by C. P. Watson
I lifted myself up from lying down and sat up, still waiting, not too sure what I would have said to her. ‘When she saw me in my choice of clothing, would she get turned on and hover over my body as her fingers trailed on my soft exposed skin? Would she kiss me with passion and lust filled eyes that could not manage to control themselves at the sight before them, but was I even that beautiful to begin with?’
My pale skin and used body, a body that was not a blossoming rose but a filthy petal in the mud. Dirty and broken, no innocence left, only bruises that had healed but never vanished. I rubbed my hand up my chest and around my neck, remembering the pain, how harsh pressure was applied by a firm hand as my head repeatedly hit the bed frame, as a man I came to call a stranger forced himself upon me, in ways my decent childhood was tainted, leaving a little girl with a broken body.
Though only fragments of my past were available for me to remember in my mind, which I was greatly thankful for since I could not stand remembering the exact details of what occurred. I never told anyone what he specifically did to me, my own mother never wanted to know either. Though she never stopped me from telling her, I knew she could not handle the awful picture in her head if she knew the details. She knew he touched me, but not how or how much. She knew he used his fingers and probably other parts of him, but I would think she thought he was gentle, maybe because he would have a little remorse for his child, yet he did not. He was not only forceful but he was harsh, so harsh that there were bruises left afterwards.
When she found out, he had already mastered the art of not leaving physical evidence I endured. He would apply pressure to my neck, but just enough so that it would not leave lacerations. As for my thighs, where he could not leave unmarked, but the doctors took it to be the sensitivity of my skin, not the severity of what he had done to me.
I sighed as I placed my hands on either side of my shoulders, knowing there was no use to relive the past, but I did wish I had some solace for all the things that happened to me, that one day someone would find him in a dumpster with his body slaughtered like an animal. I wished someone detached his body parts as he watched, slowly dying as each part of his body was ripped away from him.
Taking a deep breath, I knew such thoughts were those of a murderer, but it did give me some comfort to know that maybe one day he would feel the slightest pain as to what I felt. As a father, he should have protected me, yet he ripped me away from all decency and protection, as my body degraded to that of a corpse, lifeless.
I did not feel most of the pain of his actions then, being mostly of physical but not yet emotional. I was too young to understand what most of it meant, but with age came understanding, and I felt more pain as I looked at my mother who looked more lost than me. I comforted her, made her see that none of it was her fault, but sometimes I wanted the same for myself. She was weak, she could not bear pain the way I could, she did endure her own share of abuse from him but was not as comforting to me as I bared my own.
I looked at it in a way that I was stronger, that I could get over it by locking it away in my mind, though that did not help much when I suffered nightmares and breakdowns. My mother once even wanted to send me to a psych ward when it was all too much for her, which made me lock away my feelings even more from her.
Somehow, in a way I could not understand, Ava held all the attributes of someone I needed all along, to comfort me and be there for me, even if she did not understand the reason behind my sadness and pain, she would hold me when all I wanted to do was not say a word and ignore her presence, as if I was alone, but yet I was not. She was there, whether holding me or sitting on the sidelines waiting for when I would need her. I think that was what made me fall for her, her unselfishness and her heart full of understanding and love.
“Kylie?” I heard Ava whisper next to me. I did not even realize that she came into the room. She laid with her arm supporting her head as she rested it against the palm of her hand, and concern melted into the pools of her beautiful grey eyes. “You seemed lost in thought.” She mumbled before caressing my cheek with the soft, gentleness of her hand. “Are you okay?” She used her thumb to wipe away a tear that effortlessly slipped down my cheek. Swallowing, I attempted to speak but my words were obstructed by the sobs that croaked out instead. She pulled me into her, my head nuzzled against her chest as she caressed the centre of my back with her fingertips. “Baby, I’m here, let it all out.” She cooed as she continued to comfort me.
Minutes felt like hours, and though I was crying, I was not crying because of my awful childhood, or because I never received the support I needed to deal with my emotions when growing up, I cried because I found someone who really cared for me and that scared me. ‘I’m sorry.” I mumbled, as my tears began to dry up and my shaking body began to calm down.
“Why are you sorry baby?” She whispered before placing a kiss on my forehead.
“I know that you are angry but I don’t know why.” She inhaled deeply before she placed her hands on my shoulders and backed her body away a little so that she could look into my eyes.
“I don’t want you to ever do something that you are not happy with.” She said shaking her head. I furrowed my eyebrows and pouted, waiting for her to explain. “Don’t push yourself to do something just because you think it would make me happy, or make me forgive you for something,” her hands ran down my shoulder and grabbed the sash of my robe and tightened it. “Please don’t, it only hurts me that you would do such a thing.”
I pressed my lips together and lowered my gaze, “I’m sorry.” I mumbled.
“Don’t tell me sorry, apologize to yourself, you know that in the end, you are hurting yourself and not me.” I looked up at her and sighed.
“You care so much about me?” She nodded, “why though?” She pressed her thumb against my lip in hesitation.
“I… don’t know if I should tell you just yet.” She whispered as her cheeks tinted a light shade of pink. “I’ll tell you in time to come though.” I swallowed and shook my head.
“Can you tell me now?”
“Are you sure you want to know?” I nodded and placed my hands in hers.
“You can tell me anything.” She bit the inside of her cheek and inhaled slow breaths, creating suspense to boil in the pit of my stomach.
“I love you.” I swallowed as those words flowed sweetly through her pink lips. Allowing oxygen to flow through my lungs, I caressed the palms of her hands with my thumbs as I continued to look into her beautiful grey eyes. A smile formed on my face as her cheeks illuminated with a bright shade of red and her eyes lowered to look at our intertwined hands. “I know it’s too soon, but… but I really do love you.” Her eyes met mine again, but they were glossed with tears. A stream of tears flowed agilely down her cheeks as I squeezed her hands in mine and leaned closer to her so that our foreheads were touching.
“What do you love about me?” I whispered making her swallow. She kissed my forehead and blinked away a few tears before she began.
“I love your emotions, though you try to hide what you feel, I can always bring out what is inside of you, and that makes me know that you trust me. I love your heart, though many have hurt you, you still have a purity within that makes me know that you are strong and brave. You have not let your past defeat you, though I don’t know the severity of it all, I know it must be extremely difficult and I am always here for you, I’ll always be here.” I released her hands and leaned my head against her chest, in need to feel her warmth. Closing my eyes, I listened as she continued. “You are so smart, so beautiful… I get lost in your beautiful, blue eyes, that always manage to trap me and hold me in without me even realizing it. I would be in class and my eyes would fall upon yours, making my heart skip a beat and giving me flushed cheeks when I get caught staring.” I giggled as she leaned back and I wrapped my arms around her neck.
“You are pretty poetic.” I pressed my lips together, trying to hold back a huge grin.
“And you are amazi
ngly beautiful, full of grace and perfection, you are everything I would ever want and need.” She whispered making my heart flutter.
I could not help but press my lip against hers. She was surprised at my touch but quickly kissed me back with more passionate force, dominating the kiss which resulted in her straddling me as I laid flat down on the bed. My robe slipped off my shoulders, and I shimmied out of it before pushing it to the side.
Her tongue slipped into my mouth and her head pressed against my bare stomach making a moan escape my lips. Her lips trailed kisses down my jawline, travelling towards my collarbone before gently sucking on the soft flesh above it.
I gasped as my hips shot up with pleasurable effect from what she was doing to me. Arching my knees, I pressed my thighs against her back trying to make some kind of friction with her body, wanting to feel the intensiveness of being touched by her.
“I want you,” I whispered as she continued to suck on my skin. My mouth fell agape as her lips trailed down further, and she slowly slid her tongue in between my breasts. Before doing anything else, she lifted her eyes to meet mine, her eyes shining with sincerity and comfort making me nod for her to continue. “Please do,” I begged as I, again, tried to gain friction with her body, making my body wiggle beneath hers.
She giggled as her thumb began to caress the fullness of my lips before unhooking my bra and slipping the fabric off of my body. She then sensually latched her mouth around my left nipple and gently sucked, causing my elbows to arch above my head. Flicking her slick tongue, which made my nipples strain and my inner thighs heat up, she then latched her lips around my other nipple, creating the same overwhelming feeling to continue its effect on my body.
“Fuck,” I grumbled as her hands rubbed against my flat stomach, towards my hip bones where she pulled my underwear down my legs and tossed it to the floor. My eyes clenched shut and my legs spread apart, which made her divert her position for her legs to be in between mine.
Feeling the string of her pyjama pants gently graze my wet centre made a low groan escape my lips. I wrapped my legs around her body and she travelled lower, kissing over my midriff and licking the inside of my belly button, which made me giggle. “Hm, what’s so funny baby?” Her tone of voice was so appealing, in the sense of its huskiness and sexual tone, which was filled with lust and desire, in need to please my aching body.
“Just touch me.” I pleaded as my hands stretched above me, grabbing the edge of the bed as my knuckles grazed against the mahogany wood of the bed frame. “Please.” I groaned as her breasts, which were covered with the fabric of her t-shirt, pressed against my swollen lips through my panties. “I need you.” I swallowed, my throat becoming dry and my chest heaving up and down.
She slithered her tongue along my hip bone, making my body arch off of the bed and thrust against her nipples, which were hard beneath her t-shirt. Slipping the fabric over her head and threw her arms, she tossed it to the floor, before continuing to savour my sweet flesh.
The wetness spread rapidly between my thighs as her chin rubbed against my mound. Pulling my panties to the side, her lips continued to trail downwards and stopped at the flesh between my thigh and pussy. Gently sucking, she used her index and middle fingers to rub gently on the tip of my lips, manoeuvring slowly and with soft strokes, making my teeth sink into my bottom lip and my legs spread wider.
“More please.” I insisted, my eyes closed and my hands reaching down to caress her smooth, bareback. “Fuck you’re amazing.” She skilfully brushed her lips against my slit, wetness managing to protrude in a gentle stream. My hands found their way tangled in her messy hair, pushing her closer into my pool of moisture. “Please.” I gasped as her tongue slipped into my folds and immediately started licking my aching nub. “Just like that.” I groaned as her thumb replaced her tongue to pay attention to my clit and instead slipped down my valley and up again, in a repeated manner. “Fuck, just like that.” My ankles collided around her neck as she expertly tipped me over the edge.
As my breaths were uneven and my hips continuously rocked against her mouth, she used her other hand to gently caress inside of me, only the tip of her index finger meeting my inner flesh.
Letting go of her hair, my hands found their way up my torso to cup my breasts since my erect nipples needed attention. I groaned as I pinched the delicate peaks in between my fingers while Ava continued to work wonders between my thighs. “Oh… uhhh…” I opened my eyes and looked down to see her face buried deep within me and found the scene alone far too much to handle. “I’m gonna cum.” My jaw tightened and my taut nipples were released as my hands gripped the fabric of the bedding.
◆◆◆
“YOU’RE SO BEAUTIFUL,” AVA whispered as she laid beside me and caressed my cheek with the pad of her thumb. I hummed as she drew me in for a kiss while our legs were tangled together, silence filling the room as our lips moved in sync, playing to a beat of emotions and happiness.
“I love you,” I said as our lips parted, making a smile spread across her face.
“I…” I placed my index finger over her lips to stop her from speaking.
“Let me continue please.” She nodded and I kissed her forehead. “You are wonderful, so wonderful that you are helping me overcome my fears, my past and the pain I have kept for all these years. With you, I am free, free from every hurt I have felt. With you I don’t cry because of my father or my mother or anyone, I cry because of how much you care for me, and it scares me because I am vulnerable. I will do anything to make sure you are safe and happy, that no harm comes your way. You are my everything, you have shown me life through those beautiful grey eyes, and how to see it too through my blue. I want you to be with me forever and never let go, not even for a moment, that is how much I love you, I love you so much that I am willing to make any sacrifice to ensure goodness on your part, and I will do anything and everything for you without regret.”
A slow stream of tears slid down her soft cheeks as she intertwined her fingers with mine. “You’re pretty poetic too Miss Blanckaert.” She bit down on her bottom lip and shifted closer to me.
“Thank you for being gentle with me,” I whispered as the tips of our noses grazed against each other.
“Of course, baby, it was the best I’ve ever had.”
“It’s the only you’ve ever had.” We both chuckled and she pulled me closer into her, our shoulder blades rubbing against each other.
“Well, when you put it like that.” She leaned closer and whispered into my ear. “You’re the sweetest I have ever had the pleasure of tasting.” I pressed my lips together as a blush spread across my cheeks.
“Correction, I am the only one you have tasted,” I said trying to hide my flushed cheeks by smothering my face into the crook of her neck.
“Hmm if you say so.” My eyes darted up to meet hers.
“Don’t tell me you are talking about yourself because that is just sad.” She frowned and slipped her hand across my stomach and side to reach my bum before she grabbed it.
“Don’t tease me.” She pouted as she squeezed my ass.
“You don’t taste too bad yourself though,” I smirked and slipped my fingers under her pyjama pants, wondering why she still had them on. Touching juicy wetness, my fingers circled on her sweet bud before slipping out of her pants and towards my lips. I placed my fingers in my mouth and moaned, making her look at me with lustful eyes. “I think it is time I repaid the favour.” I grinned and flipped my leg over her body, straddling her.
“I was wondering when you would.” She licked her lips as I began to tug her pants off.
◆◆◆
THE NEXT DAY, MY sleepy eyes opened to see Ava staring at me, I bit down on my bottom lip as I intensely stared right back at her. “I love you.” She drew her tongue along her top and bottom lip, before smiling and kissing my forehead.
“I love you too,” I whispered as I stretched my limbs and sat up making a yawn escape my lips.
“Do you wan
t breakfast?” She questioned as she moved her hand to touch my neck before kissing my shoulder blade.
“And you ask why?” I quirked my brow and placed my hand on her hip, gently digging my nails into her soft flesh.
“I am talking about actual food, you had enough of that for dinner.” I pouted as I tightened my grip on her waist making a moan escape her lips.
“You sure?” She swallowed and nodded with evident hesitation.
“I think we should eat.” She said holding back the urge and got out of bed. Crossing my arms over my chest, I watched as her bare backside disappeared as she walked into the bathroom.
I bit down on my bottom lip and followed behind her to find her turning the knob of the sink so that the water could flow. “I’ll take a shower while you brush your teeth.” She nodded as she picked up her toothbrush and the toothpaste.
Walking past her, I pecked her on the cheek before getting in the shower and turning the knob to allow the water to cascade down my body. Sighing in content, the warm water soothing my tired muscles, I heard the glass door slide open and then arms wrapped themselves around my waist.
“Maybe just a bite.” She kissed the side of my neck before sliding her hand down my torso.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
After our shower, I brushed my teeth and we both got dressed for the day. We headed downstairs to grab something for breakfast and the smell of freshly brewed coffee invaded my nostrils.
Grandpa was sitting on a kitchen stool with a coffee cup in one hand and the newspaper in the other.
“Good Morning.” Ava greeted as she walked over to the pot of coffee.
“Morning.” My grandfather lowered his glasses after clearing his throat. “Did you girls sleep okay?”