‘What changed? How did you get your head around it?’
‘I had a key moment.’
Hope waited for her to explain.
‘There’s a before, then there’s an after. And once that key moment happens, there’s no going back. You make a choice, and it’s like ringing a bell. You can’t un-ring it. You don’t want to. A key moment is When your heart tells you to go for it.’
‘What happened?’
‘I lost a baby before I had Sam.’
Hope sat back and looked at her Aunt in surprise. ‘I’m so sorry. I never knew that.’
‘It’s fine, sweetheart. We never talked about miscarriage in my day.’
‘How far along were you?’
‘Thirteen weeks. We’d just announced it to everyone and a week later I lost the baby.’
‘That would have been devastating.’
‘It was, but that’s when I had my key moment. I realised all I needed to get me through were the people around me. I didn’t need my career. I didn’t need my old friends from Melbourne. I had John, I had my new friends here and I had the space to heal.’
Margot stood, took the fire poker and pushed some logs around before placing another piece of wood on the flames.
‘How will I know my key moment?’ Hope asked.
‘That’s the hard part. You must be waiting for it, expecting it. You have to want it.’
‘But what if my key moment comes and I don’t like the direction I’m being drawn towards?’
‘You’re worried you’ll fall in love with Mitchell and he’ll ask you to stay in Macarthur Point.’
More tears pricked Hope’s eyes. She nodded. That was exactly what troubled her. ‘Is it bad that I don’t want to stay here forever?’
‘Can you tell me why?’ Margot asked.
‘I don’t know. It’s such a small town. Everyone knows everyone else. I think it would get to me after a while.’
‘That’s what makes it so wonderful. People here genuinely care.’ Margot paused. ‘Are you lonely, sweetheart?’
Hope’s head shot up. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘When you can honestly answer that, then you’ll know what you have to do.’
‘Do you think I’m lonely?’ she asked, almost dreading her aunt’s answer.
Margot nodded. ‘I do. I think you’ve spent your entire life searching for love. Searching for someone to spend your life with, to complete you.’
‘I don’t need anyone to complete me.’
‘Are you sure about that?’
Hope sat up straighter. ‘I don’t need a man in my life to make me feel better about myself.’
‘Of course, you don’t, but let me put it another way. If you could live your life with someone who shared the same hopes and dreams, wouldn’t that be something worth pursuing?’
‘I guess. But I thought that’s what I had with Brett and look how that turned out.’
‘Brett wanted you to change. He wanted you to conform to the person he thought you should be, the person he needed you to be.’
‘But what if Mitchell does the same thing?’
‘It’s possible that might happen, but you can’t sit there wondering without giving him a chance. Sometimes you simply need to take a risk.’
Hope sank back into the cushions. ‘The truth is, I have big dreams and ambitions. My career is so important to me.’
‘Yet you resigned.’
‘I needed a break.’
‘Maybe me getting sick and Courtney needing help with the triplets was the universe’s way of making sure you had no choice but to take a break. Perhaps all of this is about forcing you to sit back and consider whether the same dreams and ambitions you had as a teenager are the same ones you have today.’
‘They are. I want to care for kids. I want to be their voice, their advocate. I want to stand in the gap for them.’
‘Why can’t you do that here?’
‘Because my job isn’t here.’
Margot put her hand on Hope’s knee. ‘Sweetheart, there is more to life than a job.’
Was there? All she’d ever wanted was to be a nurse and to care for sick kids, especially those with cancer. To look after kids like little Zoe.
‘Deciding to do something different isn’t always an easy choice, but I’m sure, with time, you’ll make the right decision. In the meantime, be patient with yourself. Listen to yourself. Most of all, keep your heart open for that key moment.’
‘What if I miss it?’
Margot smiled. ‘Do you want to know what I think?’
Hope smiled back. ‘Why do I know you’ll tell me what you think even if I don’t want to hear it?’
Margot patted Hope on the arm. ‘I think you need to give Mitchell another chance. Show him you’re interested in him. He deserves it.’
Hope rolled her neck to ease the kinks. The way she’d treated Mitchell last night, she’d be lucky if he agreed to talk to her again.
‘What are you suggesting? Please do not suggest I flirt and throw myself at him, because that’s not who I am.’
‘Not at all.’ Margot smiled. ‘Why don’t you start with a simple dinner?’
Hope considered Margot’s suggestion for a moment. Yeah. A simple dinner would work.
Chapter 19
The following Friday night, a week after the disastrous night at the pub, Mitchell heard Hope’s car pull up at the same time as the flash of headlights swept through the house and the dogs started barking.
Hope had shocked him when she’d called first thing last Saturday morning. He’d figured after their conversation the night before at the pub, he wouldn’t hear from her for a long time. Instead, she’d called to invite herself to dinner at his place.
He’d said yes without thinking, then gone into panic mode. Why would she do such a thing?
He got Ian to work in the clinic on Thursday and Friday and he worked on the house until nearly midnight both days alongside Clancy, Beth and Jordan. He wanted the place presentable for Hope’s visit. It was a long way from complete, but at least he had his bedroom, the kitchen and living room areas finished. They’d worked hard and fast, joking that they felt like they were on an episode of The Block, with Hope the judge.
He opened the door and stepped onto the deck to wait for her.
As darkness settled over the paddocks, the sun threw streamers of red and purple across the sky. Soon all that would be left of the sunset were thin ribbons of gold. It was his favourite time of the day and tonight mother nature was putting on one of her best shows.
Behind him, inside, soft music played through the newly purchased blue tooth sound system. Jordan had come to the rescue about an hour earlier sending him a link to a suitable Spotify playlist.
A roaring fire blazed in the hearth and light from the new lamps Beth had purchased glowed from their position either side of the couch. Thanks mostly to Beth and his credit card, the house had been transformed into something worthy of a four-page spread in Country Living magazine.
Hope got out of the car wearing a navy dress that accentuated her tiny waist and curvy hips and he instantly regretted his choice to dress casually in jeans and a jumper. What had happened to her “let’s keep it simple”? She always looked beautiful but tonight she was even more stunning. He tried to ignore the heat in his gut and the warning in his head. If Hope had dressed to impress—and it had worked, because he was impressed—this was not just a simple dinner between two friends. So what was it?
One thing he did know was his body was prickling at the memory of their last kiss and a hot rush of need was racing through his veins.
‘Hey.’ Her smile lit her entire face.
‘Do you need a hand?’ He finally remembered to speak.
‘Here. You can take this.’ She handed him a tea-towel-encased casserole dish before turning back to her car.
Two trips later his kitchen bench was laden with containers of various shapes and sizes. The aroma emitting from them was making
his stomach growl. He’d been so busy doing final touches to the house he hadn’t eaten since breakfast.
Hope stopped to sniff the candle he’d placed on the coffee table. Along with the floor rug, table lamps and throw cushions, Beth had found him a scented candle. The flame flickered, bouncing and reflecting off the uncurtained windows.
‘Mm, that smells divine.’
‘Vanilla cupcake.’
She chuckled ‘When I walked in, I thought you’d been baking.’
He laughed. ‘God no. The oven’s only for show.’
‘Lucky I can cook.’ She beamed. ‘You’d better be hungry.’
‘Starving.’
‘They say the only way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.’ She opened one of the containers and steam rose into the air.
‘Whoever “they” is might be right. That smells so good.’
While Hope found plates, he watched her. Her hair hung loose and straight, reaching almost to her backside. He wasn’t used to it like this, and it made him want to run his fingers through it to see if it was as silky and smooth as it looked, but he gave himself a mental shake. As much as he wanted to believe Hope had come to tell him she’d changed her mind about staying in Macarthur Point, he had to remain calm and take things one step at a time, following her lead.
‘Where did you learn to cook?’ he asked as she piled amazing-looking food onto his plate.
She offered him a sheepish grin. ‘Okay, I’ll come clean. I didn’t cook any of this.’
His eyes widened. ‘You got Margot to cook for you?’
She ducked her head.
‘Courtney?’
She looked up at him from under dark, thick lashes. Her face was flushed and the smile she gave him made him want to pull her into his arms.
‘I called in a favour from one of Courtney’s friends. She’s a chef.’
He raised his eyebrows. ‘Then you put it all into Margot’s casserole dishes and thought I wouldn’t suspect anything.’
‘Something like that.’
‘I admire your ingenuity.’
‘Well, it was either that or fish and chips. Sorry, like you, I can’t cook more than the basics.’
‘Basics would have been fine with me, Hope. You said we were keeping things simple. And this,’ he said, waving his arm in an arc, ‘doesn’t look simple.’
She laughed. ‘Truly, this is nothing. You want to see me when I go all out.’
‘Oh yeah I do.’ He chuckled then laughed when she blushed.
She exhaled heavily and held out a shaking hand. ‘Why am I so nervous? It never used to be like this.’
He knew the feeling. His heart had pounded against his rib cage the moment she’d pulled up. Now it was racing at double speed. God, he wanted to kiss her.
He skirted the bench and came around to stand beside her, deliberately bumping his hip against hers. ‘I’m glad you called.’
‘I wanted to start over.’ She blinked rapidly. ‘I feel like I’ve made a mess of things since the moment I arrived in town. I thought tonight would be a good chance to be alone, away from prying ears and eyes and just talk face to face.’
He resisted the urge to tuck the loose strand of hair behind her ear. ‘Like I said. I’m glad. I have to admit, your mood swings have kept me on my toes.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be.’
‘You remember that day I drove you home after you delivered the calf?’
He nodded.
‘I knew from the moment I saw you that you wanted to kiss me.’
His skin tingled and heat rushed through him at the memory of that kiss. ‘I did.’
Still do.
Every single day since she’d arrived back in town, he’d imagined being with her. Even after she’d told him she couldn’t do it, he still dreamed of being with her.
‘Then when you told me you had a girlfriend it got awkward.’
Guilt swept in again. ‘That’s my fault, Hope. I should have said something.’
‘I didn’t give you much chance. I pretty much threw myself at you.’
He laughed. ‘Yeah, you did. But I wasn’t complaining.’
‘What about now?’ She gave him a shy crooked smile. ‘Do you still want to kiss me?’
For an endless moment he couldn’t breathe, remembering how much he wanted her and how frequently he pictured himself peeling off her clothes and running his hands over her body.
He exhaled in a rush. ‘I can’t begin to tell you how much I want to kiss you right now.’
She locked eyes with him. ‘Sounds like we’re back on the same page.’
His lungs constricted and he fought the flood of desire. She was here for dinner, not sex. As much as he wanted to jump into bed with her, that wasn’t the answer to the questions he still had.
‘Are you sure?’
Blushing, she grabbed a plate and pressed it into his hands. ‘I’m sure. But let’s eat and talk first. We still have lots to catch up on.’
He groaned. ‘Come on, Hope. I just admitted I want to kiss you, and you want to eat first. Are you kidding me?’
She smiled. ‘Food comes first. Always.’
‘I hope that means kissing comes second,’ he murmured.
‘We’ll see.’ For a second she didn’t seem as relaxed as when she’d arrived, and he took two mental steps back. No point rushing her and forcing her to run again. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin the evening before it had even started.
Hope led the way from the kitchen to the dining table and he followed. He’d set two places, side by side on the bench seat that faced the windows. He’d turned on the outside lights and they lit up two large silver gums. On the table he’d placed a bottle of red wine and two glasses.
‘Were you thinking you might get lucky if I get tipsy?’ she asked when he’d poured her a glass.
He clinked his glass against hers. ‘I’m not looking for anything tonight other than a chance to be a good host and catch up with an old friend.’
‘Liar,’ she murmured, lifting the wine to her lips.
Her eyes never left his face. After taking a sip, she put the glass back down and picked up her knife and fork. ‘Dig in before it gets cold.’
The meal was sensational and the wine perfect. After they had eaten, Mitchell carried their plates to the dishwasher and loaded it, refusing her help. He needed a moment to clear his head. He flicked the switch for the kettle. ‘Tea or coffee?’
‘Do you have any drinking chocolate?’
‘Somewhere.’
He rifled through the pantry and found the Cadbury drinking chocolate. ‘Thank you, Beth,’ he whispered. She’d thought of everything.
Out of the corner of his eye he watched Hope. She stood at the window, staring out across the darkened paddocks. She looked relaxed again and he smiled. It was good to have her in his house.
While he heated milk in the microwave for her hot chocolate, Hope wandered over to stand in front of the fire. She picked up the crime novel he’d been reading and leafed through the pages.
‘Is it any good?’ she asked.
‘I’m only halfway through, but yeah, so far so good.’
‘He’s one of my favourite authors,’ she said.
‘You’re not into those romance novels anymore?’ he asked. He’d never known her not to have a book on the go.
‘I like reading stuff like this too,’ she said, placing the book back on the coffee table.
He made himself a cup of coffee and took their mugs over to the coffee table. He dimmed the lights, put an extra couple of logs on the fire and sank into the couch beside Hope.
‘So,’ he said, exhaling softly, wishing his heart rate would settle. ‘Where should we start?’
She gently rested her prosthetic leg on his thigh. ‘How about we talk about the elephant in the room. Let’s talk about this first.’
He hesitated, wondering if he needed to choose his words carefully. He put his hand just below her kne
e. The prosthesis had the same shape as her other leg, but it felt hard under his fingers. ‘It’s hardly an elephant.’
She laughed.
‘Are you okay talking about it?’
‘Absolutely. But are you? You’ve talked about my cancer, but you haven’t mentioned my leg once.’
‘I wasn’t sure what to say.’
‘What do you know about what happened?’ she asked.
‘Bits and pieces. Courtney called and told me you had cancer in your leg. The next I heard you had to have it amputated. That’s all I know.’
She picked up her mug and took a sip of her hot chocolate before continuing. ‘After I left Macarthur Point at the end of that summer, I went back to Africa to start year twelve. I don’t know if you remember, but we were living in Kenya at the time. Sometime around June I was fooling around at school and tripped and sprained my ankle. After a few weeks when I still couldn’t walk on it properly, Dad took me to the medical centre where they had some basic medical imaging equipment. They X-rayed my leg and found an egg-size tumour on my tibia just above my left ankle.’
His gut churned. He’d seen tumours in animals’ legs and had amputated the limbs of several dogs. It never got easier knowing he was about to change that animal’s life forever. He couldn’t imagine how Hope would have felt. Or her parents.
‘It must have been terrifying.’
‘Yeah, the doctors said it was a miracle they found the tumour.’
‘Why?’
‘The equipment was outdated and the people operating it didn’t really know what they were looking for. A Canadian radiologist and her husband happened to be in the same town visiting their World Vision sponsored child and someone told her about me. It was the most random series of events. Anyway, she came and looked at the scans and saw a shadow immediately. From there, things moved quickly, and I was taken to Nairobi for more scans and a biopsy. They scraped out as much of the cells as they could and were split fifty-fifty whether they’d got it all. They told Dad to watch it and sent us back to Kawangware.’
‘Your parents didn’t bring you back to Australia for more tests?’
‘Not straight away. They trusted the medical team over there knew what they were doing.’
Holding onto Hope Page 17