Her fingers plucked at the hem of the sheet.
‘I guess that’s what makes or breaks a marriage. Whether the love is strong enough to cope with what life dishes up.’
The nurse came in at that point and Cristiano moved aside so she could detach the drip from Alice’s arm. He couldn’t help thinking of how little he had known of Alice’s background in the past. Why hadn’t he asked her more about her childhood? Why hadn’t he told her more about his?
They had been two people madly in lust with each other, sharing their bodies but not sharing their hearts and minds. Not communicating other than on a physical level. He had found out more about her in this hospital cubicle than he had in the whole time he had dated her in the past. Would it have made a difference if he’d talked to her? Really talked to her?
‘You’re good to go,’ the nurse said once the drip was out and the paperwork dealt with. ‘Take care of yourself, Alice. Keep those fluids up and get plenty of rest, okay?’
‘I’ll make sure she does,’ Cristiano said.
* * *
Alice walked out of the hospital with Cristiano’s arm around her waist. Her headache had eased and her stomach had stopped its churning. He had looked so undone by her being sick. She had never seen him look so distressed. Did that mean he cared more about her than he let on? Surely it wasn’t an act for the sake of appearances?
But then there was a lot hanging in the balance. If she didn’t fulfil the terms of the will then he would lose those shares and the home he had grown up in after his family were killed.
Or was that why he had been so rattled? Because hospitals reminded him of the accident that had taken his family from him?
Cristiano hailed a cab and within a short while they were home at her house and she was tucked up in bed with a long cool glass of water with a slice of lemon and ice cubes in it. He sat on the edge of the bed beside her, his hand taking one of hers in a gentle hold. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Tired and a bit embarrassed about all the fuss I’ve caused.’
His fingers stroked the back of her hand. ‘Yeah, well, you certainly gave me a bad half an hour or so.’ His thumb did a slow brush over each of her tendons as if he were committing them to memory. He looked at her with a strained gaze. ‘I thought I was going to lose you a second time.’
Alice squeezed his hand, her heart giving a little flutter at the depth of caring in his eyes. ‘I wish I hadn’t left the way I did back then. I ended up hurting myself more than you.’
‘We hurt each other, cara,’ he said. ‘I can’t believe I was so damn stubborn about it. I could’ve called you in a day or two. I should’ve called you. But I was too proud. Proud and angry. All those years went by. Not a day passed without me thinking of what could have been.’
His fingers tightened on her hand.
‘I thought losing my family was bad, but losing you seven years ago was like a lid slamming down on all of my hopes. I decided it was better to be alone than to invite such rejection again. I’ve kept every relationship since as shallow and temporary as I could. Until now.’
Until now.
What did that mean? Did it mean he wanted their relationship to continue past the six months laid down in his grandmother’s will? Alice reached up to stroke his face.
‘We’ve been such stubborn fools—me in particular. I was so determined not to love anyone in case they took control of me, but I think I fell in love with you that first day when you made me laugh about my backpack catching your clothing. I spent the next six weeks denying it, blocking it. Sabotaging it.’
He pressed his lips against her bent fingers. ‘We have a second chance to work at our relationship. Nonna has given us that. But let’s talk about that when you’re not feeling so out of whack.’ He leaned forward to drop a kiss to her forehead. ‘I’ll sleep in one of the spare rooms so you get a good night’s sleep.’
Alice hung onto his hand when he rose from the bed. ‘No, don’t go.’
‘Alice, I—’
‘Just hold me, okay?’
He gave a sigh and gathered her close, his chin resting on top of her head. ‘As long as you need me I’ll be here.’
How about for ever?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ALICE WOKE THE next morning to find Cristiano lying beside her on top of the bedcovers with his legs crossed at the ankles. He was still fully dressed, although his tie was askew and the first three buttons of his shirt undone and his sleeves rolled up his forearms. His hair was rumpled as if he’d raked his fingers through it and his face looked tired and drawn.
She rolled to her side and tiptoed a fingertip down the bridge of his nose. His face gave a twitch or two and then his eyes opened and he sat bolt upright.
‘What?’ He sucked in a harsh-sounding breath. ‘Oh, sorry, cara. You okay? Did you say something?’
‘No, I was just watching you sleep.’
He dragged a hand down his face. ‘Is that what you call it? I feel like I’ve been awake for a month.’ He narrowed his gaze and lifted his arm to peer at his watch. Dropping it back to the bed with a dead arm flop. ‘God. Five a.m.’
Alice stroked her fingers down the raspy slope of his cheek. ‘Do you realise that’s the first night we’ve spent together without making love?’
He cranked open one eye. ‘Why do you think I’m on the outside of these sheets?’
She nestled closer, leaning over him so her breasts were crushed against his chest. ‘I’m not sick now. In fact, I’m fighting fit.’
The other darkly glinting eye opened. ‘I thought we weren’t supposed to be fighting any more?’
Alice slipped a hand down to where he was as hard as stone. ‘Feels to me you’re already armed and dangerous.’
He gave her a sexy grin and flipped her so she was lying beneath him, his hand cupping her breast. ‘If I were a good man I’d insist you have something to eat and drink before I ravish you.’
She trailed a fingertip across his lower lip. ‘I’m only hungry and thirsty for you.’
He took her mouth in a long slow kiss that stirred her senses into overdrive. But just when she thought he’d reach for a condom and take things further, he pulled back and got off the bed. Something about his expression alerted her to a change of mood.
‘Sorry, cara. I must be a better man than I thought.’ He leaned down to brush her forehead with a light-as-air kiss, so light it was just shy of being impersonal. ‘Stay right where you are. I’m going to give you breakfast in bed.’
Alice lay back against the pillows while she waited. Maybe they’d talk about their future over breakfast. Surely he hadn’t forgotten what he’d said last night?
They’d been given a second chance to work at their relationship.
He was being so kind, so solicitous. He was acting exactly like a man in love...wasn’t he? Last night he had looked so distraught at the hospital and again when they’d come home, fussing over her and holding her in his arms all night without getting a wink of sleep himself. Didn’t that mean he loved her?
Then why hadn’t he said something?
She’d told him last night she loved him...or at least that she had fallen in love with him the first moment they’d met. Why hadn’t he said it back? Or hadn’t he said it because he didn’t feel that way now? Had his tenderness last night just been a reaction to the shock of finding her in hospital?
Alice couldn’t stop the panic rising. What if she’d misread their conversation last night? What if he’d just said those words to settle her for the night after her health scare? Was it her imagination or was he withdrawing from her? When had he ever pulled away from a kiss? Was he backing away from a longer relationship?
Had her confession of love made him rethink their involvement?
In two weeks they would be married, but on what terms? Temporary. No future stretching out in front of them. No plans for making a family together and raising them with love and commitment. Their relationship, although it would be formalised
with a certificate of marriage, would be nothing more than a transient affair—as he’d stated time and time again he wanted it to be.
How could she agree to that when she wanted the opposite?
Yesterday, when the doctor asked Alice if there was any possibility she could be pregnant, a balloon of hope had risen in her chest. But then she’d realised the futility of harbouring such a hope. Cristiano didn’t want a family. He didn’t want what she wanted.
The sad irony of their reversed wishes made her realise again how devastated he must have felt when she’d walked out on him that day in that restaurant. When the pregnancy test came back negative she was both relieved and disappointed. She didn’t want to force him to stay with her. She wanted him to love her and commit to her, not because of a baby, not because of his well-meaning grandmother’s machinations, but because he loved her more than anything else in the world. More than his stupid old shares, more than a luxury villa.
She thought of her friend Jennifer. She and Cristiano and Jennifer and Marcus would be married within a week of each other and yet you couldn’t find two different couples. Jennifer and Marcus were deeply in love. They planned to do all the things young couples on the threshold of a life together planned.
What did Alice and Cristiano have? A six-month time limit. He wanted his shares and his family villa and the only way to get them was to marry her. Without his grandmother’s will their affair would not have resumed. She would be fooling herself to think otherwise. He’d had seven years to do something about their ‘unfinished business’ and he had done nothing.
Cristiano came back with a tray with muesli and toast and juice and tea. One bowl. One plate. One cup. ‘Here we go.’ He balanced the tray on her knees. ‘Breakfast in bed.’
Alice picked up the cup of steaming tea. ‘Aren’t you going to join me?’
‘I have a couple of emails to see to. Stuff to do with the wedding and so on. Do you need a hand choosing a dress? I’ve got some time today if you’re—’
‘Don’t you know it’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride’s dress before the wedding?’
Something about his slanted smile made her heart shrivel like a dried-up leaf. ‘It’s not like we have to worry about that, do we?’
Alice searched his face for a moment, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. He didn’t seem at all fazed by the fact their marriage was going to be temporary. Surely if he cared about her he would say something?
Why wasn’t he saying something?
Didn’t he have a conscience? Marriage was sacred. No one should enter into it without proper commitment and consent. It was a travesty to do otherwise. Didn’t he feel the slightest bit conflicted about what they were doing? There was her answer right there. No. He didn’t. All he wanted was the terms of the will ticked off. Goal achieved. Problem solved.
She put her cup back down and lifted the tray off her knees.
‘What’s wrong?’ Cristiano took the tray off her, frowning. ‘Why are you getting out of bed?’
Alice got to her feet and pushed her hair back behind her shoulders. ‘I’m not sure I can do this.’
‘It’s just breakfast in bed,’ he said. ‘No one’s insisting you take the day off work, although maybe I should. You push yourself way too hard. Meghan told me you never take a holiday.’
She turned and faced him. ‘I thought we were going to talk. So let’s talk.’
‘About what?’
Alice wrapped her arms around her body as if to contain the emotions threatening to burst out of her. What was with his blank expression? Didn’t he remember anything about last night? ‘About us. About the fact I love you and want to have a future with you. A family.’
His expression locked down, every muscle on his face freezing as if turned to marble. ‘I don’t think now’s the right time to talk about—’
‘When is the right time?’ Alice said. ‘We have two weeks until we get married. You told me last night we would discuss the fact we’ve been given a second chance at our relationship via your grandmother. So let’s discuss it. I’m not unwell now.’
He moved to the other side of the room, straightening objects on her dressing table that didn’t need straightening. His back was turned to her but she could see part of his reflection in the mirror. He was shutting her out. Withdrawing from her.
‘Can we talk about this some other time? I have a lot on my mind right now.’
Alice wasn’t going to be fobbed off. ‘If we don’t discuss it now, then I’m afraid I can’t marry you. It wouldn’t be right for me or for you.’
He turned from the dressing table, a flash of irritation firing off at the back of his gaze and a muscle leaping in his jaw. ‘What are you talking about? You stand to inherit millions out of this.’
She let out a frustrated breath. ‘Life isn’t just about money, Cristiano. It’s about much more than that. I don’t care about the money. Do you really think if I were motivated by money I would’ve rejected your proposal seven years ago?’
‘We’re not talking about back then, Alice.’ His voice was deep and steady but that muscle near his mouth was speeding up. ‘We’re talking about now. I’ve told you what I’m prepared to commit to and having a family is not even on the whiteboard.’
‘I want more than a temporary marriage,’ Alice said. ‘I want a proper one. I want a family. Last night when the doctor told me I wasn’t pregnant I realised how much I wished I were having a baby. But you don’t want a baby. You don’t want what I want at all.’
His eyes were obsidian black, the tension around his mouth making his lips appear white at the corners. ‘We agreed on the terms. You’re the one who’s been on a soapbox for years about how marriage is a domestic prison for women, and now you want the white picket fence and the double pram?’
Alice held his gaze with a resolve she hadn’t thought possible even minutes earlier. But she couldn’t back down now. Wouldn’t back down. He’d had plenty of opportunity to tell her he loved her but he hadn’t. Even if he said it now, how could she believe it wasn’t a ploy to make her agree to the terms of the will?
‘I want the fairy tale and I don’t want to settle for anything less than absolute commitment,’ she said. ‘I want my marriage to be for ever, not for six months.’
He stalked to the other side of the bedroom, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck as if something were burning him there. He swung back to face her, his expression going back to cold, hard marble. ‘I’m not going to parrot the words you think you want to hear. Why are you doing this—?’
‘I wouldn’t believe you if you said you loved me now,’ Alice said. ‘You’re completely focussed on getting those shares and keeping your grandmother’s villa in your family’s hand. That’s all you care about. You don’t care about me. I don’t think you ever did. You care about what you want—what I would do for you by being your wife. Our relationship has always been more about you than us as a unit, and if you were honest with yourself you’d admit it.’
‘Alice, listen to me.’ His voice softened but she got the sense his anger was not far away. ‘You’re still not well. You’re not thinking straight. You have too much to lose to throw this now. Just hop back into bed and I’ll—’
‘And you’ll what?’ Alice cast him a frosty glare. ‘Seduce me into seeing things your way? That’s what you always tried to do in the past. You never listened to me when we had a difference of opinion. You tried to solve everything with sex. But sex won’t solve this. I want more from you than great sex. Much, much more.’
He drew in a deep breath and released it in a whoosh. ‘So that’s it? Marriage or nothing?’
Alice gave him a wry look. ‘Your words, not mine, but they’ll do.’ She took off her engagement ring and handed it to him. ‘I think it’s best if we don’t see each other again.’
He ignored her outstretched palm, his mouth curling up at one corner. ‘Keep it. You can pawn it so you can set up your spa or throw it away for all I care.’
Alice closed her hand around the ring, not one bit surprised when it cut into her palm as sharply as his words had into her heart. ‘You won’t ever be happy, Cristiano, because deep down you don’t think you deserve to be. You refuse to love someone in case they withdraw that love or fate takes it away from you.’
He snatched up his jacket from the back of the dressing-table chair. ‘Leave your psychoanalysis for someone who gives a damn. You don’t know me as well as you think.’
‘I know,’ Alice said. ‘That’s why we were doomed from the start. You don’t want anyone to get close to you. I can’t be in a relationship like that. I want emotional honesty.’ I want you to love me.
‘Oh, and you’re the big expert on emotional honesty, aren’t you, Alice?’ His eyes blazed with bitterness. ‘You think I’m going to believe you’re suddenly madly in love with me? A few days ago you wanted to gouge my eyes out. What you’re doing is manipulating. Trying to get your future sorted by issuing me with an ultimatum. How about a bit of intellectual honesty, hey? Let’s try that instead. I can’t give you what you want. Simple as that. Take it or leave it.’
‘I don’t hate you. I never hated you.’
He gave a snort. ‘Yeah, well, guess what? I don’t give a damn either way.’
Alice winced when the bedroom door snapped shut on his exit. She listened to the tread of his footsteps as he left her house, her breath stalling in the hope he would stop and turn back. Come back up the stairs and swing open her bedroom door and say he was sorry. That he would sweep her into his arms and say of course he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.
But the only thing she got was silence.
* * *
Cristiano had never felt so flooded with such confusing emotions. Anger. Disappointment. Bitterness. Anger again. A hot cauldron of bubbling feelings was threatening to explode out of his chest. He had to stop to lean over and place his hands on his knees to get control of his breath. In. Out. In. Out. How could she do this to him? Now?
Two weeks.
Two miserable weeks and his shares and the villa would have been secure.
The Temporary Mrs. Marchetti (Mills & Boon Modern) Page 14