by Sam Vickery
“Go for it, I don’t think you can surprise me more than you already have.”
“Well, it's about your mother.”
My eyes snapped up to meet his. “What about her?” I demanded, defensive now. What could he know about my mother that I didn’t know? I was willing to bet it was very little.
He hesitated, looking up at the sky. “She's alive. Well, if that’s the term you would give to a Vampire...” he shrugged, looking back to my face to gauge my reaction. I was up on my feet and backing away from him in under a second. How dare he trick me like this, what was wrong with him!
“No Sebastian, you're wrong. My mother is dead.”
“No you are wrong Oriah, she is alive. Please hear me out.” I tried to ignore what he was telling me as his words spilled out. I started to shake, I could no longer focus on his perfect green eyes, instead tearing my gaze away to glare at the lake. His words broke through me, shattering everything I thought was true. First he tells me I am immortal, now he tells me that my mother is still alive, that she has intentionally left me. I couldn’t believe it, she wouldn’t.
The lake began to swirl as I stared at it, anger swelling in my belly, I couldn't seem to regain my composure. I watched with vague interest as a funnel of revolving water began to grow and rise out of the freezing inky lake. The fire in my belly was out of control now and I could no longer hear Sebastian’s voice, just a low ringing in my ears. I had never felt so furious. The swirling vortex was growing fast. Twenty foot, thirty. I absently wondered how big it could get. I had never created anything so huge before.
I felt powerful and lost all at once, so focused on the lake that his sudden touch startled me, breaking me from my trance. The water came hurtling down in a split second, with an almighty crash. I turned to face his worried expression, water dripping from his soaked black hair, down his cheeks, forming tiny droplets on his full lips. I stared uncomprehendingly at him for a fraction of a second, before turning on my heels and running, leaving him standing alone under the yew tree. I couldn't look back.
Chapter Three
By the time I had stopped running it was pitch black, the huge glowing moon already high, lighting everything it touched. I slowed to a walk, still stamping my feet in an attempt to disperse some of the tension that was gnawing away at my insides. I was furious, no that was the wrong word – I was livid with Sebastian. Who the hell was he to seek me out, lead me on, and then make up such outrageous lies! What was his motive? A life with no end might become boring at some point, I supposed, perhaps this was the kind of thing he did for fun. Well, maybe his life will come to an end much sooner than he had expected, I thought angrily, shaking off the idea as soon as it popped into my head. Violence wasn't the way to solve this, I told myself, pushing down the uncomfortable thoughts which were emerging that told me that even if I were a violent person, which I was not, there would have been no way I could ever knowingly harm him. That doing so would only hurt me so much more.
“No!” I pushed my fingers to my eyes, shaking my head. I couldn't let myself be drawn into that kind of thinking. It didn't matter what I had thought I had felt when I looked into his eyes. It was all a lie – none of it was real.
“Aaaarrrgh!!” I screamed, the fury building up like fire within me again. I was now not only angry with him, but with myself just as equally. Why was I allowing myself to waste my time and energy letting him invade my mind like this? Why was he having such an effect on me, it didn’t make any sense? Perhaps because he was the only other person that I had ever met who was the same as me. All this time I had thought that I was the only one of my kind, a rare breed; part mortal, part Vampire. Sebastian had shattered that belief in one swoop today, revealing the truth that I had always secretly hoped for; that there were more like me in this world, backing up his words with his very presence, for there was no doubt in my mind that he was the same as me.
I walked faster, looping back towards the town now, my thoughts turning to my new found options. Now that I knew there were others out there, a whole new world of possibility had been opened up to me. I wondered how I could find them. There must be a way of tracking them down. I scoured my mind desperately, unable to come up with any practical ideas. Sebastian's face popped into my thoughts again, and I was dragged back into my searing fury.
“I will not think about him, I will NOT think about him,” I repeated under my breath until it became a hum, a mantra to keep me sane.
I arrived back at Ivy's cottage and stood on the porch, trying to get myself under control before heading inside. I hated feeling like this, it made me vulnerable, and I worried that these new and intense emotions that had been piled on top of me recently would affect my self control around the humans. Would the stress make me more volatile? I had no experience of dealing with emotions this potent in my previous peaceful existence.
I took several deep breaths, squeezing my hands in and out of tight fists as I considered this, before coming to the conclusion that despite my anger, I was still confident that I was fully in control of my urges. Ivy was in no danger from me. I, on the other hand, may be in some danger of my own, I realised, as I pushed open the door to find my Aunt standing at the foot of the stairs, glowering at me, her arms folded tightly across her bony chest.
She stared at me, attempting to look menacing I guessed, but faltering slightly when she saw my own expression. “Do. You. Have. Any. Idea. What. Time. It. Is?” she forced the words out one syllable after another, breathing in deeply, her nostrils flaring as she waited for my response.
“I'm sorry Aunt Ivy, I must have lost track of the time... I didn't think you'd wait up for me,” I said calmly, attempting to pacify her. I didn’t have the energy for an argument right now.
“It's two in the bloody morning!!” she exploded. “Where on earth does a fifteen year old girl with no friends in the area go until two AM?” she questioned, jabbing a shaking white finger towards me.
“I went for a walk,” I answered, puzzled by her unnecessary anger. I had always liked to walk at night, it was usually so peaceful. “It's perfectly safe, you don’t need to worry about me, I can take care of myself,” I said, in what I thought was a reassuring tone.
“I don’t need to worry?” she screeched. “Oriah, of course I do, it's not safe for you to go walking around at night, anything could have happened to you, you could have...” she broke off. Her anger had propelled her forward until she was standing before me, cornering me between the wall and the banister. Instinctively, she stepped back, opening up the space and adopting a less threatening stance. I wondered if it was her fear of frightening me, or in fact, what she had seen in the eyes of an imprisoned young Mélange that had driven her to back off.
“And I spent so long cooking your dinner,” she said wistfully, gesturing sadly towards the kitchen, the smell of burning pasta lingering in the air. She seemed calmer now, resigned after her chance to vent her frustrations.
“I'm sorry, it won't happen again,” I promised, realising that I would have to be a bit more considerate of her human sensitivities from now on. “So, what did you cook?” I asked with a smile, trying to lighten the mood.
“Oh it's ruined now, and stone cold!” she complained, shaking her head forlornly.
“Well let's see, you never know – it might be salvageable,” I offered, hoping to restore the peace, despite the fact that the thought of food right now wasn't very appealing to me. I still had a ball of tension creating havoc in my stomach. She looked at me for a long moment, before sighing and stomping off into the kitchen.
Thirty minutes later, my stomach heavy with cold lasagne, I found myself lying in the hard single guest bed unable to sleep, as I stared up at the thick white artex of my bedroom ceiling. The anger had subsided slightly, only to be replaced with an overwhelming wave of loss. For the first since my parents had been killed, I had let myself hope, let myself feel something other than the all consuming pain which had held me so firmly under its wing. Sebastian –
God I hated thinking his name! – had pulled me out of the darkness and somehow made me feel whole again for a short time. I couldn't understand why I had experienced such intense feelings for him so suddenly. Picturing that moment when I first saw him, it had been as if the earth had stopped right then, just for a second. When I looked at him I felt as if I knew him, like he was always mine but I just hadn’t known it. I buried my face in my pillow, pulling my knees in tight to my chest.
I thought now about the words he had spoken so clearly, I had been unable to focus on them at the time, so shocked that he would speak so freely about my mother, her death. And now the despair I had felt before, was doubled, tripled even, the pain of losing this boy that I never really had a claim to anyway, was affecting me much more than I wanted to admit. It was ridiculous, I didn’t know him, he didn’t know me. I didn’t need this pain. I pushed my face deeper into the pillow, determined to clear my mind of these tortuous thoughts. Slowing my breathing I repeated over and over in my mind forget him, forget him, forget him, until eventually my thoughts stilled and everything went black.
***
I woke early, the sun not yet fully above the horizon, unable to sleep any longer, not that I needed it really, three or four hours was usually more than enough to keep me going. Hearing the sound of Ivy snoring gently down the hall, I smiled, presuming that she would be out for a while longer after her late night. I felt more positive today. In learning about the existence of the other Mélanges, I had been given the push I had been waiting for.
“Children of Venus,” I reminded myself under my breath, I would have to start getting used to saying that, the last thing I wanted was to accidentally insult someone by using the wrong term. Now I just needed to figure out where to begin my search. I couldn’t bring myself to believe he – I wouldn't think his name again – had been lying about them too, I needed this shred of hope to grasp onto too much to be able to let it go. I dressed quickly before heading quietly downstairs.
I looked apprehensively at the dusty computer standing in the corner of the living room, debating whether to turn it on. Back in the Congo my parents had miraculously secured an internet connection out there in the middle of nowhere. To be honest, I was always much more interested in reading real books, rather than staring at a screen, it always felt so sterile, so ironically disconnected, whereas I could lose myself in a book to the extent that it would become a part of me. It felt healthier, in my mind. Despite my preferences, I had still learned the ins and outs of computer maintenance and IT, and had from time to time browsed the internet to research certain subjects.
Out of sight of my parents watchful eyes, I had once used my time online to search for others of my kind. Curiosity was what had sparked my interest, I supposed, although now I wondered if there had been more to it than that. My search had been quick, yet thorough and the results conclusive. I had found nothing. Not a single lead or believable account of the existence of others of my kind. I had felt guilty after that, vowing to take my mothers word for the truth in the future. She wouldn't lie to me, my search had proved that much. Remembering that day now, I batted away the feeling of doubt that arose within me, questioning if my mother had known the truth, or if she had in fact intentionally lied to me.
Deciding to ignore the computer, I grabbed my coat, making up my mind to make a visit to the town's tiny library, since I had never made it that far after the unexpected sequence of events that had occurred the previous day. Pleased to have a plan and something to focus on, I rushed out the door, leaving Ivy a quick note so that she wouldn't worry unnecessarily again. The air was cool and crisp, the smell of wood-smoke rising up from the neighbours chimney. It was one of my favourite smells, and I walked slowly, savouring it and the good memories it conjured up.
As I tilted my face up to taste the air, I caught something else, an unmistakable scent, one that made my heart thud and my mouth water with its fresh, clean aroma, like apples, water, yet not quite the same somehow. It was so familiar, yet I just couldn't pinpoint it. The scent was Sebastian's without a shadow of a doubt. I would have known it anywhere. Discreetly, I scanned the area around me, sensing how close he was, yet not catching a glimpse of him. I could only assume he was following me, and my mood took a swift dive, the anger, still so close to the surface, began to bubble like hot lava once again. I was not in the mood for his games.
I would not give him the satisfaction of drawing me in again, I would not even acknowledge his presence, though he must have known I could feel him there. I sped up, careful not to go too fast out here in the open, not wanting to frighten the humans. I'd decided to walk today rather than have to put up with the awfulness of the bus journey again, and I made it there in under ten minutes, with my eyes focused straight ahead, though my unhindered peripheral vision enabled me to keep tabs on my surroundings. I scalded myself for making the journey so quickly – I must try to be more careful or people will notice! I never caught so much as a glimpse of him, but I could tell that he was keeping pace about thirty feet behind me, off to the left. I wondered why he didn’t show himself, force me to talk to him, but then maybe this was all part of his sick game. Would he follow me into the library? Surely he wouldn’t start a fight in there, with so many witnesses?
I was annoying myself with all this useless speculation, I would deal with him if and when I had to, I decided. For now, I was going to get back to what I had set out to do. The door opened automatically for me and I walked inside the warm building. I wasn’t exactly sure of what I was looking for but I decided to start with the stack of newspapers on the central table. Perhaps I could decipher something from some of the articles that would lead me in the right direction. I sat down, smiling tightly at an old man who was reading nearby. He looked stunned and frightened at my attempt at politeness, briskly standing up and moving away to sit over the other side of the room. I realised I had obviously failed to hide my emotions as well as I had hoped. I would have to work on my happy face, it wouldn't do to go around scaring people.
I poured through the newspapers, my eyes flickering up to the door every few minutes, half expecting him to walk in after me. After I had read the pile of papers, I moved on to the books – thick volumes, history, world customs, legends. “There must be something, some indication of their existence,” I mumbled as I began to feel the hope slipping away. I read every book that could possibly have held a clue, and still there was nothing. I sat still, a pile of books surrounding me, almost shielding me from sight, my head in my hands, my last shred of hope dissolved. I began to notice the stares coming my way from the library assistants and the other library users. Quick glances, questions filling their eyes, the way humans always seemed to look at me. Not feeling up to being polite or sociable, I began to tidy up, putting the books back where they belonged, not meeting any of the watchful eyes that were burning holes in my back. I stood up straight and with my head held high, I walked quickly out of the door and into the pouring rain outside. The sky was a rumbling purple bruise and the streets were already scattered with muddy puddles.
Not wanting to go back to the cottage, I walked in the opposite direction, over the back of the town towards the tree lined fields. I had been walking a few minutes when a distinct scent washed over me again. No more than twenty feet away this time. I don't care anymore, let him waste his time, I thought. I continued to walk, and then, on reaching the open grassland, broke into a run, hoping there were no humans around to see me as I became a blur against the trees. The rain hammered down in fat, heavy drops, soaking me completely. I skidded to a halt next to a tall conifer and lowered myself onto the ground beneath its wide sheltering branches, sitting cross legged in the dirt. I desperately needed to clear my mind, I needed something to focus on, to get myself centred again.
Picking up a fallen pine cone, I held it out in front of me, my arm outstretched. I felt the energy begin to build up, first in my chest, spreading warmly out through my limbs, my face, my hands and finally my finger tips. T
he pine cone was emitting a light buzzing sound now, so light that it would be inaudible to any normal ear. One by one I removed my fingers from their hold, very gently and slowly. The pine cone appeared to be leaning against just my thumb now, and barely moving, I eased it back, placing my hand down on my knee. The cone hovered in the air for just a second before dropping to the ground, the buzz extinguished. More determined now I tried again, this time attempting to clear my head completely of the other interfering thoughts. The cone swayed slightly when I released it, but continued to hover. I felt more confident now. Without breaking my gaze I reached down and picked up two more pine cones. I held them up, one either side of the hovering central cone, splitting my focus now, determined, exhilarated. My arms were tingling with the waves of energy flowing through them, my hair felt static, I could feel it begin to rise above my head, but I didn't break my focus. I released the cones and smiled as they held steady, taking their place in the pocket of air.
I began to feel a sense of elation, this was the first time I had practised my skills since coming to England. I found that I could look away now without the cones dropping. They started to move and I felt as if I could direct them, make them dance. They began swirling, circling one another in a fluid and mesmerising motion. And then like a lightning bolt hitting me, a thought popped into my mind shattering my focus, the cones tumbling to the ground. It seemed so clear to me now – Sebastian was good. I didn't know how to explain it, I just knew deep in my bones that he meant me no harm. Perhaps he even believed his story about my mother, maybe he had been misinformed somewhere along the line. I was certain that he was wrong, but a seed of doubt continued to plague me. The meditation had cleared my mind and let me see that my anger over his assumptions had caused me to overreact. He wasn't playing games. I let myself picture his face now, the memory still as clear as ever, as I allowed his image to flood my mind. I tilted my face to the sky, tasting the air to see if he was still waiting nearby. No trace remained, he had gone.