by Kristi Gold
Kevin stared at the picture a few more moments, and when Leah couldn’t stand the silence any longer, she said, “Say something.”
He leveled his gaze on hers. “I don’t know what to say, Leah. This is one helluva shock.”
She understood that all too well. She also acknowledged that he might have a difficult time coping with the news. He might decide not to cope with it. For that reason, she retrieved an envelope from the bag and offered it to him. “Here.”
After a brief hesitation, he took it from her. “What is this?”
“It’s a document that will terminate your parental rights if you sign it. You’re under no obligation to be involved in her life, emotionally or financially.”
A flash of dismay crossed his expression. “After everything you’ve told me about the abandoned kids your parents fostered, you’re willing to raise her by yourself?”
If she had a choice, Leah would prefer raising her child in a two-parent home. But that wasn’t an option, at least not with Kevin. “We’re doing fine.” For the most part. “I also have a good support system at home.”
“You mean your new boyfriend.”
Leah opted not to comment on that supposition. “My parents insist I move back in with them when I return to Mississippi. You don’t need to worry about whether or not Carly’s going to be cared for if you decide to sign the papers.”
Without offering any response, Kevin lowered his head, the envelope and photo still in his grasp. He appeared so visibly shaken, Leah fought the urge to hold him.
Instead, she gathered her things and stood. “I realize this is a lot for you to think about, so I’m going to give you that time to think. If you’d prefer to walk away from this situation, I’ll understand. All you have to do is sign the documents, have them notarized and mail them back to me in the envelope I’ve provided. I’ve already addressed it. In the meantime, I have the same cell number if you need to reach me.”
It took all of Leah’s strength to leave without any answers from Kevin. She wasn’t certain what to hope for—that he sign the papers to sever his parental rights, ending their relationship, once and for all, or that he decide to be a father to Carly, gaining a permanent place in his child’s life—her life—for years to come. Either way, she would have to deal with the consequences of her actions. Her mistakes.
But Leah didn’t view her baby as a mistake. Falling in love with Carly’s father had been a grave mistake. Thing was, a part of her still loved him, and probably always would.
SHORTLY AFTER DAWN the following morning, Kevin traveled to Bodies by O’Brien, the health club owned by his twin brother, Kieran. His reasons behind the visit were twofold—a workout to clear his mind and counsel from someone he could trust.
Even though he’d barely slept the night before, adrenaline sent Kevin through the double doors at a quick clip and straight to Kieran’s office where he found his brother seated behind his desk.
“Do you have a few minutes?” Kevin asked as he stood in the open doorway, clutching his gym bag in a death grip.
Kieran looked up from a stack of papers and tossed the pen aside. “Come in. You’re saving me from approving invoices, and you know how much I hate the business end of the business.”
Spoken like a die-hard personal trainer, Kevin decided. But saving Kieran from accounting was a far cry from what Kieran had saved Kevin from—certain death—by providing his bone marrow. The ultimate gift, as far as Kevin was concerned. Since that time, they’d put aside their differences and had become as close as they’d been when they were kids, one of the few positives resulting from his illness.
Kevin crossed the room and dropped down in the chair in front of the desk. He decided to ease into the conversation while preparing to get into the crux of the matter at hand. “How’s it going with the wedding plans?”
Kieran smiled. “At least we finally have a place to have it, which is good considering the ceremony’s in less than a month.”
“Where did you decide to do it?” Kevin asked.
“Logan’s father-in-law offered his garden. It’s going to be damn hot, but Erica wants an outdoor wedding. And it shouldn’t be too bad at sunset. Are you still willing to stand up for me under those conditions?”
“You bet.” Kevin would gladly brave the elements to fulfill his duty as Kieran’s best man, although he’d never really been “the best man.” Not even close.
Kieran inclined his head and sized him up. “If you don’t get a haircut before the wedding, people won’t be able to tell us apart. I don’t want my bride kissing the wrong man.”
Kevin ran a hand through his hair and laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind. In the meantime, I’m going to let it grow out. I kind of want to hang on to it a little longer since I lost so much during the chemo.” The same chemo that could have altered his chances of having a child, which reminded him of why he’d come to see his brother.
In preparation for the boom-lowering, Kevin drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Leah came by the house yesterday.”
Kieran leaned back and rubbed a hand over his jaw. “I’ll be damned. What did she want?”
Kevin reached into his gym bag, pulled out the items Leah had given him yesterday and offered the photo to Kieran. “She brought me this.”
Kieran took the picture and stared at it for a long moment before he turned his attention back to Kevin. “Is this what I think it is?”
“If you’re thinking that’s my daughter, you’d be right.” My daughter. Never in a thousand years would he have believed he’d be saying that. Nor did he expect to feel what he’d felt after learning the news.
“She looks exactly like our baby pictures.” Kieran shook his head. “Man, this is a shock.”
“Yeah. What a way to start a week.” What a way to change your life in a matter of minutes.
Kieran laid the photo on the desk and slid it toward Kevin. “I can’t believe Leah waited this long to tell you.”
“Considering what I did to her, I can’t really blame her. And as it turns out, she did try to tell me. She hung up when some woman answered, and I’m fairly sure that woman was a home health-care nurse who was giving me transfusions at the time. But I understand why she would assume otherwise.”
“She assumed she’d been replaced,” Kieran said.
Kevin couldn’t fault Leah for that, either. “She was going to try to tell me again right before the baby was born, but she went into premature labor.”
Kieran frowned. “The baby’s okay?”
Exactly the same thing Kevin had asked the baby’s mother. “She’s healthy, according to Leah. And since Leah’s a pediatrician, she should know.”
Kieran grinned. “As far as I’m concerned, Kev, this is damn good news. I say tell Leah the whole story, and maybe you’ll get another chance with her.”
If only that was a possibility. If only he’d done things differently, told her about his illness instead of using his pat confirmed-bachelor excuse. If only he hadn’t done irreparable damage to their relationship by trying to protect her, maybe he wouldn’t be in this predicament now. Then again, he wasn’t certain he would do anything differently, even knowing what he knew now. The last thing she’d needed during a pregnancy was dealing with his problems. “I don’t see any reason to tell her the whole story.”
“You can dole out the advice, Kevin, but you can’t follow it.”
Kevin couldn’t remember giving his brother any advice worthy of notice. “What are you talking about?”
“When you were in the hospital, you told me I needed to drop my guard and confide in Erica or risk losing her. I did that, and look how well it turned out. Now you have a chance to do the same thing, and you’re not even going to try.”
“There’s no point in trying. It wouldn’t change anything.”
“Why do you think that?”
Because a few major issues still prevailed. Issues that prevented Kevin from attempting to win Leah back. “First of all
, Leah hates lying and even if my intentions were good, she’d have a hard time buying it. Secondly, she wants a big family, and I might not be able to give her that because of the chemo.”
“Why don’t you let her decide if that matters?”
On to the most important issue. “It’s too late for us, Kieran. She’s already involved with someone from her hometown. I’m pretty sure he’s the reason why she’s decided to set up practice in Mississippi once her fellowship is done. And I’m also sure that’s why she gave me this.” He held up the envelope. “If I sign on the dotted line, I’ll terminate my parental rights.”
“You’re not seriously considering that, are you?” Kieran looked and sounded incredulous.
Kevin had seriously considered it all through the night. Yet every time he thought about walking away from his daughter—a child he had yet to see, the only child he might ever have, he hurt like hell. He hurt just as deeply when he thought about walking away from Leah. Again. “On the one hand, I keep telling myself no way would I let another man raise my child. On the other, maybe that would be the unselfish thing to do. Maybe I’m not cut out to be a father.”
“Just don’t make any rash decisions until you take one more important step,” Kieran said.
Kevin suspected his brother was about to ask him to do something he wasn’t prepared to do. Not until he knew which road he was going to take. “If you’re going to say I need to tell Mom and Dad about the baby, I’m not ready to do that.”
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
Kevin’s impatience was nearing the breaking point. “Then just say it, Kieran, so I can go work out.”
“Forget the workout. Go see your baby girl, Kev.”
“THERE’S SOMEONE here to see you, Leah.”
At the sound of her roommate’s announcement, Leah looked up from Carly, who’d drifted to sleep at her breast. “I didn’t hear the doorbell.”
Macy moved into the room and secured a band around her wavy blond hair. “That’s because he didn’t ring the bell. I was on my way out when I found him standing on the doorstep, looking like a stray dog.”
Leah suspected she knew the identity of that stray dog. “Did you manage to get his name?”
“I didn’t bother, but I can tell you what he looks like. Dark hair, dark eyes, good-looking in a slick kind of way. Come to think of it, he looks just like her.” She pointed toward the still-sleeping infant in Leah’s arms.
Oh, great. “Leave it to Kevin to show up unannounced,” Leah muttered, though she had no cause to criticize him. Yesterday she’d done the same thing.
Macy’s eyes widened. “Kevin, as in the baby-daddy Kevin?”
“That’s the one.”
“I thought you weren’t going to tell him.”
“I changed my mind.” Or lost her mind, as the case might be.
When Leah moved the baby to her shoulder and stood, Carly released a little whine of protest. “Hold her for a minute. She needs to be burped.”
Macy looked as if Leah had asked her to perform an appendectomy on the dining-room table. “I don’t know nothin’ ’bout burpin’ babies.”
Leah grabbed a towel from the side of the rocker, draped it over Macy’s shoulder and handed Carly over. “Just pat her back a couple of times.”
When the baby released a moderate belch, to say Macy looked frazzled would be a grave understatement. “What if she hurls on my scrubs?”
“That’s what the towel’s for, but she’s not going to hurl.” Leah, on the other hand, fought a twinge of nausea over the thought of facing Kevin.
After buttoning her blouse, she took Carly back into her arms, popped a soft kiss on her cheek and laid her in the bassinet positioned next to her bed. “Tell him I’ll be right out as soon as I’m presentable.”
Macy scowled. “Who cares what you look like? He’s the sperm donor, not your prom date.”
Ignoring her friend, Leah moved in front of the bureau’s mirror and ran a brush through her hair. “Be that as it may, he’s still Carly’s father.”
“He’s a jerk, Leah. He doesn’t deserve to be a father.”
Leah stared at Macy from the mirror’s reflection. “You’ve never even met him.”
“But I know what he did to you, and that makes him an A-one jackass in my book.”
Leah turned and leaned back against the bureau. “Just tell him I’ll be with him in a minute, okay?”
Macy shrugged. “Fine. Mind if I kick him in the jewels on my way out? If I do it hard enough, that could prevent him from procreating again.”
Leah pointed the brush at the door. “I would prefer you deliver my message without any violence and then go to work.”
“You’re absolutely no fun,” Macy said as she did an about-face and marched out of the room.
Going back to the mirror, Leah took a long look at her appearance and grimaced. Her face showed the signs of fatigue, right down to the bloodshot eyes. Balancing a baby’s needs and a busy schedule had begun to take its toll. She applied a little lip gloss then scolded herself for believing she had to make herself up to see Kevin. Macy was right; this wasn’t a date. At least not in the traditional sense. A date with destiny could be in the offing, depending on Kevin’s reasons for showing up unannounced.
She walked back to the bassinet to find Carly still snoozing, her fists balled up at her chest, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. Evidently her daughter was having a sweet baby dream, completely unaware that the man responsible for her birth was waiting in the next room.
Leah wondered if Kevin would ask to see his child. If so, maybe she should change Carly into something more appropriate than the yellow, hand-me-down sleeper. Another silly idea. Carly was an infant, for goodness sake, and she wasn’t required to impress her father. If Kevin couldn’t see past his daughter’s apparel to the blessing beneath, then Macy was right—he didn’t deserve to be in Carly’s life. As if he really wanted to be involved with his baby, something she genuinely doubted.
After drawing in a deep breath, Leah walked into the tiny living room to discover Kevin seated on the floral chintz sofa, looking somewhat weary. He also looked incredibly handsome in an expensive navy silk suit with a white tailored shirt, sans tie. She hated the flutter of awareness, the remembrance of a time when she would have greeted him with a kiss. Hated that he could still move her so easily into those memories, those feelings that were best left unfelt.
“A phone call might have been nice,” she said on the heels of her exasperation. “But then you were always full of surprises, Kevin.” Some very nice surprises, and some not so nice.
He came to his feet, his gaze fixed on hers. “I had an appointment downtown this morning. Since I was so close, I decided to stop by.”
That explained his business apparel, even if it didn’t provide all the answers Leah required. “How did you find us?”
“Your address was on the envelope you gave me, remember?”
Actually, she hadn’t remembered. “Did you have a business meeting?”
“I met with my accountant.” He pulled an envelope from the inside of his jacket pocket. “This is the outline of the trust fund I’m setting up for Carly. The actual documents haven’t been drawn up yet because I want you to look over this first and make any changes. You’ll have complete access to the funds and if you need more, you only have to tell me.”
After a brief hesitation, she took the envelope from him. “As I’ve said before, I don’t expect you to be financially responsible for Carly if—”
“I know what you said, but she is my responsibility, and I want to provide for her.”
Leah wondered if a monetary obligation was the only tie he planned to have with his baby. Still, she’d gladly accept anything that would give her child a better life, at least until she had all the student loans paid off and her private practice up and running. “I’ll take a look at it and get back with you. Anything else?”
“I’d like to see her.”
At least that answered one of Leah’s questions, and prompted some concerns. But now that she’d involved Kevin in the situation, she had no good reason to deny him, particularly when he seemed so sincere. “She was sleeping when I left her a few minutes ago, but I guess you could take a peek.”
Leah led Kevin into her bedroom that also served as the nursery. When she moved to the bassinet, she discovered her daughter wasn’t sleeping at all. Instead, Carly was intently focused on the multicolored mobile dangling above her.
Leah sent a quick glance over her shoulder to see Kevin standing near the door, as if uncertain what he should do next. “She’s awake, so you can come closer.”
He took his place beside Leah and stared down on Carly, who favored him with a smile, as if she somehow sensed he was a special guest.
“She’s started smiling a lot in the past month,” Leah said.
Kevin didn’t respond, but the awe in his eyes spoke volumes. “She’s beautiful.”
Leah couldn’t agree more. “She’s a good baby, as long as she’s fed and dry. But she does have an occasional bout of mild colic and a little bit of a temper that comes out when she doesn’t get what she wants right away.”
He remained quiet for a time before asking, “May I hold her?”
Leah certainly hadn’t prepared for the question, even though that would be a logical request from a first-time father. Regardless, she gestured toward the rocker next to the crib. “Have a seat and I’ll hand her to you.”
After Kevin complied, Leah lifted the baby from the bed and laid her in the crook of his arm. Carly smiled at him again and Kevin smiled back. “Hey, kiddo. I’m your dad,” he said, his voice soft, almost reverent.
Leah couldn’t count the times she’d envisioned this scene, under very different circumstances. She’d often engaged in the happy-family fantasy of three. A pipe dream that would never come to pass, even now. But she couldn’t refute how natural he looked holding his daughter. Couldn’t discard the surge of emotions, the threat of tears as Kevin closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Carly’s forehead as he held her close to his heart.