by Kristi Gold
She rubbed her temples and studied the floor. “I don’t know what to think. I do know that Carly seems perfectly okay, and that we could have handled this over the phone.”
Even a deep breath did nothing to calm his anger. “That would suit you just fine, wouldn’t it? No personal connection whatsoever. You haven’t spoken to me in three days and you won’t even look at me now.”
She finally raised her gaze to his. “You promised me you wouldn’t do this.”
“I promised that I wouldn’t touch you. That doesn’t mean we can’t be civil. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with our daughter. She senses the tension between us and she’s not any happier about it than I am.”
“Maybe it’s just the heat, Kevin.”
Houston might have been suffering from a severe heat wave for the past two weeks, but the temperature in the house had been ice-cold. Kevin would have preferred a nonstop rant to Leah’s silence. “Maybe you’re bent on punishing me for the next few weeks.”
She looked away again, indicating to Kevin that he’d touched on the truth. “I really need to go,” she said. “We’re holding a wellness clinic at the hospital this afternoon and I have to examine at least twenty kids. I also need to talk with Macy before I begin my appointments.”
Dread bubbled up inside him. “What about?”
“As I said the other night, I don’t feel comfortable living here with you. I believe it would be best if I take Carly and move back to the apartment.”
Panic replaced the dread. “Don’t do it, Leah. Don’t take her from me yet. Just let me have this time with her.”
“I have to go back to work, Kevin.”
“Go ahead.” He made a sweeping gesture toward the den. “Go back to work. But first, I want to set the record straight. You can hate me for as long as you’d like and you can take Carly out of the house or out-of-state, but I’m not going away. I plan to be in my daughter’s life permanently, and that means birthdays and graduation and, God willing, walking her down the aisle. If I had a choice, we would share all of that together as a family. But since that’s no longer an option, you still need to think long and hard about how you want to deal with our future relationship. Any conflict between us is going to affect Carly.”
“I can’t do this now, Kevin.” She started down the hall, but before she disappeared around the corner, she faced him and said, “If you notice any more symptoms with the baby and you’re concerned, bring her to the hospital and ask for Dr. Roundtree. She’s the head of pediatrics. She’ll page me.”
He wanted to prevent her from leaving, to plead his case one more time, to convince her that he had, in fact, become the kind of man who could be faithful and steady and honest. He wanted to tell her once more that he loved her. Instead, he let her walk away, knowing it was only a matter of time before she walked out for good—unless he could find a way to convince her that they belonged together. If only he had a clue how to do that.
THE CAFETERIA was crowded with both staff members and patient families, yet it didn’t take long for Leah to spot her former roommate seated near the window. Not many surgical residents looked like blonde-bombshell debutantes. “Do you have a minute?” she asked as she reached the table.
Macy looked up from the sandwich she’d been devouring and waved a hand toward a chair. “Sit. You look like hell.”
Leah felt like hell. She took a seat, scooted the chair up to the table and clasped her hands in a death grip before her. “I need to ask a favor.”
“As long as it doesn’t involve babysitting. You know how I suck at that.”
“I want to move back in with Carly, if that’s okay.”
Macy seemed genuinely taken aback. “What happened with you and the jerk?”
Leah released a dejected sigh. “It’s a long story.”
“Did he do something vile? Because if that’s the case…” She came to attention, picked up a butter knife and held it up like a scalpel. “Just tell me where to find him.”
“It’s complicated, Macy. Things happened that I didn’t plan.” Making love to him again. Falling in love with him again, as if she’d ever really fallen out of love with him. “Now everything seems to be spinning out of control and I need to take myself out of the situation.”
Macy tossed the knife aside and leaned back in the chair. “You’ve been sleeping with him.”
“Only once.” And they hadn’t done much sleeping. “Actually, four times. In about twelve hours.”
Macy’s eyes went wide. “Four times? I didn’t know the guy had it in him. I didn’t know you had it in you.”
“Needless to say, it’s been a while.” For both of them.
“And now you’ve let all those fuzzy feelings enter into the mix.” Macy looked mildly disgusted. “Did I not warn you about this?”
All the warnings in the world couldn’t have prevented Leah’s feelings for Kevin from resurfacing. Even now she still loved him, something she didn’t dare admit. “It’s not just about the sex, Macy. A few days ago, I learned exactly why he broke it off with me.”
“Another woman?”
“Aplastic anemia.”
Macy tapped her chin. “That’s a new one. I’ve heard ‘a dog ate my cell phone’ and ‘I’m moving to Malaysia to live in a hut,’ but I’ve never had a guy invent a disease as an excuse.”
Her former roommate had always been the skeptic when it came to relationships. Leah had begun to conclude that maybe Macy was justified in her skepticism. “He didn’t invent the illness. He underwent a bone-marrow transplant about eight months ago.”
“Obviously he came through it okay.”
“Yes. Only, with the chemotherapy, he might not be able to have—”
“Any more kiddies. No wonder he wanted to claim Carly.”
“Having more children wouldn’t have mattered that much to me. At least not to the degree Kevin assumed it would. But that was only one reason he kept the truth from me.”
“What are the others?” Macy asked.
“He didn’t want to put me through the rigors of his illness and disrupt my career.”
Macy smirked. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but my opinion of the lothario just elevated. Who would’ve thought the guy had some honor? But I’m not getting why you want to move out now that he’s come clean.”
She was surprised to hear Macy say anything favorable about Kevin, and that she was suggesting Leah stay in the relationship. “The problem is, he didn’t tell me the minute I moved in with him. He’s also had many opportunities to let me in on the secret since then.”
“But wouldn’t the point also be that he did finally tell you?” Macy asked.
Here came the complicated part. “Yes, but he also said that if he could do it over, he still wouldn’t tell me because it was his problem, not mine. And that’s the whole crux of the matter. He has no idea what committing to someone really means. As far as I’m concerned, I can’t stay involved with anyone who’s not going to be open and forthright and willing to share in whatever life throws at you.”
Macy sat silent for a while, looking thoughtful. “Does it ever get tiresome, being so rigid that you can’t bend even a little and accept that people make bad mistakes for good reasons?”
Surely she hadn’t heard her friend correctly. “I don’t know what you’re saying.”
Macy sat up straight and folded her arms, looking every bit like a disapproving parent morphing into lecture mode. “Let’s just think about this a minute. He didn’t tell you in the beginning that he was sick to protect you. You told him you had a boyfriend, a blatant lie, to protect yourself. And if I recall, you didn’t try that hard to get in touch with him when you found out about the pregnancy, which also leads me to believe that had to do with self-protection. Am I on the right track?”
Leah hated to admit Macy had made some valid points, so she wouldn’t. “Regardless, I can’t live with him any longer. It’s too painful knowing that we might not settle our differences.�
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“You’ll never settle them if you take off now. Unless your dilemma involves his refusal to make a real commitment, not whether he’s able.”
“He wants to marry me. I just don’t feel like I can trust him to stick around if things don’t go well.”
Macy took Leah’s hands into hers. “You know I love you like my favorite laparoscope, Leah. You are one of the best and brightest docs around. You’re going to be a rock-star pediatrician. But right now you’re acting so damn stupid because you can’t see what’s right in front of your face.”
Had Macy really called her stupid? “Would you care to explain my apparent lack of intelligence?”
Macy held up her pointer finger. “First of all, unless Kevin’s turned out to be a crappy father, it’s not a good idea for you to uproot Carly and deny her the opportunity to bond with him.” She joined her middle finger with the first. “Secondly, you might stop and consider why you’re really running away.”
Clearly Macy was bent on dissecting Leah’s motives. “I didn’t realize you’ve changed specialties from surgery to psychiatry.”
“I’m just shooting straight, Cordero, like I always do. From what I gather, you’re afraid of losing Kevin because you’ve seen so much loss in your lifetime. Both with the kids that your parents fostered when you were growing up and the kids you doctor now. You’re shutting out the possibilities because it’s easier to protect yourself from facing that loss again. But as they say, ‘Nothing risked, nothing gained,’ and all that jazz.”
Though Macy could very well be correct on all counts, Leah felt that her heart couldn’t take another loss if it involved Kevin eventually walking out on her again. But she would agree that her friend’s statement about Carly’s relationship with Kevin happened to be on target. “You’re right about one thing. I shouldn’t move the baby now, particularly since we’ll be leaving for Mississippi in a few weeks. She should get to know her dad better in the time we have left in Houston.”
“Then you don’t see any kind of future with the other babe?” Macy asked.
“Not at this point in time. Not unless Kevin finds a way to prove to me that he is in the relationship for the long term.”
“Then maybe you should give him a chance to do that.” Macy pushed back from the table and stood. “I’m off to surgery, but I’m glad we had this little talk, Dr. Cordero. Good luck with your quandary, but remember, given time, these things have a way of working themselves out. I’d bet my Harley that something will happen to move you off high-center. And when it does, you may find me and tell me I’m right about everything.”
WHEN CARLY began to cry, Kevin returned to the nursery and lifted her from the crib. “Hey, kiddo. I know exactly how you feel.”
He retrieved a bottle from the kitchen and carried his daughter into the den where he kicked back in the lounger and tried again to feed her. And again she refused, her cries increasing in volume. He gave up the battle with the bottle and held her against his shoulder until her sobs turned into sniffles. At least he’d discovered how to quiet her for the time being. After a few minutes, he sensed she’d fallen asleep and he thought about putting her back in the crib so he could get to work. He had a few résumés for prospective reporters to go over for the magazine. He had some baseball stats to analyze. He needed to come up with a topic for his next column.
But as he continued to hold his daughter, Kevin realized he didn’t have anywhere else he wanted to be. Although he intended to stay in her life, as he’d told Leah earlier, he wouldn’t have many opportunities like this after August. Maybe even after a day or two if Leah cut bait and ran back to her roommate.
Kevin closed his eyes and decided a little nap couldn’t hurt in light of his lack of rest over the past few nights. He didn’t know when he’d drifted off, or how long he’d been asleep, but he did recognize his daughter’s distress when Carly tensed in his arms, drew her legs up and released an ear-piercing wail like nothing he’d ever heard before.
He cradled her in his arms and noticed the ashen color of her skin, the way her chest rose and fell rapidly, as if she struggled to breathe.
As fear for his child took hold, Mallory’s words filtered into Kevin’s mind.
…don’t let anyone fool you into thinking that men don’t have instincts when it comes to their children. All you have to do is listen to those instincts…
His instincts screamed that his baby girl was in serious trouble.
“YOU’RE NEEDED in the E.R. stat, Dr. Cordero.”
Leah removed the stethoscope from her ears and regarded the lanky second-year resident standing in the exam-room doorway. “I’m not covering the E.R., Paul.”
He stepped into the room and grabbed the chart from the counter. “I know, but this has to do with your daughter. I’m here to take over for you.”
Either Kevin had panicked, or something was seriously wrong with Carly. Leah had a terrible feeling the latter was true.
After muttering an “Excuse me” to the mother of the preschooler she’d been examining, Leah rushed out of the room and sprinted to the bank of elevators that would carry her down to the emergency room. She punched the down button several times and when the car didn’t immediately arrive, she opted to take the stairs two at a time. She arrived on the first floor and pushed past several patients as she headed straight for the staff entrance, pounding out the code twice before the doors finally opened.
Once inside the corridor containing the nurses’ station, Leah bore down on the unit clerk seated behind the counter. “My daughter is Carly Cordero-O’Brien. Where is she?”
“In six,” the young woman said, followed by, “Your husband’s in there with her now, Dr. Cordero.”
Because Carly’s well-being was first and foremost on her mind, Leah saw no reason to correct the woman’s conception of her and Kevin’s marital status. Instead, she rushed down the hall and turned the corner to find Alice Roundtree standing outside one cubicle with Kevin. Sheer dread slowed her steps, sent her heart rate on a marathon.
When Alice caught sight of her, she waved her over. “Here she is now.”
“Where’s Carly?” Leah said when she reached the pair.
“The team’s working on her now, so you need to remain here for a few minutes.”
The bitter taste of bile rose in Leah’s throat. “Working on her?”
“It’s intussusception, Leah,” Alice said.
The word wasn’t foreign to Leah, only entirely unexpected and frightening. “I just left her not more than a couple of hours ago, Alice. I can’t believe I would miss that diagnosis.”
Normally Alice’s kindly smile would be comforting, but at the moment it looked strained. “You’ve learned through your training that it’s sometimes easy to miss,” she said. “First of all, it’s more common in male infants than female, and secondly, it’s deceptive in its presentation. Not to mention you were thinking like a mother, not a doctor. As physicians, we sometimes go into denial when it comes to our own children’s health because we find it unimaginable that our babies would get sick.”
“That’s no excuse, Alice.”
“You’re only human, Leah. If it makes you feel any better, when my son was three, he fell off a playground slide and cracked his clavicle.” She aimed her smile on Kevin. “That’s his collarbone. I wrongly assumed that since he was trying to climb the bookshelves that evening, he was fine. I didn’t have it x-rayed until the next day, and that was only after he said ‘ouch’ when I tried to dress him that morning.”
That provided Leah with very little consolation. “When Kevin called me home to check on her, I palpated her belly and I didn’t feel a thing. She seemed perfectly normal at the time.”
“Again, that’s the nature of this disease,” Alice said.
“Could someone please explain to me what’s going on with my daughter?” Kevin asked, stress apparent in his face and tone.
“I was just about to go into that before you arrived, Leah,” Alice sai
d. “Unless you’d like to do it.”
Every medical term Leah had stored in her brain, every piece of knowledge she’d gained in a ten-year span, temporarily disappeared. “Right now I can’t think, so you go ahead.”
“There’s a section of Carly’s intestine that has folded over itself like a telescope,” Alice continued. “Normally it takes a non-invasive procedure to put it back into place, but I’m afraid so far that hasn’t worked. We’re going to have to take her to surgery.”
Surgery. The word went off like a detonated bomb in Leah’s head. “You’ve tried everything?”
Alice rested a gentle hand on her arm. “As much as we’re willing to try. She’s showing signs of acidosis, and she’s a little shocky, so we need to act quickly.”
The world suddenly seemed surreal, rendering Leah speechless. When she swayed slightly, Kevin put one arm around her shoulder as if he sensed her knees might buckle. “Then you believe this is absolutely necessary,” he asked as if he was ready to assume control. Leah was ready to let him.
“In my medical opinion, this is the best option for Carly,” Alice said. “And if Leah were treating someone else’s child, she would agree.”
The same nurse Leah had spoken to earlier approached them, clipboard in hand. “Here’s the consent forms for the baby’s surgery, Dr. Roundtree.”
When Alice offered the documents to her, Leah froze. Kevin immediately took the clipboard, flipped through the pages and scribbled his name, as if he sensed the urgency of the situation.
After reality forced its way into Leah’s hazy mind, she finally snapped to. “I want to scrub in for the procedure.”
“That’s not warranted or advisable,” Alice said. “Franklin’s waiting in the O.R. and he’s the best pediatric surgeon in the state.” Again she turned to Kevin. “One of the perks for being affiliated with this hospital.”
Leah didn’t care if the Surgeon General had agreed to do it, she still wanted to be present. “She’s my child, Alice. She needs me—”