by C. P. Watson
“Kylie, no…” my mom mumbled before letting out a deep breath. She muttered a few profanities under her breath before slumping back in her chair.
“Jaclyn?” My grandfather quirked a brow at my mother in concern.
“I’m just so… so… I’m not sure what to do anymore.” She muttered placing her arm on her forehead.
I pressed my lips together and looked back at Ava, noticing a stream of tears had slid down her cheeks, leaving a streak of wetness and a pool on top of her chest.
“Baby,” I used the tips of my fingers to wipe away the stream. “Please don’t cry.” I begged, my heart pulling in my chest.
“I’m… sorry.” She whispered lowering her gaze. “I just feel useless.” I swallowed and caressed her cheek with my thumb.
“I love you.” I whispered, “so fucking much.” I added before closing my eyes and inhaling a deep breath. “My past will always be apart of me. I thought I could rid it from my memory but that is impossible. It does not define me as the person I am and will be, or shape my future with you. But it is there, like a painting in the corner of a room, and as soon as I catch a glimpse of it all those emotions will resurface.” I paused and pressed my lips together. “Maybe not all the emotions but you catch my drift.” I gave her a forced smile and exhaled.
“I don’t want you to think that I don’t care about your feelings, because I do and I want you to be happy, and I also want to slit the bastard’s throat but let’s not get into my five hundred page testimony that justifies my reasons.”
“I love you.” I whispered, being that it was the only thought in my mind. She smiled and looked at me with those shimmering grey eyes.
“I love you more.”
◆◆◆
I SLID OFF OF my chair and tackled Ava, her back slamming against the surface of the floor and my legs uncomfortably sprawled beside her. “I think I’m okay now.” I whispered, leaning my face closer to hers. as I cupped her face with the palms of my hands.
“You are such a weirdo.” She chuckled before my lips smashed into hers., making her squirm into the kiss and moan loudly, her reactions catching me off guard as well as herself.
“Save it for the room lovebirds.” My mother grumbled as I pressed my lips firmer against Ava’s.
“I’ll be… anywhere else but here.” My grandfather mumbled as his chair made friction with the flooring as it was pushed backwards and he got up. His footsteps faded, as well as a second pair of footsteps, which I assumed was my mother’s.
“Let’s take this to your room.” Ava said with a husky voice. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she had something naughty in store for us.
Pulling ourselves off of the floor, we headed into my room and I made sure to twitch the lock when closing the door.
I began to unbutton my shirt as Ava crawled onto the bed and towards the head of the bed frame before turning and leaning her back against it. She quirked a brow as I slipped my shirt off my shoulders and she shook her head, which made me confused.
“Baby, I did not mean that we are going to have sex.” She informed and I frowned at my misinterpretation of the situation.
“What then?” I mumbled as I hopped upon the bed in front of her.
“I just want us to talk, to express ourselves, and I also think we should not have sex until we figure out where we stand.” She said in a serious tone, which absolutely caught me off guard.
“What? Where we stand?” I was utterly confused. ‘She was going to withhold sex?’
“You clearly still have some… um… issues, and sex is not going to help you... I mean us, get through them. I am here for you, we are in this together, your pain is my concern and to heal we need to work together.”
“And what is this ‘no sex’ rule going to accomplish?” I muttered, clearly not too thrilled with her idea, well her rule, since it seemed I had no say in the matter.
“We need to work through a few things. Technically I am still your teacher, which is wrong on so many levels. I am not saying that I did not know it was wrong from the beginning, because I did and it did not matter being that I wanted you so badly, but…” she pressed her lips together and sighed. “We still need to be super careful. Sex confuses reasoning and we need to be thinking very straight for the next few months.”
“But I am not straight.” I chuckled, my chest moving up and down as I chuckled at my own joke. She rolled her eyes and shook her head.
“Smart ass.” She mumbled as I leaped into her, my arms wrapping around her torso and my head resting on her lap. “Baby we need communication, more talk and less sex. Let us just try it ok. I need you to know what triggers your attacks, what I can do to not hurt or scare you.”
“You don’t scare me.” I whispered.
“Maybe not. But has the thought popped up in your mind that I might hurt you? I would never but the brain has a way of confusing us sometimes.” I did not answer the question and pressed my lips together in sadness.
“I’m sorry.” I mumbled.
“Don’t apologize my love, I would never ever hurt you physically and never hurt you emotionally on purpose. If I ever hurt you emotionally, I need you to tell me, don’t keep it to yourself. These little things are the start to helping us get better.”
“Are we in a bad place in our relationship?” She inhaled deeply and ran her fingers through my hair.
“No, we are fine, but the little things being ignored are what hurts the relationship the most in the long run. Baby, take for example, that you do not like me running my fingers through your hair, but you never voice your feelings about it to me, and I continue to do it over the months or years, and it is something you are uncomfortable with. In some way that is gonna build up tension, you might not want to cuddle with me because when cuddling I am likely going to run my fingers through your hair. Then that might lead to you not wanting to be close to me, which can result in us not being as affectionate as we could be, and what do you think will happen then?”
“But I love it when you run your fingers through my hair.” I pouted and she shook her head.
“It is just an example.” She leaned down towards me and kissed my forehead. “Remember when you were going to force yourself to be with me in a sexual way…” she trailed off, clearly having some uneasiness about the topic.
“Yes, and we had sex that same night.”
“That’s my point, we never work things out in the right way. We shouldn’t have done that, I mean I loved every second of it and I wanted it so badly, in all honesty, all of this is my fault. I basically forced you to have sex with me.” I could hear her voice breaking as her chest began to heave up and down.
“I wanted to, I was the one who initiated it.”
“But I instigated it.” I huffed and bit down harshly on my bottom lip. “We had sex in my classroom even, you know how careless that is of me?” She argued as if I did not play a part in it.
“Babe, you need to stop putting all the blame on yourself.” I said reassuringly. “I wanted you too, maybe I was shy and afraid when it came to sex but I needed that little push to get me where I am at, but if you want us to take a break from it, we will.” I looked up at her and she nodded. “I’m sorry about all of this, I know my issues are affecting us.” She placed her hands on my shoulders and pulled me up to her.
“Your issues are valid and understandable, and honestly this is for both of us. Taking sex out of the relationship will bring us closer I promise.”
“It’s gonna make it better too when we finally have sex again.” I grinned and she shook her head with a smile plastered across her face. “Are you as horny as me right now?” I slid the tip of my tongue across my bottom lip.
“I have been since yesterday.” She chuckled making me sink my teeth into my bottom lip. “But self-gratification will have to do for now.” I frowned.
“You mean masturbation?”
“Yes.” I sat up, her hungry eyes travelling towards my bare chest. “Where is your b
ra?” She questioned making me shrug.
“Don’t act like you did not see me without one when I took off my shirt.” I said as I slid my hand up her thigh, but she placed her hand over it stopping me from moving up further.
“Baby…” she scolded but I was in a naughty mood.
“You are lucky that you have masturbation, I don’t have any form of release.” I complained, obviously lying that I did not know how to touch myself.
“I’m sorry.” She mumbled sounding guilty.
“Can you show me please…” I whined making her arch her brow in curiosity.
“You want me to show you?” I looked at her with my big blue eyes in a pleading manner.
“That is against what we agreed on baby.” She advised making me roll my eyes.
“We are not supposed to have sex, which means no touching each other in ‘private’ areas. I am going to be touching myself, and you are going to touch yourself.”
“Yeah but don’t you think if we see each other naked it won’t result in… you know, sex.” I shrugged and bit down on the inside of my cheek.
“I have restraint, do you?” I raised my eyebrows at her and she rolled her eyes.
“So now you are accusing me of not having restraint? Remember, I am the one who sponged you down in the shower multiple times without letting my hands stray.”
I rolled my eyes and snickered knowing she was right. She did have restraint and respect for my body, she could hold back from going too overboard, well in certain situations.
“I am going to push you to the limit.” I smirked and ran my fingers in between my breasts. “You are not going to be able to hold back when I’m done with you.” Biting down on my bottom lip, my nipple in between my middle and index fingers, I gently squeezed, making sure to let my mouth fall agape along with a pleasurable sound to escape my lips.
She shook her head, “you can be such a naughty girl.”
“But you love it.” I grinned and placed my other hand over my other breast. “Take off your clothes and let’s begin class.”
◆◆◆
“I’m wet already.” She said with a soft sigh as she sat there in just her bra and panties, “Lay down on your back baby.”
I bit down on my bottom lip and obviously did as I was told, since I was both excited and turned on by just the thought of Ava touching herself in front of me.
She laid down on her back right next to me and turned her head towards me. “I’m excited.” I announced making a beautiful smile spread across her face.
“You are too much sometimes.” Her arm reached towards me and her fingers pulled my hair away from my face.
I pouted and frowned. “I’m too much?” Showing off my puppy dog eyes, I let out a sniffle and a huff before crossing my arms over my chest and arching my knees.
“Yes you are, but you are mine to deal with.” She nudged my shoulder with hers. and leaned her face towards mine to place a kiss on my forehead. “All mine baby.” She pulled her lips away to let me see that grin of hers., before placing a kiss on my nose.
“And you are mine.” I growled in a possessive tone making her press her lips firmer against mine, her arm snaking its way around my waist and squeezing, allowing a moan to escape my lips through the kiss.
Her fingers then trailed along my side, as her tongue found its way dancing against mine in a mutual battle of desire and satisfaction. Her hand unexpectedly cupped my right breast and squeezed, making my nipple immediately harden.
“Fuck.” She grumbled huskily against my lips, the tips of her fingers playing with my erect nipple. “You are so beautiful.” She mumbled as she inched her face away from mine and her grey pools stared lovingly and lustfully into my eyes.
“And you thought you could keep your hands off of me.” I informed making her tighten her squeeze around my nipple.
“Fuck you.” She frowned and furrowed her brows, her forehead wrinkling at the gesture, which made my heart melt from her intoxicating cuteness.
“You are so adorable baby.” I stretched my lips out and kissed the air, which made her laugh. “What? Don’t you like my kissy lips?” I asked as I continuously pecked the air.
“Fuck I love you.” She blurted out, an adorable snort escaping her lips.
We then heard a rap at the door, “baby, can I come in?” I heard my mother say and I groaned.
“Hold on.” I responded as I jumped out of bed and grabbed my shirt, Ava getting up and heading into the bathroom, obviously not wanting my mom to see her half naked.
I then twitch the lock and opened the door to see my mother standing in front of me with her arms crossed over her chest. Her eyebrow arched as she looked at my appearance.
“I hope I am not interrupting anything.” She said with a small smile before pressing her lips together.
“Ava’s in the bathroom.” She nodded and dropped her hands to her sides.
“The dresses arrived and I want you to try yours on, just to make sure it fits right.” I bit down on my bottom lip and sighed.
“You followed my instructions right?” She tilted her head to the side and placed her index finger below her chin.
“I don’t think so.”
“Mom!”
She burst out laughing and leaned her body against the door frame. “Just pulling your strings baby. No puffs, no frills. I promise.” I rolled my eyes and gave her a glare.
“I hope so, else I am not wearing it.”
“Yea, yea, let me go get it.”
◆◆◆
I LOOKED AT MYSELF in the mirror, and was actually impressed that my mother chose something so fashionable. “You look gorgeous.” Ava whispered into my ear before she rested her chin onto my shoulder.
“Are you going to let me in?” My mother yelled behind the door making me roll my eyes. Ava stepped away from me and went to open the door.
“You look very pretty baby.” She squealed as she walked over to me and rested her hand on my shoulder as we both looked at my reflection in the mirror. “All you need to do is accessorize and you’ll be the most gorgeous woman at the wedding.”
“I thought that you are supposed to look the best, you know, since you are the bride.”
“I’ll gladly take a close second. You, my dear, will always be the prettiest in the room.” I smiled and bit down on my bottom lip.
“Thanks mom, am I going to see what you look like in your dress?” She tapped my shoulder and nodded.
“Yes, of course, but I have to get rid of Brian. The groom can’t see the dress before the wedding day.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed the top of my head before walking out of the room.
I sighed as I continued to look at my reflection. The light blue coloured, long, chiffon dress with a slit by my right knee, was both simple and elegant.
“You are so beautiful.” Ava complimented making me turn to face her. I quirked a brow and a huge smile crept upon my lips.
“Thanks baby.” I felt a blush creeping onto my cheeks.
“No, thank you, for being mine.” She grinned before sinking her teeth into her bottom lip.
“Okay girls, Brian’s leaving in a few.” My mom came back into my room.
“I am going to take this off.” I pressed my lips together and exhaled.
“Ok baby.” Both my mom and Ava said in sync making me cringe.
“I think it’s time we abandon baby.” I told Ava as I scrunched up my nose.
“Good point love.” She replied with a nod.
“Now that’s better.” I said relieved, my mom giving me an amused look.
◆◆◆
MY MOTHER TRIED ON her dress, and to say the least, she looked stunning. It fitted closely to her body, from her chest to knee, then flared out to the hem, also highlighting her collarbone and shoulder blades with its off the shoulder neckline.
“What do you girls think?” She questioned placing her hands on her hips.
“It is… you are stunning.” I assured making a smile
form on her lips.
“Ava?”
“Beautiful.”
She looked at her reflection in the mirror with contentment in her eyes, before I noticed that her smile faltered.
“I am going to take it off.” She mumbled before walking out of my room. I furrowed my brows, obviously confused as to why her mood changed so suddenly.
“Baby… I mean love, is she okay?” I shrugged and pressed my lips together. “You should go check on her.” I nodded and placed a peck on her lips before exiting the room.
Walking into the living room, I saw my mom sitting on the couch, her face buried into the palms of her hands. I inhaled deeply as I headed over and took a seat next to her.
“Mom.” I rested the palm of my hand on her back. “What’s wrong?”
She removed her hands from her face and tilted her head to the side to look at me. Thankfully, she was not crying.
“I am stressed out.”
“Why?” She shook her head and bit down on the inside of her cheek.
“Just memories.” I quirked a brow making her sigh. “The possibility of this marriage ending up like the last one. That scares me.” I inhaled deeply and swallowed.
“That’s understandable.” I assured and tilted my head to the side as well. “There are signs, you have been with him for a few years now, you would notice if things would take a drastic turn like that.” She pressed her lips together and contemplated. “I mean there must have been signs from your previous marriage.”
“They were, but I still married him because he was the ‘right’ choice. Educated and wealthy.” She placed her hands in mine and squeezed. “Always follow your heart, never do anything that is the ‘right’ choice, do it because it is what you ‘want’, what gives you happiness. Never go after material things, love someone for their personality, love them because of their smile or the shimmer in their eyes. Love someone for who they are, not what they can do for you.” She kissed the top of my palm. “Love Ava like she deserves, love her for the gentleness in her heart and her touch that heals what’s broken inside of you.” Tears slid down her cheeks as she concluded.