Down By Contact (Wilmington Breakers Book 1)

by Johnson, Sloan

  “Nate, stop!” I shouted, knowing it was the only way to get through to him. “First, don’t call him names. There was plenty of blame on both sides. I wasn’t innocent, either.”

  “Of course you say that now,” my brother argued. “You were always so gone for him you’d have done anything to get him back.”

  “The fuck I was!” I wished there was something I could punch while I pictured Nate’s smug face. “He asked exactly one thing of me, even though he knew it was the one thing I couldn’t give him. And I was so self-centered, I ignored what that did to him. I wasn’t willing to even consider a compromise so both of us could be happy. And whenever he pressed, I got pissed off at him for not understanding how hard my life was.”

  “He knew the score when you two first got together,” Nate countered.

  “I get why you see it that way. Now, let me ask you this.” I paused, more for dramatic effect than anything. “Let’s say PJ was still at the start of his career when you guys met. Would you have been happy having to stay hidden away? Would it’ve been okay with you if he sent you to hide out in your bedroom when he had friends over so they wouldn’t figure out your secret? Could you have done that indefinitely?” The long, drawn-out silence told me Nate was trying to find a way to spin his answer so he’d be justified in hating Griffin. “Be honest, Nate.”

  “Fine. No, I wouldn’t have dealt well with that,” he reluctantly conceded. “That doesn’t mean I’m forgiving him as easily as you’ve seemed to. He fucked you hard. Did you tell him how close you came to losing your scholarship? Does he even know that you were on probation because of his fucking stunt?”

  “He does,” I informed Nate. “He knows everything. Like I said, it wasn’t easy for me to forgive him. Even harder for me to trust him again. But Nate, you have to believe me when I tell you he’s trying. He’s the only person associated with that fucking show who gives a damn about me. He can’t control how shit’s edited, but I know he’ll go to bat for me when he thinks they’re going to screw me for the sake of ratings.”

  “You hope.”

  “I know,” I countered, firmer this time. “Beyond me learning how to forgive and trust him again, he’s giving me another chance. I was the one left hurting when he dumped me, but he’s the one who hurt the entire time we were together because he was in love and couldn’t tell anyone. I did that to him. I hurt him, and he finally did what he felt he had to in order to protect himself. I know it’s going to take you time to believe this is real, but it is. You’re the one who’s always saying everyone comes into our lives for a reason. Well, I have to trust that he came back into my life for a reason. And I think part of that reason is to remind me that people change as we grow. He’s not the same man he used to be and neither am I. Even though I wish I was the one deciding when and how I came out, I’m not sorry about any of it. I’m running faster, more focused when I’m out on the field. My receiving yards are miles beyond last year.”

  “And that has nothing to do with the fact that you got past the rookie jitters?”

  “No, it doesn’t,” I responded. Griffin poked his head around the bathroom door and I waved him over. I felt confident that Nate and I were past the worst of our conversation and wanted Griffin beside me. Needed to feel the heat of his skin beneath my hand as a reminder that he was there. “As Nixon said, my entire career, I’ve been carrying the weight of this secret on my shoulders. No matter what I did, I had to worry about someone finding out before I was ready. But now, I’m beyond ready and it feels damn good to be out. I can’t explain it, Nate, but I really do feel lighter out there.”

  “What are you going to do once filming wraps? He’s got a life he’s got to get back to, doesn’t he?” I had an idea about that, but I wasn’t going to admit that to Nate before I had a chance to run it by Griffin. Hell, even then I wasn’t sure when I’d say anything to my brother, because he’d tell me I was being an idiot, that I was rushing this relationship.

  “We’ll deal with that when the time comes,” I promised him. Griffin scooted around behind me on the bed, pressing his lips firmly against my spine in silent agreement. “Just like you and PJ had hurdles to overcome, so do we. But I have faith we’ll find a way to make it work this time, because both of us know what’s at stake if we don’t talk.”

  “You got that right,” Griffin mumbled against my skin. I reached around my back to hold him.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?” I couldn’t believe he was going to drop his grudge so quickly. It was… too easy.

  “Yeah, okay,” he repeated. “You sound like you’ve at least thought about what you’re doing. I’ve known you long enough to know you’re not going to change your mind no matter what I say. All I’m going to add is that you need to tell him that if he hurts you again, I will hunt him down. And while that may not sound like much of a threat, I’ll have PJ with me this time, and he’ll have my back.”

  “Noted,” Griffin said, loud enough I knew Nate heard him through the line. He then shifted to whisper in my free ear, “Did you tell him about the trailer?”

  I shook my head no. If Griffin hadn’t reminded me, I probably would’ve hung up without remembering that was what prompted the call. “There’s one other thing, and then I promise I’ll let you go.”

  “Don’t tell me you got him pregnant,” Nate joked. It was his way of reassuring me he was at least trying to be open to Griffin being back in my life.

  “Yep, you caught me,” I quipped. “No, I called you now because the first trailer for the show is supposed to go live later tonight. Like I said, the producers are determined to make me being gay the main story of the season, and we’re pretty sure they’re going to start teasing that tonight.”

  Hell, now that I thought about my conversation with Lincoln again, I was tempted to ask Nate to make sure he watched the trailer. That was one of two times this summer when I hadn’t been thinking about cameras listening in, which meant every word was straight from my heart. Nate needed to hear that to know how serious I was about Griffin.

  “You think they’re going to out you so quick?”

  “Probably not,” Griffin interjected. I glanced over my shoulder and he tried shrinking away from me. I wrapped my hand around his wrist, holding him in place before pulling the phone away from my ear and setting it on the bed beside us.

  “Nate, I put you on speaker,” I warned him in case there were any more sarcastic comments waiting to come out. I turned to my boyfriend. “You don’t think they’re going to use what you heard? I thought you said you were sure they would.”

  “Oh, I know damn well they’re going to use it, but I’d be willing to lay money on them going audio only. The sound’s degraded enough that, if they’re smart, they’ll count on people not recognizing your voice right away,” Griffin explained. “Now, I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am. They’ll hold off on the big reveal as long as they can, hoping to keep viewers on the hook.”

  “He’s got a point, Zach.” Griffin and I both stared at the phone. Had my brother really just said Griffin was right about something? “That show’s been boring the past few seasons. When they out you, it’s going to be a risk. Some people will keep watching, but some will quit, either because they’re disgusted by the show’s storyline or because they’re assholes who think gay men belong on stage, not the field.”

  “Perfect.” I needed to get Nate off the phone. “I’m gonna let you go. Thank PJ for letting me steal you away from him long enough to talk me down.”

  “I’m pretty sure he’s used to it at this point.” Griffin buried his face in my neck to stifle his laughter. “He’s headed out of town tomorrow afternoon. You want me to catch a flight up there?”

  “That’s up to you,” I responded noncommittally. I absolutely wasn’t going to encourage him to fly up when I wasn’t going to have much free time for him. Then again… “You know what? Yeah. If you can swing it, come on up. We have the weekend off and it’d be good to hang like we used
to.”

  “Done. Now, go spend some time with your man before curfew.” I hated lying to Nate about where I was, but was equally relieved that he was taking everything in stride. It wouldn’t hurt anyone for him to think I was back at the dorms. “I’ll see you in a few days.”

  “Love you, bro.”

  “You too.”

  Twenty-Two

  (Zach)

  After Nate and I said goodbye, with a promise from him to call and let me know when he’d get into town, I needed a second to breathe. So much was changing and I felt twitchy because I could barely keep up with my own thoughts. I could already feel the inevitable crash coming on and if I stayed in the bed with Griffin’s body pressed against mine, it would be easy to fall asleep in his arms. I wanted that, probably more than I should, but not yet. First, I needed to bury myself inside of him as a reminder of why he was worth whatever happened next.

  I crossed the room and leaned against the plate glass windows. Even though we were fourteen floors off the ground, I felt more exposed than I ever had in the past. I imagined people walking by on the street below, looking up and seeing the real me. I wanted them to. I was tired of waking up every morning, putting on a carefully crafted mask that hid me away from everyone I met.

  “Hey, you okay?” Griffin asked as he stepped up behind me. I nodded, still unable to articulate my thoughts. He held me tightly, kissing my shoulder as both of us stared out at the skyline. “It’s a little surreal to be here with you.”

  “I know,” I said, the words catching around the lump in my throat. “I keep wanting to pinch myself to prove this isn’t a dream. I know that sounds cliché, but it’s the damn truth.”

  Griffin pointed at a spot in the distance. “I still remember the night we met. If it was light out, I bet we’re close enough we could see the park. Even though you grew up here, you had no clue that you were trying to study in one of the biggest gay hookup areas of the city. I think that’s what drew me to you.”

  “Huh?” I laced my fingers through his, pulled our joined hands up to my mouth. Sometime today, there’d been a shift in our relationship and it didn’t feel like we were two guys bumbling our way around. What we had felt really damn real. And good. It suddenly made sense how Nate had been willing to take a chance and uproot his entire life for someone he’d barely gotten to know. He’d argued that sometimes, you just know when you’re meant to be with someone. And like a dickhead brother, I’d told him he was full of shit. He so wasn’t.

  “You weren’t there to get laid,” Griffin continued, pulling me out of my own thoughts. “When I approached you and gave you a heads-up that it wasn’t really a good place to pull out your books and get some work done, you turned beet red.”

  “And you helped me load everything into my backpack before asking me to follow you home,” I added. This was the first time I’d thought about our early days without the sensation of someone twisting a knife in my chest. Life was so much less complicated before I realized I was falling in love with him. Before I realized what a bad idea that was, or more like before I convinced myself it would be the end of everything I’d worked for. “I wanted so bad to tell you I didn’t swing that way, but I figured if you were looking for an anonymous hookup, you probably wouldn’t go telling everyone what we’d done. Which was stupid on my part, because a lot of guys—”

  My rambling was cut off when Griffin sucked at the base of my neck while yanking up the hem of my T-shirt. My hips rolled back, pressing against his erection, silently begging him to take me. He was the only man I’d ever trusted enough to fuck me, and I missed feeling so full I thought I would explode. I craned my neck around, needing to taste him. Griffin continued exploring every inch of my chest, rolling his fingers over my nipple before giving a gentle tug. “What was the rule you set? No talking about anyone but us when we’re in the bedroom. Want you so bad.”

  I spun around in his hold, never breaking the contact between our mouths. My hand traveled up his arm, his neck, and I tangled my fingers into his hair. He hissed when I gave a sharp yank. Griffin led me away from the windows, guided me down onto the mattress with tenderness and care I’d never felt in my life. I stared into his eyes, wondering what he had planned, desperate to give him control for one night.

  “You want me to do you tonight?” Griffin asked, an evil glint in his eyes. I nodded, unable to find words for how badly I wanted that. “You know you’re going to hurt like hell tomorrow, right?”

  “Want it,” I begged. Yeah, practice was going to suck, but I wanted to feel every twinge of pain in my ass as a reminder that he was worth whatever hate was thrown my way following the team meeting in the morning. That we were worth it, that we’d survived and come out on the other side, stronger than we ever could’ve dreamed of being when we were young and thought love was enough.

  My eyes followed Griffin as he ambled over to his neatly stacked pile of clothes. He pulled a sachet of lube and a condom out of his wallet. That was new. When he turned back and noticed the confusion on my face, he quickly explained, “Didn’t want a repeat of the beach house, so I’ve made sure I was prepared since we got to town.”

  “I knew there’s a reason I love you,” I teased. Not wanting to waste any time, I quickly stripped, leaving my clothes wherever they landed. Unlike Griffin, I was more interested in making love than tidying up.

  Griffin returned and stood between my legs, reaching down to take my dick into his fist. My eyes rolled back in my head and I had to try and focus on anything but how damn good he was at getting me off. “Look at me, Zach.” I opened my eyes and curled up, watching as he tugged at the towel he’d wrapped around his waist. I reached out, wanting to make him feel as good as he made me, but he quickly backed out of my reach. “Not yet. You need this.”

  I nodded in emphatic agreement. But I still wanted to reciprocate. This time, our relationship wasn’t going to be about what he could give me, but what we could give each other. We needed to be equals.

  “Stop thinking,” he scolded me. “All you have to do tonight is feel. You think you can do that?”

  I huffed out a laugh. “Yeah…plenty of…” He redoubled his efforts on my cock, reaching down to gently tug at my balls as his middle finger pressed against the skin behind. “Keep that up and I’ll blow before you can fuck me.”

  “Can’t have that, now can we,” he teased. I whimpered at the loss of his hands on my flesh. He quickly opened the packet of lube and tore open the condom wrapper as well before setting it on the bed next to my hip. I allowed my head to fall back to the mattress and closed my eyes as a slick finger slid down my crack. “You want it like this or you want to roll over?”

  “This… just do it…please…need you…please,” I begged. Even though I refused to rush sex when I was on top, I wasn’t a huge fan of the whole stretching bit. I’d much rather feel the burn. And because it’d only ever been him that I’d given in to, I trusted him to take his time instead of shoving every inch of himself inside in one painful thrust. If anything, he’d torture me by taking his time as he gave me just enough of his dick to drive me crazy.

  Griffin left me, long enough to sheath his dick before lining himself at my entrance. Pushing forward enough to stretch me without really entering me. Back in again, this time with just the head of his cock before pulling out. Then a little more. I curled up, wanting to dig my fingers into his hips and force him to give me more. But I held back, knowing this was how he worked. Knowing how much he loved this exquisite torture.

  Finally, after what felt like hours of easing his way in and out of my passage, Griffin’s entire length was seated in me. He leaned down, devouring my mouth in a way very unlike him. He’d always been a passionate kisser, but never had he claimed me, possessed me, the way he was now. “Love you, Zach. No matter what happens, I’ll keep loving you.”

  Well shit, that was like a bucket of ice water dumped directly on my dick. My entire body tensed and I stared at him, trying to figure out if he was steelin
g himself to walk away again. No, don’t even think that, I scolded myself, reaching between our bodies to trace my finger over the Celtic knot on his chest. A reminder of a foolish promise between two teenagers who thought they could overcome all odds. A promise I intended to keep. A promise I wouldn’t let him walk away from.

  “Harder, babe,” I pleaded. “Need more.” I fisted my cock in time with the rhythm of his dick pounding into my ass. I wasn’t going to last much longer. His hand joined mine, my precum coating both of our palms, jerking me to completion. I roared his name as I came, assuring him this was only the beginning for us. Griffin’s body tensed and he threw his head back as he followed me over the edge.

  When he flopped down on top of me, I threw my arms around his back, holding him tight enough he eventually complained he couldn’t breathe. Even then, I resisted his request to ease up, afraid we weren’t on the same page. Terrified of what came next. Desperate to keep him as close to me as possible.

  We drifted off to sleep before either of us could talk about what would happen in the morning. Maybe it was better that way.

  * * *

  My phone rang incessantly, pulling me out of the best sleep I’d had in weeks. Griffin’s body was plastered to mine, sweaty skin pressed to sweaty skin. I shielded my eyes from the morning sun as I wiggled my way out from under his body. “Hello?”

  “Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty,” Lincoln sang. I wanted to punch him. If he’d been in front of me, I probably would’ve, so it was a good thing he opted for a wakeup call instead of knocking on the door. As it was, I must’ve groaned my irritation, because he busted out in peals of laughter. “Yeah, I know waking up sucks, but it’s time to head over to campus. Car’s leaving in fifteen.”