by Rula Sinara
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed. The three of you paint such a pretty family picture.”
Yep. And pictures only show the surface. Not the reality.
“And you, my dear—” she tilted her chin down at Pippa “—are adorable. Has anyone told you how pretty you are?”
“Yes,” Pippa said honestly.
The woman got up and Anna and Jack followed suit.
“Thank you so much,” Anna said, extending her hand.
She was dying to get out of there. Needed to exit the building and let her body breathe. It was done. Over. Five years of worrying, imagining this moment and letting anticipation anxiety plague her dreams...and it was over. Her energy fizzled into the sidewalk as she waited for Jack to call Dr. Alwanga and let him know they were ready.
They were scheduled to meet up with the others and get some more shopping done before the end of the day. Maybe they’d catch a few sights. Anna needed a distraction. Something to clear her mind.
It would give Jack a chance to share more experiences with Pippa, because no matter what he’d said or how right he might have been, Anna knew she wasn’t going to use those tickets. Going back was asking too much.
CHAPTER SEVEN
HE WAS GONE.
No sightseeing. No hanging out. No pretending, for just a day, that they were carefree.
Anna latched the hotel room door behind Niara, the kids and Dr. Alwanga’s sister, who’d come to pick them up for a trip to the open market before dinner. Niara wanted to shop at Nakumatt, a Walmart-like chain. She seemed happy. As if she’d rediscovered her inner girl. The fact that Jack had warned Alwanga off—like a big brother—had made Anna’s heart ache with gratitude...and something deeper she wouldn’t let herself explore. He’d done the right thing, as Jack always did.
Dr. Alwanga was waiting for them downstairs, but Anna needed to be alone. After collecting Jack, Pippa and her from their appointment at the embassy, he’d driven straight to the airport. It wasn’t until the runways were in sight that Anna had realized what was going on.
Jack hadn’t told her specifically when he was leaving. Somehow, she’d assumed he’d be returning to Busara with them before doing so. Instead, she’d found herself breathing in taxi exhaust as Jack hugged Pippa tight. The only betrayal of emotion was the flush of his face as he buried it in the crook of her little neck, whispering promises of seeing her soon.
He was counting on Anna using those tickets. She’d stayed silent. Then there’d been the awkward moment, when he and Anna just stood there. Families around them hugged and kissed their goodbyes. Real families, or so they seemed. One never knew. He’d finally pulled her into a brief hug and kissed her forehead tenderly. And then he’d disappeared into the terminal.
Just like that.
He was gone.
It was over.
Anna leaned her back against the hotel room door and slid down it to crouch on her heels. She could still feel the warmth of his lips on her skin. She pressed her palms against her forehead and sucked in a sudden gasp of air. She held her breath against the next gasp until her head pounded and blood rushed in her ears. Her breath forced its way out with a sob and she gripped fistfuls of hair in a futile attempt at control.
She didn’t know what she wanted. She wanted Pippa. She wanted her life’s work at Busara. She wanted the family she used to dream of. She wanted... Another gasp escaped, this time followed rapidly by more. Then the tears poured uncontrollably, like the rain she’d prayed so hard for, only with each drop her life drained away.
* * *
TWO WEEKS OF HEARING Pippa ask incessantly about her daddy was wreaking havoc on Anna’s patience and peace. Not that she had any peace of heart or mind to mess with. Anna hadn’t heard from Jack. Dr. Miller, on the other hand, had emailed her more in the past week than he had in three months. He needed to meet with her—undoubtedly a vein of pressure Jack had tapped into. It didn’t bode well for her or Busara. If Miller really wanted to meet, he could come to Kenya or she could go into Nairobi and find somewhere to talk on Skype with him. Modern technology. She didn’t have to go to the States.
She replaced the recording device and got back in the Jeep. The herds were thinning. Moving farther from camp, probably closer to the river she’d pointed out to Jack from Mac’s chopper. The ebb and flow of animals in search of water happened annually, but this year was worse than before. This drought was threatening everything, including her research. They couldn’t afford to move camp, which meant if the herds wandered far enough, she wouldn’t get good data. And without productivity, she couldn’t justify her expenses to Miller, or her presence to the Kenyan immigration officials.
She stepped on the gas pedal and adjusted gears. Another orphan had joined them two days ago and she needed to do rounds. They would run out of enclosures soon, not to mention adequate staff and food for the ravenous beasty babies. Research aside, she couldn’t abandon those calves. She needed to be able to take care of them. She wanted Busara to expand. She wanted to do so much more. And what killed her the most was that it wasn’t the drought that had taken their mothers. The increase in orphans meant an increase in poaching, and Busara wasn’t the only facility taking elephants in. The numbers were disheartening.
She rounded a copse of trees and flattened a trail through the tall, brown savannah grass. Spotting the camp not far ahead, she slowed to a safer pace. At this hour, the kids would be out playing, or tossing fruit to Ambosi.
She parked the Jeep and lugged her equipment to the clinic. Kamau stood at the counter stocking his repurposed toolbox with emergency meds and tranquilizer darts for the road.
“Hey,” Anna said, walking through to set her stuff in the back room.
“Hey.” He kept on stocking. Anna came back out and took the patient log off the wall hook. “Another email came from Miller,” Kamau said.
“What’s new?” He’d been bombarding her with them. All or none. Either drought or monsoon.
“Look, Anna.” Kamau put a vial down with a tad too much force and turned. “Just go. Deal with the man, but this...this not knowing? It’s affecting more than just you. We need to know what’s happening to this place. Are we losing funding or not? If we must close down, then when? We have animals to relocate. People, Anna, people who need to figure out their next step.”
Like himself? Was he saying he was out? She couldn’t have him leave and have the staff fall apart before Busara had a chance. She needed him to make Busara work.
“I’m not trying to mess up everyone’s lives. I don’t control the rain or the wind or the sun, Kam.” She dropped the clipboard onto the counter with a clank. “Did I ask for any of this?”
“You had to have known it would happen at some point.”
“I’m talking about funding. The tie to Jack was a coincidence.”
“Was it? Do you seriously believe Miller didn’t orchestrate this? How naive can you be, Anna? He knew exactly what he was doing, sending Jack here. When I first told you about Miller sending someone, I had no idea it would be someone from your past. Someone important to you. Ah,” Kamau said holding his palm up when she started to protest. “I’ve seen the way you look at each other. I bet Miller was counting on that.”
Anna shook her head in denial, but inside, the truth resonated. Of course Miller had to have known, and as much as she’d chosen to believe he was always on her side, he wasn’t. Not anymore. People did whatever worked to their advantage. The story of her life.
“You call Niara your best friend,” Kamau said, softening his tone. “Have you for one minute thought about what she’s feeling? If you have to move back to the States with Pippa, where does that leave her? Alone. Nowhere to go. You’re all she has. She can’t follow you, Anna. You need to decide what you’re going to do, so the rest of us can plan our lives.”
You call Nia
ra your best friend.
His words opened a dark door. Did he really think she would turn her back on Niara without a second thought? Anna pressed her palms against her brow then raked her hair back with her fingers. He was assuming she was capable of letting down friends because she’d abandoned Jack and kept his daughter a secret. Kam was her friend, too, but he didn’t know all about Anna’s history. Even if he did, Kamau was a man. He was probably identifying with Jack more than Anna. He was judging her like everyone else would, her parents included. He didn’t understand that Anna would never turn her back on Niara. He didn’t know about the guilt she’d lived with all these years, staying so far away from her mother, though she knew she was doing what was best for Pippa when she kept her pregnancy from Jack.
“I’m not going anywhere, so everything you’re saying is a nonissue. We’ll find our own funding if we have to. I’m not abandoning these animals or our home, and research or not, I’ll find a way to stay in Kenya. It’s where I belong.”
Anna grabbed the clipboard and started flipping sheets. Niara and Haki. Ahron, Kamau and everyone else. Kamau was right. What would happen to them? This wasn’t just about her and Pippa. How could she be so selfish? If there was anyone she owed loyalty to it was Niara. Which was exactly why Anna needed to figure out how to help her friend and save their home. She sighed and let her arms fall to her sides, the clipboard papers falling upside down.
“I’ll fix this, Kamau. I’ll fix it. But don’t underestimate Niara. She’s stronger than all of us put together.” And I’m going to help her. I’m going to help both of you.
Kamau resumed stocking his supplies, his back to her. “Maybe so,” he said.
“Oh, I know so. You should have seen her in Nairobi. Smiling, full of energy. She had a great time going shopping with Dr. Alwanga and his sister. Good-looking, educated family, I might add. Niara loves children and is a natural teacher. If she ever wanted to go get a degree, I’m sure he—”
“Do you have a point?” Kamau said, glaring at her over his shoulder. That was the very reaction Anna had hoped for.
“Yes. And I believe you just made it.”
* * *
ANNA RAN HER HAND soothingly up and down the new baby’s trunk. The little elephant flapped her ears once, then curled her trunk loosely on Anna’s arm. She hadn’t been named yet. First, there had been the trip to the city, then the kids had been preoccupied with all the new workbooks and storybooks Niara had picked up. They said they might find a name in one of the books.
Anna held on to the bottle of formula the calf had been refusing to take from the keeper, hoping she would take an interest in eating if she wasn’t forced. “Hey, girl. It’s going to be okay. You just have to drink this. For me, sweetie. Just a taste. Please,” Anna crooned. It wasn’t working.
Anna heard Bakhari shuffling on the other side of the pen. The elephants were socialized in a larger enclosure, but only if they had healed from any surgeries and there was no danger of bandages or stitches coming loose. Bakhari had recently spent time with other orphans, but this one hadn’t been introduced yet. She was too young and weak. Anna looked at Ahron, who stood back, waiting to see if she’d have better luck.
“Ahron, let’s take this side down, make this pen big enough for two.”
He jumped into action, understanding her intention without explanation. Good help was hard to find. Staff who could read your mind? Priceless. Anna kept coddling and crooning to the calf, though she knew nothing she did could replace her mother’s love. Or maybe... Maybe she was wrong. Anna thought about Jack and how his adoptive parents had given him more love than anyone he’d known before them. She thought of the elephant orphans being taken in by adoptive mothers from their own or different herds. She thought of rambunctious Ambosi. It didn’t matter where love came from, as long as it was there.
Kamau was right about Niara. Anna loved everyone here like family, but had she been holding them back? She’d taken for granted that they were all here for each other on a daily basis. Niara had always said she was happy, but what if she was silently refusing to move on with her life, live anywhere else, because she felt Anna needed her? Anna had never thought of herself as being needy. No. She was a hard worker. Tough, because she had to be, for everyone here. For Pippa and Haki, too. That proved she wasn’t needy. Didn’t it? But what if Niara did want more?
All this time and not once had her shy friend let on that she liked Kamau—until Anna had caught on to the signs a few weeks ago. Even then, when asked, Niara had denied the attraction, though Anna knew better. And after Kam’s reaction to that mention of Dr. Alwanga, he apparently liked Niara, too. How could Anna have been so blind? Just because she no longer believed in her own happily-ever-after, that didn’t mean it wasn’t possible for someone else. Two deserving people like Kamau and Niara who, despite living in a tiny camp, never spent time really getting to know each other because of Anna. Because of the kids. Maybe if Anna wasn’t around for just a little while... Maybe if she got on with her own life...
She rested her head gently on the calf’s forehead and closed her eyes. “Come on, baby,” she whispered.
Ahron led Bakhari next to the calf and offered him a bottle. Bakhari went at it in noisy gluttony. The calf watched with dull, tired eyes. Anna moved to the side, letting the baby reach out to smell Bakhari with her trunk. She touched the bottom of his bottle. Ahron glanced at Anna and she cocked her head at the two.
Please. Please. Please.
She held the bottle within easy reach. The calf moved closer to Bakhari, feeling, smelling her way. Then Anna’s pulse kicked up.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
The tiny elephant reached for the bottle she held out, hesitating once before beginning to suckle. Anna looked at Ahron, wide-eyed, but afraid to utter a sound until the bottle was finished. Bakhari drained his first, of course, then went about welcoming his new friend. Something about the two made her think of Haki and Pippa.
Friendships. Families.
Anna had lost both in the past. Losing them again was not an option.
The question was, which ones to save, and which to let go?
* * *
“WHEN IS DADDY coming back?”
Pippa sat on her heels in front of Anna. Anna looked left and right on the cot. She’d put an elastic down somewhere. Where did it go?
“Sweetie, I don’t know.” She craned her neck and found it behind her, then picked it up and wrapped it around the end of the French braid she’d woven into her daughter’s hair. A third attempt.
“But I miss him. Do Bakhari and Jomo miss dehr daddies?” Pippa asked, reaching back to feel the end of the braid. Anna noticed she hadn’t asked if they missed their mommies. Pippa didn’t identify with that. She’d always had Anna around.
“I’m sure they do.”
“Will dey ever see ’em again?”
Anna’s heart broke in half. How could she answer that without taking away part of Pippa’s innocence? She was too young to deal with harsh realities. Anna thought of how she and Jack weren’t parenting together. Maybe Pippa was already dealing with more than she was ready for. She was trying to figure out if she’d ever see her daddy again.
“I don’t know for sure. Perhaps they’ll find them after they’re older and released to the wild.” That was the best Anna could do.
Curls started springing out from the braid. A record minute. Anna gave up and took out the elastic, then pulled the curls gently apart. She grabbed the large-tooth comb, the only thing that wouldn’t snag Pippa’s tangles too badly, and got to work. Wild hair. How appropriate.
“Daddy promised he’d see me again and play chopper.”
“He did, did he?” Anna pulled Pippa up onto the bed and picked up a book from the table next to it. A story would get her mind off things.
“Yes. And a promise is a promise
. You said dat.”
Anna closed the book. Perhaps a story wasn’t enough. Pippa needed to get away. Expand her horizons. She was too curious and high-energy not to. And Anna needed her to stop dwelling on Jack.
“Let’s go find Auntie Niara. I have an idea.”
* * *
“ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE? I could cancel,” Anna said, zipping her bag shut and triple-checking that she had everything required within easy reach. She hadn’t left camp for this long in a while, and not for a non-work-related purpose. There were a few years when the rainy season had been so bad she’d taken Niara and the kids to stay in Nairobi, but they’d been together. Not like this mother-daughter trip to get away and give Niara some space with Kamau. If this was all wrong, Anna would never forgive herself.
“We’ll be fine. You’ll be fine,” Niara said.
“But—”
“No buts.” She gave Anna a big hug, then held her at arm’s length. “Listen to me. I trust him. Okay? I know you do, too. This place is in good hands with Kamau. You need to concentrate on what you need to do. And don’t be afraid to enjoy yourself a little.”
“I don’t know about enjoy, but I promise we’ll be back in just a week.” The longest week of her life.
“Haki made a calendar. He said he’ll be marking it off daily.”
“Oh, poor thing,” Anna said, looking out the screen to where the kids were already near the Jeep, where everyone had gathered to see them off. “Tell him I’ll be bringing back a present. I’ll think of something good.”
“Just be safe.”
They hugged once more and headed outside. One by one, the keepers shook her hand, out of respect. Kamau extended his, but Anna closed the gap and gave him a hug.
“Take care of them,” she whispered. She looked back at Niara and Haki, and grinned when she caught Pippa giving Haki the most heartwarming hug.
“Okay, Pippa, sweetie. Time to go.”
Everyone backed away from the Jeep to make way for them. Anna smiled at her personal escort in the driver’s seat.