"You don't know, Kyle—"
"I do know, Jamie." He pulled her up, held her gaze with his own. "And it's because I'm so sure that what we have is special, that it's beautiful and right, that I want to give you all the time you need to resolve this."
"But…"
He silenced her with a finger on her lips. "If I have to, I'll wait until I'm a hundred for you to come to me. And not regret the waiting."
HER SECRET, HIS CHILD
She studied him, questions in her eyes.
"I won't touch you again sexually until I can do so without making you feel bad about yourself."
"A hundred, huh?" she asked. Her smile didn't reach her eyes. They were resigned. Almost…dead. "You think you'll still be thinking about sex when you're a hundred?"
"If you're anywhere around—definitely."
Jamie didn't turn away, didn't even look away, but she felt strangely lost to Kyle anyway. The feeling was far worse than the sexual frustration he'd felt earlier. He could live without sex. He couldn't live without Jamie.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Brad failed his midterm essay exam. Sitting at his desk at home, drinking coffee from a throwaway cup because he was gone so much he'd never gotten around to unpacking his real ones, Kyle read the paper a second time. Or tried to. Problem was, there were no sentences. Just thoughts. Jumbled ones, at that.
Though, in an odd kind of way, the jumbled thoughts did make sense. They were possibly even pertinent to the exam questions. Dropping the paper, and his glasses on top of them, Kyle rubbed the bridge of his nose. He really believed that Brad knew this stuff. That if the goal was an educated man who could convey intelligent opinions, Brad could at least make a valid comment or two if Huckleberry Finn were ever a topic of conversation.
Wasn't that the goal? Hadn't Brad then met that goal?
Picking up the exam again, Kyle shook his head. There was no way he could ethically give that paper anything more than the grade it had earned. An F. How could he hand this paper back to Brad, have the kid show it to someone, and ever be able to defend anything but an F? No matter what Kyle be-
HER SECRET, HIS CHILD
lieved about Brad's goals, his capabilities, his improvement, the kid had still turned in failing work.
Red pen in hand, Kyle scored the paper accordingly. And then went to bed.
He tried to dream about happier things. Like Jamie. And Ashley. And all three of them living together as a real family. To take hope from the fact that she'd asked him to be her companion at a reception in Denver the next evening. She'd been attending a national accounting convention in the city every morning since they'd returned from the mountains three days before, and Saturday night was the culminating social event.
Kyle had decided that Jamie's desire to show him off to her professional peers was a good sign. Yeah. She was coming around. Hot for him. Fighting to keep her hands off his incredible bod. She'd be ready, any year now, to be his wife.
"You look pretty, Mommy." Ashley perched on Jamie's bed.
Still wearing only her slip and panty hose, Jamie smiled at her daughter. "Thank you, honey." She held up two cocktail dresses, a light-gray one that looked good with her hair and matched her eyes, and a short black figure-hugging dress that she'd bought in an unusually vain moment—and never worn. "Which do you think?" she asked the four-year-old who'd already supervised her makeup application.
"The black one."
TARA TAYLOR QUINN
' 'This one?'' Jamie held the black dress up to her body, studying herself in the mirror. ' 'Why?''
"So you look more like a lady than a mommy."
"What?" Jamie dropped the dress.
"You're a pretty mommy, but Kayla and I watched on TV that daddies like ladies."
"Oh, Ash," Jamie said, sitting down to pull the little girl onto her lap. "Daddy likes me no matter what dress I wear."
"But he doesn't sleep here sometimes like Kayla's daddy does."
Looking into those earnest gray eyes, Jamie wanted to cry. "That's because your daddy and I aren't married, like Miss Karen and Kayla's daddy are."
Ashley nodded. "I know," she said importantly. "That's why you should be a lady. Daddies marry ladies."
"Would it upset you very much if your daddy and I just stayed good friends forever and didn't get married?"
With her little brow furrowed, Ashley thought that over for a couple of long minutes. "Would Daddy ever sleep here then?" she finally asked.
"No, but he'd be around all the time, just like now."
After more pondering, Ashley asked solemnly, "It takes a daddy to have a sister, doesn't it?"
"Yes." Jamie's heart sank.
"Then yes, it would upset me." The child nodded. "Very much."
HER SECRET, HIS CHILD
Kyle hadn't taken his eyes off her all evening. Of course, she'd had to be staring at him to notice that. The man looked incredible in his black suit and white shirt. He'd even found a conservative tie. She'd never seen him dressed up.
She should probably plan not to see that sight again any time soon. Not if she hoped to maintain the promises she'd made to herself. And to her daughter the day she was born.
So what was the matter with her? Here she was, unable to keep her eyes off the man, pleased beyond compare that he was finding her irresistible, yet she was still determined to keep the relationship strictly platonic. Should she add "tease" to her list of sins? Or was he right? There was some nebulous force, stronger than either one of them, stronger than circumstances or justice, that just kept compelling them toward each other.
"You want to dance?" he asked, motioning to the tiny floor where a few couples were moving to the relaxed, low-key ballad the band had just begun.
Shaking her head, Jamie took another sip from the glass of wine he'd brought her. "I don't think we should."
"You have more business to do?"
He'd been great all evening, keeping her supplied with food and drink, making charming small talk when called upon and fading away when she couldn't avoid discussing business.
"No!" she told him now. "I don't want to discuss another ledger for the rest of the weekend."
"Then let's dance."
TARA TAYLOR QUINN
"No, Kyle."
"Why not? Other people do it."
"We aren't other people."
"I got it—you don't trust yourself not to jump my bones, right?"
Jamie laughed, glanced up at the handsome man at her side and sobered. "I don't want to be a tease."
"It's impossible to tease a man who already knows the score."
"This isn't fair to you, Kyle." She knew he wanted her. An expert on men's sexual needs, she could read all the signs.
"I'm a big boy," he told her with complete seriousness. "I can make my own choices."
Tempted, tired, vulnerable, Jamie could think of nothing but the need to feel his arms around her, to have his body there to lean against. "Okay," she said softly. "Let's dance."
Of course, the minutes she spent in his arms were pure torture. But never had torture felt so good. Jamie could happily have been convinced to stay that way forever.
They'd never danced together before, though she shouldn't have been surprised that they did so perfectly. Everything about her and Kyle fit perfectly— except the one thing that would never fit at all. The woman Jamie had been.
"Has Karen told her husband she's pregnant yet?" Kyle asked as they swayed to the music.
Jamie shook her head. Kyle wouldn't even have known about the pregnancy if Karen hadn't had a
HER SECRET, HIS CHILD
bout of morning sickness the week before, when the three adults had taken the girls out for pizza and skeeball.
"You think she'll tell him this weekend?"
"I hope so." Jamie was getting really worried about her friend.
Worrying seemed to be all she did anymore. About all of them. And now Ashley wanted a sister. She was going to want one even more whe
n Kayla found out that Karen was having another baby. The thing was, Jamie would have given just about anything to grant the child her wish. But she just couldn't do it.
They were on their fifth song in a row when, suddenly, a male hand tugged at Jamie's shoulder.
"Little Jamie Archer! I don't believe it!" The man pulled her around. His voice was loud. And slurred from too much alcohol. But Jamie still recognized it.
She recognized the hand, too. It had touched her body enough times.
Panicked, she thought her knees were going to give out on her. "Do I know you?" she asked the man who had once been one of her most lucrative clients.
He'd always been sober back then.
He was also Tom Webber's accountant.
"Nelson Monroe," he told her. "Come on, baby, give an old man a thrill," he said, lurching sideways as he grabbed for her breast. "For old times' sake."
"You touch her, you die." Kyle put himself between the man and Jamie.
TARA TAYLOR QUINN
Crumbling inside, Jamie wished she were dead.
Nelson lurched again. "Oh, hey, man," he said easily, "I didn't know she was taken for the evening."
"She's taken, period." Kyle's voice left no room for misunderstanding.
Too stricken to do anything but stand there and wait for her life to come crashing down on her, Jamie watched the two men, horrified, transfixed, as if witnessing a fatal accident.
"No kidding," Nelson said, staring first at Jamie, then Kyle. "You managed to snag one, eh, little lady?" he muttered. "Good for you."
Kyle's face was red, his hands bunched into fists. ' 'Where do you get off talking to her like that?'' he demanded.
Jamie was afraid Kyle was going to hit the older man. "It's okay, Kyle." She couldn't bear another minute of this. She couldn't have Kyle risking arrest—not when he didn't have anything to defend. "Let's just go."
"It's not okay." He pushed her gently behind him. "You owe the lady an apology." Both feet planted firmly on the ground, he faced Nelson Monroe.
"Sure! Okay," Nelson said, holding both hands up in surrender as he took stock of Kyle's size through bloodshot eyes.
"Sorry, Jamie," he said, leaning far enough around Kyle to wink at her. He turned then and stumbled off.
Jamie had never hated herself more.
HER SECRET, HIS CHILD
Still not recovered from Saturday night, Jamie reluctantly took Kayla and Ashley to school on Monday morning. The girls were going on an all-day field trip to the zoo, and all day seemed entirely too long for Jamie to be without them. She needed the comfort of innocent chatter, the security of Ashley's unconditional love.
She'd tried to be positive. Had taken time with her hair and makeup that morning, wearing her favorite pair of beige cords and a stylish black jersey that Karen said looked great on her—even put on the black boots that took ten times as long to lace up as the loafers she usually wore to drive Ashley to school. All in an effort to feel good about herself. It hadn't worked.
She desperately wanted to run away—so far away no one would ever find her again. Except that running would be wrong and she was determined to live her life right.
Besides, Ashley already loved her father so much. She loved her home, her school, her friends. To take her away would scar the little girl for life.
And Jamie wasn't going anywhere without Ash-ley.
Returning home for a morning of dodging thoughts, Jamie saw Karen waving frantically at her from her own front door.
After throwing the car into park Jamie hurried next door.
"I'm losing the baby!" Karen cried as soon as Jamie was within hearing. She was bunching the front of her denim jumper in her fists.
TARA TAYLOR QUINN
Oh, God. No. "Come on," Jamie forced herself to think, to stay calm. "Let's get you inside."
She led Karen to her living-room couch, where she helped her friend lie down. "Have you called your doctor?"
Karen nodded, close to tears. "She said to come in, but I didn't want to go alone, to drive myself."
"Are you spotting?"
' 'No. But I started having cramps right after you left with the girls. I just know I'm going to lose it."
"Have you called Dennis?"
Tears blurred Karen's eyes as she slowly shook her head. "I still haven't told him."
"Karen, my gosh, you're over four months pregnant! I'm surprised he hasn't guessed."
"I've only gained a couple of pounds so far. And…and he's hardly been home."
Looking at her friend's pinched face, Jamie considered calling Dennis herself. She would for sure if things got any worse.
"What did your doctor say, exactly?" Jamie wondered if maybe she should call an ambulance rather than risk driving Karen.
"She said that cramping is perfectly normal and there might not be anything to worry about, but she wants to see me just in case."
"Then let's go."
"I'm sorry I'm taking you away from your work, I know you're extra busy with April 15 right around the corner."
"Don't you dare apologize, Karen Smith," Jamie said firmly, helping her into a sweater. "You're my
HER SECRET, HIS CHILD
friend. You and the baby are far more important than any job."
Karen started to cry then, slow silent tears that dripped down her face as she and Jamie stumbled together out to Jamie's car. Karen climbed awkwardly into the passenger side of the car, then leaned back with closed eyes as Jamie fastened the seat belt around her. "This is exactly how it started the last time."
"Shh." Jamie fumbled with the belt buckle, her fingers not quite steady. "Don't even think about last time," she continued softly. "Your doctor said cramping is normal. Let's go with that until we have a reason not to."
Nodding, Karen lay back in her seat, eyes still closed, and rode the rest of the way without speaking. Hoping Karen had fallen asleep, Jamie drove as quickly as she could to the clinic, praying all the way that the baby's fragile life would be spared. Karen and her little family were Jamie's only personal experience of "happy ever after."
Two hours later, the two women were on their way home, exhausted but tentatively relieved. A thorough exam and an ultrasound had revealed that Karen's pregnancy was progressing in textbook fashion. Because Karen had asked, Jamie had accompanied her friend through both exams, cried with her when they'd seen the little body floating on the monitor during the ultrasound, then laughed and cried some more when they'd heard the little heart beating furious and strong.
"We've got a while before the girls are back. You
TARA TAYLOR QUINN
want to take a nap?" Jamie asked as they walked slowly up to Karen's front door.
"No." Karen shook her head. "I don't want to be alone." She paused, turned apologetic eyes on Jamie. "Unless you have to get back to work."
"Of course not!" Jamie chuckled. "Like I'd get any work done now." She carried the manila envelope containing the film of Karen's ultrasound. She'd made Karen promise to tell Dennis about the baby the second he got home on Friday. Jamie had already insisted she'd have Kayla at her house Friday night.
"You practiced your flute at all this week?" Jamie asked as she helped Karen out of the sweater she'd put on to make the trip to the medical center.
"Nope."
"Me, neither. Think he'll fire us?"
"I don't think that's legal as long as we're paying."
"Good." Jamie left to get Karen something to drink.
"You know…" Propped up with pillows on the couch, Karen frowned, looking down into a cup of warm milk a few minutes later. "I realized this morning just how much this baby means to me."
Jamie stared at her friend. "You didn't already know that?"
Karen shrugged, her eyes still downcast. ' 'I knew I loved the baby," she admitted slowly. "It was the pregnancy I hated."
' 'Why?'' Jamie sat on the end of the couch, pulling Karen's feet into her lap.
HER SECRET, HIS CHILD
&n
bsp; Glancing up, embarrassed, Karen said, "I'm afraid I'm going to lose Dennis." Tears flooded her eyes.
"What?" Jamie was shocked. "Why?" So there was trouble in paradise, dammit.
"Oh…" Karen took a deep breath that turned into a sob. "I just don't see how a fat housewife with baby talk for conversation can compete with the beautiful, professional women he sees at work every day."
"Do you really think Dennis is so shallow?" Jamie asked, rubbing her friend's feet. "He loves you."
"He's human," Karen said. She looked up at Jamie, tears streaming down her face. "You should hear him talk about Linda this and Christina that."
"He's probably just trying to share his day with you, Kar, keeping you involved in that part of his life."
"Or telling me what he really wants in a woman. He…he never even compliments me on my cooking anymore. But those women who—''
' 'Do you honestly think that if he wanted one of those women he'd be telling you about them?"
"I don't know." Karen shuddered, "But I'd promised myself that once Kayla started school in the fall I'd go to college, get a degree, be someone in my own right. Someone Dennis could respect and have an intelligent conversation with and—"
"You are someone," Jamie cried. "Don't you know your life is what gives me hope every single day? My gosh, Karen, you have everything I've ever
TARA TAYLOR QUINN
wanted right here in this house. I love coming over here. You, your home and family give me hope that the world I want to believe in really does exist."
Karen didn't look as if she believed her. "Until this moment," Jamie continued, her voice almost angry, "you've always been one of the most intelligent people I know. Education isn't intelligence."
"That's easy for you to say. You've got it."
"It's not easy to say," Jamie said. "Life's full of tough choices, Karen, and it takes intelligence to make the right ones. You always do."
"I wish I had half your confidence in me."
Jamie resumed her massage of Karen's feet and calves. "Has Dennis given you any indication that he isn't happy?" she asked hesitantly. She didn't want to probe where she shouldn't, but neither could she leave her friend feeling as she did.
Her Secret, His Child: A Little Secret Page 15