He had such strong, uncompromising morals because of the way he'd been forced to live growing up, and that was how he'd see things. He'd probably always intended to take Ashley away from her—at least, from the moment she'd been fool enough to confess her sins.
She had no idea how long he'd been silent when she noticed he was no longer speaking.
"You're very well versed," she said, trying to keep the tremors out of her voice. To think.
"This is important to me."
She was sure it was. "True or false, Kyle. Did you, in your research, find out how to go about taking Ashley away from me?"
She knew the answer before she even asked. He wouldn't have the information if he hadn't sought it.
His sudden silence was almost worse than an attempted denial.
"I knew it," she said, the bitterness rising up to choke her. It was never going to end. Hell was just the place she'd been born to live.
"Stop," Kyle said, reaching for her hand.
Jamie snatched it away from him and pulled both hands up to her breasts. "No, you stop, Kyle." She had to grit her teeth to force the words out. "Get out of my house now."
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She might not be able to stop him in the long run, but for now, she could ban him from her life. From Ashley's.
"Jamie…"
"I said get out." She was going to be yelling in a minute.
He stood but didn't go anywhere. "You want me gone, fine, but listen to me first."
Only because she was so desperate to have him as far away from her as possible, she nodded her assent, allowing him two seconds to speak his piece and leave.
"I called my lawyer the morning after we talked—''
"About my past, you mean," she interrupted, bitterness controlling every nerve in her body.
"If I intended to take her away from you, honey, wouldn't I have done so then? Or tried to?"
"Don't call me 'honey.'"
"Jamie." He knelt in front of her. "I love you."
She didn't want to look at him but couldn't stop herself. She hadn't heard those words before. Except from Ashley.
"I will never deliberately do anything to hurt you."
She believed he meant that, but given her past, and his, she didn't figure the promise was worth much.
"You're a better mother than any I've ever seen or met or read about in my entire life."
She watched him carefully, sure he was humoring
HER SECRET, HIS CHILD
her, making a joke. He'd never appeared more serious.
"Ashley needs you far more than she needs me," he continued, meeting her eyes.
He waited, as if expecting her to speak. She didn't have any words.
"I'm a scholar, Jamie, I thirst for knowledge of any kind. When I research something, I want to know every detail there is to know. Including the different procedures for custody."
She couldn't quite buy that. She knew he wouldn't lie to her, but it was just that—
"What if something happened to you, honey? I had to know what I'd be up against to make sure Ashley wasn't taken in as a ward of the state, that I'd know what papers to file, where to file them, and to be able to get it done before the state even figured out Ashley existed."
Jamie continued watching him carefully, but she started to breathe easier. The explanation sounded a little weak. And yet, with Kyle, it was a little plausible, too. Was she an idiot to believe him? Was she giving him the means and the opportunity to destroy her life while she waited at home, blissfully unaware?
She didn't think so. Kyle was a decent, honest man.
"Okay?" he asked, still kneeling in front of her.
She couldn't look into his brown eyes, soak up the compassion there, do anything but nod.
"She wouldn't have been a ward of the state anyway," she heard herself telling him. "Dennis and
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Karen are her legal guardians if anything happens to me."
Kyle nodded, as if he'd expected as much. "I do love you, you know," he said, so serious.
"I love you, too," she whispered back. Because it was the truth. And she'd never said it out loud before. Except to Ashley.
Leaning slowly forward, giving her every chance to reject him, Kyle touched his lips to hers. Jamie didn't even try to escape. Didn't want to escape. His touch was comforting, not sexual—but only until Jamie leaned into him, deepening the contact, mating her mouth with his. It didn't seem to matter what went on between them, her explosive physical need for him didn't change. Except to grow stronger.
And yet, despite the insidious desire curling through her, Jamie's stomach was filled with other tensions. The knots got tighter and tighter.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
The president of the United States was traveling through Denver in late April. He was making a public appearance out by the airport, and Miss Peters wanted to take Ashley's preschool class. Karen and Jamie offered to go along to chaperone, as did most of the other moms. Early that Tuesday morning, they boarded the bus that would take them to the airport, all chattering excitedly. It was hard to tell who was more excited about the outing, the children or their mothers.
It was a gorgeous spring day, and the children were in high spirits, all wearing red, white and blue in some form or other. Ashley and Jamie both had on blue denim overalls and white T-shirts. With their auburn hair, red wasn't a good color on either of them, but she'd bought them each a pair of red sneakers.
Karen and Kayla were in the matching red, white and blue striped jumpers Karen had made especially for the occasion.
"I figure if I make mine a tent, we can wear them for the Fourth of July, too," she'd laughed when she'd shown Jamie the material. Jamie had laughed,
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also. It just felt so good to see her friend happy again.
"So what's going on with you and Kyle?" Karen asked as the two women shared a seat in the back of the noisy bus.
Still getting used to having a friend she actually confided in, one who really knew her, Jamie shrugged. "He comes over for dinner almost every night."
' 'Just for a free meal?''
' 'Of course not. He always brings dinner or dessert or flowers or wine. Anyway, the man's loaded. He makes good money, doesn't spend much on himself, made smart investments. I'm his accountant— I should know how much money he has." Not that it made a difference to either of them. Money mattered only if you didn't have enough of it.
"You sure couldn't tell by his clothes."
Smiling, Jamie looked out at the huge trees zooming past the window. "That's just Kyle," she said. ' 'He finds something that fits him, buys ten of them and figures he's done. Says it's much simpler that way."
"So, are you two—you know—happening?"
Karen's hands lay across the mound of her belly. Jamie envied her that.
Jamie shook her head. "I don't know what we are, Karen."
"You love him."
"Yeah."
"Does he know that?"
"Yeah."
HER SECRET, HIS CHILD
"Well, he loves you, that's obvious."
"Yeah." Though Jamie felt a jolt of happiness at hearing her friend say so, she'd never get used to hearing those words.
"So?"
"So, he loves me, but there are parts of me he can't stand."
"Your past."
"Mmm-hmm." Jamie stared out the window again. She'd made her choices. She was accountable for them.
"He's a jerk if he can't see that you were just a desperate young girl making what seemed like your only choice."
"He's not a jerk." Jamie glanced back at her friend. "He just has a very strong sense of right and wrong. It's part of what I love about him."
If Karen had any more thoughts on the matter, she kept them to herself. Jamie didn't want to think about life at all. She just wanted to enjoy the day.
And she did. Until Nelson Monroe bumped into her right after an announcement that t
he President's plane had been delayed and he wouldn't have time for his address.
"Jamie! Hello. Twice in two months! I'm a lucky man," he said, giving her shoulder a squeeze.
Shoving Ashley back with Karen and Kayla, she tried to steer Nelson away from the other mothers and children. If she'd thought God would listen, she'd have prayed. Instead, she focused one-hundred percent on getting the man as far away from her daughter as she could.
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"You're visiting in Denver?" she asked him, attempting to push through the crowd.
"No!" He grabbed her hand, pulled her to a stop—which wasn't hard, as the crowd wasn't moving an inch. "I thought you knew. I'm living here now."
"What about Tom?" The two men had worked closely together. "He's still in Vegas, isn't he?"
"Of course!" Nelson laughed. "You'll never get him out of that city. But he's semiretired now, and so am I."
The children were right behind them. Jamie could feel a little hand pushing against her leg. She could hear their chatter. But not Ashley's. She fervently hoped that Karen had managed to hold Ashley back in the crowd.
"Well, it was nice seeing you," she said with forced cheer. She had to get rid of the man.
And when that was done, when Ashley was safe from Nelson's dirty aura, then Jamie could fall apart. She might have climbed out of a hellish life into a good one, but there was just no way to obliterate history. It was alive. And dangerous.
"Wait!" Nelson's arm stole around her. "We had fun together once, didn't we?"
Trying to unclasp his hand from her hip, Jamie said, "I don't remember any fun." She couldn't pretend anymore. She had to get away.
"I've missed you, Jamie." He squeezed her hip. Not hard. But possessively.
Jamie almost threw up.
Pulling free from his hand, she cried, ' 'Leave me
HER SECRET, HIS CHILD
alone!" She couldn't stand this. Couldn't stand what she'd been. Couldn't stand the fact that she was exposing her daughter to this scene.
"Hey!" One of the mothers came forward. "Leave her alone, you jerk," she said. Two other women moved up with her, circling Nelson.
Jamie would have cried at their support if she hadn't been so humiliated.
Nelson held up both hands in surrender, much the way he had that night with Kyle. "Hey, ladies, just saying hello to an old friend."
The first woman turned toward Jamie. "He's your friend?" she asked. She remained in her defensive stance while she waited for confirmation.
The women would walk away, leave her with Nelson if she admitted she knew him.
She wanted to deny his claim. And guessed, by the derisive look in his eyes, that he expected her to do so.
"Yes, I know him." The words were strong. Clear. She lived her life by the rules now. Honestly. She was buying back her self-respect, one instance at a time, and if it took until she was a million years old, she was going to keep trying.
"Oh, sorry," the mother said, embarrassed. "I can't believe I did this. I thought—"
"It's okay, ladies," Nelson interrupted, nodding at each of them. And then he looked at Jamie and she cringed, waiting for everything to blow up in her face.
"Nice seeing you again, Jamie," he said, and to her astonishment, he turned and left.
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Jamie stood there a full minute, the crowd pushing around her, as she stared at the spot where Nelson had disappeared. She didn't know why, didn't know how, but she'd been spared.
Because Mother's Day was the biggest day of the year in the Archer household, Jamie and Ashley started making celebration plans by the end of April. They each came up with suggestions, which Jamie wrote down, and then when they had a whole list they'd put the day together.
Pen and paper in hand, Jamie called Ashley into the kitchen that Friday, just before dinner. They were waiting for Kyle, who was late. The table was set, casserole ready, salad tossed. Then they were all going to the drive-in to see a second-run showing of a favorite Disney film.
"Let's do our Mother's Day list," she said while Ashley was climbing into her booster seat. Mother's Day was not only a celebration of mother and child, but to Jamie, it was a symbol of who she herself had become. A celebration of everything that was good in her.
Ashley was watching her silently, eyes downcast.
"Don't you want to make a list?" Jamie asked, concerned.
"Uh-uh." Ashley shook her head.
Crushed, Jamie stared at her daughter. "Why not?"
"Mommy's Day is about God giving me to you, right?" the little girl asked, frowning.
HER SECRET, HIS CHILD
"Yes." Jamie was scared to death of where this might be going, what Ashley might have heard.
"'God gave me to Daddy, too, and it might hurt his feelings if we do our special day wifout him."
"You want to wait till he gets here to make the list?" Jamie asked, weak with relief.
The little girl nodded solemnly. And wait they did.
"'I think we should all go to the zoo on Mother's Day," Kyle said after dinner when the list was once again on the kitchen table. "Ashley had such a good time there."
"Yeah!" Ashley cried. "We can see the mommy and baby and daddy monkeys!"
Jamie wrote down the zoo. "What else?" she asked.
"Your favorite. Mommy, Mr. Wallup's Ice Cream Shop!" Ashley's swinging feet were kicking her booster seat beneath the table.
Jamie added Mr. Wallup's to the growing list.
"I think we should have a picnic at the state park." Jamie threw out what she'd been thinking about. "We could have a cook-out with hamburgers or hot dogs and fly kites and take hikes if we want."
"Yeah!" Ashley cried. "A mommy, baby, daddy hike."
Kyle grinned at that last drawn-out daddy. If he'd had any doubts about where he placed in his daughter's affections, they'd surely been dispelled. Loving him as she did, Jamie felt almost as happy about that as he must have been feeling.
TARA TAYLOR QU1NN
"Let's do that," he said, studying the other items on the list. "We could hike after the picnic and then go to Mr. Wallup's on the way home."
"Yeah!" Ashley cried, bouncing up and down in her seat. "It'll be the best mommy, baby and daddy day!"
Exchanging a warm, intimate glance with Kyle, Jamie couldn't have agreed more.
She told him so later that night, after Ashley was in bed and they sat together on the couch—another newly formed ritual.
"You sure you don't mind my coming along?" he asked as he looked down at her.
Snuggling into his side, Jamie shook her head. "I agree with Ashley. It wouldn't seem right without you this year."
"There is Father's Day in June." He gave her another chance to change her mind.
Jamie stared up at him. "We'll spend that together, too, won't we?" In spite of how well things were going, she couldn't ever seem to get rid of her doubts. Her insecurities.
"Of course we will."
Kyle bent, giving her a soft kiss to seal his promise. A kiss that, as on other nights, led to a heated exchange of the passion she couldn't allow free rein. And moments later, when Kyle's hands roamed to her breasts, when her own hands traveled the road to intimacy, Jamie froze. And Kyle dropped his hands.
Until there was commitment between them, they
HER SECRET, HIS CHILD
could go no further than kisses. Jamie wasn't that kind of woman anymore.
Two mornings before Mother's Day, the second Friday in May, Jamie was in her home office, reorganizing now that tax time was over, when the phone rang.
Thinking the caller would be Kyle, on break between classes, she grabbed the receiver eagerly. "Hello?"
"Jamie?" The voice was male. It wasn't Kyle.
"Yes."
"Nelson Monroe here."
Oh God. Would the nightmare never end?
"How'd you get my number?" Not that it mattered. He had it.
"You're in the book, honey."
>
Of course she was. She just hadn't expected a john from her past to be looking for it.
"I'd really like to…see…you again, darlin'," Nelson said softly. "Your honesty the other day impressed me. A lot. You always were one hell of a woman—even if you were just a kid."
Tears burned her eyes. Her whole body trembling, Jamie said, "No, Nelson. I'm not that kid anymore."
' 'All the more reason for us to get to know each other again." He didn't seem to be grasping the point at all. "We'll have more in common now that you're a little older."
"We have nothing in common."
"We're both accountants."
TARA TAYLOR QUINN
"I get enough of accounting during the day."
"You've got a nice little setup there, haven't you, Jamie?" he asked, his charm slipping. "Does the man who came to your aid so heroically last month know what you really are?"
"He knows about my past," she was stung into telling him.
"Has he asked you to marry him yet?"
Her silence condemned her.
"Men like him don't marry women like you, dar-lin'," he drawled. "It's the way the world works."
Jamie couldn't say a word. She knew he was right.
"That's why there are men like me to make life easier for you," he said. "To keep you in the lifestyle you've grown accustomed to."
"I've been keeping myself for years, Nelson, and will do so until the day I die." Marriage, even if it had been offered, wouldn't have changed that.
"You're going to play hard to get, eh?" She could hear anger through the forced charm in his voice. "You were always an expensive filly, but I suppose, since you're somewhat more mature, I should up the ante a bit." He named a sum that would pay her mortgage for a year.
Something inside Jamie broke. Cracked in two.
She clutched the phone so tight it bruised the palm of her hand. "I'm an accountant, Nelson. Nothing more," she said coldly, and hung up on him.
When the phone rang again seconds later, she refused to pick it up. But she heard his message loud
HER SECRET, HIS CHILD
and clear as it blasted through her answering machine.
If she didn't come through for him, he was going to tell everyone in Larkspur Grove just what kind of woman she really was. He especially thought Dean Patterson would like to know he was recommending a hooker to all his acquaintances.
Her Secret, His Child: A Little Secret Page 20