Down By Contact (Wilmington Breakers Book 1)

by Johnson, Sloan

  “I can live with that,” I said, waving as I closed the door. When I turned around, the walk from the curb to the front steps felt insurmountable. With every step, anticipation and anxiety rose in my body, to the point I briefly considered stopping to hurl in the shrubs.

  “I thought you weren’t coming back tonight.” I looked up to see Zach staring down at me, his posture turned in on himself, as though for protection.

  “Yeah, well your brother can be a pushy bastard sometimes,” I retorted, hoping to keep the mood light. “He somehow managed to find out my hotel room number and started pounding on the door until I let him in.”

  “He means well,” Zach informed me. “Doesn’t excuse him, but I swear I didn’t put him up to it. He told me he was just going out to grab more beer.”

  “I believe you,” I assured him, because Zach looked about twenty seconds away from a complete meltdown. I could’ve kicked myself in the ass, because I knew he was on edge because of me. He didn’t trust that I wasn’t looking for a way to make a clean break from him. From us. The front steps of his house wasn’t the best place for him to be having a conversation about the future of his first public relationship, so I motioned for him to go inside. Any other time, I might’ve worried he’d think I was inviting myself in, but I didn’t really give a damn right then.

  I followed Zach inside and watched as he stared ahead blankly, almost like he wasn’t sure where he was or why he was there. He flinched when I cupped his elbow, leading him to the back deck. This was where most of our deep conversations took place, and it felt right that we’d talk about everything both of us were feeling after this week back here. It was outside, but we were sheltered a bit from the outside world.

  “I’m sorry if I upset you earlier,” Zach said, still refusing to make eye contact. “I really wasn’t trying to make it sound like your job’s less important than mine, even if that’s how it came across.”

  “That is what I assumed before, but Nate made me realize that’s not what you meant,” I told him. I took a seat in the chair next to him, even though my body was begging me to push him to one side of his chair and curl up against his chest. We’d already wasted a few hours of our time together, and I wanted to spend every minute we had left touching him. “And I shouldn’t have acted like a pissy little bitch about it. You were trying to offer a solution you thought might work so we weren’t wasting so much money on plane tickets whenever we could get some time together. Believe me, my bank account appreciates that.”

  Zach rolled onto his side so he was facing me. Finally.

  “I don’t want you having to worry about money, Grif,” he said softly. “There’s no reason you should have to rush into another job so you can make ends meet. I have this huge house that’ll be sitting empty a lot of the time and a bank account that I barely touch because I don’t need a bunch of fancy toys. All I was saying is that if you were to move in here, you could take your time finding something new instead of rushing into an assignment that’s nothing more than a paycheck.”

  “I wouldn’t feel right living off your money, Zach,” I admitted to him. “I understand that you’re just trying to help, but it’s too soon. What happens if you get pissed off at me sometime, which you’re bound to do given our history? I don’t want the fact that you supported me financially to ever be a sticking point between us.”

  “It won’t,” he insisted, reaching out to take my hand. I traced my thumb over his skin, trying to figure out how to make him understand my fears without thinking I was already picturing the failure of our relationship when I was just trying to be realistic.

  “I know you think you wouldn’t, but you have to admit both of us tend to go off half-cocked when we’re upset,” I pointed out. “And even if you did, you wouldn’t mean it, but the damage would be done at that point.”

  “Then what do you think we need to do?” he asked. “I want you here with me. It fucking kills me to know you’re out of a job and it’s because of me.”

  “Yeah, but I wouldn’t have gotten the job if not for you, so it’s not all bad,” I reminded him. My stomach growled, reminding me that I hadn’t eaten since this morning. Now that I wasn’t so stressed out, my appetite was returning. Once we finished talking, which I hoped was soon, I’d poke around and figure out what I could make Zach for dinner as an apology. “I’m honestly not sure what the answer is, but if you won’t push me to officially move in, I’ll promise to stick around as long as I can. And you’re right, it’d be nice to not have to take every gig that’s offered.”

  “I can live with that…for now.” Those final two words told me Zach wasn’t happy about me not agreeing to move in, but he was willing to meet me in the middle. “But for the record, I think it’s stupid for you to pay California rent prices on a place that’s sitting empty.”

  “True, but I need to do it this way, babe. Eventually, we can talk about it again, but not when things are so new and emotions are running high.” I wasn’t going to budge on this point. Moving in after such a short time together felt like placing a curse on the future. Besides, if I got an assignment in LA, it’d be nice to fall into my own bed at the end of a long day. “Shit, Nate was right.”

  “How so?”

  “He basically told me we both need to learn how to talk to one another,” I told him as I sat up. The sun was setting and there was something I wanted to do. I held out my hand to Zach and led him down the steps. He wrapped his arm around my back, pulling me tight to his side as we made our way down the walkway to the beach. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, allowing a flood of memories into my mind as I smelled the warm, salty air.

  This was where we’d fallen in love. It wasn’t during the nights spent holed up in my apartment or days sneaking around on campus; it was here, with the Atlantic Ocean crashing against our feet. This was the one place Zach hadn’t felt the need to hide his feelings for me. And he’d come back. He’d committed himself to a life on this beach, even when he had no clue we’d ever see one another again. That realization stopped me in my tracks. Zach turned back to me when his fingers slipped out of mine. “What’s wrong?”

  I threw my arms around Zach’s neck, pressing my lips firmly against his. His body stiffened, then relaxed as he ran his hands along my sides, down to my waist. There was one answer I needed that would erase every lingering worry I had about our ability to work through our obstacles. “Why’d you buy a house here?”

  “Uh, because it makes sense to live near Wilmington as long as I play here,” he responded.

  “But why here?” I prodded. There were plenty of more upscale areas where he could’ve found a place. He could’ve bought a condo at one of the more upscale beaches if he wanted to be near the water, and then he wouldn’t have had to worry about upkeep or anything else. And he wasn’t exactly close to work, even though he was closer than when he’d lived in Raleigh.

  Zach started walking again, leaving me with no option but to follow him. For a few minutes, I wasn’t sure he was going to answer. That sucked, but I didn’t want to push him if he didn’t want to tell me. When he finally stopped walking and looked at me, my breath hitched. His eyes softened as he reached up to stroke my cheek.

  “When I started looking, I think I wanted to be here because I needed a reminder of what I’d given up to have a pro career,” he admitted with a shrug. “Nate’s got his boyfriend now and it was hard watching them fall in love when I was alone. Every time PJ screwed up and then forced himself to fix it because Nate’s happiness is more important to him than his career, I was reminded of how badly I’d treated you.”

  “Oh Zach, is that really how you see it?” I buried my face in his neck.

  “Pretty much,” he replied. “I know I acted like it was all your fault for leaving the way you did, but deep down, I knew it was because I made you feel like my hang-ups were the only ones that mattered. How could I have expected you to stay when I was so wrapped up in my own image?”

  “We both screwed up,
” I said, because I wasn’t going to sit there and listen to him try to shift the blame to himself. “I knew you weren’t ready for more than what we had, but I was afraid to lose you, so I stayed quiet. But eventually, all the bitterness I felt blew up and I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m not sure you’ll ever understand how sorry I am that I left the way I did.”

  “On the bright side, we’ve both pretty much perfected what not to do.” Zach led me further down the beach, until we were standing in the very spot where I’d blurted out that I loved him the first time. “You think we can find a way to do better this time?”

  “I know it.” I took both of Zach’s hands in mine and looked directly into his eyes as I made a promise I knew I could keep. “Things won’t always be perfect, but I won’t run again. There will be plenty of complications, but we’ll sit down and talk about what’s bothering us so we know that this is our number one priority. I love you, Zach. I’m not wasting this chance with you.”

  “Same.” Zach cut off my laugh at his simple response by pressing his lips to mine as he wrapped his arms around my waist. We kissed as the sun set, our bodies pressed together, without any care given to who might be watching us. Finally, we’d gotten back to the place where we were happy.

  Epilogue

  (Zach)

  I’d given everything I had to the team and it was paying off. Nixon hadn’t been lying when he said he was going to push me harder this year. The backlash from my coming out hadn’t been nearly as catastrophic as I’d feared, but there were still plenty of detractors out there, and Nixon was on a mission to shut them down. “If you’re putting up the numbers, nobody can say a fucking word about who you go home to at the end of the night,” he told me after a particularly brutal session in the gym. My body ached almost every day, but in a good way.

  In fact, Outside the Pocket wound up being one of the best things that could’ve happened in my life. It brought Griffin back into my life, allowed me to come out without directly having to face anyone, and restored my faith that maybe times were changing. The assholes were definitely in the minority. Most people expressed their outrage towards the show on every social media channel, shaming them for thinking it was okay to out someone before they were ready. Even after I made a statement that I’d already started the process of coming out to my team before filming started, the masses continued their witch hunt.

  I felt bad for guys like Griffin’s friend, Liam, who were no longer certain they’d have a steady assignment come next summer. The NAFL stood behind me, denouncing the actions of the production team. I still wasn’t sure I believed they weren’t involved, but if I was going to have a long, successful career in the league, I couldn’t dwell on it.

  “One more set and you can get the hell out of here,” Nixon encouraged me. We were the only two left in the training room because everyone else had already taken off for an early Christmas break. Since my family was all driving down to the beach for our celebration, I was taking advantage of the quiet to make sure I wasn’t going to regret the pigging out I fully intended to do tomorrow. I struggled to get through another set of chest presses, probably because Nixon decided to throw more plates on the bar, but I did it. I was huffing and puffing like someone who’d smoked for forty years, but I made it through. When I was done with the last rep and the bar was back in place, Nixon threw me a towel. “Good job today. Get showered and we’ll go get some dinner.”

  “Excuse me?” Nixon and I had become closer than trainer and player, but we’d never spent much time together outside of the training facility.

  “When’s Griffin getting into town?” Nixon asked, handing me my water bottle. I took a long gulp, praying my heart would quit racing at some point.

  Griffin and I hadn’t seen each other in over a month. True to his word, he’d stayed at the house until he found a job that truly called to him. It would’ve been great if that job hadn’t been back in California, but I couldn’t really bitch too much. He was filming a documentary about the LGBT homeless community out there. Every time we talked, he was excited about what they were doing, but depressed by how many kids he saw who’d lost everything. Filming had wrapped four days ago, so now he was headed back home.

  And the real reason I couldn’t be upset was because he was truly coming home. Instead of flying back, he’d decided to rent a moving truck, load all of his stuff and officially move in with me. I hadn’t realized how much I needed him to take that step until he told me about his plan. I’d kept worrying that he saw our relationship as temporary as long as his official address was thousands of miles away.

  “He should be to the house by about ten tonight,” I told Nixon.

  “Good. Then you can keep an old man company.” Nixon laughed.

  “You’re not flying out to spend Christmas with someone special?” I asked as we approached the locker rooms. Something had changed for Nixon in the past month or so. He was still a hard-ass, but he’d turned back the asshole dial a lot. The rookies weren’t terrified of him, and I think they respected him more now that he was softening his screams with praise when we worked to the high standards he’d set.

  “Shower, Kendricks,” Nixon demanded, shooing me away before I could pry deeper into his personal life. “I’ll meet you out front. And hurry, I’m hungry.”

  “Yes, sir.” I offered him a mock salute before jogging into the locker room. This life was more than a bit surreal.

  My hair was still wet when I hoisted my bag over my shoulder, but at least I didn’t smell like old gym socks anymore. Nixon’s voice echoed through the empty corridor as I approached. “Yeah, I get it…no, it’s fine. You need to be there…I’m not upset…We’ll figure that out.”

  He might be telling whoever he was talking to on the phone that he wasn’t upset, but he wasn’t fooling anyone. If the person on the other end of the line could see his hunched shoulders, they’d think twice about whatever it was they were saying to him. I ducked around a corner, not wanting to rush him off the phone. But that felt like I was eavesdropping, which I suppose I was, but only because I was trying to give him time. I pulled out my phone and dialed the only person I wanted to talk to right now.

  “Hey, what’s up?” Griffin answered on the first ring.

  “Did I catch you at a bad time?” If he was on schedule, he’d be out in the middle of nowhere, probably bored out of his mind by the endless miles behind him.

  “Not at all,” he responded quickly.

  Now that I had Griffin on the phone, I wasn’t sure what to say to him. It was stupid, but sometimes, just knowing he was there, that we were connected in some way, was enough reassurance to tamp down the anxiety I still felt about our relationship. Everything hadn’t been rosy since the night we promised to talk to one another when something was bothering us, but we’d cautiously pushed past every issue we’d faced. “One day at a time until forever,” was one of Griffin’s favorite sayings. We didn’t need to worry about tomorrow until we got through today, and that’s what we were doing.

  “I wish you were here,” I finally admitted to him. I’d tried to bite my tongue every time I was tempted to tell Griffin how much I missed him, not wanting him to feel like I was pressuring him to cut his assignment short or resented him for living his own life. Okay, so maybe I still had a bit of work to do on that whole transparency thing.

  “I’ll be there before you know it.” Griffin chuckled, and I could practically see the fine lines at the corners of his mouth and eyes. He hated them, said they made him look older than his years, but to me, they were a sign of a man who loved life and laughed often. He didn’t take everything so seriously. “What’s really on your mind, babe?”

  “Nothing, really. I just wanted to hear your voice.” Damn, I sounded like a total sap. “How long are you going to be home before you have to head out again?”

  Silence filled the line, making me wonder if Griffin was trying to figure out how to deliver bad news. I knew there was another project he was hoping to get, but he
’d been quiet about the details so far. I didn’t know where he was going or when, but if he was offered this assignment, he said it could be a huge boost for his career.

  “I was hoping we could talk about that tonight,” Griffin admitted. That wasn’t good. If I wasn’t going to be upset about his news, he’d be able to tell me over the phone. Was this the beginning of the end for us?

  “You can quit hiding, Kendricks. I know you’re just around the corner.” Shit, did Nixon think I’d been trying to listen in on his conversation? “Let’s go. Time’s wasting.”

  “We can talk tonight,” I reassured Griffin. If that’s what he wanted to do, that’s what we’d do. “Nixon’s getting a bit hangry so I need to get off the phone. I love you.”

  “Love you, too, Zach,” Griffin said softly. “Now, go enjoy your dinner and stop being all doomsday. I promise, what I want to talk to you about is nothing bad.”

  We disconnected the call and I joined Nixon at the front doors of the training facility. We must’ve looked like quite the pair, trudging to the employees’ lot with our matching scowls. Neither of us asked the other if everything was okay, because that wasn’t the type of shit guys did. Nixon told me where we were going for dinner and I climbed behind the wheel of my new truck. Nate called me an overgrown child when I sent him a picture of one of my few totally frivolous purchases. As a kid, I’d always dreamed of having a blue pickup with a lift kit and brush guard across the front. It was his fault, really, because he was the one constantly giving me a hard time about how little money I spent on myself.

  Damn, it’d be good to see him and PJ, too. They’d be getting in mid-morning and staying through New Year’s at least. Now that PJ had played his last baseball game, they were enjoying a bit of spontaneous living. I envied them and their ability to pick a destination and go without having to worry about schedules, workouts, or anything else. And I really hated PJ, because he’d finally started letting his inner adrenaline junkie out of the box now that he wasn’t bound to protect his assets, or what most normal people would call his body, or face penalties.