Holding onto Hope

by Nicki Edwards

  ‘Good way to live.’

  ‘I think so.’

  ‘Speaking of your parents. How are they doing?’ he asked.

  ‘They’re good.’

  ‘Where are they living now?’

  ‘Cambodia.’

  ‘Do you think they’ll ever come back to Australia?’

  ‘Doubt it.’

  ‘They must miss you.’

  ‘I’m sure they do.’ She loved her parents, but they weren’t especially close. Sometimes she wished she had the type of relationship Courtney had with Margot, but she didn’t so there was no point worrying about it.

  For the rest of the drive they chatted easily, quickly catching up on lost years and Hope found herself enjoying every moment in Mitchell’s company. They’d always been such good friends, even before they’d ruined things, but at least they still had a connection.

  Happy memories danced in her mind, swiftly followed by a heaviness in her heart reminding her of everything she had lost and the pain she’d felt when Mitch hadn’t called.

  Chapter 9

  When Mitchell pointed out the turnoff to his driveway, Hope had to brake quickly to avoid overshooting it. They’d been talking so much she’d barely concentrated on the road or where they were going.

  She waited for him to get out and open the gate, then drove through and waited again while he closed it behind her. As she drove slowly down the driveway, she gazed around her, eyes wide. The gravel drive was edged with newly planted gum trees and wattles. It dipped a little before levelling out and as she rounded a grove of mature trees the house came into view.

  Hope gasped.

  She’d expected to see a typical fibro cement beach house, like so many of those in the area, but what she was looking at was like something from a magazine. Set on the crest of the hill overlooking a dam which was fed from a gully was a black, corrugated iron structure resembling the shape and size of a traditional shearing shed. That’s where the similarity ended. A large merbau deck led to the glass front door which was flanked by massive corrugated iron doors. The sliding doors were open, and Hope could see straight through to the back of the house which was made up of a wall of windows. Through the windows she glimpsed sandstone-coloured cliffs dropping away to the beach.

  She was speechless.

  She switched off the engine and they both got out. Mitchell came around the front of the car to join her and as he did, four massive dogs of different breeds bounded around the side of the house and ran towards them, barking. Despite Mitchell scolding them and telling them to get down, they wagged their tails and jumped all over each other to meet her.

  ‘Sorry. Too late to ask if you’re scared of dogs.’

  ‘Love them. I’ve always wanted a dog.’

  Mitchell made the introductions. ‘This is Indy. She’s a Bernese Mountain dog. And that’s Monty.’

  A blonde great Dane nudged Hope’s hip and she rubbed his head. ‘He’s beautiful.’ Indy pushed in for some attention. ‘And she’s huge,’ Hope said with a laugh.

  ‘She’s small for her breed would you believe?’ Mitchell said. A whippet hung back, tail between his legs. ‘This is Chester. Very shy.’

  Hope gave him a gentle rub.

  ‘And the final monster is Raphael. Goes by Raf.’

  ‘Not a practical breed for a farm,’ Hope said as she patted the dog. The Old English sheepdog’s coat was thick and matted.

  ‘Don’t I know it. He’s a nightmare to keep clean. But if I hadn’t taken him in, who knows where he would have ended up. People get these dogs as puppies and don’t realise how much work they are.’

  ‘I’ll bet you bring all the strays home.’

  ‘I try not to. That’s why I have vet nurses.’

  She laughed. ‘Do you have any other animals, or just these dogs?’

  ‘I have a couple of cats. Some people think they’re the devil’s animals, but mine are gorgeous.’ He pointed to the paddock. ‘And I also have a half dozen horses, a goat, four sheep—one of which I rescued from the circus—that’s another story—plus three cows and a pig.’

  Hope stared at him, open-mouthed.

  ‘That’s at last count,’ he added.

  She laughed. ‘I see nothing’s changed. Remember how we used to call you Noah? As a kid, all the animals always flocked to you.’

  He swept his arm wide. ‘Which is why I named this place The Ark.’

  Laughing again, she turned her attention back to his house. It was stunning. She had no experience in building or renovating or architecture, but she’d spent a lot of time researching her favourite style of house and this home was the epitome of perfect. Modern and minimalistic. If she ever settled somewhere and got a home of her own, a house like this would be to die for.

  ‘It was a dump when I bought it,’ Mitchell said. ‘I’ve extended it and done most of the outside but inside it’s still a disaster. Beth reckons it’s barely habitable.’

  ‘I’m sure it’s not that bad.’ She was desperate to see inside but wasn’t sure whether to ask. ‘Are you fixing it up all by yourself?’

  ‘I had a draftsman help with the original design and Jordan and Lachie help when they can, plus I’ve got Ian and another old guy called Clancy who have both offered to help me finish it all off. I just need to find the time.’

  ‘And money, no doubt.’

  ‘Yeah, renovating isn’t the cheapest way to get your forever home.’

  ‘With views like this you’ll never want to leave.’

  ‘It’s an amazing location,’ he agreed. He cocked his head. ‘You don’t recognise it, do you?’

  She gazed around again, then shook her head. ‘Should I?’

  He smiled. ‘One day I’ll take you down to the beach. Maybe you’ll recognise it from there.’

  Understanding dawned and her mouth fell open. ‘Was this the house where we—’ Warmth spread down to her toes. She remembered it well—remembered that night—but the house was unrecognisable. Back then it looked like it needed a bulldozer.

  He stood, staring at the house. The wind played with his hair and she had to force herself not to go to him and run her fingers through it the way she used to.

  ‘You seeing anyone?’ he asked.

  She snapped around to look at him. Where had that come from?

  She shook her head. She probably should tell him about Brett, but bringing him into it would ruin the day.

  ‘I’m surprised. Beautiful woman like you. I would have thought you’d be married with a few kids by now.’

  She swallowed and felt her face flame. ‘Kids haven’t been on my radar.’ The only thing on her radar the last year or so was survival. Before that, she hadn’t had time to think about starting a family.

  A gust of wind rustled the gum trees and sent the clouds rolling above them. Leaves swirled at her feet, along with her emotions. Her heart hammered in her chest.

  She was flattered he’d said she was beautiful, but she didn’t know how to thank him for the compliment without it sounding like she was fishing for more.

  Mitchell walked off and when he realised, she wasn’t following, he stopped and turned. ‘You coming?’

  She stared at him. Lachlan’s borrowed jacket hung open over his bare chest and it was impossible not to look. He must be freezing but he stood there like it was a balmy summer’s day. The first drops of rain dotted the ground but still Hope couldn’t move. How was she supposed to go inside his house and act like it was no big deal? She could barely look at him without her heart racing and her mouth going dry and every intelligent thought deserting her. Just being with him again was making her giddier than a schoolgirl on her first date. She shouldn’t be acting this way, but she was. Every time he focused his piercing grey eyes on her, she felt spineless.

  He’d called her beautiful.

  Not “cute”. Not “attractive for a woman her age”.

  Beautiful.

  She let the thought sink in.

  Drops of rain landed on he
r but she didn’t care. ‘Thank you,’ she said.

  He frowned. ‘For what?’

  ‘For saying you think I’m beautiful.’

  He studied her for a long moment, and she stared into his eyes—eyes full of something she couldn’t decipher. It was impossible to look away.

  ‘It’s true.’ He walked back to her, desire flickering in his eyes and it caused a wave of heat to flood her veins.

  Without a word, he opened his arms and she took two steps forward and let herself be wrapped in his embrace. It felt so right to be in his arms. So achingly familiar. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against his bare chest, and they stood, locked in each other’s arms for a long time.

  She could have stayed there forever, but when the heavens opened and the rain fell on them in sheets, Mitchell gently released her and with a laugh, grabbed her hand and tugged her towards the shelter of the wide front porch.

  She felt her foot slip on the wet decking but before she could fall Mitchell caught her. With one hand on her waist to steady her, he lifted his other hand and smoothed a stray piece of wet hair behind her ear.

  For a weighty moment he looked at her and other than the cawing of a seagull in the distance there was total silence.

  Hope counted. One second . . . two seconds.

  The air between them was heavy with something much more than the smell of the ocean thundering in the distance. When he eased his hold on her, she tilted her head back to look up at him. Their lips were so close that the slightest movement from her would bring their mouths together. In the split second before he leaned towards her, she knew it would happen and found herself wanting it.

  ‘Hope.’ Her name was a sigh on his breath.

  He grabbed her and pulled her to him, using his hand on the small of her back to bring them together, chest to chest, before he kissed her. The moment their lips met, a jolt of energy raced through her. He must have felt it too because he shivered and held her tighter. In response she wrapped her arms around his neck, weaving her fingers in his hair and kissing him in return.

  His lips were cool, but his breath was warm, and he tasted like hot chocolate on a cold day. Far better than she remembered. He deepened the kiss and she pushed her hips forward before lowering her hands to his waist. She felt him grow hungry with desire and need and he shuddered when her fingers grazed the cool bare skin above the waistband of his jeans.

  But when she started to explore the heat of his mouth, he stepped back, blinking rapidly. Dropping his hands from her waist, he broke the spell by putting distance between them.

  He ran a hand over his flushed face. ‘I can’t.’

  Hope stared at him, skin tingling, body trembling, heart racing, every cell wanting him. ‘Can’t what?’ she choked.

  ‘I can’t do this,’ he said, not meeting her eyes.

  She blinked. Breath bounced against her windpipe and she made herself swallow to stop the tears from coming.

  He regretted kissing her.

  Full of raw embarrassment, she looked away. The last thing she needed was to be hurt by Mitchell Davis again and yet here she was.

  The problem was she’d forgotten how well he could kiss, and she’d allowed herself to be lost in his arms.

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  As he damn well should be. She folded her arms across her chest and glared at him. If it wasn’t bucketing rain, she would have turned and run to the car, but the ground was so wet she feared she would have slipped.

  ‘I’m really sorry,’ he repeated, ‘I shouldn’t have kissed you.’ He stared at the ground.

  A thousand questions went through her mind, but she couldn’t find the words.

  ‘I’m seeing someone.’

  His words were so soft she thought she misheard him but when he refused to meet her gaze, she knew it was true. Temper stirring, she pressed her lips together to stop the stream of bad words that wanted to escape her lips. How had he forgotten he was seeing someone before he’d kissed her?

  She took two steps back, still protected from the rain by the veranda, but far enough to be out of his reach. Hot tears stung the back of her eyes. She looked at him and pain splintered her heart.

  ‘I’m sorry too. If I’d known you had a girlfriend, I wouldn’t have come here.’

  Wouldn’t have hugged you. Wouldn’t have kissed you.

  Wouldn’t have wanted you.

  Mitchell was speaking, but with all the buzzing in Hope’s head it sounded like he was talking through a fast-food drive-through speaker. She couldn’t stay a moment longer and listen to his excuses or apologies. She was beyond humiliated.

  Without another word, she turned and walked through the rain back to the car. Once inside, she turned the key in the ignition and flicked the wipers on. She sat, focusing on her breathing and stared straight ahead while Mitchell unloaded his gear from the boot.

  When he came to the driver’s side, she wound down the window, but she couldn’t look him in the eye.

  He rested a hand on the roof of the car. ‘Thanks for the lift home.’ Rain streaked down his cheeks, but he didn’t seem to care that he was soaking wet.

  ‘Thanks for coming when I called.’

  ‘I’m sure Len will appreciate our help when he wakes up.’

  Right now, Hope couldn’t care less about Len or the cow. She moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue. ‘It was good to see you again, Mitch.’

  He nodded. ‘You too.’

  ‘I guess I’ll see you round,’ she said.

  In a town the size of Macarthur Point, it would be impossible to avoid him for long.

  ‘Yeah.’ He hesitated and his eyes narrowed. ‘Are we good?’

  Hope felt like she’d swallowed something sharp. Once, when she was young and didn’t know any better, she’d believed him when he said he loved her. Once, she hadn’t thought twice about trusting him. But then he’d let her down. And now he’d done it all over again.

  Even though her heart was splitting in half and her stomach was cramping, she smiled her best no-hard-feelings smile.

  ‘We’re good,’ she lied.

  He tapped the roof of the car. ‘Good. Take care. Drive carefully.’

  Winding up the window, she took off up the driveway and didn’t let the first tear fall until she’d turned onto the main road.

  Were they good?

  What a dumb question. Of course, they weren’t good. They were far from it and now she just had to work out how to avoid him for as long as she was in town.

  It was no wonder her head and heart hurt so much.

  Chapter 10

  A week after her run-in with Mitchell at his farm, Hope drove Margot and Courtney and the babies into town to do some shopping. It was the first time Courtney had been out with the babies since coming home from hospital. They were running low on nappies and although Hope offered to get them for her, Courtney decided it was time to venture outside.

  The days had flown, and Hope had kept herself busy helping her cousin and aunt. She hadn’t realised looking after them would consume so much of her time. Not that she was complaining, but it would have been nice to have some time on her own. She’d managed to put Brett out of her mind, but now it was filled with thoughts of Mitchell. Since their kiss, she hadn’t even breathed his name around Courtney fearful her cousin would know something had happened between them.

  Hope was having trouble stopping her mind from replaying the events of that day at the farm and the way she’d thrown herself at him like a lovesick teenager. The pull of desire had been so strong and so unexpected that she hadn’t stopped to think. Now she felt pathetic because he’d kissed her then rejected her—again.

  The main street of Macarthur Point was made up of a series of shopfronts facing each other across a wide tree-lined street. The street was shaded by massive Norfolk pines and led straight to the ocean where the views across the open expanse of parkland and beach were breathtaking. Today the sun was shining and bouncing off the water. After finding
a park, it took Hope ten minutes to figure out how to unfold the triplet pram.

  She pretended to wipe sweat from her forehead. ‘Lucky we’re not in a hurry to go anywhere,’ she said as she helped take the babies from their car seats and lay them in the pram.

  Courtney chuckled. ‘I couldn’t do this on my own. Even when I am officially allowed to drive again, I’ll still need your help.’

  ‘I wish I wasn’t so useless,’ Margot grumbled.

  ‘Mum.’ Courtney scowled at her mother. ‘Stop complaining and be grateful Hope is here for both of us. And remember you are helping, just in a different way.’ She smiled and gave Margot a hug. ‘Your advice is wonderful, Mum. If I hadn’t listened to you, I’d still be up every hour feeding. You’ve done wonders helping get these little ones into a better routine. So, thank you.’

  Margot hugged Courtney back. ‘I’m so proud of you, sweetheart.’

  They spent the next hour wandering in and out of the shops and stopping and chatting to everyone. Typical for a Saturday morning, it seemed like the entire town was out and about. Everyone knew Margot and Courtney which meant every single person stopped to gush over the babies. Hope loved watching Courtney greet people with the easy familiarity that came from living in a small town where you knew almost everyone. Macarthur Point was the type of place that made you feel like if you didn’t already know everyone, you soon would.

  ‘I should be charging people to look,’ Courtney griped good-naturedly at one point. ‘But at least they’re sleeping through all the fuss. I wouldn’t want them to think they’re special or anything.’

  Hope laughed. ‘They are special. Triplets are a novelty, so you’d better get used to this.’

  The morning passed quickly and soon it was time for the babies to be fed. They headed to the Surf and Paddle, one of three cafés in the main street but it was packed, so they crossed the road again and went to The Book Barn instead.

  It was a large area with worn, hardwood floors and high ceilings. Built-in bookshelves ran along two walls, full to overflowing with all kinds of books. Couches and coffee tables filled the space, making it seem more like the loungeroom of a heritage-listed mansion than a cafe.