who can hold out the longest?”
It was another stupid game we played in our former lives. We’d both pull out every trick in the book, and whoever came first had to pay for dinner. What can I say? We were college kids trying to make the money last. And either way, there were orgasms to be had, so there were no losers. Zach smiled broadly, shoving his hand between my legs. “You know you’re going to lose.”
I tried to dispute his claim, but I felt one thick finger press against my entrance and I knew I was toast. Short of moving out of his reach, there was nothing I could do to make him come first. Then again, that wasn’t a bad idea. I slid down his legs, dragging my torso along his cock. He moaned, complaining about how I didn’t play fair. I looked up at him, nearly melting at the look in his eyes. They were a deep, brilliant blue now, but you could barely see the ring of sapphire past his blown pupils. “Never said I was going to play fair.”
Down By Contact (Wilmington Breakers Book 1) Page 10