by Ria Cantrell
“That makes two of us, Da’.”
Ruiri pulled on his leine and then said, “I am going to Edinburgh in a couple of weeks. Till then I will stay in the village, but first I need to apologize to Brielle.”
Caleb felt as protective of the girl as he would his own daughter and he said, “Don’t ye’ dare. Ye’ keep yer’ distance from her. Ye’ have done enough to her. The worst of those is not even the promise of rape. Ye’ have broken her heart. Ye’ dunna’ deserve her, Ruiri. She is an angel, who is pure of heart and beautiful. She is in love with ye’ and ye’ dunna’ deserve her.”
Rory looked at his father and just nodded. “Ye’ are right. I am sorry I hurt her, but now she knows the truth. She knows not to love a man like me and it is better to have learned it sooner than later.”
“Listen, to me Son. I never loved again after yer’ mother passed. I wouldn’t allow myself to. I had five children to rear and it filled my life enough. But the loneliness has been terrible. It did not honor yer’ mother to remain alone.”
Rory’s head was hung and he mumbled, “Ye, did not kill Mama. T’is different.”
“Ye’ did not kill Caitlyn, either. Nor that girl that threatened Drew and Bronwyn.”
“I may as well have. T’was my actions that lead to both their deaths.”
Caleb softened his gaze. “T’was not yer’ fault Caitlyn was struck. Ye’ have blamed yourself for too long, Ruiri. T’is time to let someone tend yer’ pain. Even if it isn’t Brielle, let someone else in. Anyone else, if need be. And I dunna’ mean the pretty lassies ye’ visit regularly. I mean someone into yer’ heart.”
Rory mumbled, “I dunna’ want anyone else. I only want….”
Rory stopped abruptly. He would not admit that he did want Brielle. He could never admit such a thing. Caleb tried not to smile. So there it was.
“Ye’ are in love with her! Admit it!”
“She is a Campbell!”
“Ruiri. She is a woman. She is a victim of her birth. Not to mention those two brothers.”
“T’is no matter now. She knows me for what I am.”
Caleb approached his son and hooking his arm across his shoulders, he said, “Ye’ are scared to death, aren’t ye’? I think this has nothing to do with her clan. Ye’ are afraid if you love her, she will die. Ye’ would rather frighten her away than let her love ye’.”
Rory shrugged off his father’s hold. He began fastening his plaid around him.
“She’s not going to die, Ruiri.”
“Ye’ dunna’ know that. Mama died and ye’ could do naught to prevent it.” Caleb sighed with the weight of that reality deeply.
“Nay, I could not. The fever was too much for her and she went so fast, but Brielle is thriving here. She is getting stronger and she owes that to you. I saw how ye’ tended her.”
Rory finished dressing and he began to brush past his father.
“Son, wait.”
Rory stopped but did not turn to look back at Caleb.
“Son, dunna’ make the same mistake I have made. I am now too old to find love. Forget her clan. See her as a woman first and the woman who loves ye. Tell her ye’ love her.”
Rory didn’t answer but left the solar. Caleb took another deep, frustrated sigh. He had not only passed the legacy of pride and stubbornness to Rory, he had passed the fear of loss to him, as well.
Caleb went to talk to the girl. Upon entering her chamber, he saw Brielle lying on her side crying; Morag stroking her hair. She was speaking soft words to the girl in Gaelic. Caleb cleared his throat and said, “Morag, I need a word with the girl.”
She looked at Caleb and said, “I hope ye' gave that son of yers’ a sound thrashing. I’d like to take a switch to him myself.”
“I think he’d welcome a beating, for the torture he puts on himself is far worse than any physical violence I can inflict on him.”
Morag “harrumphed” and left the room. Caleb sat on the bed behind Brielle.
“Come now girl, sit up a minute.”
Brielle slowly sat up, hiccupping in her sobs. Caleb pulled a flask from his sporran and handed it to her.
“Take a drink of that, lass.”
Brielle took a swallow of the whiskey and she sputtered, gasping.
“Easy, girl. Just let it seep down into ye’. Take another sip slowly.”
She obeyed. Then he handed her a handkerchief and he said, “Now blow. Good girl.”
He dabbed the tears away and he said, “Alright, lass. Are ye’ hurt much?”
She shook her head, no.
“Good, he didn’t force you?” Caleb asked, just to confirm his son’s story.
“Nay, he tried, but he did not.”
Caleb took a deep breath and he said, “I am sorry Ruiri acted that way. I am shamed by his actions.”
Brielle shrugged and said, “Ruiri is a grown man. He knows what he is doing and has done.”
“Lassie, he is….”
“I know; he’s been damaged. He’s affected. I was wrong about him. He is no different from any other man that I have encountered. Men speak with violence and force. Ruiri is no different.”
Caleb patted her hand and he said, “Brielle, he is in love with ye’.”
She laughed bitterly and said, “Well then, he sure knows the best way to show that to a girl. Caleb, he nearly raped me.”
There, she said it! She had not wanted to speak it and attest to it, but now it was out in the open.
“I know, he told me. He regrets what he did. I know he doesna’ deserve yer’ love or forgiveness. He is scared to death, for loving ye’ threatens his tightly held resolve. If he allows himself to admit that he loves you, he is afraid you too will pass to the netherworld like Caitlyn, and he cannot bear to think of enduring that loss.”
“Caleb, I was used to living a solitary life before my Granddad passed. That is better for me. I have had limited exposure to most types of relationships, but mostly I am not skilled in the relationships between a man and a woman. Perhaps it is best I leave. I have caused Ruiri enough grief.”
Caleb hugged her and he said, “Dunna’ leave us. I have grown so fond of ye’. Ye’ are like another daughter to me. And…where will ye’ go?”
“I don’t know, Caleb.”
He hugged her and said, “Alright, lass. Dunna’ decide now. I know ye’ need some time.”
Brielle nodded sadly. Before leaving, Caleb turned back and asked, “Do ye’ still ….?”
“Love him?”
Caleb nodded. Brielle raised tearful eyes to Caleb.
“Aye, I still love him. Of course I still love him. I dunna’ know why I do, but I do. I shall probably always love him, for he is the first man I have ever truly loved, but I cannot change who I am and I cannot change who he is. He has no room in his heart for me to love him while I remain a Campbell. And as you told me, I cannot deny my heritage.”
“Then somehow, I know it will resolve, even if I have to beat him into accepting it.”
Brielle smiled, even as tears still dripped from her lashes, imagining Caleb giving Rory a thrashing. She almost wished she could witness it, for he surely deserved it.
Rory didn’t join them for midday meal or supper. After Brielle had a chance to cool her temper, she actually had hoped that maybe he would come and sit to have a meal and talk civilly, but he disappointed her again the following morning at breakfast and again the following night. Despite what had happened, Brielle wanted to see him. She could not deny that she still loved him. She missed him and wanted to talk to him. She thought if she could only talk to him, she could get through to him. Rory was being a coward, as far as she could tell. He was carefully avoiding her. It was like he was always elsewhere if she was around. Suddenly the keep seemed too big, indeed.
Chapter Twelve
Rory only crept up to his room when he was sure Brielle was asleep. Then, he would spend his night tossing and turning knowing she was on the other side of the door. Even knowing she was a Cam
pbell, he found himself wanting her and aching for her. He knew he should forget about her. There was no way that they could overcome the obstacles that were between the two of them. Rory admitted to himself that he was to blame for most of what was wrong, but they would always have the clan division between them.
It was better for Rory to hold onto that reason than to acknowledge the truth. Rory just wished that he could get the girl out of his mind. He wished he could forget how she had felt in his arms. Rory wished he had not been the one to find her broken on that cold highland road. It hurt too much to want her and not have her and he could never have her. Surely she would not want any part of him now, anyway. Rory tried not to think on Caleb’s words too much. If he did, he would have to admit that he was scared; scared to love Brielle and even more terrified of losing her.
Nearly a week later, Rory had gone to retire to bed. He had been keeping away from Brielle diligently and had been timing to retire perfectly to avoid Brielle. He had just snuck into his bed when he thought he heard Brielle cry out. He leapt from his bed and pressed his forehead to the door, but he realized she must have been only dreaming, as he didn’t hear another sound. He was not sure how long he stood there pressed to the door, hoping beyond hope to even just hear a sigh from her.
He knew he could open and walk through the door at any time he wished, but he kept himself in tight restraint. He did not want to frighten her again. He had given some thought about heading to Edinburgh earlier, to put miles between himself and Brielle, but something he did not want to think about or admit held him and kept him from leaving. He did not want to think about how much he wanted her; how much he wanted just to kiss her and hold her. He did not want to think about how despite the careful prison he had created for his heart, that he had fallen in love with her. She was his enemy. Besides, he was pretty certain he had killed any chance of her caring for him anyway, when he had nearly raped her.
What Rory did not know was on that very night as he pressed to the door hoping to hear a sound from her room, she too had awakened, and she desperately wanted to see him. She did not know that he was sleeping back in his room. She thought for sure he was dallying elsewhere, but since the incident with Brielle, Rory actually had not even visited Maggie. He just did not trust himself with any other woman and he could no longer deny needing Brielle. He did not want to be with his usual casual bedmates. He just wanted to be with Brielle.
Brielle did not know that as she pressed her hands and cheek to the door between their chambers that Rory was on the other side, listening for her voice, just hoping to hear a sound or a sigh. Rory did not know that tears of frustration fell as Brielle imagined him in the arms of another woman. Brielle did not know that he stood shivering in the cold room because lighting a fire would alert her that he was there and while he stood pressed to the door, he was so cold, he was nearly numb. He didn’t know that as her silent tears fell, she mouthed, “Ruiri, I love you.”
Brielle didn’t know that he mouthed, “Brielle, please forgive me.”
After breakfast the next morning, Caleb noticed that though she had eaten well, Brielle had dark smudges under her eyes.
“Did ye’ no’ sleep well, lass,” he asked.
“Nay, not too well. I kept waking and hoping to hear if Ruiri returned, but he ne’er did. I thought if I heard him, I would try to talk to him, but he must have spent the night…elsewhere again,” She choked on the words.
Caleb munched on a venison sausage and casually said, “I noticed him getting in shortly after ye’ went up, lass. Now I could be wrong, but I was up pretty late and I dinna’ see him come back down again afore I retired.”
“He…he was there all night?”
“Aye, lass. It would seem so.”
She let a sound of frustration leave her lips. Caleb pretended to eat so she would not see him smile at her predicament.
“Is, he there, still?”
“Oh, nay, Lassie. He left before ye’ came down. And he was looking far worse than ye’ this day.”
Brielle wanted to stamp her feet; she was so piqued.
“Oooh! That slinking pole cat! I had my ear pressed to his door most of the night and he was there the entire time? I stood there freezing and he was probably tucked warmly in his bed. Och, I have been such a fool! Of all the sneaky, rotten tricks!”
Caleb suppressed the small laugh. He had never seen Brielle in a fit of temper. He was actually enjoying this stronger side of her. He had watched her come back from her injuries; never even thinking she would live, nonetheless, heal as quickly as she had. She was eating well and not looking as gaunt as she had when Ruiri first brought her home. She had a healthy hue to her skin now. Her gowns fit her more snuggly and not because she gained weight, although she had commented that she had. Morag was still altering them secretly to show her body to its best advantage. Caleb had to warn Morag not to take the necklines any lower. The lassie’s breasts were barely contained and he almost feared they would spill out over the top. By God, she was lovely. He marveled at Ruiri’s restraint.
Brielle knew she needed to think and be by herself for a while. Brielle rose from the table and donned a woolen cloak.
“By yer’ leave, Laird. I aim to take some fresh air,” she said, suddenly feeling like the castle walls were closing in on her. She felt like a complete fool, pining and worrying over the quarrel she had had with Rory; worrying over a man who had built stone walls around his heart. Loving a man like Ruiri MacCollum was futile! Caleb stood and kissed her hand.
“Alright, lass, dunna’ stay out over long. T’is still so cold.”
“Thank you. I will be careful.”
Brielle made her way out past the bailey and she hurried down the lane toward the grazing land where the horses were kept during the day, needing to be as far away from the keep as she dared. She loved to watch the horses in the meadow. She missed tending to the animals. She sighed; breathing in the cold crisp air. The beasties never disappointed her. She thought about Rory and how he was so skillful at avoiding her. Her heart was heavy. She would always be a Campbell and while she was, she would forever be his enemy.
As if sensing her loneliness, a large brindle horse approached Brielle and he nudged her with his head, nickering softly. Brielle laughed and stroked down the bridge of his nose.
“My, aren’t ye’ a beauty!”
The horse nudged her again and she patted his neck. He tossed his head and whinnied.
“Yes, ye’ are a magnificent boy. I have something fer’ ye.” She pulled a carrot from the fold of her skirt and she held it out to the horse. She laughed again as he gently ate out of her hand.
“I bet ye’ are a fast one. Would ye’ let me ride ye?”
The horse tossed his head again as if to say yes. Brielle looked around and in seeing no one to stop her, she climbed up the fence and deftly straddled the horse, tucking her skirts through her legs. She didn't see any harm in taking a short ride on this beautiful animal. She had ridden bareback frequently as a young girl. The horse didn’t seem fazed by it.
She patted his neck and said, “Good boy. Thank you for being patient.”
She settled herself on top of the horse and she dug her heels gently into his flanks. He trotted off, as she held on to his neck. It felt so good to be riding again. As the horse began to canter, her hood fell back and she felt the wind on her face. All anger dissipated as the horse carried her in an exciting run. It was glorious and exhilarating and she barely felt the soreness and the stiffness from her accident. Brielle felt more alive than she had in months.
She saw an open clearing and she leaned lower against the horse’s neck, urging him to go faster. She could feel the muscles of the magnificent beast bunching to run at full gallop. As the animal ran, Brielle squealed in delight; holding on to his mane and using her knees to stay seated. It was the most light-hearted she had felt in quite some time. For this brief time, it was just rider and horse, and it felt liberating and wonderful. Brielle was thoroughly e
njoying herself and she laughed with the joy of a child, forgetting about her troubles with Rory; forgetting even that she was angry with him.
Chapter Thirteen
Rory had wandered out of the keep, lost in his brooding thoughts. He thought he had barely slept a wink, so focused was he on that girl sleeping in the next room. He had successfully avoided her for the past week, but he was no closer to coming to terms with his feelings about her. He sighed heavily. Avoiding her was not the answer. He would have to talk to her eventually.
He was going to leave for Edinburgh in another week or so and if nothing else, he had to apologize to her. He knew a good ride on his destrier would help clear his head. The horses were in pasture at this time of the day, so he wandered carelessly to the meadow.
Rory stopped in his tracks at the scene before him. That crazy wild girl was riding the brindle stallion; the horse, which hadn’t been properly broken. Bareback!
“Bloody feckin hell,” he cursed out loud. She was going to get herself killed. What madness was this? She was actually laughing.
Rory whistled for his stallion and he leapt onto its back effortlessly. He was used to guiding his horse without reins, as he had been trained as a warrior to do. He expected the girl to be terrified as she hung low onto the horse’s neck, riding at a break-neck pace. He was afraid to ride too closely. The brindle had proven to be skittish and he was afraid the presence of his own horse would cause it to rear. Brielle’s little body couldn’t bear another tumble. Her ribs had been pretty close to being broken from the accident.
He called out, “Brielle….”
Seeing him, she waved; all quarrels and hurt momentarily forgotten. Then she saw Ruiri's face. He was stricken with fear. Fear, it seemed, for her!
Brielle was certain she was perfectly safe, but she had never seen that look on Rory’s face before. Did he suspect that she was in danger? She slowed the horse to a trot and approached his great dark war-horse. Rory jumped off the back of his horse and slapped its hindquarters, sending it to trot off on its own. He could not chance spooking the brindle.