by Rula Sinara
“How’s the generator working?” Dr. Miller had given him the rundown on the camp’s setup.
Anna smiled and the memories of when she used to beam at him hit Jack hard. This one came with a shake of her head.
“Wow. You really are investigating. Guess that’s what you’re good at. The generator works fine. Most of the time. Again, nothing comes with a one hundred percent guarantee, does it?”
He tore off his sterile gloves and scrubbed at his jaw. “Guess not, Anna.”
There certainly hadn’t been any guarantee that she’d come back from her postgraduate internship. Only he hadn’t realized that at the time. Not until the brief email she’d sent telling him that she’d made plans to stay in Kenya for at least another year or two. A short email. No call. No sound of her voice so he could decipher the true reasons behind her words. To figure out whether he’d permanently destroyed their friendship. A part of him had wondered if she’d met someone else.
She’d always been a romantic. She’d gone on and on in anticipation of her trip to Africa, and how she felt like Elsa Martinelli in Hatari!. He’d wondered who, if anyone, had become her John Wayne. Somehow, their roles seemed reversed. Besides, Jack had given up thinking that he’d ever be enough for her.
He knew when to let go. When to stop caring. Until now. Now she had a little girl with her. His little girl. He could forgive Anna for not wanting him; that was her right. But not for this. Not for keeping Pippa from him.
He slapped the folder shut on the papers he was pretending to read.
“So, when do I get to spend time with my daughter?” My daughter. The words sounded so foreign to him.
“I was thinking after dinner. Everyone at camp eats the meal together. You’ll see her before then, of course, but after that you, Pippa and I can go for a walk or ride...and we can talk to her.”
“What time is dinner?”
Anna actually laughed. And he loved it, as much as the mischievous way she looked at him. Boy, was he in trouble.
“It’s a small place, Jack. Trust me, you’ll know when dinner is. Put an actual time on it and it’ll get jinxed into being several hours late.”
“Why’s that?”
“It’s how time works here. Stick around long enough and you’ll see what I mean.” Anna’s face fell as soon as the words left her mouth. He’d stick around long enough, all right.
Long enough to get the necessary paperwork cleared so that he could take Pippa home.
CHAPTER FOUR
ANNA COULDN’T EAT. Not with the way her belly tightened every time Jack glanced at her and Pippa. Pippa wasn’t doing any better at finishing her food. Anna tried every trick, conscious of him watching, but Pippa was too busy playing peekaboo with the stranger. She’d duck her face under the table, then slowly peer over the top at him. Every other time, he’d wink and Pippa would giggle. And every giggle would ripple through Anna like a wave that would drag her little girl farther and farther out to sea. Closer and closer to America...and Jack.
Haki watched their interaction intently. “Stop it, Pippa,” he said, finally.
“Why should I?”
The little boy came around Anna and whispered into Pippa’s ear, then ran back to his spot on the bench. Pippa frowned.
“Haki said I’m talking to stwangers, Mama.” Haki blushed and dropped his head into his hands. So much for secrets. “I’m not. You let him eat with us so he’s not a stwanger. Right?”
“He is,” Haki mumbled.
“He’s not and I didn’t say any words.” Pippa puffed her cheeks at him, convinced she’d won the argument. Jack raised a brow, waiting for Anna’s reply.
“Well, Dr. Harper is a stranger to both of you because you haven’t actually met him before, but he’s really a friend. He’s going to be here a couple of days for work, so don’t get in his way, but if he’s free, it’s okay to talk to him.”
Haki dug into his food without a word. Pippa lit up.
“Hi,” she said to Jack.
“Hi there.” He turned away from a conversation on border patrols that several of the keepers were having with Kamau, and propped his elbows on the table, giving Pippa his full attention. “It doesn’t look like you’ve eaten much there.”
She shrugged.
“I bet if you listened to your mom and ate your food, she might let you go for a ride before the sun goes down.”
“Is that true, Mama?”
“I suppose so,” Anna said. Pippa put a spoonful in her mouth. All mothers loved seeing their kids eat, but the fact that Jack had accomplished, in one sentence, what she’d been trying to do for the past half hour was a bit annoying. “Just finish quickly so you can wash up and get your jammies on before we go.” Jammies were nothing but a clean T-shirt and shorts around here.
When Pippa was a colicky baby, Anna used to get one of the men to drive them slowly around camp, close enough for safety during the night. It was the only way she’d fall asleep and it still worked whenever she wasn’t feeling well. Anna wasn’t sure if their talk with her would rev her up for the night or give her plenty to dream about. Jammies were a safe bet either way, and making her get ready for bed before leaving bought Anna a little more time. If only minutes.
Minutes that made “Africa time” seem like cheetah speed.
After washing up, Niara walked the children out to the Jeep, where Jack waited for Anna and Pippa. Anna needed a few minutes to freshen up. She looked in the small mirror hanging by a nail near her bed, and cringed. Bad enough she looked like someone who’d been hacking through thickets all day, she didn’t even want to imagine what she smelled like after working with the elephants. But there wasn’t time for a bath and it didn’t matter. This wasn’t a date. It was the stark opposite. The beginning of the end. She let her hair down, then quickly decided it looked too obvious. She might leave it down for the wedding she’d be attending in a few days, but not for Jack. She pulled it back into a ponytail and started out, only to be intercepted by Haki. For such a composed little boy, he looked as if a dam was about to break.
“Hey, Haki. What’s up?” she asked, kneeling down.
“Auntie Anna, is he taking her away forever?”
“What? Oh, Dr. Harper? Gosh, what would make you think that?”
“I heard you and Mama talking during naptime. If he’s her father, he’ll take her away. Won’t he?”
He’d overheard? Anna closed her eyes. Jack wanted to take Pippa away, but not tonight. Not ever, if Anna could help it. That’s all she could give right now.
“No, Haki. We’re just going for a ride and I’ll be there the whole time. I promise when you wake up you’ll find Pippa in her bed. Just like always. Okay?”
Haki swiped away one betraying tear and nodded.
“Walk me out?”
He nodded again and took her hand. Anna held it tightly, her heart breaking for him. For all their battles of wits, Anna knew the two children were close. But this was the first time she realized just how much Pippa’s friendship meant to the little boy who was so much like a son to her.
Haki let go of Anna’s hand and wrapped his arms around his mom when they got to the Jeep. Niara looked inquisitively at Anna, but Anna shook her head and climbed into the driver’s seat. Seeing Jack with Pippa in his lap, his arm wrapped securely around her, was surreal. The three of them. Together. Anna started the ignition. This wasn’t a family outing. At least not the way she’d once imagined it.
She drove about a quarter of a mile to a grove of trees. Thankfully, Pippa monopolized the conversation the entire way there. She listed all the local animals she could think of for Jack, even the most dangerous ones sounding adorable with the way her r’s came out as w’s. Even Anna couldn’t stop from smiling when Jack mimicked Pippa and said, “Zeebwas, huh? I wanna see one of those!” Jack being silly?
She knew his sister had a kid, but she’d never pictured him as the shed-the-lab-coat-and-play kind of guy. Anna turned off the ignition.
“Come here, sweetie,” she said, pulling Pippa into her lap and hugging her tightly. She looked at Jack before continuing. He stared back at her expectantly.
This was it.
The moment she’d both longed for and dreaded. Longed for during moments of insane exhaustion, when sleepless nights with an infant made her wonder if there was something to marrying for the sake of practicality. For having someone to lean on, even if it wasn’t for love. But that’s all it was. Insanity. Because she’d come this far without relying on him. And she knew he didn’t love her. Not beyond friendship, and probably not even that anymore, after what she’d done.
Anna kissed the top of Pippa’s head now, breathing in that indefinable child scent, and steeled herself for what was to come. “Pippa, you know how I told you Dr. Harper is a friend?”
“Uh-huh.”
Anna turned Pippa to face her and gently fiddled with a springy curl at her temple.
“He’s more than that to you. He’s your baba, sweetie, although he’ll probably want you calling him Daddy,” Anna said, realizing Jack wouldn’t be accustomed to the local term.
He reached over and tugged on one of Pippa’s bouncy curls. “You can call me whatever you like, Pippa. I’m just really happy to be here with you.”
Pippa stared at him and sank back into Anna’s arms. Her thumb slipped between her teeth. It had taken forever to get her to break that habit. If she regressed...
“My baba...like Kahni?” she said, then slipped her thumb back in her mouth.
“Who’s Kahni?” Jack asked.
“One of the elephant bulls we observe,” Anna said, closing her eyes apologetically. She turned to Pippa. “Like Kahni, only Jack’s your baba. And he walks on two feet,” Anna said. As expected, Pippa giggled and relaxed.
“I know an animal with twenty feet,” Pippa said. “No, it has twenty hundwed million feet and thwee eyes. It’s like a monster.”
“Wow. And I’d love to hear about all the things you like to do, your favorite games and books and whatever you want to talk about,” Jack said, propping his forearms on his knees so they were face-to-face.
“Are you gonna live with us?” Pippa asked, her curls barely masking the wrinkling of her forehead. She looked so much like Jack it hurt.
“Um. No, but we’ll figure all that out later,” Jack said, glancing at Anna.
“Are you gonna mawee my mama?”
Anna froze. If he so much as implied that it was an option, it would be final proof that he was just like her dad. It’d prove that the last proposal had truly been for all the wrong reasons and that Jack was after only one thing now—and it wasn’t her. But if he didn’t want marriage... Anna’s chest twinged. If he didn’t want marriage, it would prove that any inkling of hope she’d ever had about being wrong, about happy-ever-afters really existing, about ever having Jack’s forgiveness and friendship again, would be gone for good. And she wasn’t sure which response would make her feel worse.
Jack straightened back in his seat and looked at Anna, seconds too long, then back at Pippa. “No, squirt. We won’t be getting married.”
And there she had it. Closure.
* * *
JACK SHIFTED ON HIS COT, adjusting the inflatable neck roll he’d brought along against the curve of his lower spine. His cot backed up against a post, his only support as he sat propped up with the files Anna had relinquished. He reclipped his portable, mini LED light so that it wouldn’t wake Kamau. Having never left the States, Jack had only heard of jet lag. He rubbed at his eyes and tried to reassure himself that the mosquito buzzing in frustration near his head couldn’t get past the netting. Or maybe it was his brain buzzing at the numbers and lists in front of him.
Anna and Kamau had indeed kept meticulous records. Meticulous to a point. Something didn’t add up. Miller had never mentioned that kids lived at the camp. He hadn’t specified how many people were allowed to share in the food and essential expenses. Hard to truthfully keep track of how some supplies were used. It wasn’t as if Anna could waste time measuring out how much food, ointment, water or bug spray each individual used. She said she paid for Niara and the kids, but it wasn’t like they paid rent for the camp’s meager lodgings and facilities. He was being a horse’s rear and he knew it, but funds were funds. This new research collaboration between Miller, the lab in Nairobi and himself was huge. It would solidify Jack’s name and reputation in the scientific community.
Anna’s research and her work to provide medical care to the orphaned elephants was significant. He believed that. But in his book, related or not, behavioral studies didn’t compare to genetics and immunology. They were the root of everything. The tough stuff. The kind of research that would have his career set and earn him...respect. Respect of his colleagues and of his family. It’d earn him more lecture engagements, and that meant more money.
He shuffled through the stack, taking a cursory note of all the logs he’d flagged in red. He’d have to send Miller an email, if they got service, otherwise it would have to wait until he got home. A satellite call was out of the question, not only because of the time difference, but due to lack of privacy. He didn’t need Anna standing by on that one.
Guilt scratched at his chest like a grain of sand in the eye. Miller would possibly shut down funding to Anna’s project, forcing her to abandon her work or, at a minimum, merge into one of the more established Kenyan wildlife parks and reserves projects. Jack wasn’t well-versed in foreign paperwork, but if she lost her research funds, it could even mean being forced back to the States—a situation that would facilitate getting Pippa back there, as well. Anna would hate him, more than she already did, but at least Pippa would have both parents nearby.
In any case, Jack had more important things to worry about than Anna’s work. Priorities were priorities. Ensuring funds for his own project would lead to career success, and career success meant being able to provide his daughter with the kind of life she deserved. He had a responsibility to her. Care and education. A father who’d never abandon her. A father who would make every choice in life, from here on out, based on what was best for his child.
Unlike his selfish biological parents.
As far as he was concerned, and as much as he could see that Anna loved Pippa, Anna was being selfish. Keeping her pregnancy a secret and forcing Pippa to grown up in the wild was selfish. Purely selfish. A kid needed more than just one other child to play with. Pippa needed socialization, even if she wasn’t quite school-aged yet. It mattered developmentally, didn’t it? For all her observations on elephant family units, shouldn’t Anna know that?
It had mattered for Jack. His adoptive family had gone out of their way for him. Given him a life. It was why he’d worked so hard to prove that the scared nine-year-old they’d adopted, after he’d been pulled from the dangerous, drug-infested neighborhood where his parents had overdosed, had been worth all their troubles. All the teen agony they’d put up with.
Jack didn’t want Pippa growing up feeling confused or insecure. He didn’t want her to suffer the hunger and cold he’d felt because his drug addict parents had twisted priorities, and their neighbors had turned their faces. Not their problem. Well, his daughter was his responsibility. She was going to have him around. He was going to give her the kind of life his real parents, his adoptive parents, had given him.
* * *
JACK’S LIDS STARTED to droop down just as a hint of dawn turned the blackness outside his tent into shades of pink and gray. He glanced at his watch out of habit and knocked his head back in defeat, wincing when it hit the beam. Of all the things he’d done to prepare for this trip, he hadn’t thought of putting a new battery in his watch. That Murphy guy knew what he was talking about.
&n
bsp; Kamau stirred and Jack stacked the files neatly, not wanting him to wake up to all his pen marks. Then Jack rose to use the bathroom, eternally grateful they had running water and soap, along with water purification tablets and filters. That was a must. Not exactly a four-star hotel, but in any case, he planned on beating the line and squeezing in a shave.
* * *
JACK TURNED OFF the satellite phone when nothing but static came through, then tried redialing.
“Take five steps to your right.” Anna’s voice had him turning like a schoolboy caught putting a frog in the teacher’s desk. She had Pippa by the hand and Niara followed with Haki.
“Five steps?”
“To your left, now that you’re facing me. You’ll get better reception. Trust me,” she said, continuing on her way. Niara looked from Anna to Jack, then smiled. A tiny one, but he caught it. Halfway around the world and he couldn’t escape female gossip. Despite himself, he wondered what Anna had told Niara about him. About them.
Trust her? Jack grunted, but then took the recommended five steps. Bingo. He dialed again.
“Dr. Alwanga. Hey. You know the samples I said I’d bring right back?” Jack turned slightly to his right to clear the reception. “No, no. Collecting them isn’t the problem. I won’t be coming back yet, so I’ll need to have someone fly them over. But I have a favor to ask. A couple, actually.”
* * *
ANNA WASHED HER HANDS after finishing her rounds with the orphans. All things considered, it was a great morning. She’d noticed light coming through the guys’ tent on her way out to her acacia tree right before dawn. She figured it was Jack, and took extra care not to let him hear her walk by. The last thing she needed was Jack following her and invading her private time. More than any other morning, she needed it.
Time alone. To think.
None of this was supposed to have happened this way. She’d pictured it every dawn for five years now. He would contact her and declare his love without ever knowing about the pregnancy. Then she’d tell him about Pippa, but only after she knew his feelings were pure. Honest. And he’d be thrilled, not angry. They’d defy her parents’ pathetic example of a marriage—of love—and he’d love Pippa the way Anna had missed out on with her dad. With free will.