by Eoin Colfer
‘Clever,’ said Artemis. ‘I expected as much.’
Holly entered with Mulch in tow. The dwarf was wearing cuffs and looking extremely sorry for himself.
‘Is this really necessary,’ he whined, ‘after all we’ve been through?’
‘My badge is on the line,’ retorted Holly. ‘The commander said to come back with you, or not at all.’
‘What do I have to do? I donated the fat, didn’t I?’
Butler rolled his eyes. ‘Please, no.’
Juliet giggled. ‘Don’t worry, Dom. You won’t remember a thing about it.’
‘Knock me out,’ said Butler. ‘Quickly.’
‘Don’t mention it,’ grumbled Mulch, attempting to rub his behind.
Holly uncuffed the dwarf, but stayed within grabbing distance.
‘He wanted to say goodbye, so here we are.’ She nudged Mulch with her shoulder. ‘So, say goodbye.’
Juliet winked. ‘Bye, Smelly.’
‘So long, Stinker.’
‘Don’t go chewing through any concrete walls.’
‘I don’t find that kind of thing funny,’ said Mulch, with a pained expression.
‘Who knows. Maybe we’ll see each other again.’
Mulch nodded at the technicians, busy firing up their hard drives.
‘If we do, thanks to these people, it’ll be the first time.’
Butler knelt to the dwarf’s level.
‘You look after yourself, little friend. Stay clear of goblins.’
Mulch shuddered. ‘You don’t have to tell me that.’
Commander Root’s face appeared on a roll-down screen erected by an LEP officer.
‘Maybe you two would like to get married?’ he barked. ‘I don’t know what all the emotion is about. In ten minutes you people won’t even remember this convict’s name!’
‘We have the commander online,’ said a technician, a tad unnecessarily.
Mulch stared at the button camera mounted on the screen. ‘Julius, please. Do you realize that all of these humans owe me their lives? This is an emotional moment for them.’
Root’s rosy complexion was exaggerated by poor reception.
‘I couldn’t care less about your touchy feely moment. I’m here to make sure this wipe goes smoothly. If I know our friend Fowl, he’s got a few tricks up his sleeve.’
‘Really, Commander,’ said Artemis. ‘Such suspicion is wounding.’
But the Irish teenager couldn’t suppress a grin. Everybody knew that he would have hidden items to spark residual memories; it was up to the LEP to find them. Their final contest.
Artemis stood and approached Mulch Diggums.
‘Mulch. Of all the fairy People, I will miss your services the most. We could have had such a future together.’
Mulch looked a touch teary. ‘True. With your brains and my special talents.’
‘Not to mention your mutual lack of morals,’ interjected Holly.
‘No bank on the planet would have been safe,’ completed the dwarf.
‘A missed opportunity.’
Artemis tried his best to look sincere. It was vital for the next step in the plan.
‘Mulch, I know you risked your life betraying the Antonelli family, so I’d like to give you something.’
Mulch’s imagination churned with visions of trust funds and offshore accounts.
‘There’s no need. Really. Although it was incredibly brave, and I was in mortal danger.’
‘Exactly,’ said Artemis, untying the gold medallion from round his neck. ‘I know this isn’t much, but it means a lot to me. I was going to keep it, but I realized that in a few minutes it will mean absolutely nothing. I would like you to have it; I think Holly would too. A little memento of our adventures.’
‘Gee,’ said Mulch, hefting the medallion. ‘Half an ounce of gold.
Great. You really broke the bank there, Artemis.’
Artemis gripped the dwarf’s hand. ‘It’s not always about money, Mulch.’
Root was craning his neck, trying to see more. ‘What’s that? What has he given to die convict?’
Holly snatched the medallion, holding it up for the camera.
‘Just a gold coin, Commander. I gave it to Artemis myself.’
Foaly glanced at the small medal. ‘Actually this kills two stink worms with one skewer. The medallion could have triggered some residual memories. Highly unlikely, but possible.’
‘And the other stink worm?’
‘Mulch gets something to look at in prison.’
Root mulled it over for several moments.
‘OK. He can keep it. Now get that convict into the shuttle and let’s get on with this. I’ve got a Council meeting in ten minutes.’
Holly led Mulch out, and Artemis realized that he really was sorry to see the dwarf go. But more than that, he was sorry that the memory of their friendship could be gone forever.
The technicians descended like flies on a carcass. In seconds every human in the room had electrodes attached to temples and wrists. Each set of electrodes ran through a neural transformer and on to a plasma screen. Memories flickered on the screens.
Foaly studied the images. ‘Way too early,’ he announced. ‘Calibrate them to sixteen months ago. Actually, make that about three years. I don’t want Artemis planning his initial kidnap all over again.’
‘Bravo, Foaly,’ said Artemis bitterly. ‘I was hoping you might miss that.’
The centaur winked. ‘That’s not all I didn’t miss.’
On the pull-down screen, Root’s pixelated mouth stretched into a smile.
‘Tell him, Foaly. I can’t wait to see the human’s face.’
Foaly consulted a file on his hand-held computer.
‘We checked your e-mail and guess what?’
‘Do tell.’
‘We found a fairy file, just waiting to be delivered. We also ran a search on the Internet in general. And lo and behold, someone with your e-mail address had rented some storage megabytes. More fairy files.’
Artemis was unrepentant. ‘I had to try. I’m sure you understand.’
‘Nothing else you want to tell us about?’
Artemis opened his eyes wide, the epitome of innocence. ‘Nothing.
You’re too clever for me.’
Foaly took a laserdisc from a toolbox, sliding it into the drive of a networked computer on the table. ‘Well, just in case, I’m going to detonate a data charge in your computer system. The virus will leave your files unharmed, unless they pertain to the People. Not only that but the virus will monitor your system for a further six months, just in case you have outwitted us somehow.’
‘And you’re telling me all this because I won’t remember it anyway.’
Foaly did a little four-step, clapping his hands together. ‘Exactly.’
Holly pushed through the door, dragging a metallic capsule behind her.
‘Look what they found buried in the grounds.’ She flipped the lid, pouring the capsule’s contents on the Tunisian rug. Several computer disks and hard copies of Artemis’s diary fanned across the carpet.
Foaly examined a disk. ‘Something else you forgot to mention?’
Artemis was not quite so cocky now. His lifelines to the past were being cut one by one.
‘It slipped my mind.’
‘That’s it, I suppose. There’s nothing else.’
Artemis returned to his chair, folding his arms. ‘And if I say yes, you’ll believe me, I suppose.’
Root laughed so hard that it seemed the screen was shaking.
‘Oh, yes, Artemis. We trust you completely. How could we not after all you’ve put the People through? If you don’t mind, we’d like to ask you a few questions under the mesmer, and this time you won’t be wearing sunglasses.’
Sixteen months previously, Artemis had successfully deflected Holly’s hypnotic gaze with mirrored sunglasses. It was the first time he had outwitted the fairies. It was not to be the last.
‘Well then, let�
�s get on with it.’
‘Captain Short,’ barked Root. ‘You know what to do.’
Holly removed her helmet, massaging the tips of her ears to get the circulation going.
‘I’m going to mesmerize you and ask a few questions. It’s not the first time you’ve been under, so you know that the procedure is not painful. I advise you to relax; if you try to resist, it could cause memory loss or even brain damage.’
Artemis held up his palm. ‘Wait a moment. Am I right in thinking that when I wake up again this will all be over?’
Holly smiled. ‘Yes, Artemis. This is goodbye, for the last time.’
Artemis’s face was composed, in spite of the emotions churning inside him.
‘Well then, I have a few things to say.’
Root was curious, in spite of himself. ‘One minute, Fowl. Then nighty night.’
‘Very well. Firstly, thank you. I have my family and friends around me thanks to the People. I wish I didn’t have to forget that.’
Holly laid a hand on his shoulder. ‘It’s better this way, Artemis. Believe me.’
‘And secondly, I want you all to think back to the first time you met me. Remember that night?’
Holly shuddered. She remembered the cold individual who had attacked her at a magical hot spot in southern Ireland. Commander Root would never forget escaping an exploding tanker by the skin of his wings, and Foaly’s first glimpse of Artemis had been a recording of the negotiations for Holly’s release. He had been a despicable creature.
‘If you take away the memories and influences of the People,’ continued Artemis, ‘I might become that person again. Is that what you really want?’
It was a chilling thought. Were the People responsible for Artemis’s transformation? And were they to be responsible for changing him back?
Holly turned to the screen. ‘Is it possible? Artemis has come a long way. Do we have the right to destroy all that progress?’
‘He’s right,’ added Foaly. ‘I never thought I would say this, but I kinda like the new model.’
Root opened another computer window on the screen. ‘The Psych
Brotherhood did this probability report for us. They say the chances of a reversion are slim. Fowl will still have strong positive influences from his family and the Butlers.’
‘The Psych Brotherhood?’ objected Holly. ‘Argon and his cronies?
And when exactly did we start trusting those witch doctors?’
Root opened his mouth to yell, but thought better of it. Not something that happened every day.
‘Holly,’ he said, almost gently. ‘The future of our culture is at stake here. The bottom line is that Artemis’s future is not our problem.’
Holly’s mouth was a grim slash. ‘If that’s true, then we’re as bad as the Mud People.’
The commander decided to revert to his usual mode of communication.
‘Listen to me, Captain,’ he roared. ‘Being in command means making tough decisions. Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you’re told. Now mesmerize those humans before we lose the link.’
‘Yes, sir. Whatever you say, sir.’
Holly stood directly in front of Artemis, careful to make eye contact.
‘Goodbye, Holly. I won’t see you again, though I’m sure you will see me.’
‘Just relax, Artemis. Deep breaths.’
When Holly spoke again, her voice was layered with bass and alto.
The hypnotic layers of the mesmer.
‘That was some job we did on Spiro, eh?’
Artemis smiled sleepily. ‘Yes. The last adventure. No more hurting people.’
‘How do you come up with these plans?’
Artemis’s lids drooped. ‘Natural ability, I suppose. Handed down by generations of Fowls.’
‘I bet you would do anything to hang on to your fairy memories?’
‘Almost anything.’
‘So what did you do?’
Artemis smiled. ‘I played a few little tricks.’
‘What kind of tricks?’ pressed Holly.
‘It’s a secret. I can’t tell you.’
Holly added a few more layers to her voice.
‘Tell me, Artemis. It will be our secret.’
A vein pulsed in Artemis’s temple. ‘You won’t tell? You won’t tell the fairies?’
Holly glanced guiltily at the screen. Root gestured at her to continue.
‘I won’t tell. It will be just between us.’
‘Butler hid a capsule in the maze.’
‘And?’
‘I sent myself an e-mail. But I expect Foaly to find that. It’s to throw him off-guard.’
‘Very clever. Is there anything you don’t expect him to find?’
Artemis smiled craftily. ‘I hid a file on an Internet storage site.
Foaly’s data charge won’t affect it. The providers will mail me a reminder in six months. When I retrieve the data it should trigger residual memories and possibly total recall.’
‘Anything else?’
‘No. The storage site is our last hope. If the centaur finds that, then the fairy world is lost forever.’
Root’s image crackled on the screen. ‘OK. The uplink is breaking up. Knock them out and wipe them. Tape the whole process. I won’t believe Artemis is out of the game until I see the footage.’
‘Commander. Maybe I should ask the others a few questions.’
‘Negative, Captain. Fowl said it himself. The storage site was their last hope. Hook them up and run the program.’
The commander’s image disappeared in waves of static.
‘Yes, sir.’ Holly turned to the technical crew. ‘You heard the fairy. Let’s go. Sun up is in a couple of hours. I want us below ground before that.’
The techies checked that the electrodes had strong contacts, then unwrapped three sets of sleep goggles.
‘I’ll do that,’ said Holly, taking the masks.
She hooked the elastic over Juliet’s ponytail.
‘You know something?’ she said. ‘Personal protection is a cold business. You have too much heart for it.’
Juliet nodded slowly. ‘I’ll try to hold on to that thought.’
Holly settled the eyepieces gently.
‘I’ll keep an eye on you.’
Juliet smiled. ‘See you in my dreams.’
Holly pressed a small button on the sleep mask, and a combination of hypno-lights in the eyepieces and sedative administered through the seals knocked Juliet out in less than five seconds.
Butler was next. The technical crew had added a length of elastic to the mask’s strap so that it could encircle his shaven crown.
‘Make sure Foaly doesn’t go crazy with that mind wiper,’ said the bodyguard. ‘I don’t want to wake up with four decades of nothing in my head.’
‘Don’t worry,’ said Holly reassuringly. ‘Foaly generally knows what he’s doing.’
‘Good. Remember, if the People ever do need help, I’m available.’
Holly pressed the button.
‘I’ll remember that,’ she whispered.
Artemis was last in the line. In his mesmerized state he seemed almost peaceful. For once, there were no thought lines wrinkling his brow and, if you didn’t know him, he could almost be a normal thirteen-year-old human.
Hollv turned to Foaly. ‘Are you sure about this?’
The centaur shrugged. ‘What choice do we have? Orders are orders.’
Holly placed the mask over Artemis’s eyes and pushed the button.
Seconds later, the teenager slumped in his chair. Immediately, lines of Gnommish text began to flash across the screen behind him. In the days of Frond, Gnommish had been written in spirals. But reading in spirals gave most fairies a migraine.
‘Commence deleting,’ ordered Foaly. ‘But keep a copy. Some time when I have a few weeks off I’m going to find out what makes this guy tick.’
Holly watched Artemis’s life being written in green symbols on the screen
.
‘This doesn’t feel right,’ she commented. ‘If he found us once, he could find us again. Especially if he becomes the monster he used to be.’
Foaly tapped commands into an ergonomic keyboard. ‘Maybe. But next time we’ll be ready.’
Holly sighed. ‘It’s a pity, because now we were almost friends.’
The centaur snorted. ‘Sure. Like you can be friends with a viper.’
Holly suddenly shut her helmet visor, hiding her eyes.
‘You’re right, of course. We could never have been friends. It was circumstance that pushed us together, nothing more.’
Foaly patted her shoulder. ‘That’s the girl. Keep your ears up. Where are you going?’
‘Tara,’ replied Holly. ‘I’m going to fly. I need the fresh air.’
‘You don’t have clearance for a flight,’ objected Foaly. ‘Root will have your badge.’
‘For what?’ said Holly, firing up her wings. ‘I’m not supposed to be here, remember?’
And she was gone, flying in a lazy loop through the entrance hall.
She cleared the main door with centimetres to spare, climbing quickly into the night sky. For a second, her slim frame was backlit by the full moon, and then she disappeared, vibrating out of the visible spectrum.
Foaly watched her go. Emotional creatures, elves. In some respects they made the worst Recon operatives. All decisions were taken by the heart. But Root would never fire Holly, because policing was what she was born to do. And anyway, who else would save the People if Artemis Fowl ever found them again?
Mulch sat in the shuttle’s holding booth feeling extremely sorry for himself. He tried to sit on the bench without actually touching it with his tender behind. Not an easy task.
Things did not look good, it had to be said. Even after all he’d done for the LEP they were going to lock him up for at least a decade. Just for stealing a few measly bars of gold. And it didn’t seem likely that he’d get an opportunity to escape. He was surrounded by steel and laser bars, and would remain so until the shuttle docked in Haven. After that it was a quick jaunt to Police Plaza, a summary hearing and off to a secure facility until his beard turned grey. Which it would, if he was forced to spend more than five years out of the tunnels.